crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第123节
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according to her own story； she abused him and threw something at him。
One may well believe it。。。。 How it is she wasn't taken up； I can't
understand！ Now she is telling every one； including Amalia Ivanovna；
but it's difficult to understand her； she is screaming and flinging
herself about。。。。 Oh yes； she shouts that since every one has
abandoned her； she will take the children and go into the street
with a barrel…organ； and the children will sing and dance； and she
too； and collect money； and will go every day under the general's
window。。。 'to let every one see well…born children； whose father was
an official； begging in the street。' She keeps beating the children
and they are all crying。 She is teaching Lida to sing 'My Village；'
the boy to dance； Polenka the same。 She is tearing up all the clothes；
and making them little caps like actors； she means to carry a tin
basin and make it tinkle； instead of music。。。。 She won't listen to
anything。。。。 Imagine the state of things！ It's beyond anything！〃
Lebeziatnikov would have gone on； but Sonia； who had heard him
almost breathless； snatched up her cloak and hat； and ran out of the
room； putting on her things as she went。 Raskolnikov followed her
and Lebeziatnikov came after him。
〃She has certainly gone mad！〃 he said to Raskolnikov； as they went
out into the street。 〃I didn't want to frighten Sofya Semyonovna； so I
said 'it seemed like it；' but there isn't a doubt of it。 They say that
in consumption； the tubercles sometimes occur in the brain； it's a
pity I know nothing of medicine。 I did try to persuade her； but she
wouldn't listen。〃
〃Did you talk to her about the tubercles？〃
〃Not precisely of the tubercles。 Besides； she wouldn't have
understood！ But what I say is； that if you convince a person logically
that he has nothing to cry about； he'll stop crying。 That's clear。
Is it your conviction that he won't？〃
〃Life would be too easy if it were so；〃 answered Raskolnikov。
〃Excuse me； excuse me； of course it would be rather difficult for
Katerina Ivanovna to understand； but do you know that in Paris they
have been conducting serious experiments as to the possibility of
curing the insane； simply by logical argument？ One professor there；
a scientific man of standing； lately dead； believed in the possibility
of such treatment。 His idea was that there's nothing really wrong with
the physical organism of the insane； and that insanity is； so to
say； a logical mistake； an error of judgment； an incorrect view of
things。 He gradually showed the madman his error and； would you
believe it； they say he was successful？ But as he made use of
douches too； how far success was due to that treatment remains
uncertain。。。。 So it seems at least。〃
Raskolnikov had long ceased to listen。 Reaching the house where he
lived； he nodded to Lebeziatnikov and went in at the gate。
Lebeziatnikov woke up with a start； looked about him and hurried on。
Raskolnikov went into his little room and stood still in the
middle of it。 Why had he come back here？ He looked at the yellow and
tattered paper； at the dust； at his sofa。。。。 From the yard came a loud
continuous knocking； some one seemed to be hammering。。。 He went to the
window； rose on tiptoe and looked out into the yard for a long time
with an air of absorbed attention。 But the yard was empty and he could
not see who was hammering。 In the house on the left he saw some open
windows； on the window…sills were pots of sickly…looking geraniums。
Linen was hung out of the windows。。。 He knew it all by heart。 He
turned away and sat down on the sofa。
Never； never had he felt himself so fearfully alone！
Yes； he felt once more that he would perhaps come to hate Sonia； now
that he had made her more miserable。
〃Why had he gone to her to beg for her tears？ What need had he to
poison her life？ Oh； the meanness of it！〃
〃I will remain alone；〃 he said resolutely； 〃and she shall not come
to the prison！〃
Five minutes later he raised his head with a strange smile。 That was
a strange thought。
〃Perhaps it really would be better in Siberia；〃 he thought suddenly。
He could not have said how long he sat there with vague thoughts
surging through his mind。 All at once the door opened and Dounia
came in。 At first she stood still and looked at him from the
doorway； just as he had done at Sonia； then she came in and sat down
in the same place as yesterday； on the chair facing him。 He looked
silently and almost vacantly at her。
〃Don't be angry； brother； I've only come for one minute；〃 said
Dounia。
Her face looked thoughtful but not stern。 Her eyes were bright and
soft。 He saw that she too had come to him with love。
〃Brother； now I know all； all。 Dmitri Prokofitch has explained and
told me everything。 They are worrying and persecuting you through a
stupid and contemptible suspicion。。。。 Dmitri Prokofitch told me that
there is no danger； and that you are wrong in looking upon it with
such horror。 I don't think so； and I fully understand how indignant
you must be； and that that indignation may have a permanent effect
on you。 That's what I am afraid of。 As for your cutting yourself off
from us； I don't judge you； I don't venture to judge you； and
forgive me for having blamed you for it。 I feel that I too； if I had
so great a trouble； should keep away from every one。 I shall tell
mother nothing of this； but I shall talk about you continually and
shall tell her from you that you will come very soon。 Don't worry
about her； I will set her mind at rest； but don't you try her too
much… come once at least； remember that she is your mother。 And now
I have come simply to say〃 （Dounia began to get up） 〃that if you
should need me or should need。。。 all my life or anything。。。 call me；
and I'll come。 Good…bye！〃
She turned abruptly and went towards the door。
〃Dounia！〃 Raskolnikov stopped her and went towards her。 〃That
Razumihin； Dmitri Prokofitch； is a very good fellow。〃
Dounia flushed slightly。
〃Well？〃 she asked； waiting a moment。
〃He is competent； hardworking； honest and capable of real love。。。。
Good…bye； Dounia。〃
Dounia flushed crimson； then suddenly she took alarm。
〃But what does it mean； brother？ Are we really parting for ever that
you。。。 give me such a parting message？〃
〃Never mind。。。。 Good…bye。〃
He turned away； and walked to the window。 She stood a moment； looked
at him uneasily； and went out troubled。
No； he was not cold to her。 There was an instant （the very last one）
when he had longed to take her in his arms and say good…bye to her；
and even to tell her； but he had not dared even to touch her hand。
〃Afterwards she may shudder when she remembers that I embraced
her； and will feel that I stole her kiss。〃
〃And would she stand that test？〃 he went on a few minutes later to
himself。 〃No； she wouldn't； girls like that can't stand things！ They
never do。〃
And he thought of Sonia。
There was a breath of fresh air from the window。 The daylight was
fading。 He took up his cap and went out。
He could not； of course； and would not consider how ill he was。
But all this continual anxiety and agony of mind could not but
affect him。 And if he were not lyi
