agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第30节
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Thus we proceeded up the park； and entered the hall； and as I ascended the
stairs to my own chamber； I had but one thought within me： my heart
was filled to overflowing with one single earnest wish。 Having entered the
room； and shut the door； I fell upon my knees and offered up a fervent but
not impetuous prayer： 'Thy will be done；' I strove to say throughout； but；
'Father； all things are possible with Thee； and may it be Thy will；' was sure
to follow。 That wish … that prayer … both men and women would have
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scorned me for … 'But； Father； THOU wilt NOT despise！' I said； and felt
that it was true。 It seemed to me that another's welfare was at least as
ardently implored for as my own； nay； even THAT was the principal object
of my heart's desire。 I might have been deceiving myself； but that idea
gave me confidence to ask； and power to hope I did not ask in vain。 As
for the primroses； I kept two of them in a glass in my room until they were
completely withered； and the housemaid threw them out； and the petals of
the other I pressed between the leaves of my Bible … I have them still； and
mean to keep them always。
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CHAPTER XIV … THE RECTOR
THE following day was as fine as the preceding one。 Soon after
breakfast Miss Matilda； having galloped and blundered through a few
unprofitable lessons； and vengeably thumped the piano for an hour； in a
terrible humour with both me and it； because her mamma would not give
her a holiday； had betaken herself to her favourite places of resort； the
yards； the stables； and the dog…kennels； and Miss Murray was gone forth
to enjoy a quiet ramble with a new fashionable novel for her companion；
leaving me in the schoolroom hard at work upon a water…colour drawing
which I had promised to do for her； and which she insisted upon my
finishing that day。
At my feet lay a little rough terrier。 It was the property of Miss
Matilda； but she hated the animal； and intended to sell it； alleging that it
was quite spoiled。 It was really an excellent dog of its kind； but she
affirmed it was fit for nothing； and had not even the sense to know its own
mistress。
The fact was she had purchased it when but a small puppy； insisting at
first that no one should touch it but herself； but soon becoming tired of so
helpless and troublesome a nursling； she had gladly yielded to my
entreaties to be allowed to take charge of it； and I； by carefully nursing the
little creature from infancy to adolescence； of course； had obtained its
affections： a reward I should have greatly valued； and looked upon as far
outweighing all the trouble I had had with it； had not poor Snap's grateful
feelings exposed him to many a harsh word and many a spiteful kick and
pinch from his owner； and were he not now in danger of being 'put away'
in consequence； or transferred to some rough； stony… hearted master。 But
how could I help it？ I could not make the dog hate me by cruel treatment；
and she would not propitiate him by kindness。
However； while I thus sat； working away with my pencil； Mrs。 Murray
came； half…sailing； half…bustling； into the room。
'Miss Grey；' she began； … 'dear！ how can you sit at your drawing such a
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day as this？' （She thought I was doing it for my own pleasure。） 'I
WONDER you don't put on your bonnet and go out with the young ladies。'
'I think； ma'am； Miss Murray is reading； and Miss Matilda is amusing
herself with her dogs。'
'If you would try to amuse Miss Matilda yourself a little more； I think
she would not be driven to seek amusement in the companionship of dogs
and horses and grooms； so much as she is； and if you would be a little
more cheerful and conversable with Miss Murray； she would not so often
go wandering in the fields with a book in her hand。 However； I don't
want to vex you；' added she； seeing； I suppose； that my cheeks burned and
my hand trembled with some unamiable emotion。 'Do； pray； try not to be
so touchy … there's no speaking to you else。 And tell me if you know
where Rosalie is gone： and why she likes to be so much alone？'
'She says she likes to be alone when she has a new book to read。'
'But why can't she read it in the park or the garden？ … why should she
go into the fields and lanes？ And how is it that that Mr。 Hatfield so often
finds her out？ She told me last week he'd walked his horse by her side
all up Moss Lane； and now I'm sure it was he I saw； from my dressing…
room window； walking so briskly past the park…gates； and on towards the
field where she so frequently goes。 I wish you would go and see if she is
there； and just gently remind her that it is not proper for a young lady of
her rank and prospects to be wandering about by herself in that manner；
exposed to the attentions of anyone that presumes to address her； like
some poor neglected girl that has no park to walk in； and no friends to take
care of her： and tell her that her papa would be extremely angry if he
knew of her treating Mr。 Hatfield in the familiar manner that I fear she
does； and … oh！ if you … if ANY governess had but half a mother's
watchfulness … half a mother's anxious care； I should be saved this trouble；
and you would see at once the necessity of keeping your eye upon her； and
making your company agreeable to … Well； go … go； there's no time to be
lost；' cried she； seeing that I had put away my drawing materials； and was
waiting in the doorway for the conclusion of her address。
According to her prognostications； I found Miss Murray in her
favourite field just without the park； and； unfortunately； not alone； for the
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tall； stately figure of Mr。 Hatfield was slowly sauntering by her side。
Here was a poser for me。 It was my duty to interrupt the TETE…A…
TETE： but how was it to be done？ Mr。 Hatfield could not to be driven
away by so insignificant person as I； and to go and place myself on the
other side of Miss Murray； and intrude my unwelcome presence upon her
without noticing her companion； was a piece of rudeness I could not be
guilty of： neither had I the courage to cry aloud from the top of the field
that she was wanted elsewhere。 So I took the intermediate course of
walking slowly but steadily towards them； resolving； if my approach
failed to scare away the beau； to pass by and tell Miss Murray her mamma
wanted her。
She certainly looked very charming as she strolled； lingering along
under the budding horse…chestnut trees that stretched their long arms over
the park…palings； with her closed book in one hand； and in the other a
graceful sprig of myrtle； which served her as a very pretty plaything； her
bright ringlets escaping profusely from her little bonnet； and gently stirred
by the breeze； her fair cheek flushed with gratified vanity； her smiling blue
eyes； now slyly glancing towards her admirer； now gazing downward at
her myrtle sprig。 But Snap； running before me； interrupted her in the
midst of some half…pert； half…playful repartee； by catching hold of her
dress and vehemently tugging thereat； till Mr。 Hatfield； with his cane；
administered a resounding thwack upon the animal's skull； and sent it
yelping back to me with a clamorous outcry that afforded the reverend
gentleman great amusement： but seeing me so near； he thought； I
suppose； he might as well be taking his departure； and； as I stooped to
caress the dog； with ostentatious pity to show my disapproval of his
severity； I heard him say：
