the lily of the valley-第38节

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lamentably；　〃They　want　to　kill　me！My　dear；〃　he　would　say　to　his

wife；　increasing　the　injustice　of　his　words　by　the　aggravating　tones

of　his　sharp　voice；　〃if　it　concerned　your　children　you　would　know　very

well　what　was　the　matter　with　them。〃



He　dressed　and　re…dressed　himself　incessantly；　watching　every　change

of　temperature；　and　doing　nothing　without　consulting　the　barometer。

Notwithstanding　his　wife's　attentions；　he　found　no　food　to　suit　him；

his　stomach　being；　he　said；　impaired；　and　digestion　so　painful　as　to

keep　him　awake　all　night。　In　spite　of　this　he　ate；　drank；　digested；

and　slept；　in　a　manner　to　satisfy　any　doctor。　His　capricious　will

exhausted　the　patience　of　the　servants；　accustomed　to　the　beaten　track

of　domestic　service　and　unable　to　conform　to　the　requirements　of　his

conflicting　orders。　Sometimes　he　bade　them　keep　all　the　windows　open；

declaring　that　his　health　required　a　current　of　fresh　air；　a　few　days

later　the　fresh　air；　being　too　hot　or　too　damp；　as　the　case　might　be；

became　intolerable；　then　he　scolded；　quarrelled　with　the　servants；　and

in　order　to　justify　himself；　denied　his　former　orders。　This　defect　of

memory；　or　this　bad　faith；　call　it　which　you　will；　always　carried　the

day　against　his　wife　in　the　arguments　by　which　she　tried　to　pit　him

against　himself。　Life　at　Clochegourde　had　become　so　intolerable　that

the　Abbe　Dominis；　a　man　of　great　learning；　took　refuge　in　the　study　of

scientific　problems；　and　withdrew　into　the　shelter　of　pretended

abstraction。　The　countess　had　no　longer　any　hope　of　hiding　the　secret

of　these　insane　furies　within　the　circle　of　her　own　home；　the　servants

had　witnessed　scenes　of　exasperation　without　exciting　cause；　in　which

the　premature　old　man　passed　the　bounds　of　reason。　They　were；　however；

so　devoted　to　the　countess　that　nothing　so　far　had　transpired　outside；

but　she　dreaded　daily　some　public　outburst　of　a　frenzy　no　longer

controlled　by　respect　for　opinion。



Later　I　learned　the　dreadful　details　of　the　count's　treatment　of　his

wife。　Instead　of　supporting　her　when　the　children　were　ill；　he

assailed　her　with　dark　predictions　and　made　her　responsible　for　all

future　illnesses；　because　she　refused　to　let　the　children　take　the

crazy　doses　which　he　prescribed。　When　she　went　to　walk　with　them　the

count　would　predict　a　storm　in　the　face　of　a　clear　sky；　if　by　chance

the　prediction　proved　true；　the　satisfaction　he　felt　made　him　quite

indifferent　to　any　harm　to　the　children。　If　one　of　them　was　ailing；

the　count　gave　his　whole　mind　to　fastening　the　cause　of　the　illness

upon　the　system　of　nursing　adopted　by　his　wife；　whom　he　carped　at　for

every　trifling　detail；　always　ending　with　the　cruel　words；　〃If　your

children　fall　ill　again　you　have　only　yourself　to　thank　for　it。〃



He　behaved　in　the　same　way　in　the　management　of　the　household；　seeing

the　worst　side　of　everything；　and　making　himself；　as　his　old　coachman

said；　〃the　devil's　own　advocate。〃　The　countess　arranged　that　Jacques

and　Madeleine　should　take　their　meals　alone　at　different　hours　from

the　family；　so　as　to　save　them　from　the　count's　outbursts　and　draw　all

the　storms　upon　herself。　In　this　way　the　children　now　saw　but　little

of　their　father。　By　one　of　the　hallucinations　peculiar　to　selfish

persons；　the　count　had　not　the　slightest　idea　of　the　misery　he　caused。

In　the　confidential　communication　he　made　to　me　on　my　arrival　he

particularly　dwelt　on　his　goodness　to　his　family。　He　wielded　the

flail；　beat；　bruised；　and　broke　everything　about　him　as　a　monkey　might

have　done。　Then；　having　half…destroyed　his　prey；　he　denied　having

touched　it。　I　now　understood　the　lines　on　Henriette's　forehead；fine

lines；　traced　as　it　were　with　the　edge　of　a　razor；　which　I　had　noticed

the　moment　I　saw　her。　There　is　a　pudicity　in　noble　minds　which

withholds　them　from　speaking　of　their　personal　sufferings；　proudly

they　hide　the　extent　of　their　woes　from　hearts　that　love　them；　feeling

a　merciful　joy　in　doing　so。　Therefore　in　spite　of　my　urgency；　I　did

not　immediately　obtain　the　truth　from　Henriette。　She　feared　to　grieve

me；　she　made　brief　admissions；　and　then　blushed　for　them；　but　I　soon

perceived　myself　the　increase　of　trouble　which　the　count's　present

want　of　regular　occupation　had　brought　upon　the　household。



〃Henriette；〃　I　said；　after　I　had　been　there　some　days；　〃don't　you

think　you　have　made　a　mistake　in　so　arranging　the　estate　that　the

count　has　no　longer　anything　to　do？〃



〃Dear；〃　she　said；　smiling；　〃my　situation　is　critical　enough　to　take

all　my　attention；　believe　me；　I　have　considered　all　my　resources；　and

they　are　now　exhausted。　It　is　true　that　the　bickerings　are　getting

worse　and　worse。　As　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　and　I　are　always　together；　I

cannot　lessen　them　by　diverting　his　attention　in　other　directions；　in

fact　the　pain　would　be　the　same　to　me　in　any　case。　I　did　think　of

advising　him　to　start　a　nursery　for　silk…worms　at　Clochegourde；　where

we　have　many　mulberry…trees；　remains　of　the　old　industry　of　Touraine。

But　I　reflected　that　he　would　still　be　the　same　tyrant　at　home；　and　I

should　have　many　more　annoyances　through　the　enterprise。　You　will

learn；　my　dear　observer；　that　in　youth　a　man's　ill　qualities　are

restrained　by　society；　checked　in　their　swing　by　the　play　of　passions；

subdued　under　the　fear　of　public　opinion；　later；　a　middle…aged　man；

living　in　solitude；　shows　his　native　defects；　which　are　all　the　more

terrible　because　so　long　repressed。　Human　weaknesses　are　essentially

base；　they　allow　of　neither　peace　nor　truce；　what　you　yield　to　them

to…day　they　exact　to…morrow；　and　always；　they　fasten　on　concessions

and　compel　more　of　them。　Power；　on　the　other　hand；　is　merciful；　it

conforms　to　evidence；　it　is　just　and　it　is　peaceable。　But　the　passions

born　of　weakness　are　implacable。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　takes　an

absolute　pleasure　in　getting　the　better　of　me；　and　he　who　would

deceive　no　one　else；　deceives　me　with　delight。〃



One　morning　as　we　left　the　breakfast　table；　about　a　month　after　my

arrival；　the　countess　took　me　by　the　arm；　darted　through　an　iron　gate

which　led　into　the　vineyard；　and　dragged　me　hastily　among　the　vines。



〃He　will　kill　me！〃　she　cried。　〃And　I　want　to　livefor　my　children's

sake。　But　oh！　not　a　day's　respite！　Always　to　walk　among　thorns！　to

come　near　falling　every　instant！　every　instant　to　have　to　summon　all

my　strength　to　keep　my　balance！　No　human　being　can　long　endure　such

strain　upon　the　system。　If　I　were　certain　of　the　ground　I　ought　to

take；　if　my　resistance　could　be　a　settled　thing；　then　my　mind　might

concentrate　upon　itbut　no；　every　day　the　attacks　change　character

and　leave　me　without　defence；　my　sorrows　are　not　one；　they　are

manifold。　Ah！　my　friend〃　she　cried；　leaning　her　head　upon　my

shoulder；　and　not　continuing　her　confidence。　〃What　will　become　of　me？

Oh；　what　shall　I　do？〃　she　said　presently；　struggling　with　thoughts　she

did　not　express。　〃How　can　I　resist？　He　will　kill　me！　No；　I　will　kill

myselfbut　that　would　be　a　crime！　Escape？　yes；　but　my　children！

Separate　from　him？　how；　after　fifteen　years　of　marriage；　how　could　I

ever　tell　my　parents　that　I　will　not　live　with　him？　for　if　my　father

and　mother　came　here　he　would　be　calm；　polite；　intelligent；　judicious。

Besides；　can　married　women　look　to　fathers　or　mothers？　Do　they　not

belong　body　and　soul　to　their　husbands？　I　could　live　tranquil　if　not

happyI　have　found　strength　in　my　chaste　solitude；　I　admit　it；　but　if

I　am　deprived　of　this　negative　happiness　I　too　shall　become　insane。　My

resistance　is　based　on　powerful　reasons　which　are　not　personal　to

myself。　It　is　a　crime　to　give　birth　to　poor　creatures　condemned　to

endless　suffering。　Yet　my　position　raises　serious　questions；　so

serious　that　I　dare　not　decide　them　alone；　I　cannot　be　judge　and　party

both。　To…morrow　I　will　go　to　Tours　and　consult　my　new　confessor；　the

Abbe　Birotteaufor　my　dear　and　virtuous　Abbe　de　la　Berge　is　dead；〃

she　said；　interrupting　herself。　〃Though　he　was　severe；　I　miss　and

shall　always　miss　his　apostolic　power。　His　successor　is　an　angel　of

goodness；　who　pities　but　does　not　reprimand。　Still；　all　courage　draws

fresh　life　from　the　heart　of　religion；　what　soul　is　not　strengthened

by　the　voice　of　the　Holy　Spirit？　My　God；〃　she　said；　drying　her　tears

and　raising　her　eyes　to　heaven；　〃for　what　sin　am　I　thus　punished？I

believe；　yes；　Felix；　I　believe　it；　we　must　pass　through　a　fiery

furnace　before　we　reach　the　saints；　the　just　made　perfect　of　the　upper

spheres。　Must　I　keep　silence？　Am　I　forbidden；　oh；　my　God；　to　cry　to

the　heart　of　a　friend？　Do　I　love　him　too　well？〃　She　pressed　me　to　her

heart　as　though　she　feared　to　lose　me。　〃Who　will　solve　my　doubts？　My

conscience　does　not　reproach　me。　The　stars　shine　from　above　on　men；

may　not　the　soul；　the　human　star；　shed　its　light　upon　a　friend；　if　we

go　to　him　with　pure　thoughts？〃



I　listened　to　this　dreadful　cry　in　silence；　holding　her　moist　hand　in

mine　that　was　still　more　moist。　I　pressed　it　w