anner.bloodandgold(v2)-第40节

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　　　What　did　I　see　in　my　ecstasy？　What　did　I　see　in　this　sublime　satisfaction？　It　was　the　lush　and　beautiful　palace　garden；　full　of　carefully　tended　fruit　trees；　and　the　soft　dark　grass；　and　the　sun　shining　through　the　branches。　How　could　I　ever　forget　that　fatal　and　supremely　beautiful　sun？　Beneath　my　naked　foot；　I　felt　the　soft　waxy　petal　of　a　flower。　Against　my　face；　I　felt　soft　branches。　I　drank　and　drank；　slipping　out　of　time；　and　the　warmth　paralyzed　me。
　　　　Is　this　your　sign；　Mother？　I　was　walking　in　the　palace　garden；　and　it　seemed　I　held　a　paintbrush　in　my　hand；　and　when　I　looked　up；　I　was　painting　the　very　trees　that　I　saw　above　me；　creating　the　garden　on　the　wall　of　my　house；　the　garden　in　which　I　walked。　I　understood　this　paradox　perfectly。　This　was　a　garden　which　I　had　once　painted　on　the　walls　of　the　shrine。　And　now　it　was　mine　to　have　both　on　a　flat　wall；　and　also　surrounding　me；　as　if　it　really　existed。　And　that　was　the　omen。　Keep　the　Mother　and　the　Father。　Do　not　be　afraid。
　　　I　drew　back。　I　could　take　no　more。　I　clung　to　Akasha　like　a　child。　I　held　to　her　neck　with　my　left　hand；　my　forehead　against　her　heavy　black　plaits；　and　I　kissed　her；　over　and　over　again；　I　kissed　her；　as　though　that　and　only　that　were　the　most　eloquent　gesture　in　the　world。
　　　Enkil　did　not　stir。　Akasha　did　not　stir。　I　sighed　and　that　was　the　only　sound。
　　　Then　I　withdrew　and　knelt　down　before　both　of　them；　and　I　gave　my　thanks。
　　　How　pletely　and　totally　I　loved　her；　my　shimmering　Egyptian　goddess。　How　I　believed　that　she　belonged　to　me。
　　　Then　for　a　long　time　I　pondered　this　problem　with　Eudoxia；　and　I　saw　it　a　little　more　clearly。
　　　It　occurred　to　me　that　in　the　absence　of　a　clear　sign　to　Eudoxia；　my　battle　with　her　would　be　to　the　death。　She　would　never　allow　me　to　remain　in　this　city；　and　she　meant　to　take　Those　Who　Must　Be　Kept　from　me；　so　that　I　would　have　to　use　the　Fire　Gift　against　her　as　best　I　could。　What　had　happened　earlier　this　night　was　only　the　beginning　of　our　little　war。
　　　
　　　It　was　dreadfully　sad　to　me；　because　I　admired　Eudoxia；　but　I　knew　that　she　had　been　far　too　humiliated　by　our　struggle　ever　to　give　in。
　　　I　looked　up　at　Akasha。　〃How　do　I　fight　this　creature　to　the　death？　〃　I　asked。　〃This　creature　has　your　blood　in　her。　I　have　your　blood　in　me。　But　surely　there　must　be　a　clearer　sign　of　what　you　mean　for　me　to　do？〃
　　　I　stayed　there　for　an　hour　or　more；　and　then　finally　I　went　out。
　　　I　found　Avicus　and　Mael　waiting　where　I　had　left　them。
　　　〃She's　given　me　her　blood；〃　I　said。　〃This　isn't　a　boast。　I　only　mean　for　you　to　know　it。　And　I　believe　that　that　is　her　sign。　But　how　can　I　know？　I　believe　that　she　does　not　want　to　be　given　over　to　Eudoxia；　and　she　will　destroy　if　provoked。〃
　　　Avicus　looked　desperate。
　　　〃In　all　our　years　in　Rome；〃　he　said；　〃We　were　blessed　that　no　one　of　great　strength　ever　challenged　us。〃
　　　I　agreed　with　him。　〃Strong　blood　drinkers　stay　away　from　others　like　them；〃　I　said。　〃But　you　must　see；　surely；　that　we　are　challenging　her。　We　could　leave　as　she　has　asked　us　to　do。〃
　　　〃She　has　no　right　to　ask　this　of　us；〃　said　Avicus。　〃Why　can't　she　try　to　love　us？　〃
　　　〃Love　us？〃　I　asked；　repeating　his　words。　〃What　makes　you　say　such　a　strange　thing？　I　know　that　you're　enamored　of　her。　Of　course。　I've　seen　this。　But　why　should　she　love　us？〃
　　　〃Precisely　because　we　are　strong；〃　he　responded。　〃She　has　only　the　weakest　blood　drinkers　around　her；　creatures　no　more　than　half　a　century　in　age。　We　can　tell　her　things；　things　she　may　not　know。〃
　　　〃Ah；　yes；　I　thought　the　same　things　when　I　first　laid　eyes　on　her。　But　with　this　one　it's　not　to　be。〃
　　　〃Why？〃　he　asked　again。
　　　〃If　she　wanted　strong　ones　like　us；　they　would　be　here；〃　I　said。　And　then　I　said　dejectedly；　〃We　can　always　go　back　to　Rome。〃
　　　He　had　no　answer　for　that。　I　didn't　know　whether　I　meant　it　myself。
　　　As　we　went　up　the　steps　and　through　the　tunnels　to　the　surface；　I　took　his　arm。
　　　〃You're　mad　with　thoughts　of　her；〃　I　said。　〃You　must　regain　your　spiritual　self。　Don't　love　her。　Make　it　a　simple　act　of　will。〃
　　　He　nodded。　But　he　was　too　troubled　to　conceal　it。
　　　I　glanced　at　Mael；　and　found　him　more　calm　about　all　this　than　I　had　imagined。　Then　came　the　inevitable　question：
　　　
　　　
　　　〃Would　she　have　destroyed　Avicus　if　you　hadn't　opposed　her？〃　Mael　asked。
　　　〃She　was　going　to　give　it　a　very　good　try；〃　I　said。　〃But　Avicus　is　very　old；　older　than　you　or　me。　And　possibly　older　than　her。　And　you've　seen　his　strength　tonight。〃
　　　Uneasy；　filled　with　misgivings；　and　bad　thoughts；　we　went　to　our　unholy　rest。
　　　The　following　night；　as　soon　as　I　rose；　I　knew　that　there　were　strangers　in　our　house。　I　was　furious；　but　had　some　sense　even　then　that　anger　renders　one　weak。
　　　Mael　and　Avicus　came　to　me　immediately；　and　the　three　of　us　went　to　discover　Eudoxia　and　the　terrified　Asphar　with　her；　and　two　other　young　male　blood　drinkers　whom　we　had　not　see　before。
　　　All　were　settled　within　my　library　as　if　they　were　invited　guests。
　　　Eudoxia　was　dressed　in　splendid　and　heavy　Eastern　robes　with　long　bell　sleeves；　and　Persian　slippers；　and　her　thick　black　curls　were　gathered　above　her　ears　with　jewels　and　pearls。
　　　The　room　was　not　as　fine　as　the　one　in　which　she　had　received　me；　as　I　had　not　finished　with　my　furnishings　and　other　such　things；　and　therefore　she　appeared　the　most　sumptuous　ornament　in　view。
　　　I　was　struck　once　more　by　the　beauty　of　her　small　face；　especially　I　think　by　her　mouth；　though　her　cold　dark　eyes　were　as　mesmerizing　as　before。
　　　I　felt　sorry　for　the　miserable　Asphar　who　was　so　afraid　of　me；　and　as　for　the　other　two　blood　drinkers；　both　boys　in　mortal　life；　and　young　in　immortality；　I　felt　rather　sorry　for　them　too。
　　　Need　I　say　that　they　were　beautiful？　They　had　been　grown　children　when　they　were　taken；　that　is；　splendid　beings　with　adult　bodies　and　chubby　boyish　cheeks　and　mouths。
　　　〃Why　have　you　e　without　an　invitation？〃　I　asked　Eudoxia。　〃You　sit　in　my　chair　as　though　you're　my　guest。〃
　　　〃Forgive　me；〃　she　said　gently。　〃I　came　because　I　felt　pelled　to　e。　I've　searched　your　house　through　and　through。〃　〃You　boast　of　this？　〃I　asked。
　　　Her　lips　were　parted　as　though　she　meant　to　answer　but　then　the　tears　rose　in　her　eyes；
　　　〃Where　are　the　books；　Marius？〃　she　said　softly。　She　looked　at　me。　〃Where　are　all　the　old　books　of　Egypt？　The　books　that　were　in　the　temple；　the　books　that　you　stole？〃　I　didn't　answer。　I　didn't　sit　down。
　　　
　　　
　　　〃I　came　because　I　hoped　to　find　them；〃　she　said；　staring　forward；　her　tears　falling。　〃I　came　here　because　last　night　I　dreamed　of　the　priests　in　the　temple；　and　how　they　used　to　tell　me　that　I　ought　to　read　the　old　tales。〃
　　　Still　I　didn't　answer。
　
　　　She　looked　up；　and　then　with　the　back　of　one　hand；　she　wiped　at　her　tears。　〃I　could　smell　the　scents　of　the　temple；　the　scent　of　papyrus；〃　she　said。　〃I　saw　the　Elder　at　his　desk。〃
　　　〃He　put　the　Parents　in　the　sun；　Eudoxia；〃　I　said。　〃Don't　slide　into　a　dream　that　makes　him　innocent。　The　Elder　was　evil　and　guilty。　The　Elder　was　selfish　and　bitter。　Would　you　know　his　ultimate　fate？〃
　　　〃In　my　dream；　the　priests　told　me　that　you　took　the　books；　Marius。　They　said　that；　unopposed；　you　came　into　the　library　of　the　temple　and　took　all　the　old　scrolls　away。〃
　　　I　said　nothing。
　　　But　her　grief　was　heartrending。
　　　〃Tell　me；　Marius。　Where　are　those　books？　If　you　will　let　me　read　them；　if　you　will　let　me　read　the　old　stories　of　Egypt；　then　my　soul　can　find　some　peace　with　you。　Can　you　do　that　much　for　me？〃
　　　How　bitterly　did　I　draw　in　my　breath。
　　　〃Eudoxia；〃　I　said　gently。　〃They're　gone；　those　books；　and　all　that　remains　of　them　is　here；　in　my　head。〃　I　tapped　the　side　of　my　forehead。　〃In　Rome；　when　the　savages　from　the　North　breached　the　city；　my　house　was　burnt　and　my　library　destroyed。〃
　　　She　shook　her　head　and　put　her　hands　to　the　side　of　her　face　as　though　she　could　not　bear　this。
　　　I　went　down　on　my　knees　beside　her　and　I　tried　to　turn　her　to　me；　but　she　would　have　none　of　it。　Her　tears　were　shed　quietly。
　　　〃I'll　write　it　all　out；　all　that　I　remember；　and　there　is　so　much　that　I　remember；〃　I　said。　〃Or　shall　I　tell　it　aloud　for　our　scribes？　You　decide　how　you　will　receive　it；　and　I'll　give　it　to　you；　lovingly。　I　understand　what　you　desire。〃
　　　This　was　not　the　time　to　tell　her　that　much　of　what　she　sought　came　to　nothing；　that　the　old　tales　had　been　full　of　superstition　and　nonsense　and　even　incantations　that　meant　nothing　at　all。
　　　Even　the　wicked　Elder　had　said　so。　But　I　had　read　these　scrolls　during　my　years　in　Antioch。　I　remembered　them。　They　were　inside　my　heart　and　soul。
　　　She　turned　to　me　slowly。　And　lifting　her　left　hand；　she　stroked　my　hair。

　　　
　　　〃Why　did　you　steal　those　books！〃　she　whispered　desperately；　her　tears　still　flowing。　〃Why　did　you　take　them　from　a　sanctum　where　they　had　been　safe　for　so　long！〃
　　　〃I　wanted　to　know　what　they　said；〃　I　answered　candidly。　〃Why　didn't　you　read　them　when　you　had　a　lifetime　to　do　it？　〃　I　asked　gently。　〃Why　didn't　you　copy　them　when　you　copied　for　the　Greeks　and　the　Romans？　How　can　you　blame　me　now　for　what　I　did？　〃
　　　〃Blame　you？〃　she　said　earnestly。　〃I　hate　you