new burlesques(新讽刺诗)-第18节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
out too；〃 she said； clinching her thin little hand。 〃And what's more；〃 she
added； turning on me suddenly； 〃YOU shall help me！〃
〃I？〃 I said in surprise。
〃Don't pretend！〃 she said poutingly。 〃You're too clever to believe he's
cut up over the Millikens。 Noit's something awful or another woman！
Now； if I knew as much of India as you doand wasn't a woman； and
could go where I likedI'd go to Bungloore and find him。〃
〃Oh！ You have his address？〃 I said。
〃Certainly！ What did you expect I was behind the curtain with the
Viceroy for？〃 she said； opening her violet eyes innocently。 〃It's
BunglooreFirst Turning to the RightAt the End of the passage。〃
Bungloorenear Ghouli Passin the Jungle！ I knew the place； a spot
of dank pestilence and mystery。 〃You never could have gone there；〃 I
said。
〃You do not know WHAT I could do for a FRIEND；〃 she said sweetly；
veiling her eyes in demure significance。
〃Oh； come off the roof！〃 I said bluntly。
She could be obedient when it was necessary。 She came off。 Not
without her revenge。 〃Try to remember you are not at school with the
Stalkies；〃 she said； and turned away。
I went to Bungloore；not on her account； but my own。 If you don't
know India； you won't know Bungloore。 It's all that and more。 An egg
dropped by a vulture； sat upon and addled by the Department。 But I knew
the house and walked boldly in。 A lion walked out of one door as I came
in at another。 We did this two or three times and found it amusing。 A
large cobra in the hall rose up； bowed as I passed； and respectfully
removed his hood。
I found the poor old boy at the end of the passage。 It might have
been the passage between Calais and Dover；he looked so green； so limp
and dejected。 I affected not to notice it； and threw myself in a chair。
He gazed at me for a moment and then said； 〃Did you hear what the
chair was saying？〃
60
… Page 61…
NEW BURLESQUES
It was an ordinary bamboo armchair； and had creaked after the usual
fashion of bamboo chairs。 I said so。
He cast his eyes to the ceiling。 〃He calls it 'creaking；'〃 he murmured。
〃No matter；〃 he continued aloud； 〃its remark was not of a complimentary
nature。 It's very difficult to get really polite furniture。〃
The man was evidently stark； staring mad。 I still affected not to
observe it； and asked him if that was why he left Simla。
〃There were Simla reasons； certainly；〃 he replied。 〃But you think I
came here for solitude！ SOLITUDE！〃 he repeated； with a laugh。 〃Why； I
hold daily conversations with any blessed thing in this house； from the
veranda to the chimney…stack； with any stick of furniture； from the
footstool to the towel…horse。 I get more out of it than the gabble at the
Club。 You look surprised。 Listen！ I took this thing up in my leisure
hours in the Department。 I had read much about the conversation of
animals。 I argued that if animals conversed； why shouldn't inanimate
things communicate with each other？ You cannot prove that animals
don't converseneither can you prove that inanimate objects DO NOT。
See？〃
I was thunderstruck with the force of his logic。
〃Of course；〃 he continued； 〃there are degrees of intelligence； and that
makes it difficult。 For instance； a mahogany table would not talk like a
rush…bottomed kitchen chair。〃 He stopped suddenly； listened； and replied；
〃I really couldn't say。〃
〃I didn't speak；〃 I said。
〃I know YOU didn't。 But your chair asked me 'how long that fool
was going to stay。' I replied as you heard。 Pray don't moveI intend to
change that chair for one more accustomed to polite society。 To continue：
I perfected myself in the language； and it was awfully jolly at first。
Whenever I went by train； I heard not only all the engines said； but what
every blessed carriage thought； that joined in the conversation。 If you
chaps only knew what rot those whistles can get off！ And as for the
brakes； they can beat any mule driver in cursing。 Then； after a time； it
got rather monotonous； and I took a short sea trip for my health。 But； by
Jove； every blessed inch of the whole shipfrom the screw to the
61
… Page 62…
NEW BURLESQUES
bowsprithad something to say； and the bad language used by the
garboard strake when the ship rolled was something too awful！ You don't
happen to know what the garboard strake is； do you？〃
〃No；〃 I replied。
〃No more do I。 That's the dreadful thing about it。 You've got to
listen to chaps that you don't know。 Why； coming home on my bicycle
the other day there was an awful row between some infernal 'sprocket' and
the 'ball bearings' of the machine； and I never knew before there were such
things in the whole concern。
I thought I had got at his secret； and said carelessly： 〃Then I suppose
this was the reason why you broke off your engagement with Miss
Millikens？〃
〃Not at all；〃 he said coolly。 〃Nothing to do with it。 That is quite
another affair。 It's a very queer story； would you like to hear it？〃
〃By all means。〃 I took out my notebook。
〃You remember that night of the Amateur Theatricals； got up by the
White Hussars； when the lights suddenly went out all over the house？〃
〃Yes；〃 I replied； 〃I heard about it。〃
〃Well； I had gone down there that evening with the determination of
proposing to Mary Millikens the first chance that offered。 She sat just in
front of me； her sister Jane next； and her mother； smart Widow Millikens；…
…who was a bit larky on her own account； you remember；the next on the
bench。 When the lights went out and the panic and tittering began； I saw
my chance！ I leaned forward； and in a voice that would just reach Mary's
ear I said； 'I have long wished to tell you how my life is bound up with
you； dear； and I never； never can be happy without you'when just then
there was a mighty big shove down my bench from the fellows beyond me；
who were trying to get out。 But I held on like grim death； and struggled
back again into position； and went on： 'You'll forgive my taking a chance
like this； but I felt I could no longer conceal my love for you；' when I'm
blest if there wasn't another shove； and though I'd got hold of her little
hand and had a kind of squeeze in return； I was drifted away again and had
to fight my way back。 But I managed to finish； and said； 'If the devotion
of a lifetime will atone for this hurried avowal of my love for you； let me
62
… Page 63…
NEW BURLESQUES
hope for a response；' and just then the infernal lights were turned on； and
there I was holding the widow's hand and she nestling on my shoulder； and
the two girls in hysterics on the other side。 You see； I never knew that
they were shoved down on their bench every time； just as I was； and of
course when I got back to where I was I'd just skipped one of them each
time！ Yes； sir！ I had made that proposal in THREE sectionsa part to
each girl； winding up with the mother！ No explanation was possible； and
I left Simla next day。 Naturally； it wasn't a thing they could talk about；
either！〃
〃Then you think Mrs。 Awksby had nothing to do with it？〃 I said。
〃Nothingabsolutely nothing。 By the way； if you see that lady； you
might tell her that I have possession of that brocade easy… chair which
used to stand in the corner of her boudoir。 You remember it；faded white
and yellow； with one of the casters off and a little frayed at the back； but
rather soft…spoken and amiable？ But of course you don't understand
THAT。 I bought it after she moved into her new b
