bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第107节
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“I assure you；” said I； quite embarrassed by the mere idea of
having such an attendant； “that I keep no maid—”
“Ah； mademoiselle； but why not？ Why not； when you can have
one so devoted to you！ Who would be enchanted to serve you； who
would be so true； so zealous； and so faithful； every day！
Mademoiselle； I wish with all my heart to serve you。 Do not speak
of money at present。 Take me as I am。 For nothing！”
She was so singularly earnest that I drew back； almost afraid of
her。 Without appearing to notice it； in her ardour； she still pressed
herself upon me； speaking in a rapid subdued voice； though
always with a certain grace and propriety。
“Mademoiselle； I come from the South country； where we are
quick； and where we like and dislike very strong。 My Lady was too
high for me； I was too high for her。 It is done—past—finished！
Receive me as your domestic； and I will serve you well。 I will do
more for you； than you figure to yourself now。 Chut！
mademoiselle； I will—no matter； I will do my utmost possible； in
all things。 If you accept my service； you will not repent it。
Mademoiselle； you will not repent it； and I will serve you well。 You
don’t know how well！”
There was a lowering energy in her face； as she stood looking at
me while I explained the impossibility of my engaging her （without
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thinking it necessary to say how very little I desired to do so）；
which seemed to bring visibly before me some woman from the
streets of Paris in the reign of terror。 She heard me out without
interruption； and then said； with her pretty accent； and in her
mildest voice：—
“Hey； mademoiselle； I have received my answer！ I am sorry of
it。 But I must go elsewhere； and seek what I have not found here。
Will you graciously let me kiss your hand？”
She looked at me more intently as she took it； and seemed to
take note； with her momentary touch； of every vein in it。 “I fear I
surprised you； mademoiselle； on the day of the storm？” she said；
with a parting curtsey。
I confessed that she had surprised us all。
“I took an oath； mademoiselle；” she said smiling； “and I wanted
to stamp it on my mind； so that I might keep it faithfully。 And I
will！ Adieu； mademoiselle！”
So ended our conference； which I was very glad to bring to a
close。 I suppose she went away from the village； for I saw her no
more； and nothing else occurred to disturb our tranquil summer
pleasures； until six weeks were out； and we returned home as I
began just now by saying。
At that time； and for a good many weeks after that time；
Richard was constant in his visits。 Besides coming every Saturday
or Sunday； and remaining with us until Monday morning； he
sometimes rode out on horseback unexpectedly； and passed the
evening with us； and rode back again early next day。 He was as
vivacious as ever； and told us he was very industrious； but I was
not easy in my mind about him。 It appeared to me that his
industry was all misdirected。 I could not find that it led to
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anything； but the formation of delusive hopes in connection with
the suit already the pernicious cause of so much sorrow and ruin。
He had got at the core of that mystery now； he told us； and nothing
could be plainer than that the will under which he and Ada were
to take； I don’t know how many thousands of pounds； must be
finally established； if there were any sense or justice in the Court
of Chancery—but O what a great if that sounded in my ears—and
that this happy conclusion could not be much longer delayed。 He
proved this to himself by all the weary arguments on that side he
had read； and every one of them sunk him deeper in the
infatuation。 He had even begun to haunt the Court。 He told us how
he saw Miss Flite there daily； how they talked together； and he did
her little kindnesses； and how； while he laughed at her； he pitied
her from his heart。 But he never thought—never； my poor dear；
sanguine Richard； capable of so much happiness then； and with
such better things before him！—what a fatal link was riveting
between his fresh youth and her faded age； between his free hopes
and her caged birds； and her hungry garret； and her wandering
mind。
Ada loved him too well； to mistrust him much in anything he
said or did； and my Guardian； though he frequently complained of
the east wind and read more than usual in the Growlery；
preserved a strict silence on the subject。 So； I thought； one day
when I went to London to meet Caddy Jellyby； at her solicitation； I
would ask Richard to be in waiting for me at the coach…office； that
we might have a little talk together。 I found him there when I
arrived； and we walked away arm in arm。
“Well； Richard；” said I； as soon as I could begin to be grave with
him； “are you beginning to feel more settled now？”
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“O yes； my dear！” returned Richard。 “I am all right enough。”
“But settled？” said I。
“How do you mean； settled？” returned Richard； with his gay
laugh。
“Settled in the law；” said I。
“O aye；” replied Richard； “I’m all right enough。”
“You said that before； my dear Richard。”
“And you don’t think it’s an answer； eh？ Well！ Perhaps it’s not。
Settled？ You mean； do I feel as if I were settling down？”
“Yes。”
“Why； no； I can’t say I’m settling down；” said Richard； strongly
emphasising ‘down；’ as if that expressed the difficulty； “because
one can’t settle down while this business remains in such an
unsettled state。 When I say this business； of course I mean the—
forbidden subject。”
“Do you think it will ever be in a settled state？” said I。
“Not the least doubt of it；” answered Richard。
We walked a little way without speaking； and presently Richard
addressed me in his frankest and most feeling manner； thus：
“My dear Esther； I understand you； and I wish to Heaven I
were a more constant sort of fellow。 I don’t mean constant to Ada；
for I love her dearly—better and better every day—but constant to
myself。 （Somehow； I mean something that I can’t very well
express； but you’ll make it out。） If I were a more constant sort of
fellow； I should have held on； either to Badger； or to Kenge and
Carboy； like grim death； and should have begun to be steady and
systematic by this time； and shouldn’t be in debt—”
“Are you in debt； Richard？”
“Yes；” said Richard； “I am a little so； my dear。 Also I have taken
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too rather much to billiards； and that sort of thing。 Now the
murder’s out； you despise me； Esther； don’t you？”
“You know I don’t；” said I。
“You are kinder to me than I often am to myself；” he returned。
“My dear Esther； I am a very unfortunate dog not to be more
settled； but how can I be more settled？ If you live in an unfinished
house； you couldn’t settle down in it； if you were condemned to
leave everything you undertook； unfinished； you would find it
hard to apply yourself to anything； and yet that’s my unhappy
case。 I was born into this unfinished cont
