stage-land[1].(舞台)-第13节
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laughter over such very small jokes。 How a man like that would enjoy a
real joke！ One day he will perhaps hear a real joke。 Who knows？ It
will； however； probably kill him。 One grows to love the stage peasant
after awhile。 He is so good； so child…like； so unworldly。 He realizes
one's ideal of Christianity。
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STAGE…LAND。
THE GOOD OLD MAN。
He has lost his wife。 But he knows where she isamong the angels！
She isn't all gone； because the heroine has her hair。 〃Ah； you've got
your mother's hair；〃 says the good old man； feeling the girl's head all over
as she kneels beside him。 Then they all wipe away a tear。
The people on the stage think very highly of the good old man； but
they don't encourage him much after the first act。 He generally dies in
the first act。
If he does not seem likely to die they murder him。
He is a most unfortunate old gentleman。 Anything he is mixed up in
seems bound to go wrong。 If he is manager or director of a bank； smash
it goes before even one act is over。 His particular firm is always on the
verge of bankruptcy。 We have only to be told that he has put all his
savings into a companyno matter how sound and promising an affair it
may always have been and may still seemto know that that company is a
〃goner。〃
No power on earth can save it after once the good old man has become
a shareholder。
If we lived in stage…land and were asked to join any financial scheme；
our first question would be：
〃Is the good old man in it？〃 If so； that would decide us。
When the good old man is a trustee for any one he can battle against
adversity much longer。 He is a plucky old fellow； and while that trust
money lasts he keeps a brave heart and fights on boldly。 It is not until he
has spent the last penny of it that he gives way。
It then flashes across the old man's mind that his motives for having
lived in luxury upon that trust money for years may possibly be
misunderstood。 The worldthe hollow； heartless worldwill call it a
swindle and regard him generally as a precious old fraud。
This idea quite troubles the good old man。
But the world really ought not to blame him。 No one； we are sure；
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STAGE…LAND。
could be more ready and willing to make amends （when found out）； and to
put matters right he will cheerfully sacrifice his daughter's happiness and
marry her to the villain。
The villain； by the way； has never a penny to bless himself with； and
cannot even pay his own debts； let alone helping anybody else out of a
scrape。 But the good old man does not think of this。
Our own personal theory； based upon a careful comparison of
similarities； is that the good old man is in reality the stage hero grown old。
There is something about the good old man's chuckle…headed simplicity；
about his helpless imbecility； and his irritating damtom foolishness that is
strangely suggestive of the hero。
He is just the sort of old man that we should imagine the hero would
develop into。
We may； of course； be wrong； but that is our idea。
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STAGE…LAND。
THE IRISHMAN。
He says 〃Shure〃 and 〃Bedad〃 and in moments of exultation
〃Beghorra。〃 That is all the Irish he knows。
He is very poor； but scrupulously honest。 His great ambition is to
pay his rent； and he is devoted to his landlord。
He is always cheerful and always good。 We never knew a bad
Irishman on the stage。 Sometimes a stage Irishman seems to be a bad
mansuch as the 〃agent〃 or the 〃informer〃but in these cases it invariably
turns out in the end that this man was all along a Scotchman； and thus
what had been a mystery becomes clear and explicable。
The stage Irishman is always doing the most wonderful things
imaginable。 We do not see him do those wonderful things。 He does
them when nobody is by and tells us all about them afterward： that is
how we know of them。
We remember on one occasion； when we were young and somewhat
inexperienced； planking our money down and going into a theater solely
and purposely to see the stage Irishman do the things he was depicted as
doing on the posters outside。
They were really marvelous； the things he did on that poster。
In the right…hand upper corner he appeared running across country on
all fours； with a red herring sticking out from his coat…tails； while far
behind came hounds and horsemen hunting him。 But their chance of
ever catching him up was clearly hopeless。
To the left he was represented as running away over one of the wildest
and most rugged bits of landscape we have ever seen with a very big man
on his back。 Six policemen stood scattered about a mile behind him。
They had evidently been running after him； but had at last given up the
pursuit as useless。
In the center of the poster he was having a friendly fight with
seventeen ladies and gentlemen。 Judging from the costumes； the affair
appeared to be a wedding。 A few of the guests had already been killed
and lay dead about the floor。 The survivors； however； were enjoying
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themselves immensely； and of all that gay group he was the gayest。
At the moment chosen by the artist； he had just succeeded in cracking
the bridegroom's skull。
〃We must see this；〃 said we to ourselves。 〃This is good。〃 And we
had a bob's worth。
But he did not do any of the things that we have mentioned； after all
at least； we mean we did not see him do any of them。 It seems he did
them 〃off；〃 and then came on and told his mother all about it afterward。
He told it very well； but somehow or other we were disappointed。
We had so reckoned on that fight。
By the bye； we have noticed； even among the characters of real life； a
tendency to perform most of their wonderful feats 〃off。〃
It has been our privilege since then to gaze upon many posters on
which have been delineated strange and moving stage events。
We have seen the hero holding the villain up high above his head； and
throwing him about that carelessly that we have felt afraid he would break
something with him。
We have seen a heroine leaping from the roof of a house on one side of
the street and being caught by the comic man standing on the roof of a
house on the other side of the street and thinking nothing of it。
We have seen railway trains rushing into each other at the rate of sixty
miles an hour。 We have seen houses blown up by dynamite two hundred
feet into the air。 We have seen the defeat of the Spanish Armada； the
destruction of Pompeii； and the return of the British army from Egypt in
one 〃set〃 each。
Such incidents as earthquakes； wrecks in mid…ocean； revolutions and
battles we take no note of； they being commonplace and ordinary。
But we do not go inside to see these things now。 We have two looks
at the poster instead； it is more satisfying。
The Irishman； to return to our friend； is very fond of whiskythe stage
Irishman； we mean。 Whisky is forever in his thoughtsand often in other
places belonging to him； besides。
The fashion in dress among stage Irishmen is rather picturesque than
neat。 Tailors must have a hard time of it in stage Ireland。
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STAGE…LAND。
The stage Irishman has also an original taste in hats。 He always
wears a hat without a crown； whether to keep his head cool or with any
political sig
