sense and sensibility(理智与情感)-第36节
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I was in the greatest fright in the world t’other day； when
Edward’s name was mentioned by Sir John； lest she should out
with it all。 You can’t think how much I go through in my mind
from it altogether。 I only wonder that I am alive after what I have
suffered for Edward’s sake these last four years。 Every thing in
such suspense and uncertainty； and seeing him so seldom—we
can hardly meet above twice a…year。 I am sure I wonder my heart
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is not quite broke。”
Here she took out her handkerchief； but Elinor did not feel very
compassionate。
“Sometimes。” continued Lucy； after wiping her eyes； “I think
whether it would not be better for us both to break off the matter
entirely。” As she said this； she looked directly at her companion。
“But then at other times I have not resolution enough for it。—I
cannot bear the thoughts of making him so miserable； as I know
the very mention of such a thing would do。 And on my own
account too—so dear as he is to me—I don’t think I could be equal
to it。 What would you advise me to do in such a case； Miss
Dashwood？ What would you do yourself？”
“Pardon me；” replied Elinor； startled by the question； “but I
can give you no advice under such circumstances。 Your own
judgment must direct you。”
“To be sure；” continued Lucy； after a few minutes silence on
both sides； “his mother must provide for him sometime or other；
but poor Edward is so cast down by it！ Did you not think him
dreadful low…spirited when he was at Barton？ He was so miserable
when he left us at Longstaple； to go to you； that I was afraid you
would think him quite ill。”
“Did he come from your uncle’s； then； when he visited us？”
“Oh； yes； he had been staying a fortnight with us。 Did you think
he came directly from town？”
“No；” replied Elinor； most feelingly sensible of every fresh
circumstance in favour of Lucy’s veracity； “I remember he told us；
that he had been staying a fortnight with some friends near
Plymouth。” She remembered too； her own surprise at the time； at
his mentioning nothing farther of those friends； at his total silence
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with respect even to their names。
“Did not you think him sadly out of spirits？” repeated Lucy。
“We did； indeed； particularly so when he first arrived。”
“I begged him to exert himself for fear you should suspect what
was the matter； but it made him so melancholy； not being able to
stay more than a fortnight with us； and seeing me so much
affected。—Poor fellow！—I am afraid it is just the same with him
now； for he writes in wretched spirits。 I heard from him just before
I left Exeter；” taking a letter from her pocket and carelessly
showing the direction to Elinor。 “You know his hand； I dare say； a
charming one it is； but that is not written so well as usual。—He
was tired； I dare say； for he had just filled the sheet to me as full as
possible。”
Elinor saw that it was his hand； and she could doubt no longer。
This picture； she had allowed herself to believe； might have been
accidentally obtained； it might not have been Edward’s gift； but a
correspondence between them by letter； could subsist only under
a positive engagement； could be authorised by nothing else； for a
few moments； she was almost overcome—her heart sunk within
her； and she could hardly stand； but exertion was indispensably
necessary； and she struggled so resolutely against the oppression
of her feelings； that her success was speedy； and for the time
complete。
“Writing to each other；” said Lucy； returning the letter into her
pocket； “is the only comfort we have in such long separations。 Yes；
I have one other comfort in his picture； but poor Edward has not
even that。 If he had but my picture； he says he should be easy。 I
gave him a lock of my hair set in a ring when he was at Longstaple
last； and that was some comfort to him； he said； but not equal to a
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picture。 Perhaps you might notice the ring when you saw him？”
“I did；” said Elinor； with a composure of voice； under which
was concealed an emotion and distress beyond any thing she had
ever felt before。 She was mortified； shocked； confounded。
Fortunately for her； they had now reached the cottage； and the
conversation could be continued no farther。 After sitting with
them a few minutes； the Miss Steeles returned to the Park； and
Elinor was then at liberty to think and be wretched。
End of Volume I
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VOLUME II
CHAPTER I
owever small Elinor’s general dependence on Lucy’s
veracity might be； it was impossible for her on serious
H
reflection to suspect it in the present case； where no
temptation could be answerable to the folly of inventing a
falsehood of such a description。 What Lucy had asserted to be
true； therefore； Elinor could not； dared not longer doubt；
supported as it was too on every side by such probabilities and
proofs； and contradicted by nothing but her own wishes。 Their
opportunity of acquaintance in the house of Mr。 Pratt was a
foundation for the rest； at once indisputable and alarming； and
Edward’s visit near Plymouth； his melancholy state of mind； his
dissatisfaction at his own prospects； his uncertain behaviour
towards herself； the intimate knowledge of the Miss Steeles as to
Norland and their family connections； which had often surprised
her； the picture； the letter； the ring； formed altogether such a body
of evidence； as overcame every fear of condemning him unfairly；
and established as a fact； which no partiality could set aside； his
ill…treatment of herself。—Her resentment of such behaviour； her
indignation at having been its dupe； for a short time made her feel
only for herself； but other ideas； other considerations； soon arose。
Had Edward been intentionally deceiving her？ Had he feigned a
regard for her which he did not feel？ Was his engagement to Lucy
an engagement of the heart？ No； whatever it might once have
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been； she could not believe it such at present。 His affection was all
her own。 She could not be deceived in that。 Her mother； sisters；
Fanny； all had been conscious of his regard for her at Norland； it
was not an illusion of her own vanity。 He certainly loved her。 What
a softener of the heart was this persuasion！ How much could it not
tempt her to forgive！ He had been blameable； highly blameable； in
remaining at Norland after he first felt her influence over him to
be more than it ought to be。 In that； he could not be defended； but
if he had injured her； how much more had he injured himself； if
her case were pitiable； his was hopeless。 His imprudence had
made her miserable for a while； but it seemed to have deprived
himself of all chance of ever being otherwise。 She might in time
regain tranquillity； but he； what had he to look forward
