cpatricia.blacknotice-第19节

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had　been　raised　by　his　mother；　a　formidable；　intelligent　woman　who　taught　school。　His　wife　was　very　strong；　too；　and　now　he　worked　for　me。　I　always　found　it　fascinating　that　so　many　people　returned　to　the　scenes　of　their　childhood　crimes；　repeatedly　seeking　out　the　same　villain；　which　in　this　case　was　a　female　authority　figure　like　me。
　　〃Everybody's　been　treating　you　like　we're　walking　on　eggshells；〃　Ruffin　kept　on　making　his　case。　〃So　no　one's　said　anything　when　you　don't　pay　attention；　and　all　kinds　of　things　are　going　on　that　you　don't　have　a　clue　about。〃
　　〃Like　what？〃　I　asked　as　I　carefully　turned　a　corner　with　the　scalpel。
　　〃Well；　for　one　thing；　we　got　a　damn　thief　in　the　building；〃　he　retorted。　〃And　I'm　betting　it's　someone　on　our　staff。　It's　been　going　on　for　weeks　and　you　haven't　done　a　thing　about　it。〃
　　〃I　didn't　know　about　it　until　recently。〃
　　〃Proving　my　point。〃
　　〃That's　ridiculous。　Rose　doesn't　withhold　information　from　me；　〃　I　said。
　　〃People　treat　her　with　kid　gloves；　too。　Face　it；　Dr。　Scarpetta。　To　the　office；　she's　your　snitch。　People　don't　confide　in　her。〃
　　I　willed　myself　to　concentrate　as　his　words　stung　my　feelings　and　my　pride。　I　continued　reflecting　back　tissue；　careful　not　to　buttonhole　it　or　cut　through　it。　Ruffin　waited　for　my　reaction。　I　met　his　eyes。
　　〃I　don't　have　a　snitch；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　need　one。　Every　member　of　my　staff　has　always　known　he　can　e　into　my　office　and　discuss　anything　with　me。〃
　　His　silence　seemed　a　gloating　indictment。　He　continued　his　defiant；　smug　pose；　enjoying　this　immensely。　I　rested　my　wrists　on　the　steel　table。
　　〃I　don't　think　it's　going　to　be　necessary　to　plead　my　case　to　anyone；　Chuck；〃　I　said。　〃I　think　you're　the　only　one　on　my　staff　who　has　a　problem　with　me。　Of　course；　I　can　understand　why　you　might　feel　at　odds　with　a　woman　boss　when　it　appears　that　all　of　the　power　figures　in　your　life　have　been　women。〃
　　The　gleam　in　his　eyes　blinked　out　at　the　touch　of　his　switch。　Then　anger　hardened　his　face。　I　resumed　reflecting　back　slippery；　fragile　tissue。
　　〃But　I　appreciate　your　expressing　your　thoughts；〃　I　said　in　a　cool；　calm　way。
　　〃It's　not　just　my　thoughts；〃　he　replied；　rudely。　〃Fact　is；　everyone　thinks　you're　on　your　way　out。〃
　　〃I'm　glad　you　seem　to　know　what　everybody　thinks；〃　I　replied　without　showing　the　fury　I　felt。
　　〃It's　not　hard。　I'm　not　the　only　one　who's　noticed　how　you　don't　do　things　the　way　you　used　to。　And　you　know　you　don't。　You've　got　to　admit　that。〃
　　〃Tell　me　what　I　should　admit。〃
　　He　seemed　to　have　a　list　all　ready。
　　〃Out…of…character　things。　Like　working　yourself　into　the　ground　and　going　to　scenes　you　don't　need　to；　so　you're　tired　all　the　time　and　don't　notice　what's　going　on　in　the　office。　And　then　upset　people　call　and　you　don't　take　time　to　talk　to　them　like　you　used　to。〃
　　〃What　upset　people？〃　My　self…control　was　about　to　snap。　〃I　always　talk　to　families；　to　anyone　who　asks；　as　long　as　the　individual　has　a　right　to　the　information。〃
　　〃Maybe　you　should　check　with　Dr。　Fielding　and　ask　him　how　many　of　your　calls　he's　taken；　how　many　families　of　your　cases　he's　dealt　with；　how　much　he's　covered　up　for　you。　And　then　your　thing　on　the　Internet。　That's　what's　really　gone　too　far。　It's　sort　of　the　last　straw。〃
　　I…was　baffled。
　　〃What　thing　on　the　Internet？〃　I　demanded。
　　〃Your　chats　or　whatever　it　is　you　do。　To　be　honest；　since　I　don't　have　a　home　puter　and　don't　use　AOL　or　anything；　I　haven't　seen　it　for　myself。〃
　　Bizarre；　angry　thoughts　flew　through　my　mind　like　a　thousand　starlings　and　overshadowed　every　perception　I'd
　　ever　had　about　my　life。　A　myriad　of　ugly；　dark　thoughts　clung　to　my　reason　and　dug　in　with　their　claws。
　　〃I　didn't　mean　to　make　you　feel　bad；〃　Chuck　said。　〃And　I　hope　you　know　I　understand　how　everything　could　get　like　this。　After　what　you've　been　through。〃
　　I　didn't　want　to　hear　another　goddamn　word　about　what　I'd　been　through。
　　〃Thank　you　for　your　understanding；　Chuck；〃　I　said；　my　eyes　piercing　his　until　he　looked　away。
　　〃We've　got　that　case　ing　in　from　Powhatán；　and　it　should　have　been　here　by　now；　if　you　want　me　to　check　on　it；〃　he　said；　anxious　to　leave　the　room。
　　〃Do　that；　and　then　get　this　body　back　in　the　fridge。〃
　　〃Sure　thing；〃　he　said。
　　The　doors　shut　behind　him；　returning　silence　to　the　room。　I　reflected　back　the　last　of　the　tissue　and　placed　it　on　the　cutting　board　as　frigid　paranoia　and　self…doubt　seeped　under　the　heavy　door　of　my　self…confidence。　I　began　anchoring　the　tissue　with　hatpins；　stretching　it　and　measuring　and　stretching。　I　set　the　corkboard　inside　the　surgical　pan　and　covered　it　with　a　green　cloth　and　placed　it　inside　the　refrigerator。
　　I　showered　and　changed　in　the　locker　room；　and　cleared　my　thoughts　of　phobias　and　indignation。　I　took　a　long　enough　break　to　drink　a　cup　of　coffee；　it　was　so　old；　the　bottom　of　the　pot　was　black。　I　started　a　new　coffee　fund　by　giving　my　office　administrator　twenty　dollars。
　　〃Jean；　have　you　been　reading　these　chat　sessions　that　I'm　supposedly　having　on　the　Internet？〃　I　asked　her。
　　She　shook　her　head　but　looked　unfortable。　I　tried　Cleta　and　Polly　next　and　asked　the　same　question。
　　Blood　rose　to　Cleta's　cheeks；　and　with　eyes　cast　down　she　said；　〃Sometimes。〃
　　〃Pony？〃　I　asked。
　　She　stopped　typing　and　also　blushed。
　　〃Not　all　the　time；〃　she　replied。
　　I　nodded。
　　〃It's　not　me；〃　I　told　them。　〃Someone　is　impersonating　me。　I　wish　I'd　known　about　it　before　now。〃
　　Both　of　my　clerks　looked　confused。　I　wasn't　sure　they　believed　me。
　　〃I　can　certainly　understand　why　you　didn't　want　to　say　anything　to　me　when　you　became　aware　of　these　so…called　chat　sessions；〃　i　went　on。　〃I　probably　wouldn't　have　either　if　the　roles　were　reversed。　But　I　need　your　help。　ü　you　have　any　ideas　about　who　might　be　doing　this；　will　you　tell　me？〃
　　They　looked　relieved。
　　‘That's　awful；'　Cleta　said　with　feeling。　〃Whoever's　doing　that　ought　to。go　to　jail。〃
　　〃I'm　sorry　I　didn't　say　anything；〃　Polly　contritely　added。　〃I　don't　have　any　idea　about　who　would　do　something　like　that：〃
　　〃I　mean　it　sort　of　sounds　like　you　when　you　read　it。　That's　the　problem；〃　Cleta　added。
　　〃Sort　of　sounds　like　me？〃　I　said；　frowning。
　　〃You　know；　it　gives　advice　about　accident　prevention；　security；　how　to　deal　with　grief　and　all　sorts　of　medical　things。〃
　　〃You're　saying　it　sounds　like　a　doctor　is　writing　it；　or　someone　trained　in　health　care？〃　I　asked　as　my　incredulity　grew。
　　〃Well；　whoever　it　is　seems　to　know　what　he's　talking　about；〃　Cleta　replied。　〃But　it's　more　conversational。　Not　like　reading　an　autopsy　report　or　anything　like　that。〃
　　〃I　don't　think　it　sounds　much　like　her；〃　Polly　said。　〃Now　that　I　think　about　it。〃
　　I　noticed　a　case　file　on　her　desk　that　was　open　to　color　puter…generated　autopsy　photographs　of　a　man　whose　shotgun…blasted　head　looked　like　a　gory　eggcup。　I　recognized　him　as　the　murder　victim　whose　wife　had　been　writing　me　from　prison；　accusing　me　of　everything　from　inpetence　to　racketeering。
　　〃What's　this？〃　I　asked　her。
　　〃Apparently；　the　Times…Dispatch　and　the　A。G。's　office　have　heard　from　that　crazy　woman；　and　Ira　Herbert　called　here　a　little　while　ago；　asking　about　it；〃　she　told　me。
　　Herbert　was　the　police　reporter　for　the　local　newspaper。　If　he　was　calling；　that　probably　meant　I　was　being　sued。
　　〃And　then　Harriet　Cummins　called　Rose　to　get　a　copy　of　his　records；〃　Cleta　explained。　〃It　appears　his　psycho　wife's　latest　story　is　he　put　the　shotgun　in　his　mouth　and　pulled　the　trigger　with　his　toe。〃
　　〃The　poor　man　was　wearing　army　boots；〃　I　replied。　〃He　couldn't　possibly　have　pulled　the　trigger　with　his　toe；　and　he　was　shot　at　close　range　in　the　back　of　the　head。〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　it　is　with　people　anymore；〃　Polly　said　with　a　sigh。　〃All　they　do　is　lie　and　cheat；　and　if　they　get　locked　up；　they　just　sit　around　and　stir　up　trouble　and　file　lawsuits。　It　makes　me　sick。〃
　　〃Me；　too；〃　Cleta　agreed。
　　〃Do　you　know　where　Dr。　Fielding　is？〃　I　asked　both　of　them。
　　〃I　saw　him　wandering　around　a　little　while　ago；〃　Polly　said。
　　I　found　him　in　the　medical　library　thumbing　through　Nutrition　in　Exercise　and　Sport。　He　smiled　when　he　saw　me；　but　looked　tired　and　a　little　out　of　sorts。
　　〃Not　eating　enough　carbos；〃　he　said；　tapping　a　page　with　his　index　finger。　〃I　keep　telling　myself　if　I　don't　get　fiftyfive　to　seventy　percent　of　my　diet　in　carbos；　I　get　glycogen　depletion。　I　haven't　had　much　energy　lately　。　。　。〃
　　〃Jack。〃　My　tone　cut　him　off。　〃I　need　you　to　be　as　honest　as　you've　ever　been　with　me。〃
　　I　shut　the　library　door。　I　told　him　what　Ruffin　had　said；　and　a　glint　of　painful　recognition　showed　in　my　deputy　chief's　face。　He　pulled　out　a　chair　and　sat　down　at　a　table。　He　closed　his　book。　I　sat　next　to　him　and　we　turned　our　chairs　facing　each　other。
　　〃Something's　been　going　around　about　Secretary　Wagner　getting　rid　of　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　think　it's　bullshit　and　I'm　sorry　you　even　heard　about　it。　Chuck's　an　idiot。〃
　　Sinclair　Wagner　was　the　Secretary　of　Health　and　Human　Services；　and　only　he　or　the　governor　could　appoint　or　fire　the　chief　medical　examiner。
　　〃When　did　you　start　hearing　these　rumor