the book of snobs-第4节

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order　to　encourage　all　men　to　do　their　duty；　we　say　to

any　man　of　any　rankget　enormously　rich；　make　immense

fees　as　a　lawyer；　or　great　speeches；　or　distinguish

yourself　and　win　battlesand　you；　even　you；　shall　come

into　the　privileged　class；　and　your　children　shall　reign

naturally　over　ours。'



How　can　we　help　Snobbishness；　with　such　a　prodigious

national　institution　erected　for　its　worship？　　How　can　we

help　cringing　to　Lords？　　Flesh　and　blood　can't　do

otherwise。　　What　man　can　withstand　this　prodigious

temptation？　　Inspired　by　what　is　called　a　noble

emulation；　some　people　grasp　at　honours　and　win　them；

others；　too　weak　or　mean；　blindly　admire　and　grovel

before　those　who　have　gained　them；　others；　not　being　able

to　acquire　them；　furiously　hate；　abuse；　and　envy。　　There

are　only　a　few　bland　and　not…in…the…least…conceited

philosophers；　who　can　behold　the　state　of　society；　viz。；

Toadyism；　organised：base　Man…and…Mammon　worship；

instituted　by　command　of　law：Snobbishness；　in　a　word；

perpetuated；and　mark　the　phenomenon　calmly。　　And　of

these　calm　moralists；　is　there　one；　I　wonder；　whose　heart

would　not　throb　with　pleasure　if　he　could　be　seen　walking

arm…in…arm　with　a　couple　of　dukes　down　Pall　Mall？　　No　it

is　impossible　in　our　condition　of　society；　not　to　be

sometimes　a　Snob。



On　one　hand　it　encourages　the　commoner　to　be　snobbishly

mean；　and　the　noble　to　be　snobbishly　arrogant。　　When　a

noble　marchioness　writes　in　her　travels　about　the　hard

necessity　under　which　steam…boat　travellers　labour　of

being　brought　into　contact　'with　all　sorts　and　conditions

of　people：'　implying　that　a　fellowship　with　God's

creatures　is　disagreeable　to　to　her　Ladyship；　who　is

their　superier：when；　I　say；　the　Marchioness　of　

writes　in　this　fashion；　we　must　consider　that　out　of　her

natural　heart　it　would　have　been　impossible　for　any　woman

to　have　had　such　a　sentiment；　but　that　the　habit　of

truckling　and　cringing；　which　all　who　surround　her　have

adopted　towards　this　beautiful　and　magnificent　lady；

this　proprietor　of　so　many　black　and　other　diamonds；has

really　induced　her　to　believe　that　she　is　the　superior　of

the　world　in　general：　and　that　people　are　not　to

associate　with　her　except　awfully　at　a　distance。　　I

recollect　being　once　at　the　city　of　Grand　Cairo；　through

which　a　European　Royal　Prince　was　passing　India…wards。

One　night　at　the　inn　there　was　a　great　disturbance：　a　man

had　drowned　himself　in　the　well　hard　by：　all　the

inhabitants　of　the　hotel　came　bustling　into　the　Court；

and　amongst　others　your　humble　servant；　who　asked　of　a

certain　young　man　the　reason　of　the　disturbance。　　How　was

I　to　know　that　this　young　gent　was　a　prince？　　He　had　not

his　crown　and　sceptre　on：　he　was　dressed　in　a　white

jacket　and　felt　hat：　but　he　looked　surprised　at　anybody

speaking　to　him：　answered　an　unintelligible　monosyllable；

andBECKONED　HIS　AID…DE…CAMP　TO　COME　AND　SPEAK　TO　ME。

It　is　our　fault；　not　that　of　the　great；　that　they　should

fancy　themselves　so　far　above　us。　　If　you　WILL　fling

yourself　under　the　wheels；　Juggernaut　will　go　over　you；

depend　upon　it；　and　if　you　and　I；　my　dear　friend；　had

Kotow　performed　before　us　every　day；found　people

whenever　we　appeared　grovelling　in　slavish　adoration；　we

should　drop　into　the　airs　of　superiority　quite　naturally；

and　accept　the　greatness　with　which　the　world　insisted

upon　endowing　us。



Here　is　an　instance；　out　of　Lord　L's　travels；　of　that

calm；　good…natured；　undoubting　way　in　which　a　great　man

accepts　the　homage　of　his　inferiors。　　After　making　some

profound　and　ingenious　remarks　about　the　town　of

Brussells；　his　lordship　says：'Staying　some　day　at　the

Hotel　de　Belle　Vue；　a　greatly　overrated　establishment；

and　not　nearly　as　comfortable　as　the　Hotel　de　FranceI

made　acquaintance　with　Dr。　L；　the　physician　of　the

Mission。　　He　was　desirous　of　doing　the　honours　of　the

place　to　me；　and　he　ordered　for　us　a　DINER　EN　GOURMAND　at

the　chief　restaurateur's；　maintaining　it　surpassed　the

Rocher　at　Paris。　　Six　or　eight　partook　of　the

entertainment；　and　we　all　agreed　it　was　infinitely

inferior　to　the　Paris　display；　and　much　more　extravagant。

So　much　for　the　copy。



And　so　much　for　the　gentleman　who　gave　the　dinner。　　Dr。

L；　desirous　to　do　his　lordship　'the　honour　of　the

place；'　feasts　him　with　the　best　victuals　money　can

procureand　my　lord　finds　the　entertainment　extravagant

and　inferior。　　Extravagant！　it　was　not　extravagant　to

HIM；Inferior！　Mr。　L　did　his　best　to　satisfy　those

noble　jaws；　and　my　lord　receives　the　entertainment；　and

dismisses　the　giver　with　a　rebuke。　　It　is　like　a　three…

tailed　Pasha　grumbling　about　an　unsatisfactory

backsheesh。



But　how　should　it　be　otherwise　in　a　country　where

Lordolatry　is　part　of　our　creed；　and　where　our　children

are　brought　up　to　respect　the　'Peerage'　as　the

Englishman's　second　Bible？







CHAPTER　IV



THE　COURT　CIRCULAR；　AND　ITS　INFLUENCE　ON　SNOBS



Example　is　the　best　of　precepts；　so　let　us　begin　with　a

true　and　authentic　story；　showing　how　young　aristocratic

snobs　are　reared；　and　how　early　their　Snobbishness　may　be

made　to　bloom。　　A　beautiful　and　fashionable　lady

（pardon；　gracious　madam；　that　your　story　should　be　made

public；　but　it　is　so　moral　that　it　ought　to　be　known　to

the　universal　world）told　me　that　in　her　early　youth　she

had　a　little　acquaintance；　who　is　now　indeed　a　beautiful

and　fashionable　lady　too。　　In　mentioning　Miss　Snobky；

daughter　of　Sir　Snobby　Snobky；　whose　presentation　at

Court　caused　such　a　sensation；　need　I　say　more？



When　Miss　Snobky　was　so　very　young　as　to　be　in　the

nursery　regions；　and　to　walk　off　early　mornings　in　St。

James's　Park；　protected　by　a　French　governess　and

followed　by　a　huge　hirsute　flunkey　in　the　canary　coloured

livery　of　the　Snobkys；　she　used　occasionally　in　these

promenades　to　meet　with　young　Lord　Claude　Lollipop；　the

Marquis　of　Sillabub's　younger　son。　　In　the　very　height　of

the　season；　from　some　unexplained　cause；　the　Snobkys

suddenly　determined　upon　leaving　town。　　Miss　Snobky　spoke

to　her　female　friend　and　confidante。　　'What　will　poor

Claude　Lollipop　say　when　he　hears　of　my　absence？'　asked

the　tender…hearted　child。



'Oh；　perhaps　he　won't　hear　of　it；'　answers　the

confidante。



'MY　DEAR；　HE　WILL　READ　IT　IN　THE　PAPERS；'　replied　the

dear　little　fashionable　rogue　of　seven　years　old。　　She

knew　already　her　importance；　and　how　all　the　world　of

England；　how　all　the　would…be…genteel　people；　how　all　the

silver…fork　worshippers；　how　all　the　tattle…mongers；　how

all　the　grocers'　ladies；　the　tailors'　ladies；　the

attorneys'　and　merchants'　ladies；　and　the　people　living

at　Clapham　and　Brunswick　Square；who　have　no　more　chance

of　consorting　with　a　Snobky　than　my　beloved　reader　has　of

dining　with　the　Emperor　of　Chinayet　watched　the

movements　of　the　Snobkys　with　interest　and　were　glad　to

know　when　they　came　to　London　and　left　it。



Here　is　the　account　of　Miss　Snobky's　dress；　and　that　of

her　mother；　Lady　Snobky；　from　the　papers：



'MISS　SNOBKY。



Habit　de　Cour；　composed　of　a　yellow　nankeen　illusion

dress　over　a　slip　of　rich　pea…green　corduroy；　trimmed　en

tablier；　with　bouquets　of　Brussels　sprouts：　the　body　and

sleeves　handsomely　trimmed　with　calimanco；　and　festooned

with　a　pink　train　and　white　radishes。　　Head…dress；

carrots　and　lappets。



'LADY　SNOBKY。



'Costume　de　Cour；　composed　of　a　train　of　the　most　superb

Pekin　bandannas；　elegantly　trimmed　with　spangles；

tinfoil；　and　red…tape。　　Bodice　and　underdress　of　sky…blue

velveteen；　trimmed　with　bouffants　and　noeuds　of　bell…

pulls。　　Stomacher　a　muffin。　　Head…dress　a　bird's　nest；

with　a　bird　of　paradise；　over　a　rich　brass　knocker　en

ferroniere。　　This　splendid　costume；　by　Madame　Crinoline；

of　Regent　Street；　was　the　object　of　universal

admiration。'



This　is　what　you　read。　　Oh；　Mrs。　Ellis！　　Oh；　mothers；

daughters；　aunts；　grandmothers　of　England；　this　is　the

sort　of　writing　which　is　put　in　the　newspapers　for　you！

How　can　you　help　being　the　mothers；　daughters；　&c。　of

Snobs；　so　long　as　this　balderdash　is　set　before　you？



You　stuff　the　little　rosy　foot　of　a　Chinese　young　lady　of

fashion　into　a　slipper　that　is　about　the　size　of　a　salt…

cruet；　and　keep　the　poor　little　toes　there　imprisoned　and

twisted　up　so　long　that　the　dwarfishness　becomes

irremediable。　　Later；　the　foot　would　not　expand　to　the

natural　size　were　you　to　give　her　a　washing…tub　for　a

shoe　and　for　all　her　life　she　has　little　feet；　and　is　a

cripple。　　Oh；　my　dear　Miss　Wiggins；　thank　your　stars　that

those　beautiful　feet　of　yoursthough　I　declare　when　you

walk　they　are　so　small　as　to　be　almost　invisiblethank

your　stars　that　society　never　so　practised　upon　them；　but

look　around　and　see　how　many　friends　of　ours　in　the


highest　circles　have　had　their　BRAINS　so　prematurely　and

hopelessly　pinched　and　distorted。



How　can　you　expect　that　those　poor　creatures　are　to　move

naturally　when