hr.thecarpetbaggers-第50节

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　〃Maybe；〃　she　said；　a　dull　hopelessness　in　her　voice。
　Then　they　ran　out　of　language　and　they　turned　and　watched　the　surf　run　away　with　their　childhood。
　
　Laddie　sat　at　the　helm　of　his　small　sailboat　and　watched　his　mother　in　the　bow。　He　felt　a　gust　of　wind　take　the　sail　and　automatically　he　pensated　for　the　drift　while　scanning　the　sky。　There　were　squall　clouds　ing　up　ahead。　Time　to　head　for　the　dock。　Slowly　he　began　to　e　about。
　〃Turning　back？〃　he　heard　his　mother　call。
　〃Yes；　Mother；〃　he　replied。　It　seemed　strange　to　have　her　aboard。　But　she　had　wanted　to　e。　It　was　almost　as　if　she　had　sensed　there　was　something　troubling　him。
　〃You've　been　pretty　quiet　this　morning；〃　she　said。
　He　didn't　meet　her　gaze。　〃I　have　to　concentrate　on　the　boat；　Mother。〃
　〃I　don't　know　what's　the　matter　with　you　children；〃　she　said。　〃You're　both　so　moody　lately。〃
　He　didn't　answer。　He　kept　his　eyes　on　the　squall　clouds　up　ahead。　He　thought　about　Rina。　Then　himself。　Then　his　parents。　A　sorrow　began　to　well　up　inside　him。　He　felt　his　eyes　begin　to　burn　and　smart。　
　His　mother's　voice　was　shocked。　〃Why；　Laddie；　you're　crying！〃
　Then　the　dam　broke　and　the　sobs　racked　his　chest。　He　felt　his　mother's　hand　draw　his　head　down　to　her　breast　as　she　had　done　so　often　when　he　was　a　baby。　〃What's　the　matter；　Laddie？　What's　wrong？〃　she　asked　softly。
　〃Nothing；〃　he　gasped；　trying　to　choke　back　the　tears。　〃Nothing。〃
　She　stroked　his　head　gently。　〃Something　is　wrong；〃　she　said　softly。　〃I　know　there　is。　You　can　tell　me；　Laddie。　Whatever　it　is；　you　can　tell　me。　I'll　understand　and　try　to　help。〃
　〃There's　nothing　you　can　do；〃　he　cried。　〃Nothing　anybody　can　do　now！〃
　〃Try　me　and　see。〃　He　didn't　speak；　his　eyes　searching　her　face　for　something；　she　didn't　know　what。　A　curious　dread　came　into　her。　〃Has　it…　is　it　something　to　do　with　Rina？〃
　It　was　as　if　the　muscles　that　held　his　face　together　all　dissolved　at　once。　〃Yes；　yes！〃　he　cried。　〃She's　going　to　have　a　baby！　My　baby；　Mother；〃　he　added　through　tight　lips。　〃I　raped　her；　she's　going　to　have　my　baby！〃
　〃Oh；　no！〃
　〃Yes；　Mother；〃　he　said；　his　face　suddenly　stony。
　The　tears　sprang　to　her　eyes　and　she　covered　her　face　with　her　hands。　This　couldn't　happen　to　her　children。　Not　her　children。　She　had　wanted　everything　for　them；　given　them　everything。　After　a　moment；　she　regained　control　of　herself。　〃I　think　we'd　better　turn　back；〃　she　managed　to　say　quietly。
　〃We　are；　Mother；〃　he　said。　He　looked　down　at　his　hands　on　the　tiller。　The　words　slipped　from　him　now。　〃I　don't　know　what　got　into　me；　Mother。〃　He　stared　at　her　with　agonized　eyes；　his　voice　strained　and　tense。　〃But　growing　up　isn't　what　it's　cracked　up　to　be；　it's　not　what　it　says　in　books。　Growing　up's　such　a　crock　of　shit！〃
　He　stopped　in　shock　at　his　own　language。　〃I'm　sorry；　Mother。〃
　〃It's　all　right；　son。〃
　They　were　silent　for　a　moment　and　the　waves　slapped　wildly　against　the　hull　of　the　boat。　〃You　mustn't　blame　Rina；　Mother；〃　he　said；　raising　his　voice。　〃She's　only　a　kid。　Whatever　happened　was　my　fault。〃
　She　looked　up　at　her　son。　A　glimmer　of　intuition　pierced　the　gray　veil　that　seemed　to　have　fallen　in　front　of　her　eyes。　〃Rina's　a　very　beautiful　girl；　Laddie；〃　she　said。　〃I　think　anyone　would　find　it　difficult　not　to　love　your　sister。〃
　Laddie　met　his　mother's　eyes。　〃I　love　her；　Mother；〃　he　said　quietly。　〃And　she　really　isn't　my　sister。〃　
　Geraldine　didn't　speak。
　〃Is　it　terribly　wrong　to　say　that；　Mother？〃　he　asked。　〃I　don't　love　her　like　a　sister。　I　love　her〃　…　he　searched　for　a　word　…　〃different。〃
　Different；　Geraldine　thought。　It　was　as　good　a　word　as　any。
　〃Is　it　terribly　wrong；　Mother？〃　Laddie　asked　again。　
　She　looked　at　her　son；　feeling　a　sorrow　for　him　that　she　could　not　explain。　〃No；　Laddie；〃　she　said　quietly。　〃It's　just　one　of　those　things　that　can't　be　helped。〃
　He　took　a　deep　breath；　beginning　to　feel　better。　At　least　she　understood；　she　hadn't　condemned　him。　〃What　are　we　going　to　do；　Mother？〃　he　asked。
　She　looked　into　his　eyes。　〃The　first　thing　we　have　to　do　is　let　Rina　know　we　understand。　The　poor　child　must　be　frightened　out　of　her　mind。〃
　He　reached　forward　and　took　his　mother's　hand；　pressing　it　to　his　lips。　〃You're　so　good　to　us；　Mother；〃　he　whispered；　looking　gratefully　into　her　eyes。
　They　were　the　last　words　he　ever　spoke。　For　just　at　that　moment；　the　squall　came　roaring　in　from　the　starboard　side　and　capsized　the　boat。
　
　Rina　watched　stolidly　as　the　lobstermen　brought　the　pitifully　small　bodies　to　the　shore　and　laid　them　on　the　beach。　She　looked　down　at　them。　Laddie　and　Mother。　A　vague　spinning　began　to　roar　inside　her。　A　cramp　suddenly　seized　her　groin　and　she　doubled　over；　sinking　to　her　knees　in　the　sand　beside　the　still　figures。　She　closed　her　eyes；　weeping　as　a　terrible　moisture　began　to　seep　from　her。
　
　8
　
　MARGARET　BRADLEY　LOOKED　DOWN　WEARILY　AT　the　papers　on　her　desk。　They　were　covered　with　the　hen…tracked　hieroglyphics　of　the　girls　who　trooped　through　her　science　classes。　Abruptly　she　pushed　them　to　one　side　and　got　to　her　feet。　She　walked　over　to　the　window　and　looked　out　restlessly。　She　was　bored；　tired　of　the　never…ending；　day…in；　day…out　routine。
　Looking　out　into　the　gray　dusk　of　evening；　she　wondered　why　Sally's　letter　hadn't　arrived　yet。　It　had　been　more　than　two　weeks　since　she'd　heard　from　her　and　usually　letters　came　regularly　twice　a　week。　Could　it　be　that　Sally　had　found　someone　else？　Another　friend　with　whom　she　could　share　those　intime　whispered　secrets？
　There　was　a　hesitant　knock　at　the　door　and　she　turned　toward　it。　〃Yes？〃
　〃A　special…delivery　letter　for　you；　Miss　Bradley。〃　It　was　the　quavering　voice　of　Thomas；　the　porter。
　Quickly　she　opened　the　door　and　took　the　letter。　〃Thank　you　very　much；　Thomas；〃　she　said；　closing　the　door。
　She　leaned　against　it；　looking　down　at　the　letter　in　her　hand。　She　began　to　feel　brighter。　It　was　Sally's　handwriting。　She　crossed　to　her　desk　and　rapidly　tore　open　the　envelope。
　Dear　Peggy；　
Yesterday　I　was　married。　　。　。　。
　The　knock　at　the　door　was　so　low　that　at　first　she　did　not　hear　it。　It　came　again；　a　little　louder　this　time。　She　raised　her　head　from　the　desk。　〃Who　is　it？〃　she　called　in　her　husky　voice。
　〃Rina　Marlowe；　Miss　Bradley。　May　I　see　you　for　a　moment？〃
　Wearily　the　teacher　got　to　her　feet。　〃Just　a　moment；〃　she　called。
　She　walked　into　the　bathroom　and　looked　at　herself　in　the　mirror。　Her　eyes　were　red…rimmed　and　swollen；　her　lipstick　slightly　smeared。　She　looked　older　than　her　twenty…six　years。　She　turned　on　the　tap　and　cleaned　the　make…up　from　her　face　with　a　washcloth。　She　stared　at　herself。　For　ten　years；　she　and　Sally　had　been　inseparable。　Now　it　was　over。
　She　replaced　the　washcloth　on　the　rack　and　walked　out　to　the　door。　〃e　in；〃　she　said；　opening　it。
　Rina　looked　into　the　teacher's　face。　Miss　Bradley　looked　as　if　she　had　been　crying。　〃I'm　sorry　if　I　disturbed　you；〃　she　said。　〃I　can　e　back　later　if　you　like。〃
　The　teacher　shook　her　head。　〃No；　that's　all　right；〃　she　answered。　She　crossed　to　the　small　desk　and　sat　down　behind　it。　〃What　is　it？〃
　Rina　shut　the　door　behind　her　slowly。　〃I　was　wondering　if　I　could　be　excused　from　the　dance　Saturday　night？〃
　Margaret　Bradley　stared　at　her。　For　a　moment；　she　couldn't　believe　her　ears。　Missing　the　monthly　dance　was　considered　the　ultimate　punishment。　The　girls　would　do　anything　rather　than　lose　that　privilege。　It　was　the　only　time　boys　were　allowed　within　the　confines　of　the　school。　〃I　don't　understand；〃　she　said。
　Rina　looked　down　at　the　floor。　〃I　just　don't　want　to　go；　that's　all。〃
　It　wasn't　because　the　boys　didn't　like　her。　The　teacher　knew　it　was　quite　the　opposite。　The　slim；　blond　sixteen…year…old　standing　before　her　was　surrounded　by　boys　at　every　dance。　She　came　from　a　good　family。　The　Marlowes　were　well　known　in　Boston。　Her　father　was　a　banker；　a　widower。
　〃That's　a　rather　strange　request；〃　she　said。　〃You　must　have　a　reason。〃
　Rina　still　looked　down　at　the　floor。　She　didn't　answer。
　Margaret　Bradley　forced　a　smile　to　her　lips。　〃e　now；〃　she　said　in　a　friendly　voice。　〃You　can　talk　to　me。　I'm　not　that　much　older　than　you　that　I　wouldn't　understand。〃
　Rina　looked　up　at　her　and　she　was　surprised　by　the　deep　revelation　of　fear　in　the　girl's　eyes。　Then　it　was　gone　and　she　looked　down　at　the　floor　again。
　The　teacher　got　up　and　walked　around　the　desk。　She　took　Rina's　hand　and　led　her　to　a　seat。　〃You're　afraid　of　something；〃　she　said　gently。
　〃I　can't　stand　them　touching　me；〃　she　whispered。
　〃Them？〃　Margaret　Bradley　asked；　her　voice　puzzled。　〃Who？〃
　〃Boys。　They　all　want　to　touch　me　and　my　skin　creeps。〃　Rina　looked　up　suddenly。　〃It　would　be　all　right　if　they　just　wanted　to　dance　or　to　talk　but　they're　always　trying　to　get　you　alone　someplace。〃
　〃What　boys？〃　The　teacher's　voice　was　suddenly　harsh。　〃We'll　soon　put　a　stop　to　their　ing　here。〃
　Rina　got　up　suddenly。　〃I'd　better　go；〃　she　said　nervously。　〃I　didn't　think　it　would　work；　anyway。〃
　She　started　for　the　door。　〃Wait　a　minute！〃　Margaret　Bradley's　voice　was　manding。　Rina　turned　and　looked　back　at　her。　〃Did　any　of　them　do　more　than…　than　just　touch　you？〃
　Rina　shook　her　head。
　〃How　old　are　you？〃
　〃Sixteen；〃　Rina　answered。
　〃I　guess　by　now