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'You fool�察�you have done it now��'



'They do seem to have got 'old of your name�察�Mr。 Anne��' said 

Rowley。  'It weren't my fault this time。'



'It was one of those accidents that can never be foreseen��' said I�察�

affecting a dignity that I was far from feeling。  'Some one 

recognised me。'



'Which on 'em�察�Mr。 Anne��' said the rascal。



'That is a senseless question�察�it can make no difference who it 

was��' I returned。



'No�察�nor that it can't��' cried Rowley。  'I say�察�Mr。 Anne�察�sir�察�it's 

what you would call a jolly mess�察�ain't it�拭�looks like ;clean 

bowled´out in the middle stump�察─�don't it��'



'I fail to understand you�察�Rowley。'



'Well�察�what I mean is�察�what are we to do about this one��' pointing 

to the postillion in front of us�察�as he alternately hid and 

revealed his patched breeches to the trot of his horse。  'He see 

you get in this morning under Mr。 RAMORNIE ´ I was very piticular 

to MR。 RAMORNIE you�察�if you remember�察�sir ´ and he see you get in 

again under Mr。 Saint Eaves�察�and whatever's he going to see you get 

out under�拭�that's what worries me�察�sir。  It don't seem to me like 

as if the position was what you call STRATETEGIC��'



'PARRRBLEU� �will you let me be��' I cried。  'I have to think�察�you 

cannot imagine how your constant idiotic prattle annoys me。'



'Beg pardon�察�Mr。 Anne��' said he�察�and the next moment�察�'You wouldn't 

like for us to do our French now�察�would you�察�Mr。 Anne��'



'Certainly not��' said I。  'Play upon your flageolet。'



The which he did with what seemed to me to be irony。



Conscience doth make cowards of us all�  �I was so downcast by my 

pitiful mismanagement of the morning's business that I shrank from 

the eye of my own hired infant�察�and read offensive meanings into 

his idle tootling。



I took off my coat�察�and set to mending it�察�soldier´fashion�察�with a 

needle and thread。  There is nothing more conducive to thought�察�

above all in arduous circumstances�察�and as I sewed�察�I gradually 

gained a clearness upon my affairs。  I must be done with the 

claret´coloured chaise at once。  It should be sold at the next 

stage for what it would bring。  Rowley and I must take back to the 

road on our four feet�察�and after a decent interval of trudging�察�get 

places on some coach for Edinburgh again under new names�  �So much 

trouble and toil�察�so much extra risk and expense and loss of time�察�

and all for a slip of the tongue to a little lady in blue��









CHAPTER XXIV ´ THE INN´KEEPER OF KIRKBY´LONSDALE





I HAD hitherto conceived and partly carried out an ideal that was 

dear to my heart。  Rowley and I descended from our claret´coloured 

chaise�察�a couple of correctly dressed�察�brisk�察�bright´eyed young 

fellows�察�like a pair of aristocratic mice�察�attending singly to our 

own affairs�察�communicating solely with each other�察�and that with 

the niceties and civilities of drill。  We would pass through the 

little crowd before the door with high´bred preoccupation�察�

inoffensively haughty�察�after the best English pattern�察�and 

disappear within�察�followed by the envy and admiration of the 

bystanders�察�a model master and servant�察�point´device in every part。  

It was a heavy thought to me�察�as we drew up before the inn at 

Kirkby´Lonsdale�察�that this scene was now to be enacted for the last 

time。  Alas� �and had I known it�察�it was to go of with so inferior a 

grace��



I had been injudiciously liberal to the post´boys of the chaise and 

four。  My own post´boy�察�he of the patched breeches�察�now stood 

before me�察�his eyes glittering with greed�察�his hand advanced。  It 

was plain he anticipated something extraordinary by way of a 

POURBOIRE�察�and considering the marches and counter´marches by which 

I had extended the stage�察�the military character of our affairs 

with Mr。 Bellamy�察�and the bad example I had set before him at the 

archdeacon's�察�something exceptional was certainly to be done。  But 

these are always nice questions�察�to a foreigner above all�此�a shade 

too little will suggest niggardliness�察�a shilling too much smells 

of hush´money。  Fresh from the scene at the archdeacon's�察�and 

flushed by the idea that I was now nearly done with the 

responsibilities of the claret´coloured chaise�察�I put into his 

hands five guineas�察�and the amount served only to waken his 

cupidity。



'O�察�come�察�sir�察�you ain't going to fob me of with this�拭 �Why�察�I seen 

fire at your side��' he cried。



It would never do to give him more�察�I felt I should become the 

fable of Kirkby´Lonsdale if I did�察�and I looked him in the face�察�

sternly but still smiling�察�and addressed him with a voice of 

uncompromising firmness。



'If you do not like it�察�give it back��' said I。



He pocketed the guineas with the quickness of a conjurer�察�and�察�like 

a base´born cockney as he was�察�fell instantly to casting dirt。



' 'Ave your own way of it�察�Mr。 Ramornie ´ leastways Mr。 St。 Eaves�察�

or whatever your blessed name may be。  Look 'ere' ´ turning for 

sympathy to the stable´boys ´ 'this is a blessed business。  Blessed 

'ard�察�I calls it。  'Ere I takes up a blessed son of a pop´gun what 

calls hisself anything you care to mention�察�and turns out to be a 

blessed MOUNSEER at the end of it�  �'Ere 'ave I been drivin' of him 

up and down all day�察�a´carrying off of gals�察�a´shootin' of 

pistyils�察�and a´drinkin' of sherry and hale�察�and wot does he up and 

give me but a blank�察�blank�察�blanketing blank��'



The fellow's language had become too powerful for reproduction�察�and 

I passed it by。



Meanwhile I observed Rowley fretting visibly at the bit�察�another 

moment�察�and he would have added a last touch of the ridiculous to 

our arrival by coming to his hands with the postillion。



'Rowley��' cried I reprovingly。



Strictly it should have been Gammon�察�but in the hurry of the 

moment�察�my fault ��I can only hope�� passed unperceived。  At the same 

time I caught the eye of the postmaster。  He was long and lean�察�and 

brown and bilious�察�he had the drooping nose of the humourist�察�and 

the quick attention of a man of parts。  He read my embarrassment in 

a glance�察�stepped instantly forward�察�sent the post´boy to the 

rightabout with half a word�察�and was back next moment at my side。



'Dinner in a private room�察�sir�拭 �Very well。  John�察�No。 4�  �What 

wine would you care to mention�拭 �Very well�察�sir。  Will you please 

to order fresh horses�拭 �Not�察�sir�拭 �Very well。'



Each of these expressions was accompanied by something in the 

nature of a bow�察�and all were prefaced by something in the nature 

of a smile�察�which I could very well have done without。  The man's 

politeness was from the teeth outwards�察�behind and within�察�I was 

conscious of a perpetual scrutiny�此�the scene at his doorstep�察�the 

random confidences of the post´boy�察�had not been thrown away on 

this observer�察�and it was under a strong fear of coming trouble 

that I was shown at last into my private room。  I was in half a 

mind to have put off the whole business。  But the truth is�察�now my 

name had got abroad�察�my fear of the mail that was coming�察�and the 

handbills it should contain�察�had waxed inordinately�察�and I felt I 

could never eat a meal in peace till I had severed my connection 

with the claret´coloured chaise。



Accordingly�察�as soon as I had done with dinner�察�I sent my 

compliments to the landlord and requested he should take a glass of 

wine with me。  He came�察�we exchanged the necessary civilities�察�and 

presently I approached my business。



'By the bye��' said I�察�'we had a brush down the road to´day。  I dare 

say you may have heard of it��'



He nodded。



'And I was so unlucky as to get a pistol ball in the panel of my 

chaise��' I continued�察�'which makes it simply useless to me。  Do you 

know any one likely to buy��'



'I can well understand that��' said the landlord�察�'I was looking at 

it just now�察�it's as good as ruined�察�is that chaise。  General rule�察�

people don't like chaises with bullet´holes。'



'Too much ROMANCE OF THE FOREST��' I suggested�察�recalling my little 

friend of the morning�察�and what I was sure had been her favourite 

reading ´ Mrs。 Radcliffe's novels。



'Just so��' said he。  'They may be right�察�they may be wrong�察�I'm not 

the judge。  But I suppose it's natural�察�after all�察�for respectable 

people to like things respectable about them�察�not bullet´holes�察�nor 

puddles of blood�察�nor men with aliases。'



I took a glass of wine and held it up to the light to show that my 

hand was steady。



'Yes��' said I�察�'I suppose so。'



'You have papers�察�of course�察�showing you are the proper owner��' he 

inquired。



'There is the bill�察�stamped and receipted��' said I�察�tossing it 

across to him。



He looked at it。



'This all you have��' he asked。



'It is enough�察�at least��' said I。  'It shows you where I bought and 

what I paid for it。'



'Well�察�I don't know��' he said。  'You want some paper of 

identification。'



'To identify the chaise��' I 

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