crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第84节
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〃She has been three times。 I saw her first on the very day of the
funeral； an hour after she was buried。 It was the day before I left to
come here。 The second time was the day before yesterday； at
daybreak； on the journey at the station of Malaya Vishera； and the
third time was two hours ago in the room where I am staying。 I was
alone。〃
〃Were you awake？〃
〃Quite awake。 I was wide awake every time。 She comes； speaks to me
for a minute and goes out at the door… always at the door。 I can
almost hear her。〃
〃What made me think that something of the sort must be happening
to you？〃 Raskolnikov said suddenly。
At the same moment he was surprised at having said it。 He was much
excited。
〃What！ Did you think so？〃 Svidrigailov asked in astonishment。 〃Did
you really？ Didn't I say that there was something in common between
us； eh？〃
〃You never said so！〃 Raskolnikov cried sharply and with heat。
〃Didn't I？〃
〃No！〃
〃I thought I did。 When I came in and saw you lying with your eyes
shut； pretending； I said to myself at once 'here's the man。'〃
〃What do you mean by 'the man？' What are you talking about？〃 cried
Raskolnikov。
〃What do I mean？ I really don't know。。。。〃 Svidrigailov muttered
ingenuously； as though he； too； were puzzled。
For a minute they were silent。 They stared in each other's faces。
〃That's all nonsense！〃 Raskolnikov shouted with vexation。 〃What does
she say when she comes to you？〃
〃She！ Would you believe it； she talks of the silliest trifles and…
man is a strange creature… it makes me angry。 The first time she
came in （I was tired you know： the funeral service； the funeral
ceremony； the lunch afterwards。 At last I was left alone in my
study。 I lighted a cigar and began to think）； she came in at the door。
'You've been so busy to…day； Arkady Ivanovitch； you have forgotten
to wind the dining room clock；' she said。 All those seven years I've
wound that clock every week； and if I forgot it she would always
remind me。 The next day I set off on my way here。 I got out at the
station at daybreak； I'd been asleep； tired out； with my eyes half
open； I was drinking some coffee。 I looked up and there was suddenly
Marfa Petrovna sitting beside me with a pack of cards in her hands。
'Shall I tell your fortune for the journey； Arkady Ivanovitch？' She
was a great hand at telling fortunes。 I shall never forgive myself for
not asking her to。 I ran away in a fright； and； besides； the bell
rang。 I was sitting to…day； feeling very heavy after a miserable
dinner from a cookshop； I was sitting smoking； all of a sudden Marfa
Petrovna again。 She came in very smart in a new green silk dress
with a long train。 'Good day； Arkady Ivanovitch！ How do you like my
dress？ Aniska can't make like this。' （Aniska was a dressmaker in the
country； one of our former serf girls who had been trained in
Moscow； a pretty wench。） She stood turning round before me。 I looked
at the dress； and then I looked carefully； very carefully； at her
face。 'I wonder you trouble to come to me about such trifles； Marfa
Petrovna。' 'Good gracious； you won't let one disturb you about
anything！' To tease her I said； 'I want to get married； Marfa
Petrovna。' 'That's just like you； Arkady Ivanovitch； it does you
very little credit to come looking for a bride when you've hardly
buried your wife。 And if you could make a good choice； at least； but I
know it won't be for your happiness or hers； you will only be a
laughing…stock to all good people。' Then she went out and her train
seemed to rustle。 Isn't it nonsense； eh？〃
〃But perhaps you are telling lies？〃 Raskolnikov put in。
〃I rarely lie；〃 answered Svidrigailov thoughtfully； apparently not
noticing the rudeness of the question。
〃And in the past； have you ever seen ghosts before？〃
〃Y…yes； I have seen them； but only once in my life； six years ago。 I
had a serf； Filka； just after his burial I called out forgetting
'Filka； my pipe！' He came in and went to the cupboard where my pipes
were。 I sat still and thought 'he is doing it out of revenge；' because
we had a violent quarrel just before his death。 'How dare you come
in with a hole in your elbow；' I said。 'Go away； you scamp！' He turned
and went out； and never came again。 I didn't tell Marfa Petrovna at
the time。 I wanted to have a service sung for him； but I was ashamed。〃
〃You should go to a doctor。〃
〃I know I am not well； without your telling me； though I don't
know what's wrong； I believe I am five times as strong as you are。 I
didn't ask you whether you believe that ghosts are seen； but whether
you believe that they exist。〃
〃No； I won't believe it！〃 Raskolnikov cried； with positive anger。
〃What do people generally say？〃 muttered Svidrigailov； as though
speaking to himself； looking aside and bowing his head： 〃They say；
'You are ill； so what appears to you is only unreal fantasy。' But
that's not strictly logical。 I agree that ghosts only appear to the
sick； but that only proves that they are unable to appear except to
the sick； not that they don't exist。〃
〃Nothing of the sort；〃 Raskolnikov insisted irritably。
〃No？ You don't think so？〃 Svidrigailov went on； looking at him
deliberately。 〃But what do you say to this argument （help me with it）：
ghosts are as it were shreds and fragments of other worlds； the
beginning of them。 A man in health has； of course； no reason to see
them； because he is above all a man of this earth and is bound for the
sake of completeness and order to live only in this life。 But as
soon as one is ill； as soon as the normal earthly order of the
organism is broken； one begins to realise the possibility of another
world； and the more seriously ill one is； the closer becomes one's
contact with that other world； so that as soon as the man dies he
steps straight into that world。 I thought of that long ago。 If you
believe in a future life； you could believe in that； too。〃
〃I don't believe in a future life；〃 said Raskolnikov。
Svidrigailov sat lost in thought。
〃And what if there are only spiders there； or something of that
sort；〃 he said suddenly。
〃He is a madman；〃 thought Raskolnikov。
〃We always imagine eternity as something beyond our conception；
something vast； vast！ But why must it be vast？ Instead of all that；
what if it's one little room； like a bathhouse in the country； black
and grimy and spiders in every corner； and that's all eternity is？ I
sometimes fancy it like that。〃
〃Can it be you can imagine nothing juster and more comforting than
that？〃 Raskolnikov cried； with a feeling of anguish。
〃Juster？ And how can we tell； perhaps that is just； and do you
know it's what I would certainly have made it；〃 answered Svidrigailov；
with a vague smile。
This horrible answer sent a cold chill through Raskolnikov。
Svidrigailov raised his head； looked at him； and suddenly began
laughing。
〃Only think；〃 he cried； 〃half an hour ago we had never seen each
other； we regarded each other as enemies； there is a matter
unsettled between us； we've thrown it aside； and away we've gone
into the abstract！ Wasn't I right
