agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第28节
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good…evening； checking her too lively gratitude by the undeniable
assurance that I had only done for her what she would have done for me； if
she had been in my place and I in hers。 I hastened back to Horton Lodge；
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where； having entered the schoolroom； I found the tea…table all in
confusion； the tray flooded with slops； and Miss Matilda in a most
ferocious humour。 'Miss Grey； whatever have you been about？ I've had
tea half an hour ago； and had to make it myself； and drink it all alone！ I
wish you would come in sooner！'
'I've been to see Nancy Brown。 I thought you would not be back
from your ride。'
'How could I ride in the rain； I should like to know。 That damned
pelting shower was vexatious enough … coming on when I was just in full
swing： and then to come and find nobody in to tea！ and you know I can't
make the tea as I like it。'
'I didn't think of the shower；' replied I （and； indeed； the thought of its
driving her home had never entered my head）。
'No； of course； you were under shelter yourself； and you never thought
of other people。'
I bore her coarse reproaches with astonishing equanimity； even with
cheerfulness； for I was sensible that I had done more good to Nancy
Brown than harm to her： and perhaps some other thoughts assisted to
keep up my spirits； and impart a relish to the cup of cold； overdrawn tea；
and a charm to the otherwise unsightly table； and … I had almost said … to
Miss Matilda's unamiable face。 But she soon betook herself to the
stables； and left me to the quiet enjoyment of my solitary meal。
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CHAPTER XIII … THE
PRIMROSES
MISS MURRAY now always went twice to church； for she so loved
admiration that she could not bear to lose a single opportunity of obtaining
it； and she was so sure of it wherever she showed herself； that； whether
Harry Meltham and Mr。 Green were there or not； there was certain to be
somebody present who would not be insensible to her charms； besides the
Rector； whose official capacity generally obliged him to attend。 Usually；
also； if the weather permitted； both she and her sister would walk home；
Matilda； because she hated the confinement of the carriage； she； because
she disliked the privacy of it； and enjoyed the company that generally
enlivened the first mile of the journey in walking from the church to Mr。
Green's park…gates： near which commenced the private road to Horton
Lodge； which lay in the opposite direction； while the highway conducted
in a straightforward course to the still more distant mansion of Sir Hugh
Meltham。 Thus there was always a chance of being accompanied； so far；
either by Harry Meltham； with or without Miss Meltham； or Mr。 Green；
with perhaps one or both of his sisters； and any gentlemen visitors they
might have。
Whether I walked with the young ladies or rode with their parents；
depended upon their own capricious will： if they chose to 'take' me； I
went； if； for reasons best known to themselves； they chose to go alone； I
took my seat in the carriage。 I liked walking better； but a sense of
reluctance to obtrude my presence on anyone who did not desire it； always
kept me passive on these and similar occasions； and I never inquired into
the causes of their varying whims。 Indeed； this was the best policy … for
to submit and oblige was the governess's part； to consult their own
pleasure was that of the pupils。 But when I did walk； the first half of
journey was generally a great nuisance to me。 As none of the before…
mentioned ladies and gentlemen ever noticed me； it was disagreeable to
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walk beside them； as if listening to what they said； or wishing to be
thought one of them； while they talked over me； or across； and if their eyes；
in speaking； chanced to fall on me； it seemed as if they looked on vacancy
… as if they either did not see me； or were very desirous to make it appear
so。 It was disagreeable； too； to walk behind； and thus appear to
acknowledge my own inferiority； for； in truth； I considered myself pretty
nearly as good as the best of them； and wished them to know that I did so；
and not to imagine that I looked upon myself as a mere domestic； who
knew her own place too well to walk beside such fine ladies and
gentlemen as they were … though her young ladies might choose to have
her with them； and even condescend to converse with her when no better
company were at hand。 Thus … I am almost ashamed to confess it … but
indeed I gave myself no little trouble in my endeavours （if I did keep up
with them） to appear perfectly unconscious or regardless of their presence；
as if I were wholly absorbed in my own reflections； or the contemplation
of surrounding objects； or； if I lingered behind； it was some bird or insect；
some tree or flower； that attracted my attention； and having duly examined
that； I would pursue my walk alone； at a leisurely pace； until my pupils
had bidden adieu to their companions and turned off into the quiet private
road。
One such occasion I particularly well remember； it was a lovely
afternoon about the close of March； Mr。 Green and his sisters had sent
their carriage back empty； in order to enjoy the bright sunshine and balmy
air in a sociable walk home along with their visitors； Captain Somebody
and Lieutenant Somebody…else （a couple of military fops）； and the Misses
Murray； who； of course； contrived to join them。 Such a party was highly
agreeable to Rosalie； but not finding it equally suitable to my taste； I
presently fell back； and began to botanise and entomologise along the
green banks and budding hedges； till the company was considerably in
advance of me； and I could hear the sweet song of the happy lark； then my
spirit of misanthropy began to melt away beneath the soft； pure air and
genial sunshine； but sad thoughts of early childhood； and yearnings for
departed joys； or for a brighter future lot； arose instead。 As my eyes
wandered over the steep banks covered with young grass and green…leaved
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plants； and surmounted by budding hedges； I longed intensely for some
familiar flower that might recall the woody dales or green hill…sides of
home： the brown moorlands； of course； were out of the question。 Such
a discovery would make my eyes gush out with water； no doubt； but that
was one of my greatest enjoyments now。 At length I descried； high up
between the twisted roots of an oak； three lovely primroses； peeping so
sweetly from their hiding…place that the tears already started at the sight；
but they grew so high above me； that I tried in vain to gather one or two；
to dream over and to carry with me： I could not reach them unless I
climbed the bank； which I was deterred from doing by hearing a footstep
at that moment behind me； and was； therefore； about to turn away； when I
was startled by the words； 'Allow me to gather them for you； Miss Grey；'
spoken in the grave； low tones of a well…known voice。 Immediately the
flowers were gathered； and in my hand。 It was Mr。 Weston； of course …
who else would trouble himself to do so much for ME？
'I thanked him； whether warmly or coldly； I cannot tell： but certain I
am that I did not express half the gratitude I felt。 It was foolish； perhaps；
to feel any gratitude at all； but it seemed to me； at that moment； as if this
were a remarkable inst
