armadale-第26节

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〃In　a　few　hours　you　will　have　left　this　place；〃　he　proceeded。　〃If
I　can　help　you　to　leave　it　with　your　mind　at　ease；　I　will。　There
is　more　to　be　said　between　us　than　we　have　said　up　to　this　time。
My　future　relations　with　Mr。　Armadale　are　still　left　undecided；
and　the　serious　question　raised　by　my　father's　letter　is　a
question　which　we　have　neither　of　us　faced　yet。〃

He　paused；　and　looked　with　a　momentary　impatience　at　the　candle
still　burning　on　the　table；　in　the　morning　light。　The　struggle　to
speak　with　composure；　and　to　keep　his　own　feelings　stoically　out
of　view；　was　evidently　growing　harder　and　harder　to　him。

〃It　may　possibly　help　your　decision；〃　he　went　on；　〃if　I　tell　you
how　I　determined　to　act　toward　Mr。　Armadalein　the　matter　of　the
similarity　of　our　nameswhen　I　first　read　this　letter；　and　when
I　had　composed　myself　sufficiently　to　be　able　to　think　at　all。〃
He　stopped；　and　cast　a　second　impatient　look　at　the　lighted
candle。　〃Will　you　excuse　the　odd　fancy　of　an　odd　man？〃　he　asked；
with　a　faint　smile。　〃I　want　to　put　out　the　candle：　I　want　to
speak　of　the　new　subject；　in　the　new　light。〃

He　extinguished　the　candle　as　he　spoke；　and　let　the　first
tenderness　of　the　daylight　flow　uninterruptedly　into　the　room。

〃I　must　once　more　ask　your　patience；〃　he　resumed；　〃if　I　return
for　a　moment　to　myself　and　my　circumstances。　I　have　already　told
you　that　my　stepfather　made　an　attempt　to　discover　me　some　years
after　I　had　turned　my　back　on　the　Scotch　school。　He　took　that
step　out　of　no　anxiety　of　his　own；　but　simply　as　the　agent　of　my
father's　trustees。　In　the　exercise　of　their　discretion；　they　had
sold　the　estates　in　Barbadoes　（at　the　time　of　the　emancipation　of
the　slaves；　and　the　ruin　of　West　Indian　property）　for　what　the
estates　would　fetch。　Having　invested　the　proceeds；　they　were
bound　to　set　aside　a　sum　for　my　yearly　education。　This
responsibility　obliged　them　to　make　the　attempt　to　trace　mea
fruitless　attempt；　as　you　already　know。　A　little　later　（as　I　have
been　since　informed）　I　was　publicly　addressed　by　an　advertisement
in　the　newspapers；　which　I　never　saw。　Later　still；　when　I　was
twenty…one；　a　second　advertisement　appeared　（which　I　did　see）
offering　a　reward　for　evidence　of　my　death。　If　I　was　alive；　I　had
a　right　to　my　half　share　of　the　proceeds　of　the　estates　on　coming
of　age；　if　dead；　the　money　reverted　to　my　mother。　I　went　to　the
lawyers；　and　heard　from　them　what　I　have　just　told　you。　After
some　difficulty　in　proving　my　identityand　after　an　interview
with　my　stepfather；　and　a　message　from　my　mother；　which　has
hopelessly　widened　the　old　breach　between　usmy　claim　was
allowed；　and　my　money　is　now　invested　for
　me　in　the　funds；　under　the　name　that　is　really　my　own。〃

Mr。　Brock　drew　eagerly　nearer　to　the　table。　He　saw　the　end　now　to
which　the　speaker　was　tending

〃Twice　a　year；〃　Midwinter　pursued；　〃I　must　sign　my　own　name　to
get　my　own　income。　At　all　other　times；　and　under　all　other
circumstances；　I　may　hide　my　identity　under　any　name　I　please。　As
Ozias　Midwinter；　Mr。　Armadale　first　knew　me；　as　Ozias　Midwinter
he　shall　know　me　to　the　end　of　my　days。　Whatever　may　be　the
result　of　this　interviewwhether　I　win　your　confidence　or
whether　I　lose　itof　one　thing　you　may　feel　sure：　your　pupil
shall　never　know　the　horrible　secret　which　I　have　trusted　to　your
keeping。　This　is　no　extraordinary　resolution；　for；　as　you　know
already；　it　costs　me　no　sacrifice　of　feeling　to　keep　my　assumed
name。　There　is　nothing　in　my　conduct　to　praise；　it　comes
naturally　out　of　the　gratitude　of　a　thankful　man。　Review　the
circumstances　for　yourself；　sir；　and　set　my　own　horror　of
revealing　them　to　Mr。　Armadale　out　of　the　question。　If　the　story
of　the　names　is　ever　told；　there　can　be　no　limiting　it　to　the
disclosure　of　my　father's　crime；　it　must　go　back　to　the　story　of
Mrs。　Armadale's　marriage。　I　have　heard　her　son　talk　of　her；　I
know　how　he　loves　her　memory。　As　God　is　my　witness；　he　shall
never　love　it　less　dearly　through　_me！_〃

Simply　as　the　words　were　spoken；　they　touched　the　deepest
sympathies　in　the　rector's　nature：　they　took　his　thoughts　back　to
Mrs。　Armadale's　deathbed。　There　sat　the　man　against　whom　she　had
ignorantly　warned　him　in　her　son's　interests；　and　that　man；　of
his　own　free…will；　had　laid　on　himself　the　obligation　of
respecting　her　secret　for　her　son's　sake！　The　memory　of　his　own
past　efforts　to　destroy　the　very　friendship　out　of　which　this
resolution　had　sprung　rose　and　reproached　Mr。　Brock。　He　held　out
his　hand　to　Midwinter　for　the　first　time。　〃In　her　name；　and　in
her　son's　name；〃　he　said；　warmly；　〃I　thank　you。〃

Without　replying；　Midwinter　spread　the　confession　open　before　him
on　the　table。

〃I　think　I　have　said　all　that　it　was　my　duty　to　say；〃　he　began；
〃before　we　could　approach　the　consideration　of　this　letter。
Whatever　may　have　appeared　strange　in　my　conduct　toward　you　and
toward　Mr。　Armadale　may　be　now　trusted　to　explain　itself。　You　can
easily　imagine　the　natural　curiosity　and　surprise　that　I　must
have　felt　（ignorant　as　I　then　was　of　the　truth）　when　the　sound　of
Mr。　Armadale's　name　first　startled　me　as　the　echo　of　my　own。　You
will　readily　understand　that　I　only　hesitated　to　tell　him　I　was
his　namesake；　because　I　hesitated　to　damage　my　positionin　your
estimation；　if　not　in　hisby　confessing　that　I　had　come　among
you　under　an　assumed　name。　And；　after　all　that　you　have　just
heard　of　my　vagabond　life　and　my　low　associates；　you　will　hardly
wonder　at　the　obstinate　silence　I　maintained　about　myself；　at　a
time　when　I　did　not　feel　the　sense　of　responsibility　which　my
father's　confession　has　laid　on　me。　We　can　return　to　these　small
personal　explanations；　if　you　wish　it；　at　another　time；　they
cannot　be　suffered　to　keep　us　from　the　greater　interests　which　we
must　settle　before　you　leave　this　place。　We　may　come　now〃　His
voice　faltered；　and　he　suddenly　turned　his　face　toward　the
window；　so　as　to　hide　it　from　the　rector's　view。　〃We　may　come
now；〃　he　repeated；　his　hand　trembling　visibly　as　it　held　the
page；　〃to　the　murder　on　board　the　timber…ship；　and　to　the　warning
that　has　followed　me　from　my　father's　grave。〃

Softlyas　if　he　feared　they　might　reach　Allan；　sleeping　in　the
neighboring　roomhe　read　the　last　terrible　words　which　the
Scotchman's　pen　had　written　at　Wildbad；　as　they　fell　from　his
father's　lips：

〃Avoid　the　widow　of　the　man　I　killedif　the　widow　still　lives。
Avoid　the　maid　whose　wicked　hand　smoothed　the　way　to　the
marriageif　the　maid　is　still　in　her　service。　And；　more　than
all；　avoid　the　man　who　bears　the　same　name　as　your　own。　Offend
your　best　benefactor；　if　that　benefactor's　influence　has
connected　you　one　with　the　other。　Desert　the　woman　who　loves　you；
if　that　woman　is　a　link　between　you　and　him。　Hide　yourself　from
him　under　an　assumed　name。　Put　the　mountains　and　the　seas　between
you；　be　ungrateful；　be　unforgiving；　be　all　that　is　most　repellent
to　your　own　gentler　nature；　rather　than　live　under　the　same　roof
and　breathe　the　same　air　with　that　man。　Never　let　the　two　Allan
Armadales　meet　in　this　world；　never；　never；　never！〃

After　reading　those　sentences；　he　pushed　the　manuscript　from　him；
without　looking　up。　The　fatal　reserve　which　he　had　been　in　a　fair
way　of　conquering　but　a　few　minutes　since；　possessed　itself　of
him　once　more。　Again　his　eyes　wandered；　again　his　voice　sank　in
tone。　A　stranger　who　had　heard　his　story；　and　who　saw　him　now；
would　have　said；　〃His　look　is　lurking；　his　manner　is　bad；　he　is；
every　inch　of　him；　his　father's　son。〃

〃I　have　a　question　to　ask　you；〃　said　Mr。　Brock；　breaking　the
silence　between　them；　on　his　side。　〃Why　have　you　just　read　that
passage　in　your　father's　letter？〃

〃To　force　me　into　telling　you　the　truth；〃　was　the　answer。　〃You
must　know　how　much　there　is　of　my　father　in　me　before　you　trust
me　to　be　Mr。　Armadale's　friend。　I　got　my　letter　yesterday；　in　the
morning。　Some　inner　warning　troubled　me；　and　I　went　down　on　the
sea…shore　by　myself　before　I　broke　the　seal。　Do　you　believe　the
dead　can　come　back　to　the　world　they　once　lived　in？　I　believe　my
father　came　back　in　that　bright　morning　light；　through　the　glare
of　that　broad　sunshine　and　the　roar　of　that　joyful　sea；　and
watched　me　while　I　read。　When　I　got　to　the　words　that　you　have
just　heard；　and　when　I　knew　that　the　very　end　which　he　had　died
dreading　was　the　end　that　had　really　come；　I　felt　the　horror　that
had　crept　over　him　in　his　last　moments　creeping　over　me。　I
struggled　against　myself；　as　_he_　would　have　had　me　struggle。　I
tried　to　be　all　that　was　most　repellent　to　my　own　gentler　nature；
I　tried　to　think　pitilessly　of　putting　the　mountains　and　the　seas
between　me　and　the　man　who　bore　my　name。　Hours　passed　before　I
could　prevail　on　myself　to　go　back　and　run　the　risk　of　meeting
Allan　Armadale　in　this　house。　When　I　did　get　back；　and　when　he
met　me　at　night　on　the　stairs；　I　thought　I　was　looking　him　in　the
face　as　_my_　father　looked　_his_　father　in　the　face　when　the
cabin　door　closed　between　them。　Draw　your　own　conclusions；　sir。
Say；　if　you　like；　that　the　inheritance　of　my　father's　heathen
belief　in　fate　is　one　of　the　inheritances　he　has　left　to　me。　I
won't　dispute　it；　I　won't　deny　that　all　through　yesterday　_his_