agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第13节
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taking up his weapon and proceeding towards the house。 'Damme； but
the lad has some spunk in him； too。 Curse me； if ever I saw a nobler little
scoundrel than that。 He's beyond petticoat government already： by God！
he defies mother； granny； governess； and all！ Ha； ha； ha！ Never mind；
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Tom； I'll get you another brood to…morrow。'
'If you do； Mr。 Robson； I shall kill them too；' said I。
'Humph！' replied he； and having honoured me with a broad stare …
which； contrary to his expectations； I sustained without flinching … he
turned away with an air of supreme contempt； and stalked into the house。
Tom next went to tell his mamma。 It was not her way to say much on
any subject； but； when she next saw me； her aspect and demeanour were
doubly dark and chilled。 After some casual remark about the weather；
she observed … 'I am sorry； Miss Grey； you should think it necessary to
interfere with Master Bloomfield's amusements； he was very much
distressed about your destroying the birds。'
'When Master Bloomfield's amusements consist in injuring sentient
creatures；' I answered； 'I think it my duty to interfere。'
'You seemed to have forgotten；' said she； calmly； 'that the creatures
were all created for our convenience。'
I thought that doctrine admitted some doubt； but merely replied … 'If
they were； we have no right to torment them for our amusement。'
'I think；' said she； 'a child's amusement is scarcely to be weighed
against the welfare of a soulless brute。'
'But； for the child's own sake； it ought not to be encouraged to have
such amusements；' answered I； as meekly as I could； to make up for such
unusual pertinacity。 '〃Blessed are the merciful； for they shall obtain
mercy。〃'
'Oh！ of course； but that refers to our conduct towards each other。'
'〃The merciful man shows mercy to his beast；〃' I ventured to add。
'I think YOU have not shown much mercy；' replied she； with a short；
bitter laugh； 'killing the poor birds by wholesale in that shocking manner；
and putting the dear boy to such misery for a mere whim。'
I judged it prudent to say no more。 This was the nearest approach to
a quarrel I ever had with Mrs。 Bloomfield； as well as the greatest number
of words I ever exchanged with her at one time； since the day of my first
arrival。
But Mr。 Robson and old Mrs。 Bloomfield were not the only guests
whose coming to Wellwood House annoyed me； every visitor disturbed
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me more or less； not so much because they neglected me （though I did feel
their conduct strange and disagreeable in that respect）； as because I found
it impossible to keep my pupils away from them； as I was repeatedly
desired to do： Tom must talk to them； and Mary Ann must be noticed by
them。 Neither the one nor the other knew what it was to feel any degree
of shamefacedness； or even common modesty。 They would indecently
and clamorously interrupt the conversation of their elders； tease them with
the most impertinent questions； roughly collar the gentlemen； climb their
knees uninvited； hang about their shoulders or rifle their pockets； pull the
ladies' gowns； disorder their hair； tumble their collars； and importunately
beg for their trinkets。
Mrs。 Bloomfield had the sense to be shocked and annoyed at all this；
but she had not sense to prevent it： she expected me to prevent it。 But
how could I … when the guests； with their fine clothes and new faces；
continually flattered and indulged them； out of complaisance to their
parents … how could I； with my homely garments； every…day face； and
honest words； draw them away？ I strained every nerve to do so： by
striving to amuse them； I endeavoured to attract them to my side； by the
exertion of such authority as I possessed； and by such severity as I dared
to use； I tried to deter them from tormenting the guests； and by
reproaching their unmannerly conduct； to make them ashamed to repeat it。
But they knew no shame； they scorned authority which had no terrors to
back it； and as for kindness and affection； either they had no hearts； or
such as they had were so strongly guarded； and so well concealed； that I；
with all my efforts； had not yet discovered how to reach them。
But soon my trials in this quarter came to a close … sooner than I either
expected or desired； for one sweet evening towards the close of May； as I
was rejoicing in the near approach of the holidays； and congratulating
myself upon having made some progress with my pupils （as far as their
learning went； at least； for I HAD instilled SOMETHING into their heads；
and I had； at length； brought them to be a little … a very little … more
rational about getting their lessons done in time to leave some space for
recreation； instead of tormenting themselves and me all day long to no
purpose）； Mrs。 Bloomfield sent for me； and calmly told me that after
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Midsummer my services would be no longer required。 She assured me
that my character and general conduct were unexceptionable； but the
children had made so little improvement since my arrival that Mr。
Bloomfield and she felt it their duty to seek some other mode of
instruction。 Though superior to most children of their years in abilities；
they were decidedly behind them in attainments； their manners were
uncultivated； and their tempers unruly。 And this she attributed to a want
of sufficient firmness； and diligent； persevering care on my part。
Unshaken firmness； devoted diligence； unwearied perseverance；
unceasing care； were the very qualifications on which I had secretly prided
myself； and by which I had hoped in time to overcome all difficulties； and
obtain success at last。 I wished to say something in my own justification；
but in attempting to speak； I felt my voice falter； and rather than testify
any emotion； or suffer the tears to overflow that were already gathering in
my eyes； I chose to keep silence； and bear all like a self…convicted culprit。
Thus was I dismissed； and thus I sought my home。 Alas！ what would
they think of me？ unable； after all my boasting； to keep my place； even for
a single year； as governess to three small children； whose mother was
asserted by my own aunt to be a 'very nice woman。' Having been thus
weighed in the balance and found wanting； I need not hope they would be
willing to try me again。 And this was an unwelcome thought； for vexed；
harassed； disappointed as I had been； and greatly as I had learned to love
and value my home； I was not yet weary of adventure； nor willing to relax
my efforts。 I knew that all parents were not like Mr。 and Mrs。
Bloomfield； and I was certain all children were not like theirs。 The next
family must be different； and any change must be for the better。 I had
been seasoned by adversity； and tutored by experience； and I longed to
redeem my lost honour in the eyes of those whose opinion was more than
that of all the world to me。
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CHAPTER VI … THE
PARSONAGE AGAIN
FOR a few months I remained peaceably at home； in the quiet
enjoyment of liberty and rest； and genuine friendship； from all of which I
had fasted so long； and in the earnest prosecution of my studies； to recover
what I had lost during my stay at Wellwood House； and to lay in new
stores for future use。 My father's health
