poor miss finch-第62节

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The　servant　sent　in　a　message　by　Zillah；　begging　me　to　see　him　for　a
moment　outside　the　sitting…room　door。

I　made　my　excuses　to　my　guest；　and　hurried　out。

The　instant　I　saw　the　servant's　face；　my　heart　sank。　Oscar's　kindness　had
attached　the　man　devotedly　to　his　master。　I　saw　his　lips　tremble；　and　his
color　come　and　go；　when　I　looked　at　him。

〃I　have　brought　you　a　letter；　ma'am。〃

He　handed　me　a　letter　addressed　to　me　in　Oscar's　handwriting。

〃How　is　your　master？〃　I　asked。

〃Not　very　well；　when　I　saw　him　last。〃

〃When　you　saw　him　last？〃

〃I　bring　sad　news；　ma'am。　There's　a　break…up　at　Browndown。〃

〃What　do　you　mean？　Where　is　Mr。　Oscar？〃

〃Mr。　Oscar　has　left　Dimchurch。〃



CHAPTER　THE　THIRTY…SEVENTH

The　Brothers　change　Places

I　VAINLY　believed　I　had　prepared　myself　for　any　misfortune　that　could
fall　on　us。　The　man's　last　words　dispelled　my　delusion。　My　gloomiest
forebodings　had　never　contemplated　such　a　disaster　as　had　now　happened。　I
stood　petrified；　thinking　of　Lucilla；　and　looking　helplessly　at　the
servant。　Try　as　I　might；　I　was　perfectly　incapable　of　speaking　to　him。

He　felt　no　such　difficulty　on　his　side。　One　of　the　strangest
peculiarities　in　the　humbler　ranks　of　the　English　people；　is　the　sort　of
solemn　relish　which　they　have　for　talking　of　their　own　misfortunes。　To　be
the　objects　of　a　calamity　of　any　kind；　seems　to　raise　them　in　their　own
estimations。　With　a　dreary　enjoyment　of　his　miserable　theme；　the　servant
expatiated　on　his　position　as　a　man　deprived　of　the　best　of　masters；
turned　adrift　again　in　the　world　to　seek　another　service；　hopeless　of
ever　again　finding　himself　in　such　a　situation　as　he　had　lost。　He　roused
me　at　last　into　speaking　to　him；　by　sheer　dint　of　irritating　my　nerves
until　I　could　endure　him　no　longer。

〃Has　Mr。　Oscar　gone　away　alone？〃　I　asked。

〃Yes；　ma'am；　quite　alone。〃

（What　had　become　of　Nugent？　I　was　too　much　interested　in　Oscar　to　be　able
to　put　the　question；　at　that　moment。）

〃When　did　your　master　go？〃　I　went　on。

〃Better　than　two　hours　since。〃

〃Why　didn't　I　hear　of　it　before？〃

〃I　had　Mr。　Oscar's　orders　not　to　tell　you；　ma'am；　till　this　time　in　the
evening。〃

Wretched　as　I　was　already；　my　spirits　sank　lower　still　when　I　heard　that。
The　order　given　to　the　servant　looked　like　a　premeditated　design；　not
only　to　leave　Dimchurch；　but　also　to　keep　us　in　ignorance　of　his
whereabouts　afterwards。

〃Has　Mr。　Oscar　gone　to　London？〃　I　inquired。

〃He　hired　Gootheridge's　chaise；　ma'am；　to　take　him　to　Brighton。　And　he
told　me　with　his　own　lips　that　he　had　left　Browndown　never　to　come　back。
I　know　no　more　of　it　than　that。〃

He　had　left　Browndown；　never　to　come　back！　For　Lucilla's　sake；　I　declined
to　believe　that。　The　servant　was　exaggerating；　or　the　servant　had
misunderstood　what　had　been　said　to　him。　The　letter　in　my　hand　reminded
me　that　I　had　perhaps　needlessly　questioned　him　on　matters　which　his
master　had　confided　to　my　own　knowledge　only。　Before　I　dismissed　him　for
the　night；　I　made　my　deferred　inquiry　on　the　hateful　subject　of　the　other
brother。

〃Where　is　Mr。　Nugent？〃

〃At　Browndown。〃

〃Do　you　mean　to　say　that　he　is　going　to　stay　at　Browndown？〃

〃I　don't　know；　ma'am；　for　certain。　I　see　no　signs　of　his　meaning　to
leave；　and　he　has　said　nothing　to　that　effect。〃

I　had　the　greatest　difficulty　to　keep　myself　from　breaking　out　before　the
servant。　My　indignation　almost　choked　me。　The　best　way　was　to　wish　him
good　night。　I　took　the　best　wayonly　calling　him　back　（as　a　measure　of
caution）　to　say　one　last　word。

〃Have　you　told　anybody　at　the　rectory　of　Mr。　Oscar's　departure？〃　I　asked。

〃No；　ma'am。〃

〃Say　nothing；　about　it　then；　as　you　go　out。　Thank　you　for　bringing　me　the
letter。　Good　night。〃

Having　thus　provided　against　any　whisper　of　what　had　happened　reaching
Lucilla's　ears　that　evening；　I　returned　to　Herr　Grosse　to　make　my
excuses；　and　to　tell　him　（as　I　honestly　could）　that　I　was　in　sore　need　of
being　permitted　to　retire　privately　to　my　own　room。　I　found　my
illustrious　guest　putting　a　plate　over　the　final　dish　of　the　dinner；　full
of　the　tenderest　anxiety　to　keep　it　warm　on　my　account。

〃Here　is　a　lofely　cheese…omelets；〃　said　Grosse。　〃Two…thirds　of　him　I　have
eaten　my　own　self。　The　odder　third　I　sweat　with　anxiety　to　keep　warm　for
you。　Sit　down！　sit　down！　Every　moment　he　is　getting　cold。〃

〃I　am　much　obliged　to　you；　Herr　Grosse。　I　have　just　heard　some　miserable
news〃

〃Ach；　Gott！　don't　tell　it　to　me！〃　the　wretch　burst　out　with　a　look　of
consternation。　〃No　miserable　news；　I　pray　you；　after　such　a　dinner　as　I
have　eaten。　Let　me　do　my　digestions！　My　goot…dear…creature；　if　you　lofe
me　let　me　do　my　digestions！〃

〃Will　you　excuse　me；　if　I　leave　you　to　your　digestion；　and　retire　to　my
own　room？〃

He　rose　in　a　violent　hurry；　and　opened　the　door　for　me。

〃Yes！　yes！　From　the　deep　bottoms　of　my　heart　I　excuse　you。　Goot　Madame
Pratolungo；　retire！　retire！〃

I　had　barely　passed　the　threshold；　before　the　door　was　closed　behind　me。
I　heard　the　selfish　old　brute　rub　his　hands；　and　chuckle　over　his　success
in　shutting　me　and　my　sorrow　both　out　of　the　room　together。

Just　as　my　hand　was　on　my　own　door；　it　occurred　to　me　that　I　should　do
well　to　make　sure　of　not　being　surprised　by　Lucilla　over　the　reading　of
Oscar's　letter。　The　truth　is　that　I　shrank　from　reading　it。　In　spite　of
my　resolution　to　disbelieve　the　servant；　the　dread　was　now　growing　on　me
that　the　letter　would　confirm　his　statement；　and　would　force　it　on　me　as
the　truth　that　Oscar　had　left　us　never　to　return。　I　retraced　my　steps；
and　entered　Lucilla's　room。

I　could　just　see　her；　by　the　dim　night…light　burning　in　a　cornet　to
enable　the　surgeon　or　the　nurse　to　find　their　way　to　her。　She　was　alone
in　her　favorite　little　wicker…work　chair；　with　the　doleful　white　bandage
over　her　eyesto　all　appearance　quite　content；　busily　knitting！

〃Don't　you　feel　lonely；　Lucilla？〃

She　turned　her　head　towards　me；　and　answered　in　her　gayest　tones。

〃Not　in　the　least。　I　am　quite　happy　as　I　am。

〃Why　is　Zillah　not　with　you？〃

〃I　sent　her　away。〃

〃You　sent　her　away？〃

〃Yes！　I　couldn't　enjoy　myself　thoroughly　to…night；　unless　I　felt　that　I
was　quite　alone。　I　have　seen　him；　my　dearI　have　seen　him！　How　could　you
possibly　think　I　felt　lonely？　I　am　so　inordinately　happy　that　I　am
obliged　to　knit　to　keep　myself　quiet。　If　you　say　much　more；　I　shall　get
up　and　danceI　know　I　shall！　Where　is　Oscar？　That　odious　Grosseno！　it
is　too　bad　to　talk　of　the　dear　old　man　in　that　way；　after　he　has　given　me
back　my　sight。　Still　it　_is_　cruel　of　him　to　say　that　I　am　overexcited；
and　to　forbid　Oscar　to　come　and　see　me　to…night。　Is　Oscar　with　you；　in
the　next　room？　Is　he　very　much　disappointed　at　being　parted　from　me　in
this　way？　Say　I　am　thinking　of　himsince　I　have　seen　himwith　such　new
thoughts！〃

〃Oscar　is　not　here　to…night；　my　dear。〃

〃No？　then　he　is　at　Browndown　of　course　with　that　poor　wretched　disfigured
brother　of　his。　I　have　got　over　my　terror　of　Nugent's　hideous　face。　I　am
even　beginning　（though　I　never　liked　him；　as　you　know）　to　pity　him；　with
such　a　dreadful　complexion　as　that。　Don't　let　us　talk　about　it！　Don't　let
us　talk　at　all！　I　want　to　go　on　thinking　of　Oscar。〃

She　resumed　her　knitting；　and　shut　herself　up　luxuriously　in　her　own
happy　thoughts。　Knowing　what　I　knew；　it　was　nothing　less　than
heart…breaking　to　see　her　and　hear　her。　Afraid　to　trust　myself　to　say
another　word；　I　softly　closed　the　door；　and　charged　Zillah　（when　her
mistress　rang　her　bell）　to　say　for　me　that　I　was　weary　after　the　events
of　the　day；　and　had　gone　to　rest　in　my　bed…room。

At　last；　I　was　alone。　At　last　I　was　at　the　end　of　my　maneuvers　to　spare
myself　the　miserable　necessity　of　opening　Oscar's　letter。　After　first
locking　my　door；　I　broke　the　seal；　and　read　the　lines　which　follow。



〃KIND　AND　DEAR　FRIEND；Forgive　me：　I　am　going　to　surprise　and　distress
you。　My　letter　thanks　you　gratefully；　and　bids　you　a　last　farewell。

〃Summon　all　your　indulgence　for　me。　Read　these　lines　to　the　end：　they
will　tell　you　what　happened　after　I　left　the　rectory。

〃Nothing　had　been　seen　of　Nugent；　when　I　reached　this　house。　It　was　not
till　a　quarter　of　an　hour　later　that　I　heard　his　voice　at　the　door；
calling　to　me；　and　asking　if　I　had　come　back。　I　answered；　and　he　joined
me　in　the　sitting…room。　Nugent's　first　words　to　me　were　these：　〃
'Oscar；　I　have　come　to　ask　your　pardon；　and　to　bid　you　good…bye。'

〃I　can　give　you　no　idea　of　the　tone　in　which　he　spoke　to　me：　it　would
have　gone　straight　to　your　heart；　as　it　went　straight　to　mine。　For　the
moment；　I　was　not　able　to　answer　him。　I　could　only　offer　him　my　hand。　He
sighed　bitterly；　and　refused　to　take　it。

〃　'I　have　something　still　to　tell　you；'　he　said。　'Wait　till　you　have
heard　it；　and　give　me　your　hand　afterwardsif　you　can。'

〃He　even　refused　to　take　the　chair　to　which　I　pointed。　He　distressed　me
by　standing　in　my　presence　as　if　he　was　my　inferior。　The　next　words　that
he　said　to　me

〃No！　I　have　need　of　all　my　calmness　and　all　my　courage。　It　shakes　both　to
recall　what　he　said　to　me。　I　sat　down　to　write　this；　intending　to　repeat
to　you　everything　that　passed　between　us。　Another　of　my　wea