crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第124节
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But all this continual anxiety and agony of mind could not but
affect him。 And if he were not lying in high fever it was perhaps just
because this continual inner strain helped to keep him on his legs and
in possession of his faculties。 But this artificial excitement could
not last long。
He wandered aimlessly。 The sun was setting。 A special form of misery
had begun to oppress him of late。 There was nothing poignant；
nothing acute about it； but there was a feeling of permanence； of
eternity about it； it brought a foretaste of hopeless years of this
cold leaden misery； a foretaste of an eternity 〃on a square yard of
space。〃 Towards evening this sensation usually began to weigh on him
more heavily。
〃With this idiotic； purely physical weakness； depending on the
sunset or something； one can't help doing something stupid！ You'll
go to Dounia； as well as to Sonia；〃 he muttered bitterly。
He heard his name called。 He looked round。 Lebeziatnikov rushed up
to him。
〃Only fancy； I've been to your room looking for you。 Only fancy；
she's carried out her plan； and taken away the children。 Sofya
Semyonovna and I have had a job to find them。 She is rapping on a
frying…pan and making the children dance。 The children are crying。
They keep stopping at the cross roads and in front of shops； there's a
crowd of fools running after them。 Come along！〃
〃And Sonia？〃 Raskolnikov asked anxiously； hurrying after
Lebeziatnikov。
〃Simply frantic。 That is； it's not Sofya Semyonovna's frantic； but
Katerina Ivanovna； though Sofya Semyonova's frantic too。 But
Katerina Ivanovna is absolutely frantic。 I tell you she is quite
mad。 They'll be taken to the police。 You can fancy what an effect that
will have。。。。 They are on the canal bank； near the bridge now； not far
from Sofya Semyonovna's； quite close。〃
On the canal bank near the bridge and not two houses away from the
one where Sonia lodged； there was a crowd of people； consisting
principally of gutter children。 The hoarse broken voice of Katerina
Ivanovna could be heard from the bridge； and it certainly was a
strange spectacle likely to attract a street crowd。 Katerina
Ivanovna in her old dress with the green shawl； wearing a torn straw
hat； crushed in a hideous way on one side； was really frantic。 She was
exhausted and breathless。 Her wasted consumptive face looked more
suffering than ever； and indeed out of doors in the sunshine a
consumptive always looks worse than at home。 But her excitement did
not flag； and every moment her irritation grew more intense。 She
rushed at the children； shouted at them； coaxed them； told them before
the crowd how to dance and what to sing； began explaining to them
why it was necessary； and driven to desperation by their not
understanding； beat them。。。。 Then she would make a rush at the
crowd； if she noticed any decently dressed person stopping to look；
she immediately appealed to him to see what these children 〃from a
genteel； one may say aristocratic； house〃 had been brought to。 If
she heard laughter or jeering in the crowd； she would rush at once
at the scoffers and begin squabbling with them。 Some people laughed；
others shook their heads； but every one felt curious at the sight of
the madwoman with the frightened children。 The frying…pan of which
Lebeziatnikov had spoken was not there； at least Raskolnikov did not
see it。 But instead of rapping on the pan； Katerina Ivanovna began
clapping her wasted hands； when she made Lida and Kolya dance and
Polenka sing。 She too joined in the singing； but broke down at the
second note with a fearful cough； which made her curse in despair
and even shed tears。 What made her most furious was the weeping and
terror of Kolya and Lida。 Some effort had been made to dress the
children up as street singers are dressed。 The boy had on a turban
made of something red and white to look like a Turk。 There had been no
costume for Lida； she simply had a red knitted cap； or rather a
night cap that had belonged to Marmeladov； decorated with a broken
piece of white ostrich feather； which had been Katerina Ivanovna's
grandmother's and had been preserved as a family possession。 Polenka
was in her everyday dress； she looked in timid perplexity at her
mother； and kept at her side； hiding her tears。 She dimly realised her
mother's condition； and looked uneasily about her。 She was terribly
frightened of the street and the crowd。 Sonia followed Katerina
Ivanovna； weeping and beseeching her to return home； but Katerina
Ivanovna was not to be persuaded。
〃Leave off； Sonia； leave off；〃 she shouted； speaking fast； panting
and coughing。 〃You don't know what you ask； you are like a child！ I've
told you before that I am not coming back to that drunken German。
Let every one； let all Petersburg see the children begging in the
streets； though their father was an honourable man who served all
his life in truth and fidelity； and one may say died in the
service。〃 （Katerina Ivanovna had by now invented this fantastic
story and thoroughly believed it。） 〃Let that wretch of a general see
it！ And you are silly； Sonia： what have we to eat？ Tell me that。 We
have worried you enough； I won't go on so！ Ah； Rodion Romanovitch；
is that you？〃 she cried； seeing Raskolnikov and rushing up to him。
〃Explain to this silly girl； please； that nothing better could be
done！ Even organ…grinders earn their living； and every one will see at
once that we are different； that we are an honourable and bereaved
family reduced to beggary。 And that general will lose his post； you'll
see！ We shall perform under his windows every day； and if the Tsar
drives by； I'll fall on my knees； put the children before me； show
them to him； and say 'Defend us； father。' He is the father of the
fatherless； he is merciful； he'll protect us； you'll see； and that
wretch of a general。。。。 Lida； tenez vous droite！ Kolya； you'll dance
again。 Why are you whimpering？ Whimpering again！ What are you afraid
of； stupid？ Goodness； what am I to do with them； Rodion Romanovitch？
If you only knew how stupid they are！ What's one to do with such
children？〃
And she； almost crying herself… which did not stop her
uninterrupted； rapid flow of talk… pointed to the crying children。
Raskolnikov tried to persuade her to go home； and even said； hoping to
work on her vanity； that it was unseemly for her to be wandering about
the streets like an organ…grinder； as she was intending to become
the principal of a boarding…school。
〃A boarding…school； ha…ha…ha！ A castle in the air；〃 cried Katerina
Ivanovna； her laugh ending in a cough。 〃No； Rodion Romanovitch； that
dream is over！ All have forsaken us！。。。 And that general。。。。 You know；
Rodion Romanovitch； I threw an inkspot at him… it happened to be
standing in the waiting…room by the paper where you sign your name。
I wrote my name； threw it at him and ran away。 Oh the scoundrels；
the scoundrels！ But enough of them； now I'll provide for the
children myself； I won't bow down to anybody！ She has had to bear
enough for us！〃 she pointed to Sonia。 〃Polenka； how much have you got？
Show me！ What； only two farthings！ Oh； the mean wretches！ They give us
nothing； only run after us； putting their tongues out。 There； what
is that blockhead laughing at？〃 （She pointed to a man in the crowd。）
〃It's all because Kolya here is so stupid； I have such a bother with
him。 What do you want； Polenka？ Tell me in French； parlez moi
francais。 Why； I've taught you； you know some phrases。 Else how are
you to show that you are of good family； well brought…up children； and
not at all like other organ…grinders？ We aren't going to have a
Punch and Judy show in the street；
