agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第29节
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to feel any gratitude at all； but it seemed to me； at that moment； as if this
were a remarkable instance of his good…nature： an act of kindness； which
I could not repay； but never should forget： so utterly unaccustomed was I
to receive such civilities； so little prepared to expect them from anyone
within fifty miles of Horton Lodge。 Yet this did not prevent me from
feeling a little uncomfortable in his presence； and I proceeded to follow
my pupils at a much quicker pace than before； though； perhaps； if Mr。
Weston had taken the hint； and let me pass without another word； I might
have repeated it an hour after： but he did not。 A somewhat rapid walk
for me was but an ordinary pace for him。
'Your young ladies have left you alone；' said he。
'Yes； they are occupied with more agreeable company。'
'Then don't trouble yourself to overtake them。' I slackened my pace；
but next moment regretted having done so： my companion did not speak；
and I had nothing in the world to say； and feared he might be in the same
predicament。 At length； however； he broke the pause by asking； with a
certain quiet abruptness peculiar to himself； if I liked flowers。
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'Yes； very much；' I answered； 'wild…flowers especially。'
'I like wild…flowers；' said he； 'others I don't care about； because I have
no particular associations connected with them … except one or two。
What are your favourite flowers？'
'Primroses； blue…bells； and heath…blossoms。'
'Not violets？'
'No； because； as you say； I have no particular associations connected
with them； for there are no sweet violets among the hills and valleys round
my home。'
'It must be a great consolation to you to have a home； Miss Grey；'
observed my companion after a short pause： 'however remote； or
however seldom visited； still it is something to look to。'
'It is so much that I think I could not live without it；' replied I； with an
enthusiasm of which I immediately repented； for I thought it must have
sounded essentially silly。
'Oh； yes； you could；' said he； with a thoughtful smile。 'The ties that
bind us to life are tougher than you imagine； or than anyone can who has
not felt how roughly they may be pulled without breaking。 You might be
miserable without a home； but even YOU could live； and not so miserably
as you suppose。 The human heart is like india…rubber； a little swells it；
but a great deal will not burst it。 If 〃little more than nothing will disturb
it； little less than all things will suffice〃 to break it。 As in the outer
members of our frame； there is a vital power inherent in itself that
strengthens it against external violence。 Every blow that shakes it will
serve to harden it against a future stroke； as constant labour thickens the
skin of the hand； and strengthens its muscles instead of wasting them away：
so that a day of arduous toil； that might excoriate a lady's palm； would
make no sensible impression on that of a hardy ploughman。
'I speak from experience … partly my own。 There was a time when I
thought as you do … at least； I was fully persuaded that home and its
affections were the only things that made life tolerable： that； if deprived of
these； existence would become a burden hard to be endured； but now I
have no home … unless you would dignify my two hired rooms at Horton
by such a name； … and not twelve months ago I lost the last and dearest of
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my early friends； and yet； not only I live； but I am not wholly destitute of
hope and comfort； even for this life： though I must acknowledge that I
can seldom enter even an humble cottage at the close of day； and see its
inhabitants peaceably gathered around their cheerful hearth； without a
feeling ALMOST of envy at their domestic enjoyment。'
'You don't know what happiness lies before you yet；' said I： 'you are
now only in the commencement of your journey。'
'The best of happiness；' replied he； 'is mine already … the power and the
will to be useful。'
We now approached a stile communicating with a footpath that
conducted to a farm…house； where； I suppose； Mr。 Weston purposed to
make himself 'useful；' for he presently took leave of me； crossed the stile；
and traversed the path with his usual firm； elastic tread； leaving me to
ponder his words as I continued my course alone。 I had heard before that
he had lost his mother not many months before he came。 She then was
the last and dearest of his early friends； and he had NO HOME。 I pitied
him from my heart： I almost wept for sympathy。 And this； I thought；
accounted for the shade of premature thoughtfulness that so frequently
clouded his brow； and obtained for him the reputation of a morose and
sullen disposition with the charitable Miss Murray and all her kin。 'But；'
thought I； 'he is not so miserable as I should be under such a deprivation：
he leads an active life； and a wide field for useful exertion lies before him。
He can MAKE friends； and he can make a home too； if he pleases； and；
doubtless； he will please some time。 God grant the partner of that home
may be worthy of his choice； and make it a happy one … such a home as he
deserves to have！ And how delightful it would be to … ' But no matter
what I thought。
I began this book with the intention of concealing nothing； that those
who liked might have the benefit of perusing a fellow… creature's heart：
but we have some thoughts that all the angels in heaven are welcome to
behold； but not our brother…men … not even the best and kindest amongst
them。
By this time the Greens had taken themselves to their own abode； and
the Murrays had turned down the private road； whither I hastened to
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follow them。 I found the two girls warm in an animated discussion on
the respective merits of the two young officers； but on seeing me Rosalie
broke off in the middle of a sentence to exclaim； with malicious glee …
'Oh…ho； Miss Grey！ you're come at last； are you？ No WONDER you
lingered so long behind； and no WONDER you always stand up so
vigorously for Mr。 Weston when I abuse him。 Ah…ha！ I see it all now！'
'Now； come； Miss Murray； don't be foolish；' said I； attempting a good…
natured laugh； 'you know such nonsense can make no impression on me。'
But she still went on talking such intolerable stuff … her sister helping
her with appropriate fiction coined for the occasion … that I thought it
necessary to say something in my own justification。
'What folly all this is！' I exclaimed。 'If Mr。 Weston's road happened to
be the same as mine for a few yards； and if he chose to exchange a word or
two in passing； what is there so remarkable in that？ I assure you； I never
spoke to him before： except once。'
'Where？ where？ and when？' cried they eagerly。
'In Nancy's cottage。'
'Ah…ha！ you've met him there； have you？' exclaimed Rosalie； with
exultant laughter。 'Ah！ now； Matilda； I've found out why she's so fond of
going to Nancy Brown's！ She goes there to flirt with Mr。 Weston。'
'Really； that is not worth contradicting … I only saw him there once； I
tell you … and how could I know he was coming？'
Irritated as I was at their foolish mirth and vexatious imputations； the
uneasiness did not continue long： when they had had their laugh out；
they returned again to the captain and lieutenant； and； while they disputed
and commented upon them； my indignation rapidly cooled； the cause of it
was quickly forgotten； and I turned my thoughts into a pleasanter channel。
Thus we proceeded up the park； and entered the hall；
