bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第108节
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case。 I was born into this unfinished contention with all its
chances and changes； and it began to unsettle me before I quite
knew the difference between a suit at law and a suit of clothes； and
it has gone on unsettling me ever since； and here I am now；
conscious sometimes that I am but a worthless fellow to love my
confiding cousin Ada。”
We were in a solitary place； and he put his hand before his eyes
and sobbed as he said the words。
“O Richard！” said I； “do not be so moved。 You have a noble
nature； and Ada’s love may make you worthier every day。”
“I know； my dear；” he replied pressing my arm； “I know all
that。 You musn’t mind my being a little soft now； for I have had all
this upon my mind for a long time； and have often meant to speak
to you； and have sometimes wanted opportunity and sometimes
courage。 I know what the thought of Ada ought to do for me； but it
doesn’t do it。 I am too unsettled even for that。 I love her most
devotedly； and yet I do her wrong； in doing myself wrong； every
day and hour。 But it can’t last for ever。 We shall come on for a final
hearing； and get judgment in our favour； and then you and Ada
shall see what I can really be！”
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
… Page 449…
Bleak House 449
It had given me a pang to hear him sob； and see the tears start
out between his fingers； but that was infinitely less affecting to me；
than the hopeful animation with which he said these words。
“I have looked well into the papers； Esther—I have been deep
in them for months；” he continued； recovering his cheerfulness in
a moment； “and you may rely upon it that we shall come out
triumphant。 As to years of delay； there has been no want of them；
Heaven knows！ and there is the greater probability of our bringing
the matter to a speedy close； in fact； it’s on the paper now。 It will
be all right at last； and then you shall see！”
Recalling how he had just now placed Messrs。 Kenge and
Carboy in the same category with Mr Badger； I asked him when
he intended to be articled in Lincoln’s Inn？
“There again！ I think not at all； Esther；” he returned with an
effort。 “I fancy I have had enough of it。 Having worked at Jarndyce
and Jarndyce like a galley slave； I have slaked my thirst for the
law； and satisfied myself that I shouldn’t like it。 Besides； I find it
unsettles me more and more to be so constantly upon the scene of
action。 So what；” continued Richard； confident again by this time；
“do I naturally turn my thoughts to？”
“I can’t imagine；” said I。
“Don’t look so serious；” returned Richard； “because it’s the best
thing I can do； my dear Esther； I am certain。 It’s not as if I wanted
a profession for life。 These proceedings will come to a termination；
and then I am provided for。 No。 I look upon it as a pursuit which is
in its nature more or less unsettled； and therefore suited to my
temporary condition—I may say； precisely suited。 What is it that I
naturally turn my thoughts to？”
I looked at him； and shook my head。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
… Page 450…
Bleak House 450
“What；” said Richard； in a tone of perfect conviction； “but the
army！”
“The army？” said I。
“The army； of course。 What I have to do； is； to get a commission；
and—there I am； you know！” said Richard。
And then he showed me； proved by elaborate calculations in his
pocket…book； that supposing he had contracted； say two hundred
pounds of debt in six months； out of the army； and that he
contracted no debt at all within a corresponding period； in the
army—as to which he had quite made up his mind； this step must
involve a saving of four hundred pounds in a year； or two
thousand pounds in five years—which was a considerable sum。
And then he spoke so ingenuously and sincerely； of the sacrifice
he made in withdrawing himself for a time from Ada； and of the
earnestness with which he aspired—as in thought he always did； I
know full well—to repay her love； and to ensure her happiness；
and to conquer what was amiss in himself； and to acquire the very
soul of decision； that he made my heart ache keenly； sorely。 For； I
thought how would this end； how could this end； when so soon
and so surely all his manly qualities were touched by the fatal
blight that ruined everything it rested on！
I spoke to Richard with all the earnestness I felt； and all the
hope I could not quite feel then； and implored him； for Ada’s sake；
not to put any trust in Chancery。 To all I said； Richard readily
assented； riding over the Court and everything else in his easy
way； and drawing the brightest pictures of the character he was to
settle into—alas； when the grievous suit should loose its hold upon
him！ We had a long talk； but it always came back to that； in
substance。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
… Page 451…
Bleak House 451
At last； we came to Soho Square； where Caddy Jellyby had
appointed to wait for me； as a quiet place in the neighbourhood of
Newman…street。 Caddy was in the garden in the centre and
hurried out as soon as I appeared。 After a few cheerful words；
Richard left us together。
“Prince has a pupil over the way； Esther；” said Caddy； “and got
the key for us。 So； if you will walk round and round here with me；
we can lock ourselves in； and I can tell you comfortably what I
wanted to see your dear good face about。”
“Very well； my dear；” said I。 “Nothing could be better。” So
Caddy； after affectionately squeezing the dear good face as she
called it； locked the gate； and took my arm； and we began to walk
round the garden very cosily。
“You see； Esther；” said Caddy； who thoroughly enjoyed a little
confidence； “after you spoke to me about its being wrong to marry
without Ma’s knowledge； or even to keep Ma long in the dark
respecting our engagement—though I don’t believe Ma cares
much for me； I must say—I thought it right to mention your
opinions to Prince。 In the first place； because I want to profit by
everything you tell me； and in the second place； because I have no
secrets from Prince。”
“I hope he approved； Caddy？”
“O； my dear！ I assure you he would approve of anything you
could say。 You have no idea what an opinion he has of you！”
“Indeed？”
“Esther； it’s enough to make anybody but me jealous；” said
Caddy； laughing and shaking her head； “but it only makes me
joyful； for you are the first friend I ever had； and the best friend I
ever can have； and nobody can respect and love you too much to
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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Bleak House 452
please me。”
“Upon my word； Caddy；” said I； “you are in the general
conspiracy to keep me in a good humour。 Well； my dear？”
“Well！ I am going to tell you；” replied Caddy； crossing her
hands confidentially upon my arm。 “So we talked a good deal
about it； and so I said to Prince； ‘Prince； as Miss Summerson—’”
“I hope you didn’t say ‘Miss Summerson？’”
“No。 I didn’t！” cried Caddy； greatly pleased； and with the
brightest of faces。 “I said； ‘Esther。’ I said to Prince； ‘As Esther is
decidedly of that opinion； Prince； and has expressed it to me； and
always hints it when she writes those kind notes； which you are s
