bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第174节
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conversation。”
“I knew you would tell me so； Dame Durden。”
“And not I alone； dear Richard。 It was not I who cautioned you
once； never to found a hope or expectation on the family curse。”
“There you come back to John Jarndyce！” said Richard；
impatiently。 “Well！ We must approach him sooner or later； for he
is the staple of what I have to say： and it’s as well at once。 My dear
Esther； how can you be so blind？ Don’t you see that he is an
interested party； and that it may be very well for him to wish me to
know nothing of the suit； and care nothing about it； but that it may
not be quite so well for me？”
“O Richard；” I remonstrated； “is it possible that you can ever
have seen him and heard him； that you can ever have lived under
his roof and known him； and can yet breathe； even to me in this
solitary place where there is no one to hear us； such unworthy
suspicions？”
He reddened deeply； as if his natural generosity felt a pang of
reproach。 He was silent for a little while； before he replied in a
subdued voice：
“Esther； I am sure you know that I am not a mean fellow； and
that I have some sense of suspicion and distrust being poor
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qualities in one of my years。”
“I know it very well；” said I。 “I am not more sure of anything。”
“That’s a dear girl！” retorted Richard； “and like you； because it
gives me comfort。 I had need to get some scrap of comfort out of
all this business； for it’s a bad one at the best； as I have no occasion
to tell you。”
“I know perfectly；” said I； “I know as well； Richard—what shall
I say？ as well as you do—that such misconstructions are foreign to
your nature。 And I know； as well as you know； what so changes it。”
“Come； sister； come；” said Richard； a little more gaily； “you will
be fair with me at all events。 If I have the misfortune to be under
that influence； so has he。 If it has a little twisted me； it may have a
little twisted him； too。 I don’t say that he is not an honourable
man； out of all this complication and uncertainty； I am sure he is。
But it taints everybody。 You know it taints everybody。 You have
heard him say so fifty times。 Then why should he escape？”
“Because；” said I； “his is an uncommon character； and he has
resolutely kept himself outside the circle； Richard。”
“Oh； because and because！” replied Richard； in his vivacious
way。 “I am not sure； my dear girl； but that it may be wise and
specious to preserve that outward indifference。 It may cause other
parties interested to become lax about their interests； and people
may die off； and points may drag themselves out of memory； and
many things may smoothly happen that are convenient enough。”
I was so touched with pity for Richard； that I could not
reproach him any more； even by a look。 I remembered my
Guardian’s gentleness towards his errors； and with what perfect
freedom from resentment he had spoken of them。
“Esther；” Richard resumed； “you are not to suppose that I have
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come here to make under…handed charges against John Jarndyce。
I have only come to justify myself。 What I say is； it was all very
well； and we got on very well； while I was a boy； utterly regardless
of this same suit； but as soon as I began to take an interest in it；
and to look into it； then it was quite another thing。 Then John
Jarndyce discovers that Ada and I must break off； and that if I
don’t amend that very objectionable course； I am not fit for her。
Now； Esther； I don’t mean to amend that very objectionable
course： I will not hold John Jarndyce’s favour on those unfair
terms of compromise； which he has no right to dictate。 Whether it
pleases him or displeases him； I must maintain my rights； and
Ada’s。 I have been thinking about it a good deal； and this is the
conclusion I have come to。”
Poor dear Richard！ He had indeed been thinking about it a
good deal。 His face； his voice； his manner； all showed that； too
plainly。
“So I tell him honourably （you are to know I have written to
him about all this）； that we are at issue； and that we had better be
at issue openly than covertly。 I thank him for his goodwill and his
protection； and he goes his road； and I go mine。 The fact is； our
roads are not the same。 Under one of the wills in dispute I should
take much more than he。 I don’t mean to say that it is the one to be
established； but there it is； and it has its chance。”
“I have not to learn from you； my dear Richard；” said I； “of your
letter。 I had heard of it already； without an offended or angry
word。”
“Indeed？” replied Richard； softening。 “I am glad I said he was
an honourable man； out of all this wretched affair。 But I always
say that； and have never doubted it。 Now； my dear Esther； I know
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these views of mine appear extremely harsh to you； and will to
Ada when you tell her what has passed between us。 But if you had
gone into case as I have； if you had only applied yourself to the
papers as I did when I was at Kenge’s； if you only knew what an
accumulation of charges and counter…charges； and suspicions and
cross…suspicions； they involve； you would think me moderate in
comparison。”
“Perhaps so；” said I。 “But do you think that； among those many
papers； there is much truth and justice； Richard？”
“There is truth and justice somewhere in the case； Esther；—”
“Or was once； long ago；” said I。
“Is—is—must be somewhere；” pursued Richard； impetuously；
“and must be brought out。 To allow Ada to be made a bribe and
hush…money of； is not the way to bring it out。 You say the suit is
changing me； John Jarndyce says it changes； has changed； and
will change； everybody who has any share in it。 Then the greater
right I have on my side； when I resolve to do all I can to bring it to
an end。”
“All you can； Richard！ Do you think that in these many years no
others have done all they could？ Has the difficulty grown easier
because of so many failures？”
“It can’t last for ever；” returned Richard； with a fierceness
kindling in him which again presented to me that last sad
reminder。 “I am young and earnest； and energy and determination
have done wonders many a time。 Others have only half thrown
themselves into it。 I devote myself to it。 I make it the object of my
life。”
“Oh Richard； my dear； so much the worse； so much the worse！”
“No； no； no； don’t you be afraid for me；” he returned；
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affectionately。 “You’re a dear； good； wise； quiet； blessed girl； but
you have your prepossessions。 So I come round to John Jarndyce。
I tell you； my good Esther； when he and I were on those terms
which he found so convenient； we were not on natural terms。”
“Are division and animosity your natural terms； Richard？”
“No； I don’t say that。 I mean that all this business puts us on
unnatural terms； with which natural relations are incompatible。
See another reason for urging it on！ I may find out； when it’s over；
that I have been mistaken in John Jarndyce。 My head may be
clearer when I am free of it； and I may then agre
