burlesques-第102节
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established； Mr。 Mulligan continued：）〃My lard； I heed them not； I
come from a counthry accustomed to opprission； and as that
counthryyes； my lard； THAT IRELAND（do not laugh； I am proud of
it）is ever； in spite of her tyrants； green； and lovely； and
beautiful： my client's cause； likewise； will rise shuperior to the
malignant imbecilityI repeat； the MALIGNANT IMBECILITYof those
who would thrample it down； and in whose teeth； in my client's
name； in my counthry'say； and MY OWNI； with folded arrums； hurl
a scarnful and eternal defiance！〃
〃For heaven's sake； Mr。 Milligan〃（〃MULLIGAN； ME LARD；〃 cried my
defender）〃Well； Mulligan； then； be calm； and keep to your brief。〃
Mr。 Mulligan did； and for three hours and a quarter； in a speech
crammed with Latin quotations； and unsurpassed for eloquence； he
explained the situation of me and my family； the romantic manner in
which Tuggeridge the elder gained his fortune； and by which it
afterwards came to my wife； the state of Ireland； the original and
virtuous poverty of the Coxesfrom which he glanced passionately；
for a few minutes （until the judge stopped him）； to the poverty of
his own country； my excellence as a husband； father； landlord； my
wife's； as a wife； mother； landlady。 All was in vainthe trial
went against us。 I was soon taken in execution for the damages；
five hundred pounds of law expenses of my own； and as much more of
Tuggeridge's。 He would not pay a farthing； he said； to get me out
of a much worse place than the Fleet。 I need not tell you that
along with the land went the house in town； and the money in the
funds。 Tuggeridge； he who had thousands before； had it all。 And
when I was in prison； who do you think would come and see me？
None of the Barons； nor Counts； nor Foreign Ambassadors； nor
Excellencies； who used to fill our house； and eat and drink at
our expense；not even the ungrateful Tagrag！
I could not help now saying to my dear wife； 〃See； my love； we have
been gentlefolks for exactly a year； and a pretty life we have had
of it。 In the first place； my darling； we gave grand dinners； and
everybody laughed at us。〃
〃Yes； and recollect how ill they made you；〃 cries my daughter。
〃We asked great company； and they insulted us。〃
〃And spoilt mamma's temper；〃 said Jemimarann。
〃Hush！ Miss；〃 said her mother； 〃we don't want YOUR advice。〃
〃Then you must make a country gentleman of me。〃
〃And send Pa into dunghills；〃 roared Tug。
〃Then you must go to operas； and pick up foreign Barons and
Counts。〃
〃Oh； thank heaven； dearest papa； that we are rid of them；〃 cries my
little Jemimarann； looking almost happy； and kissing her old pappy。
〃And you must make a fine gentleman of Tug there； and send him to a
fine school。〃
〃And I give you my word；〃 says Tug； 〃I'm as ignorant a chap as ever
lived。〃
〃You're an insolent saucebox；〃 says Jemmy； 〃you've learned that at
your fine school。〃
〃I've learned something else； too； ma'am； ask the boys if I
haven't；〃 grumbles Tug。
〃You hawk your daughter about； and just escape marrying her to a
swindler。〃
〃And drive off poor Orlando；〃 whimpered my girl。
〃Silence！ Miss；〃 says Jemmy； fiercely。
〃You insult the man whose father's property you inherited； and
bring me into this prison； without hope of leaving it： for he never
can help us after all your bad language。〃 I said all this very
smartly； for the fact is； my blood was up at the time； and I
determined to rate my dear girl soundly。
〃Oh！ Sammy；〃 said she； sobbing （for the poor thing's spirit was
quite broken）； 〃it's all true； I've been very； very foolish and
vain； and I've punished my dear husband and children by my follies；
and I do so； so repent them！〃 Here Jemimarann at once burst out
crying； and flung herself into her mamma's arms； and the pair
roared and sobbed for ten minutes together。 Even Tug looked queer：
and as for me； it's a most extraordinary thing； but I'm blest if
seeing them so miserable didn't make me quite happy。I don't
think； for the whole twelve months of our good fortune； I had ever
felt so gay as in that dismal room in the Fleet； where I was locked
up。
Poor Orlando Crump came to see us every day； and we； who had never
taken the slightest notice of him in Portland Place； and treated
him so cruelly that day at Beulah Spa； were only too glad of his
company now。 He used to bring books for my girl； and a bottle of
sherry for me； and he used to take home Jemmy's fronts and dress
them for her； and when locking…up time came； he used to see the
ladies home to their little three…pair bedroom in Holborn； where
they slept now； Tug and all。 〃Can the bird forget its nest？〃
Orlando used to say （he was a romantic young fellow； that's the
truth； and blew the flute and read Lord Byron incessantly； since he
was separated from Jemimarann）。 〃Can the bird； let loose in
eastern climes； forget its home？ Can the rose cease to remember
its beloved bulbul？Ah； no！ Mr。 Cox； you made me what I am； and
what I hope to diea hairdresser。 I never see a curling…irons
before I entered your shop； or knew Naples from brown Windsor。 Did
you not make over your house； your furniture； your emporium of
perfumery； and nine…and…twenty shaving customers； to me？ Are these
trifles？ Is Jemimarann a trifle？ if she would allow me to call her
so。 Oh； Jemimarann； your Pa found me in the workhouse； and made me
what I am。 Conduct me to my grave； and I never； never shall be
different！〃 When he had said this； Orlando was so much affected；
that he rushed suddenly on his hat and quitted the room。
Then Jemimarann began to cry too。 〃Oh； Pa！〃 said she； 〃isn't he
isn't he a nice young man？〃
〃I'm HANGED if he ain't；〃 says Tug。 〃What do you think of his
giving me eighteenpence yesterday； and a bottle of lavender…water
for Mimarann？〃
〃He might as well offer to give you back the shop at any rate；〃
says Jemmy。
〃What！ to pay Tuggeridge's damages？ My dear； I'd sooner die than
give Tuggeridge the chance。〃
FAMILY BUSTLE。
Tuggeridge vowed that I should finish my days there； when he put me
in prison。 It appears that we both had reason to be ashamed of
ourselves； and were； thank God！ I learned to be sorry for my bad
feelings toward him； and he actually wrote to me to say
〃SIR；I think you have suffered enough for faults which； I
believe； do not lie with you； so much as your wife； and I have
withdrawn my claims which I had against you while you were in
wrongful possession of my father's estates。 You must remember that
when； on examination of my father's papers； no will was found； I
yielded up his property； with perfect willingness； to those who I
fancied were his legitimate heirs。 For this I received all sorts
of insults from your wife and yourself （who acquiesced in them）；
and when the discovery of a will； in India； proved MY just claims；
you must remember how they were met； and the vexatious proceedings
with which you sought to oppose them。
〃I have discharged your lawyer's bill； and； as I believe you are
more fitted for the trade you formerly exercised than for any
other； I will give five hundred pounds for the purchase of a stock
and shop； when you shall find one to suit you。
〃I enclose a draft for twenty pounds to meet your present expenses。
You have； I am told； a son； a boy of some spirit： if he likes to
try his fortune abroad； and go on board an Indiaman； I can get him
an appointment； and am； Sir； your obedient servant；
〃JOHN TUGGERIDGE〃
It was Mrs。 Breadbasket； the housekeeper； who brought this letter；
and looked mighty contemptuous as she gave it。
〃I hope； Breadbasket； that your master will send me my things at
any rate；〃 cries Jemmy。 〃There's seventeen silk and satin dresses；
and a whole heap of trinkets； that can be of no earthly use to
him。〃
〃Don't Breadbasket me； mem； if you please； mem。 My master says
that them things is quite obnoxious to your sphere of life。
Breadbasket； indeed！〃 And so she sailed out。
Jemmy hadn't a word； she had grown mighty quiet since we have been
in misfortune： but my daughter looked as happy as a queen； and Tug；
when he heard of the ship； gave a jump that nearly knocked down
poor Orlando。 〃Ah； I suppose you'll forget me now？〃 says he with a
sigh； and seemed the only unhappy person in company。
〃Why； you conceive； Mr。 Crump；〃 says my wife； with a great deal of
dignity； 〃that； connected as we are； a young man born in a work〃
〃Woman！〃 cried I （for once in my life determined to have my own
way）； 〃hold your foolish tongue。 Your absurd pride has been the
ruin of us hitherto； and； from this day； I'll have no more of it。
Hark ye； Orlando； if you will take Jemimarann； you may have her；
and if you'll take five hundred pounds for a half…share of the
shop； they're yours； and THAT'S for you； Mrs。 Cox。〃
And here we are； bac
