cpatricia.blacknotice-第20节

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　　Sinclair　Wagner　was　the　Secretary　of　Health　and　Human　Services；　and　only　he　or　the　governor　could　appoint　or　fire　the　chief　medical　examiner。
　　〃When　did　you　start　hearing　these　rumors？〃　I　asked。
　　〃Recently。　Weeks　ago。〃
　　〃Fired　for　what　reason？〃　I　quizzed　him。
　　〃Supposedly；　you　two　aren't　getting　along。〃
　　〃That's　ridiculous！〃
　　〃Or　he's　not　happy　with　you　or　something；　and　consequently；　the　governor　isn't；　either。〃
　　〃Jack；　please　be　more　specific。〃
　　He　hesitated　and　shifted　unfortably　in　his　chair。　He　looked　guilty；　as　if　my　problems　were　somehow　his　fault。
　　〃Okay；　to　lay　it　all　out；　Dr。　Scarpetta；〃　he　said；　〃the　word　is　that　you've　embarrassed　Wagner　with　this　chat　stuff　you're　doing　on　the　Internet：'
　　I　leaned　closer　to　him　and　put　my　hand　on　his　arm。
　　〃It's　not　me　doing　it；〃　I　promised　him。　〃It's　someone　impersonating　me。〃
　　He　gave　me　a　puzzled　look。
　　〃You're　kidding；'　he　said。
　　〃Oh；　no。　There's　nothing　funny　about　any　of　this：'
　　〃Jesus　Christ；〃　he　said　with　disgust。　〃Sometimes　I　think　the　Internet's　the　worst　thing　that's　ever　happened　to　us。〃
　　〃Jack；　why　didn't　you　just　ask　me　about　it？　If　you　thought　I　was　doing　something　as　inappropriate　。　。　。　well；　have　I　somehow　managed　to　estrange　everybody　in　this　office　so　nobody　feels　he　can　tell　me　anything　anymore？〃
　　〃It's　not　that；〃　he　said。　〃It's　not　a　reflection　of　people　not　caring　or　feeling　estranged。　If　anything；　we　care　so　much　I　guess　we　got　overprotective。〃
　　〃Protecting　me　from　what？〃　I　wanted　to　know。
　　〃Everyone　should　be　allowed　to　grieve　and　even　sit　it　out　on　the　bench　for　a　while；〃　he　quietly　replied。　〃No　one's　expected　you　to　function　on　all　cylinders。　I　sure　as　hell　wouldn't　be。　Christ；　I　barely　made　it　through　my　divorce。〃
　　〃I'm　not　sitting　it　out　on　the　bench；　Jack。　And　I'm　functioning　on　all　cylinders。　My　private；　personal　grief　is　just　that。〃
　　He　looked　at　me　for　a　long　moment；　holding　my　gaze　and　not　buying　what　I'd　just　said。
　　〃I　wish　it　were　that　easy；〃　he　said。
　　〃I　never　said　it　was　easy。　Getting　up　some　mornings　is　the　hardest　thing　I've　ever　done。　But　I　can't　let　my　own　problems　interfere　with　what　I'm　doing　here；　and　I　don't。〃
　　〃Frankly；　I　haven't　known　what　to　do；　and　I　feel　really　bad　about　it；〃　he　confessed。　〃I　haven't　known　how　to　handle　his　death；　either。　I　know　how　much　you　loved　him。　Over　and　over　it's　gone　through　my　mind　to　take　you　out　to　dinner　or　ask　if　there's　anything　I　can　fix　or　do　around　your　house。　But　I've　had　my　own　problems；　too；　as　you　know。　And　I　guess　I　didn't　feel　there　was　anything　I　could　offer　you　except　carrying　as　much　of　the　load　here　as　I　can。〃
　　〃Have　you　been　covering　calls　for　me？　When　families　have　needed　to　get　me　on　the　phone？〃　I　was　out　with　it。
　　〃It's　not　been　a　problem；〃　he　said。　〃It's　the　least　I　can　do。〃
　　〃Good　God；〃　I　said；　bending　my　head　and　running　my　fingers　through　my　hair。　〃I　don't　believe　this。〃
　　〃I　was　just　doing　。　。　。〃
　　〃Jack；〃　I　interrupted　him；　〃I've　been　here　every　day　except　when　I'm　in　court。　Why　would　any　of　my　calls　be　defiected　to　you？　This　is　something　I　know　nothing　about。〃
　　Now　it　was　Fielding's　turn　to　look　confused。
　　〃Don't　you　realize　how　despicable　it　would　be　for　me　to　refuse　to　talk　to　bewildered；　grieving　people？〃　I　went　on。　〃For　me　not　to　answer　their　questions　or　even　seem　to　care？〃
　　〃I　just　thought　。　。　。〃
　　〃This　is　crazy！〃　I　exclaimed；　and　my　stomach　was　a　tight　fist。　〃If　I　were　like　that；　I　wouldn't　deserve　to　do　this　work。　If　I　ever　bee　like　that；　I　should　quit！　Of　all　people；　how　could　I　not　care　about　another　person's　loss？　How　could　I　not　feel　and　understand　and　do　everything　I　could　to　answer　the　questions；　lessen　the　pain　and　fight　to　send　the　bastard　who　did　it　to　the　fucking　electric　chair。〃
　　I　was　near　tears。　My　voice　shook。〃Or　lethal　injection。　Shit；　I　think　we　should　go　back　to　hanging　assholes　in　the　public　square；〃　I　declared。
　　Fielding　glanced　toward　the　shut　door　as　if　he　were　afraid　someone　might　hear　me。　I　took　a　deep　breath　and　steadied　myself。
　　〃How　many　times　has　this　happened？〃　I　asked　him。　〃How　many　times　have　you　taken　my　calls？〃
　　〃A　lot　lately；〃　he　reluctantly　told　me。
　　〃How　many　is　a　lot？〃
　　〃Probably　almost　every　other　case　you've　done　in　the　last　couple　months：'
　　〃That　can't　be　right；〃　I　retorted。
　　He　was　silent；　and　as　I　thought　about　it；　doubts　crowded　my　mind　again。　Families　hadn't　seemed　to　be　calling　me　as　much　as　they　used　to；　but　I　hadn't　paid　much　attention　because　there　was　never　a　pattern；　never　a　way　to　predict。　Some　relatives　wanted　every　detail。　Others　called　to　vent　their　rage。　Some　people　went　into　denial　and　wanted　to　know　nothing。
　　〃Then　I　can　assume　there　have　been　plaints　about　me；〃　I　said。　〃Grieving；　upset　people　thinking　I'm　arrogant　and　cold…blooded。　And　I　don't　blame　them。〃
　　〃Some　have　plained。〃
　　I　could　tell　by　his　face　that　there　had　been　more　than　just　a　few　plaints。　I　had　no　doubt　that　letters　had　been　written　to　the　governor；　too。
　　〃Who's　been　rolling　these　calls　over　to　you？〃　I　asked　matter…of…factly　and　quietly　because　I　was　afraid　I　might　roar　like　a　tornado　down　the　hall　and　swear　at　everyone　once　I　left　this　room。
　　〃Dr。　Scarpetta；　it　didn't　seem　unusual　that　you　wouldn't　want　to　talk　about　some　things　to　traumatized　people　right　now；〃　he　tried　to　make　me　understand。　〃Some　painful　things　that　might　remind　you　。　。　。　it　made　sense　to　me。　Most　of　these　people　just　want　a　voice；　a　doctor；　and　if　I've　not　been　around；　either　Jill　or　Bennett　has；〃　he　said；　referring　to　two　of　my　resident　doctors。　〃I　guess　the　only　big　problem　is　when　none　of　us　has　been　available　and　somehow　Dan　or　Amy　have　ended　up　with　the　calls。〃
　　Dan　Chong　and　Amy　Forbes　were　rotating　medical　students　here　to　learn　and　observe。　Never　in　a　million　years　should　they　have　been　put　in　a　position　to　talk　to　families。
　　〃Oh；　no；〃　I　said；　closing　my　eyes　at　the　nightmarish　thought。
　　〃Mainly　after　hours。　That　damn　answering　service；〃　he　said。
　　〃Who's　been　rolling　the　telephone　calls　over　to　you？〃　I　asked　him　again；　this　time　more　firmly。
　　He　sighed。　Fielding　looked　as　grim　and　as　worried　as　he'd　ever　been。
　　〃Tell　me；'　I　insisted。
　　〃Rose；〃　he　said。
　　　
　　　15
　　Rose　was　buttoning　her　coat　and　wrapping　a　long　silk　scarf　around　her　neck　when　I　walked　into　her　office　a　few　minutes　before　six　o'clock。　She　had　been　working　late　as　usual。　Sometimes　I　had　to　make　her　go　home　at　the　end　of　the　day；　and　although　that　had　impressed　and　touched　me　in　the　past；　now　it　made　me　uneasy。
　　〃I'll　walk　you　to　your　car；〃　I　offered。
　　〃Oh；〃　she　said。　〃Well；　you　certainly　don't　have　to　do　that。〃
　　Her　face　got　tight；　her　fingers　suddenly　fumbling　with　kid　leather　gloves。　She　knew　I　had　something　on　my　mind　she　didn't　want　to　hear；　and　I　suspected　she　knew　exactly　what　it　was。　We　said　little　to　each　other　as　we　followed　the　hallway　to　the　front　office；　our　feet　quiet　on　the　carpet；　the　awkwardness　between　us　palpable。
　　My　heart　was　heavy。　I　wasn't　sure　if　I　was　angry　or　crushed；　and　I　began　to　wonder　all　sorts　of　things。　What　else　had　Rose　kept　from　me　and　how　long　had　it　been　going　on？　Was　her　fierce　loyalty　a　possessiveness　I　hadn't　recognized？　Did　she　feel　I　belonged　to　her？
　　〃I　don't　guess　Lucy　ever　called；〃　I　said　as　we　emerged　into　the　empty　marble　lobby。
　　〃No；〃　Rose　replied。　〃I　tried　her　office　several　times；　too。
　　〃She　got　the　flowers？〃
　　〃Oh；　yes。〃
　　The　night　guard　waved　at　us。
　　〃It's　cold　out　there！　Where's　your　coat？〃　he　said　to　me。
　　〃I'll　be　all　right；〃　I　answered　him　with　a　smile；　and　then　to　Rose　I　said；　〃We　know　that　Lucy　actually　saw　them？〃
　　She　looked　confused。
　　〃The　flowers；〃　I　said。　〃Do　we　know　if　Lucy　saw　them？〃
　　〃Oh；　yes；〃　my　secretary　said　again。　〃Her　supervisor　said　she　came　in　and　saw　them；　read　the　card　and　everybody　was　teasing　her；　asking　who'd　sent　them。〃
　　〃I　don't　guess　you　know　if　she　took　them　home　with　her。〃
　　Rose　glanced　over　at　me　as　we　went　out　of　the　building　into　the　dark；　empty　parking　lot。　She　looked　old　and　sad；　and　I　didn't　know　if　her　eyes　were　tearing　up　because　of　me　or　the　cold；　sharp　air。
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　she　answered　me。
　　〃My　scattered　troops；〃　I　muttered。
　　She　turned　her　collar　up　to　her　ears　and　tucked　in　her　chin。
　　〃It　has　e　to　this；〃　I　said。　〃When　Carrie　Gretten　murdered　Benton；　she　took　out　all　the　rest　of　us；　too。　Didn't　she；　Rose？〃
　　〃Of　course　it's　had　its　horrendous　effect。　I've　not　known　what　I　can　do　for　you；　but　I've　tried。〃
　　She　glanced　over　at　me　as　we　walked；　hunched　against　the　cold。
　　〃I've　tried　as　hard　as　I　can　and　still　do；〃　she　went　on。
　　〃Everybody　scattered；〃　I　muttered。　〃Lucy's　angry　with　me；　and　when　she　gets　that　way；　she　always　does　the　same　thing。　She　shuts　me　out。　Marino's　not　a　detective　anymore。　And　now　I　find　out　that　you've　been　rolling　my　telephone　calls　over　to　Jack　without　asking　me；　Rose。　Distraught　families　haven't　been　allowed　to　get　through　to　me。　Why　would　you　do　such　a　thing？〃
　　We　had　reached　her　blue　Honda　Accord。　Keys　jingled　as　she　dug　for　them　in　her　big　pocketbook。
　　〃Isn't　that　funny；〃　she　said。　〃I