sense and sensibility(理智与情感)-第37节
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regain tranquillity； but he； what had he to look forward to？ Could
he ever be tolerably happy with Lucy Steele； could he； were his
affection for herself out of the question； with his integrity； his
delicacy； and well…informed mind； be satisfied with a wife like
her—illiterate； artful； and selfish？
The youthful infatuation of nineteen would naturally blind him
to every thing but her beauty and good nature； but the four
succeeding years—years； which if rationally spent； give such
improvement to the understanding； must have opened his eyes to
her defects of education； while the same period of time； spent on
her side in inferior society and more frivolous pursuits； had
perhaps robbed her of that simplicity which might once have
given an interesting character to her beauty。
If in the supposition of his seeking to marry herself； his
difficulties from his mother had seemed great； how much greater
were they now likely to be； when the object of his engagement was
undoubtedly inferior in connections； and probably inferior in
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fortune to herself。 These difficulties； indeed； with a heart so
alienated from Lucy； might not press very hard upon his patience；
but melancholy was the state of the person by whom the
expectation of family opposition and unkindness； could be felt as a
relief！
As these considerations occurred to her in painful succession；
she wept for him； more than for herself。 Supported by the
conviction of having done nothing to merit her present
unhappiness； and consoled by the belief that Edward had done
nothing to forfeit her esteem； she thought she could even now；
under the first smart of the heavy blow； command herself enough
to guard every suspicion of the truth from her mother and sisters。
And so well was she able to answer her own expectations； that
when she joined them at dinner only two hours after she had first
suffered the extinction of all her dearest hopes； no one would have
supposed from the appearance of the sisters； that Elinor was
mourning in secret over obstacles which must divide her for ever
from the object of her love； and that Marianne was internally
dwelling on the perfections of a man； of whose whole heart she felt
thoroughly possessed； and whom she expected to see in every
carriage which drove near their house。
The necessity of concealing from her mother and Marianne；
what had been entrusted in confidence to herself； though it
obliged her to unceasing exertion； was no aggravation of Elinor’s
distress。 On the contrary it was a relief to her； to be spared the
communication of what would give such affliction to them； and to
be saved likewise from hearing that condemnation of Edward；
which would probably flow from the excess of their partial
affection for herself； and which was more than she felt equal to
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support。
From their counsel； or their conversation； she knew she could
receive no assistance； their tenderness and sorrow must add to her
distress； while her self…command would neither receive
encouragement from their example nor from their praise。 She was
stronger alone； and her own good sense so well supported her；
that her firmness was as unshaken； her appearance of
cheerfulness as invariable； as with regrets so poignant and so
fresh； it was possible for them to be。
Much as she had suffered from her first conversation with Lucy
on the subject； she soon felt an earnest wish of renewing it； and
this for more reasons than one。 She wanted to hear many
particulars of their engagement repeated again； she wanted more
clearly to understand what Lucy really felt for Edward； whether
there were any sincerity in her declaration of tender regard for
him； and she particularly wanted to convince Lucy； by her
readiness to enter on the matter again； and her calmness in
conversing on it； that she was no otherwise interested in it than as
a friend； which she very much feared her involuntary agitation； in
their morning discourse； must have left at least doubtful。 That
Lucy was disposed to be jealous of her； appeared very probable； it
was plain that Edward had always spoken highly in her praise； not
merely from Lucy’s assertion； but from her venturing to trust her
on so short a personal acquaintance； with a secret so confessedly
and evidently important。 And even Sir John’s joking intelligence
must have had some weight。 But indeed； while Elinor remained so
well assured within herself of being really beloved by Edward； it
required no other consideration of probabilities to make it natural
that Lucy should be jealous； and that she was so； her very
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confidence was a proof。 What other reason for the disclosure of the
affair could there be； but that Elinor might be informed by it of
Lucy’s superior claims on Edward； and be taught to avoid him in
future？ She had little difficulty in understanding thus much of her
rival’s intentions； and while she was firmly resolved to act by her
as every principle of honour and honesty directed； to combat her
own affection for Edward and to see him as little as possible； she
could not deny herself the comfort of endeavouring to convince
Lucy that her heart was unwounded。 And as she could now have
nothing more painful to hear on the subject than had already been
told； she did not mistrust her own ability of going through a
repetition of particulars with composure。
But it was not immediately that an opportunity of doing so
could be commanded； though Lucy was as well disposed as herself
to take advantage of any that occurred； for the weather was not
often fine enough to allow of their joining in a walk； where they
might most easily separate themselves from the others； and
though they met at least every other evening either at the park or
cottage； and chiefly at the former； they could not be supposed to
meet for the sake of conversation。 Such a thought would never
enter either Sir John or Lady Middleton’s head； and therefore
very little leisure was ever given for a general chat； and none at all
for particular discourse。 They met for the sake of eating； drinking；
and laughing together； playing at cards； or consequences； or any
other game that was sufficiently noisy。
One or two meetings of this kind had taken place； without
affording Elinor any chance of engaging Lucy in private； when Sir
John called at the cottage one morning； to beg in the name of
charity； that they would all dine with Lady Middleton that day； as
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he was obliged to attend the club at Exeter； and she would
otherwise be quite alone； except her mother and the two Miss
Steeles。 Elinor； who foresaw a fairer opening for the point she had
in view； in such a party as this was likely to be； more at liberty
among themselves under the tranquil and well…bred direction of
Lady Middleton
