the book of snobs-第25节

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ringlets；　with　the　smartest　of　aprons　and　the　freshest　of

pearl…coloured　gloves；　this　amazing　woman　was　in　the　arms

of　her　dearest　Lady　Hawbuck。　　'Dearest　Lady　Hawbuck；　how

good　of　you！　　Always　among　my　flowers！　can't　live　away

from　them！'



'Sweets　to　the　sweet！　huma…hahaw！'　says　Sir　John

Hawbuck；　who　piques　himself　on　his　gallantry；　and　says

nothing　without　'a…huma…haa…haw！'



'Whereth　yaw　pinnafaw？'　cries　Master　Hugh。　　'WE　thaw　you

in　it；　over　the　wall；　didn't　we；　Pa？'



'Huma…haa…haw！'　burst　out　Sir　John；　dreadfully

alarmed。　　'Where's　Ponto？　　Why　wasn't　he　at　Quarter

Sessions？　　How　are　his　birds　this　year；　Mrs。　Pontohave

those　Carabas　pheasants　done　any　harm　to　your　wheat？　a…

huma…haa…haw！'　and　all　this　while　he　was　making　the

most　ferocious　and　desperate　signals　to　his　youthful

heir。



'Well；　she　WATH　in　her　pinnafaw；　wathn't　she；　Ma？'　says

Hugh；　quite　unabashed；　which　question　Lady　Hawbuck　turned

away　with　a　sudden　query　regarding　her　dear　darling

daughters；　and　the　ENFANT　TERRIBLE　was　removed　by　his

father。



'I　hope　you　weren't　disturbed　by　the　music？'　Ponto　says。

'My　girls；　you　know；　practise　four　hours　a　day；　you　know…

…must　do　it；　you　knowabsolutely　necessary。　　As　for　me；

you　know　I'm　an　early　man；　and　in　my　farm　every　morning

at　fiveno；　no　laziness　for　ME。'



The　facts　are　these。　　Ponto　goes　to　sleep　directly　after

dinner　on　entering　the　drawing…room；　and　wakes　up　when

the　ladies　leave　off　practice　at　ten。　　From　seven　till

ten；　from　ten　till　five；　is　a　very　fair　allowance　of

slumber　for　a　man　who　says　he's　NOT　a　lazy　man。　　It　is　my

private　opinion　that　when　Ponto　retires　to　what　is　called

his　'Study；'　he　sleeps　too。　　He　locks　himself　up　there

daily　two　hours　with　the　newspaper。



I　saw　the　HAWBUCK　scene　out　of　the　Study；　which　commands

the　garden。　　It's　a　curious　object；　that　Study。　　Ponto's

library　mostly　consists　of　boots。　　He　and　Stripes　have

important　interviews　here　of　mornings；　when　the　potatoes

are　discussed；　or　the　fate　of　the　calf　ordained；　or

sentence　passed　on　the　pig；　&c。。　　All　the　Major's　bills

are　docketed　on　the　Study　table　and　displayed　like　a

lawyer's　briefs。　　Here；　too；　lie　displayed　his　hooks；

knives；　and　other　gardening　irons；　his　whistles；　and

strings　of　spare　buttons。　　He　has　a　drawer　of　endless

brown　paper　for　parcels；　and　another　containing　a

prodigious　and　never…failing　supply　of　string。　　What　a

man　can　want　with　so　many　gig…whips　I　can　never　conceive。

These；　and　fishing…rods；　and　landing…nets；　and　spurs；　and

boot…trees；　and　balls　for　horses；　and　surgical　implements

for　the　same；　and　favourite　pots　of　shiny　blacking；　with

which　he　paints　his　own　shoes　in　the　most　elegant　manner；

and　buckskin　gloves　stretched　out　on　their　trees；　and　his

gorget；　sash；　and　sabre　of　the　Horse　Marines；　with　his

boot…hooks　underneath　in　atrophy；　and　the　family

medicine…chest；　and　in　a　corner　the　very　rod　with　which

he　used　to　whip　his　son；　Wellesley　Ponto；　when　a　boy

（Wellesley　never　entered　the　'Study'　but　for　that　awful

purpose）all　these；　with　'Mogg's　Road　Book；'　the

GARDENERS'　CHRONICLE；　and　a　backgammon…board；　form　the

Major's　library。　　Under　the　trophy　there's　a　picture　of

Mrs。　Ponto；　in　a　light　blue　dress　and　train；　and　no

waist；　when　she　was　first　married；　a　fox's　brush　lies

over　the　frame；　and　serves　to　keep　the　dust　off　that　work

of　art。



'My　library's　small；　says　Ponto；　with　the　most　amazing

impudence；　'but　well　selected；　my　boywell　selected。　　I

have　been　reading　the　〃History　of　England〃　all　the

morning。'







CHAPTER　XXVII



A　VISIT　TO　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



We　had　the　fish；　which；　as　the　kind　reader　may　remember；

I　had　brought　down　in　a　delicate　attention　to　Mrs。　Ponto；

to　variegate　the　repast　of　next　day；　and　cod　and　oyster…

sauce；　twice　laid；　salt　cod　and　scolloped　oysters；　formed

parts　of　the　bill　of　fare　until　I　began　to　fancy　that　the

Ponto　family；　like　our　late　revered　monarch　George　II。；

had　a　fancy　for　stale　fish。　　And　about　this　time；　the　pig

being　consumed；　we　began　upon　a　sheep。



But　how　shall　I　forget　the　solemn　splendour　of　a　second

course；　which　was　served　up　in　great　state　by　Stripes　in

a　silver　dish　and　cove；　a　napkin　round　his　dirty　thumbs；

and　consisted　of　a　landrail；　not　much　bigger　than　a

corpulent　sparrow。



'My　love；　will　you　take　any　game？'　says　Ponto；　with

prodigious　gravity；　and　stuck　his　fork　into　that　little

mouthful　of　an　island　in　the　silver　sea。　　Stripes；　too；

at　intervals；　dribbled　out　the　Marsala　with　a　solemnity

which　would　have　done　honour　to　a　Duke's　butler。　　The

Bamnecide's　dinner　to　Shacabac　was　only　one　degree

removed　from　these　solemn　banquets。



As　there　were　plenty　of　pretty　country　places　close　by；　a

comfortable　country　town；　with　good　houses　of

gentlefolks；　a　beautiful　old　parsonage；　close　to　the

church　whither　we　went　（and　where　the　Carabas　family　have

their　ancestral　carved　and　monumented　Gothic　pew）；　and

every　appearance　of　good　society　in　the　neighbourhood；　I

rather　wondered　we　were　not　enlivened　by　the　appearance

of　some　of　the　neighbours　at　the　Evergreens；　and　asked

about　them。



'We　can't　in　our　position　of　lifewe　can't　well

associate　with　the　attorney's　family；　as　I　leave　you　to

suppose；'　says　Mrs。　Ponto；　confidentially。　　'Of　course

not；'　I　answered；　though　I　didn't　know　why。　　'And　the

Doctor？'　said　I。



'A　most　excellent　worthy　creature；'　says　Mrs。　P。　saved

Maria's　lifereally　a　learned　man；　but　what　can　one　do

in　one's　position？　　One　may　ask　one's　medical　man　to

one's　table　certainly：　but　his　family；　my　dear　Mr。　Snob！'



'Half…a…dozen　little　gallipots；'　interposed　Miss　Wirt；

the　governess：　'he；　he；　he！'　and　the　young　ladies　laughed

in　chorus。



'We　only　live　with　the　county　families；'　Miss　Wirt　（1）

continued；　tossing　up　her　head。　　'The　Duke　is　abroad：　we

are　at　feud　with　the　Carabases；　the　Ringwoods　don't　come

down　till　Christmas：　in　fact；　nobody's　here　till　the

hunting　seasonpositively　nobody。'



'Whose　is　the　large　red　house　just　outside　of　the　town？'



'What！　the　CHATEAU…CALICOT？　he；　he；　he！　　That　purse…proud

ex…linendraper；　Mr。　Yardley；　with　the　yellow　liveries；

and　the　wife　in　red　velvet？　　How　CAN　you；　my　dear　Mr。

Snob；　be　so　satirical？　　The　impertinence　of　those　people

is　really　something　quite　overwhelming。'



'Well；　then；　there　is　the　parson；　Doctor　Chrysostom。

He's　a　gentleman；　at　any　rate。'　　At　this　Mrs。　Ponto

looked　at　Miss　Wirt。　　After　their　eyes　had　met　and　they

had　wagged　their　heads　at　each　other。　　They　looked　up　to

the　ceiling。　　So　did　the　young　ladies。　　They　thrilled。

It　was　evident　I　had　said　something　terrible。　　Another

black　sheep　in　the　Church？　thought　I　with　a　little

sorrow；　for　I　don't　care　to　own　that　I　have　a　respect　for

the　cloth。　　'Ihope　there's　nothing　wrong？



'Wrong？'　says　Mrs。　P。；　clasping　her　hands　with　a　tragic

air。



'Oh！'　says　Miss　Wirt；　and　the　two　girls；　gasping　in

chorus。



'Well；'　says　I；　'I'm　very　sorry　for　it。　　I　never　saw　a

nicer…looking　old　gentleman；　or　a　better　school；　or　heard

a　better　sermon。'



'He　used　to　preach　those　sermons　in　a　surplice；'　hissed

out　Mrs。　Ponto。　　'He's　a　Puseyite；　Mr。　Snob。'



'Heavenly　powers！'　says　I；　admiring　the　pure　ardour　of

these　female　theologians；　and　Stripes　came　in　with　the

tea。　　It's　so　weak　that　no　wonder　Ponto's　sleep　isn't

disturbed　by　it。



Of　mornings　we　used　to　go　out　shooting。　　We　had　Ponto's

own　fields　to　sport　over　（where　we　got　the　landrail）；　and

the　non…preserved　part　of　the　Hawbuck　property：　and　one

evening　in　a　stubble　of　Ponto's　skirting　the　Carabas

woods；　we　got　among　some　pheasants；　and　had　some　real

sport。　　I　shot　a　hen；　I　know；　greatly　to　my　delight。

'Bag　it；'　says　Ponto；　in　rather　a　hurried　manner：　'here's

somebody　coming。'　　So　I　pocketed　the　bird。



'You　infernal　poaching　thieves！'　roars　out　a　man　from　the

hedge　in　the　garb　of　a　gamekeeper。　　'I　wish　I　could　catch

you　on　this　side　of　the　hedge。　　I'd　put　a　brace　of

barrels　into　you；　that　I　would。'



'Curse　that　Snapper；'　says　Ponto；　moving　off；　'he's

always　watching　me　like　a　spy。'



'Carry　off　the　birds；　you　sneaks；　and　sell　'em　in

London；'　roars　the　individual；　who　it　appears　was　a

keeper　of　Lord　Carabas。　　'You'll　get　six　shillings　a

brace　for　'em。'



'YOU　know　the　price　of　'em　well　enough；　and　so　does　your

master　too；　you　scoundrel；'　says　Ponto；　still　retreating。



'We　kill　'em　on　our　ground；'　cries　Mr。　Snapper。　　'WE

don't　set　traps　for　other　people's　birds。　　We're　no　decoy

ducks。　　We're　no　sneaking　poachers。　　We　don't　shoot　'ens；

like　that　'ere　Cockney；　who's　got　the　tail　of　one　a…

sticking　out　of　his　pocket。　　Only　just　come　across　the

hedge；　that's　all。'



'I　tell　you　what；'　says　Stripes；　who　was　out　with　us　as

keeper　this　day；　（in　fact　he's　keeper；　coachman；

gardener；　valet；　and　bailiff；　with　Tummus　under　him；）　'if

YOU'LL　come