burlesques-第101节

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act　of　the　Sarmatian　horse…tamer；　on　eight　steeds；〃　which　we　were

all　of　us　longing　to　see。　　The　horse…tamer；　to　music　twenty　miles

an　hour；　rushed　in　on　four　of　his　horses；　leading　the　other　four；

and　skurried　round　the　ring。　　You　couldn't　see　him　for　the　sawdust；

but　everybody　was　delighted；　and　applauded　like　mad。　　Presently；

you　saw　there　were　only　three　horses　in　front：　he　had　slipped　one

more　between　his　legs；　another　followed；　and　it　was　clear　that　the

consequences　would　be　fatal；　if　he　admitted　any　more。　　The　people

applauded　more　than　ever；　and　when；　at　last；　seven　and　eight　were

made　to　go　in；　not　wholly；　but　sliding　dexterously　in　and　out；　with

the　others；　so　that　you　did　not　know　which　was　which；　the　house；　I

thought；　would　come　down　with　applause；　and　the　Sarmatian　horse…

tamer　bowed　his　great　feathers　to　the　ground。　　At　last　the　music

grew　slower；　and　he　cantered　leisurely　round　the　ring；　bending；

smirking；　seesawing；　waving　his　whip；　and　laying　his　hand　on　his

heart；　just　as　we　have　seen　the　Ashley's　people　do。　　But　fancy　our

astonishment　when；　suddenly；　this　Sarmatian　horse…tamer；　coming

round　with　his　four　pair　at　a　canter；　and　being　opposite　our　box；

gave　a　start；　and　ahupp！　which　made　all　his　horses　stop　stock…

still　at　an　instant。



〃Albert！〃　screamed　my　dear　Jemmy：　〃Albert！　　Bahbahbahbaron！〃　　The

Sarmatian　looked　at　her　for　a　minute；　and　turning　head　over　heels；

three　times；　bolted　suddenly　off　his　horses；　and　away　out　of　our

sight。



It　was　HIS　EXCELLENCY　THE　BARON　DE　PUNTER！



Jemmy　went　off　in　a　fit　as　usual；　and　we　never　saw　the　Baron　again；

but　we　heard；　afterwards；　that　Punter　was　an　apprentice　of

Franconi's；　and　had　run　away　to　England；　thinking　to　better

himself；　and　had　joined　Mr。　Richardson's　army；　but　Mr。　Richardson；

and　then　London；　did　not　agree　with　him；　and　we　saw　the　last　of　him

as　he　sprung　over　the　barriers　at　the　Tuggeridgeville　tournament。



〃Well；　Jemimarann；〃　says　Jemmy；　in　a　fury；　〃you　shall　marry　Tagrag；

and　if　I　can't　have　a　baroness　for　a　daughter；　at　least　you　shall

be　a　baronet's　lady。〃　　Poor　Jemimarann　only　sighed：　she　knew　it　was

of　no　use　to　remonstrate。



Paris　grew　dull　to　us　after　this；　and　we　were　more　eager　than　ever

to　go　back　to　London：　for　what　should　we　hear；　but　that　that

monster；　Tuggeridge；　of　the　Cityold　Tug's　black　son；　forsooth！

was　going　to　contest　Jemmy's　claim　to　the　property；　and　had　filed　I

don't　know　how　many　bills　against　us　in　Chancery！　　Hearing　this；　we

set　off　immediately；　and　we　arrived　at　Boulogne；　and　set　off　in

that　very　same　〃Grand　Turk〃　which　had　brought　us　to　France。



If　you　look　in　the　bills；　you　will　see　that　the　steamers　leave

London　on　Saturday　morning；　and　Boulogne　on　Saturday　night；　so　that

there　is　often　not　an　hour　between　the　time　of　arrival　and

departure。　　Bless　us！　bless　us！　　I　pity　the　poor　Captain　that；　for

twenty…four　hours　at　a　time；　is　on　a　paddle…box；　roaring　out；　〃Ease

her！　　Stop　her！〃　and　the　poor　servants；　who　are　laying　out

breakfast；　lunch；　dinner；　tea；　supper；breakfast；　lunch；　dinner；

tea；　supper　again；for　layers　upon　layers　of　travellers；　as　it

were；　and　most　of　all；　I　pity　that　unhappy　steward；　with　those

unfortunate　tin…basins　that　he　must　always　keep　an　eye　over。

Little　did　we　know　what　a　storm　was　brooding　in　our　absence；　and

little　were　we　prepared　for　the　awful；　awful　fate　that　hung　over

our　Tuggeridgeville　property。



Biggs；　of　the　great　house　of　Higgs；　Biggs；　and　Blatherwick；　was　our

man　of　business：　when　I　arrived　in　London　I　heard　that　he　had　just

set　off　to　Paris　after　me。　　So　we　started　down　to　Tuggeridgeville

instead　of　going　to　Portland　Place。　　As　we　came　through　the　lodge…

gates；　we　found　a　crowd　assembled　within　them；　and　there　was　that

horrid　Tuggeridige　on　horseback；　with　a　shabby…looking　man；　called

Mr。　Scapgoat；　and　his　man　of　business；　and　many　more。　　〃Mr。

Scapgoat；〃　says　Tuggeridge；　grinning；　and　handing　him　over　a　sealed

paper；　〃here's　the　lease；　I　leave　you　in　possession；　and　wish　you

good　morning。〃



〃In　possession　of　what？〃　says　the　rightful　lady　of　Tuggeridgeville；

leaning　out　of　the　carriage…window。　　She　hated　black　Tuggeridge；　as

she　called　him；　like　poison：　the　very　first　week　of　our　coming　to

Portland　Place；　when　he　called　to　ask　restitution　of　some　plate

which　he　said　was　his　private　property；　she　called　him　a　base…born

blackamoor；　and　told　him　to　quit　the　house。　　Since　then　there　had

been　law　squabbles　between　us　without　end；　and　all　sorts　of

writings；　meetings；　and　arbitrations。



〃Possession　of　my　estate　of　Tuggeridgeville；　madam；〃　roars　he；

〃left　me　by　my　father's　will；　which　you　have　had　notice　of　these

three　weeks；　and　know　as　well　as　I　do。〃



〃Old　Tug　left　no　will；〃　shrieked　Jemmy；　〃he　didn't　die　to　leave　his

estates　to　blackamoorsto　negroesto　base…born　mulatto　story…

tellers；　if　he　did　may　I　be　…〃



〃Oh；　hush！　dearest　mamma；〃　says　Jemimarann。　　〃Go　it　again；　mother！〃

says　Tug；　who　is　always　sniggering。



〃What　is　this　business；　Mr。　Tuggeridge？〃　cried　Tagrag　（who　was　the

only　one　of　our　party　that　had　his　senses）。　　〃What　is　this　will？〃



〃Oh；　it's　merely　a　matter　of　form；〃　said　the　lawyer；　riding　up。

〃For　heaven's　sake；　madam；　be　peaceable；　let　my　friends；　Higgs；

Biggs；　and　Blatherwick；　arrange　with　me。　　I　am　surprised　that　none

of　their　people　are　here。　　All　that　you　have　to　do　is　to　eject　us；

and　the　rest　will　follow；　of　course。〃



〃Who　has　taken　possession　of　this　here　property？〃　roars　Jemmy；

again。



〃My　friend　Mr。　Scapgoat；〃　said　the　lawyer。Mr。　Scapgoat　grinned。



〃Mr。　Scapgoat；〃　said　my　wife；　shaking　her　fist　at　him　（for　she　is　a

woman　of　no　small　spirit）；　〃if　you　don't　leave　this　ground　I'll

have　you　pushed　out　with　pitchforks；　I　willyou　and　your　beggarly

blackamoor　yonder。〃　　And；　suiting　the　action　to　the　word；　she

clapped　a　stable　fork　into　the　hands　of　one　of　the　gardeners；　and

called　another；　armed　with　a　rake；　to　his　help；　while　young　Tug　set

the　dog　at　their　heels；　and　I　hurrahed　for　joy　to　see　such　villany

so　properly　treated。



〃That's　sufficient；　ain't　it？〃　said　Mr。　Scapgoat；　with　the　calmest

air　in　the　world。　　〃Oh；　completely；〃　said　the　lawyer。　　〃Mr。

Tuggeridge；　we've　ten　miles　to　dinner。　　Madam；　your　very　humble

servant。〃　　And　the　whole　posse　of　them　rode　away。





LAW　LIFE　ASSURANCE。





We　knew　not　what　this　meant；　until　we　received　a　strange　document

from　Higgs；　in　Londonwhich　begun；　〃Middlesex　to　wit。　　Samuel　Cox；

late　of　Portland　Place；　in　the　city　of　Westminster；　in　the　said

county；　was　attached　to　answer　Samuel　Scapgoat；　of　a　plea；

wherefore；　with　force　and　arms；　he　entered　into　one　messuage；　with

the　appurtenances；　which　John　Tuggeridge；　Esq。；　demised　to　the　said

Samuel　Scapgoat；　for　a　term　which　is　not　yet　expired；　and　ejected

him。〃　　And　it　went　on　to　say　that　〃we；　with　force　of　arms；　viz；

with　swords；　knives；　and　staves；　had　ejected　him。〃　　Was　there　ever

such　a　monstrous　falsehood？　when　we　did　but　stand　in　defence　of　our

own；　and　isn't　it　a　sin　that　we　should　have　been　turned　out　of　our

rightful　possessions　upon　such　a　rascally　plea？



Higgs；　Biggs；　and　Blatherwick　had　evidently　been　bribed；　for　would

you　believe　it？they　told　us　to　give　up　possession　at　once；　as　a

will　was　found；　and　we　could　not　defend　the　action。　　My　Jemmy

refused　their　proposal　with　scorn；　and　laughed　at　the　notion　of　the

will：　she　pronounced　it　to　be　a　forgery；　a　vile　blackamoor　forgery；

and　believes；　to　this　day；　that　the　story　of　its　having　been　made

thirty　years　ago；　in　Calcutta；　and　left　there　with　old　Tug's

papers；　and　found　there；　and　brought　to　England；　after　a　search

made　by　order　of　Tuggeridge　junior；　is　a　scandalous　falsehood。



Well；　the　cause　was　tried。　　Why　need　I　say　anything　concerning　it？

What　shall　I　say　of　the　Lord　Chief　Justice；　but　that　he　ought　to　be

ashamed　of　the　wig　he　sits　in？　　What　of　Mr。　　and　Mr。　；　who

exerted　their　eloquence　against　justice　and　the　poor？　　On　our　side；

too；　was　no　less　a　man　than　Mr。　Serjeant　Binks；　who；　ashamed　I　am；

for　the　honor　of　the　British　bar；　to　say　it；　seemed　to　have　been

bribed　too：　for　he　actually　threw　up　his　case！　　Had　he　behaved　like

Mr。　Mulligan；　his　juniorand　to　whom；　in　this　humble　way；　I　offer

my　thanksall　might　have　been　well。　　I　never　knew　such　an　effect

produced；　as　when　Mr。　Mulligan；　appearing　for　the　first　time　in

that　court；　said；　〃Standing　here　upon　the　pidestal　of　secred

Thamis；　seeing　around　me　the　arnymints　of　a　profission　I　rispict；

having　before　me　a　vinnerable　judge；　and　an　enlightened　jurythe

counthry's　glory；　the　netion's　cheap　defender；　the　poor　man's

priceless　palladium：　how　must　I　thrimble；　my　lard；　how　must　the

blush　bejew　my　cheek〃（somebody　cried　out；　〃O　CHEEKS！〃　　In　the

court　there　was　a　dreadful　roar　of　laughing；　and　when　order　was

established；　Mr。　Mulligan　continued：）〃My　lard；　I　heed　them　not；　I

come　from　a　counthry　accustomed　to　opprission；　an