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Yet how little you can tell from a man's outward

demeanour!  There's a man at our Clublarge; heavy;

middle…agedgorgeously dressedrather baldwith

lacquered bootsand a boa when he goes out; quiet in

demeanour; always ordering and consuming a RECHERCHE

little dinner: whom I have mistaken for Sir John

Pocklington any time these five years; and respected as a

man with five hundred pounds PER DIEM; and I find he is

but a clerk in an office in the City; with not two

hundred pounds income; and his name is Jubber。  Sir John

Pocklington was; on the contrary; the dirty little snuffy

man who cried out so about the bad quality of the beer;

and grumbled at being overcharged three…halfpence for a

herring; seated at the next table to Jubber on the day

when some one pointed the Baronet out to me。



Take a different sort of mystery。  I see; for instance;

old Fawney stealing round the rooms of the Club; with

glassy; meaningless eyes; and an endless greasy simper

he fawns on everybody he meets; and shakes hands with

you; and blesses you; and betrays the most tender and

astonishing interest in your welfare。  You know him to be

a quack and a rogue; and he knows you know it。  But he

wriggles on his way; and leaves a track of slimy flattery

after him wherever he goes。  Who can penetrate that man's

mystery?  What earthly good can he get from you or me?

You don't know what is working under that leering

tranquil mask。  You have only the dim instinctive

repulsion that warns you; you are in the presence of a

knavebeyond which fact all Fawney's soul is a secret to

you。



I think I like to speculate on the young men best。  Their

play is opener。  You know the cards in their hand; as it

were。  Take; for example; Messrs。 Spavin and Cockspur。



A specimen or two of the above sort of young fellows may

be found; I believe; at most Clubs。  They know nobody。

They bring a fine smell of cigars into the room with

them; and they growl together; in a corner; about

sporting matters。  They recollect the history of that

short period in which they have been ornaments of the

world by the names of winning horses。  As political men

talk about 'the Reform year;' 'the year the Whigs went

out;' and so forth; these young sporting bucks speak of

TARNATION'S year; or OPODELDOC'S year; or the year when

CATAWAMPUS ran second for the Chester Cup。  They play at

billiards in the morning; they absorb pale ale for

breakfast; and 'top up' with glasses of strong waters。

They read BELL'S LIFE (and a very pleasant paper too;

with a great deal of erudition in the answers to

correspondents)。  They go down to Tattersall's; and

swagger in the Park; with their hands plunged in the

pockets of their paletots。



What strikes me especially in the outward demeanour of

sporting youth is their amazing gravity; their

conciseness of speech; and careworn and moody air。  In

the smoking…room at the 'Regent;' when Joe Millerson will

be setting the whole room in a roar with laughter; you

hear young Messrs。  Spavin and Cockspur grumbling

together in a corner。  'I'll take your five…and…twenty to

one about Brother to Bluenose;' whispers Spavin。  'Can't

do it at the price;' Cockspur says; wagging his head

ominously。  The betting…book is always present in the

minds of those unfortunate youngsters。  I think I hate

that work even more than the 'Peerage。'  There is some

good in the latterthough; generally speaking; a vain

record: though De Mogyns is not descended from the giant

Hogyn Mogyn; though half the other genealogies are

equally false and foolish; yet the mottoes are good

readingsome of them; and the book itself a sort of

gold…laced and livened lackey to History; and in so far

serviceable。  But what good ever came out of; or went

into; a betting…book?  If I could be Caliph Omar for a

week; I would pitch every one of those despicable

manuscripts into the flames; from my Lord's; who is 'in'

with Jack Snaffle's stable; and is over…reaching worse…

informed rogues and swindling greenhorns; down to Sam's;

the butcher…boy's; who books eighteenpenny odds in the

tap…room; and 'stands to win five…and…twenty bob。'



In a turf transaction; either Spavin or Cockspur would

try to get the better of his father; and; to gain a point

in the odds; victimise his best friends。  One day we

shall hear of one or other levanting; an event at which;

not being sporting men; we shall not break our hearts。

SeeMr。 Spavin is settling his toilette previous to

departure; giving a curl in the glass to his side…wisps

of hair。  Look at him!  It is only at the hulks; or among

turf…men; that you ever see a face so mean; so knowing;

and so gloomy。



A much more humane being among the youthful Clubbists is

the Lady…killing Snob。  I saw Wiggle just now in the

dressing…room; talking to Waggle; his inseparable。



WAGGLE。 'Pon my honour; Wiggle; she did。'



WIGGLE。 'Well; Waggle; as you sayI own I think she

DID look at me rather kindly。  We'll see to…night at the

French play。'



And having arrayed their little persons; these two

harmless young bucks go upstairs to dinner。







CHAPTER XL



CLUB SNOBS



Both sorts of young men; mentioned in my last under the

flippant names of Wiggle and Waggle; may be found in

tolerable plenty; I think; in Clubs。  Wiggle and Waggle

are both idle。  They come of the middle classes。  One of

them very likely makes believe to be a barrister; and the

other has smart apartments about Piccadilly。  They are a

sort of second…chop dandies; they cannot imitate that

superb listlessness of demeanour; and that admirable

vacuous folly which distinguish the noble and high…born

chiefs of the race; but they lead lives almost as bad

(were it but for the example); and are personally quite

as useless。  I am not going to arm a thunderbolt; and

launch it at the beads of these little Pall Mall

butterflies。  They don't commit much public harm; or

private extravagance。  They don't spend a thousand pounds

for diamond earrings for an Opera…dancer; as Lord Tarquin

can:

neither of them ever set up a public…house or broke the

bank of a gambling…club; like the young Earl of

Martingale。  They have good points; kind feelings; and

deal honourably in money…transactionsonly in their

characters of men of second…rate pleasure about town;

they and their like are so utterly mean; self…contented;

and absurd; that they must not be omitted in a work

treating on Snobs。



Wiggle has been abroad; where he gives you to understand

that his success among the German countesses and Italian

princesses; whom he met at the TABLES…D'HOTE; was

perfectly terrific。  His rooms are hung round with

pictures of actresses and ballet…dancers。  He passes his

mornings in a fine dressing…gown; burning pastilles; and

reading 'Don Juan' and French novels (by the way; the

life of the author of 'Don Juan;' as described by

himself; was the model of the life of a Snob)。  He has

twopenny…halfpenny French prints of women with

languishing eyes; dressed in dominoes;guitars;

gondolas; and so forth;and tells you stories about

them。



'It's a bad print;' says he; 'I know; but I've a reason

for liking it。  It reminds me of somebodysomebody I

knew in other climes。  You have heard of the Principessa

di Monte Pulciano?  I met her at Rimini。  Dear; dear

Francesca!  That fair…haired; bright…eyed thing in the

Bird of Paradise and the Turkish Simar with the love…bird

on her finger; I'm sure must have been taken fromfrom

somebody perhaps whom you don't know but she's known at

Munich; Waggle my boy; everybody knows the Countess

Ottilia de Eulenschreckenstein。  Gad; sir; what a

beautiful creature she was when I danced with her on the

birthday of Prince Attila of Bavaria; in '44。  Prince

Carloman was our vis…a…vis; and Prince Pepin danced the

same CONTREDANSE。  She had a Polyanthus in her bouquet。

Waggle; I HAVE IT NOW。'  His countenance assumes an

agonized and mysterious expression; and he buries his

head in the sofa cushions; as if plunging into a

whirlpool of passionate recollections。



Last year he made a considerable sensation by having on

his table a morocco miniature…case locked by a gold key;

which he always wore round his neck; and on which was

stamped a serpentemblem of eternitywith the letter M

in the circle。  Sometimes he laid this upon his little

morocco writing…table; as if it were on an altar

generally he had flowers upon it; in the middle of a

conversation he would start up and kiss it。  He would

call out from his bed…room to his valet; 'Hicks; bring me

my casket!'



'I don't know who it is;' Waggle would say。  'Who DOES

know that fellow's intrigues!  Desborough Wiggle; sir; is

the slave of passion。  I suppose you have heard the story

of the Italian princess locked up in the Convent of Saint

Barbara; at Rimini?  He hasn't told you?  Then I'm not at

liberty to speak。  Or th

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