the lily of the valley-第37节

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matter　with　me；　now　I　know。　The　orifice　of　my　stomach　is　affected；　I

can　digest　nothing。〃



〃How　do　you　come　to　be　as　wise　as　the　professor　of　a　medical　school？〃

I　asked；　laughing。　〃Is　your　doctor　indiscreet　enough　to　tell　you　such

things？〃



〃God　forbid　I　should　consult　a　doctor；〃　he　cried；　showing　the　aversion

most　imaginary　invalids　feel　for　the　medical　profession。



I　now　listened　to　much　crazy　talk；　in　the　course　of　which　he　made　the

most　absurd　confidences；complained　of　his　wife；　of　the　servants；　of

the　children；　of　life；　evidently　pleased　to　repeat　his　daily　speeches

to　a　friend　who；　not　having　heard　them　daily；　might　be　alarmed；　and

who　at　any　rate　was　forced　to　listen　out　of　politeness。　He　must　have

been　satisfied；　for　I　paid　him　the　utmost　attention；　trying　to

penetrate　his　inconceivable　nature；　and　to　guess　what　new　tortures　he

had　been　inflicting　on　his　wife；　of　which　she　had　not　written　to　me。

Henriette　presently　put　an　end　to　the　monologue　by　appearing　in　the

portico。　The　count　saw　her；　shook　his　head；　and　said　to　me：　〃You

listen　to　me；　Felix；　but　here　no　one　pities　me。〃



He　went　away；　as　if　aware　of　the　constraint　he　imposed　on　my

intercourse　with　Henriette；　or　perhaps　from　a　really　chivalrous

consideration　for　her；　knowing　he　could　give　her　pleasure　by　leaving

us　alone。　His　character　exhibited　contradictions　that　were　often

inexplicable；　he　was　jealous；　like　all　weak　beings；　but　his　confidence

in　his　wife's　sanctity　was　boundless。　It　may　have　been　the　sufferings

of　his　own　self…esteem；　wounded　by　the　superiority　of　that　lofty

virtue；　which　made　him　so　eager　to　oppose　every　wish　of　the　poor

woman；　whom　he　braved　as　children　brave　their　masters　or　their

mothers。



Jacques　was　taking　his　lessons；　and　Madeleine　was　being　dressed；　I　had

therefore　a　whole　hour　to　walk　with　the　countess　alone　on　the　terrace。



〃Dear　angel！〃　I　said；　〃the　chains　are　heavier；　the　sands　hotter；　the

thorns　grow　apace。〃



〃Hush！〃　she　said；　guessing　the　thoughts　my　conversation　with　the　count

had　suggested。　〃You　are　here；　and　all　is　forgotten！　I　don't　suffer；　I

have　never　suffered。〃



She　made　a　few　light　steps　as　if　to　shake　her　dress　and　give　to　the

breeze　its　ruches　of　snowy　tulle；　its　floating　sleeves　and　fresh

ribbons；　the　laces　of　her　pelerine；　and　the　flowing　curls　of　her

coiffure　a　la　Sevigne；　I　saw　her　for　the　first　time　a　young　girl；gay

with　her　natural　gaiety；　ready　to　frolic　like　a　child。　I　knew　then　the

meaning　of　tears　of　happiness；　I　knew　the　joy　a　man　feels　in　bringing

happiness　to　another。



〃Sweet　human　flower；　wooed　by　my　thought；　kissed　by　my　soul；　oh　my

lily！〃　I　cried；　〃untouched；　untouchable　upon　thy　stem；　white；　proud；

fragrant；　and　solitary〃



〃Enough；　enough；〃　she　said；　smiling。　〃Speak　to　me　of　yourself；　tell　me

everything。〃



Then；　beneath　the　swaying　arch　of　quivering　leaves；　we　had　a　long

conversation；　filled　with　interminable　parentheses；　subjects　taken；

dropped；　and　retaken；　in　which　I　told　her　my　life　and　my　occupations；

I　even　described　my　apartment　in　Paris；　for　she　wished　to　know

everything；　and　（happiness　then　unappreciated）　I　had　nothing　to

conceal。　Knowing　thus　my　soul　and　all　the　details　of　a　daily　life　full

of　incessant　toil；　learning　the　full　extent　of　my　functions；　which　to

any　one　not　sternly　upright　offered　opportunities　for　deception　and

dishonest　gains；　but　which　I　had　exercised　with　such　rigid　honor　that

the　king；　I　told　her；　called　me　Mademoiselle　de　Vandenesse；　she　seized

my　hand　and　kissed　it；　and　dropped　a　tear；　a　tear　of　joy；　upon　it。



This　sudden　transposition　of　our　roles；　this　homage；　coupled　with　the

thoughtswiftly　expressed　but　as　swiftly　comprehended〃Here　is　the

master　I　have　sought；　here　is　my　dream　embodied！〃　all　that　there　was

of　avowal　in　the　action；　grand　in　its　humility；　where　love　betrayed

itself　in　a　region　forbidden　to　the　senses；this　whirlwind　of

celestial　things　fell　on　my　heart　and　crushed　it。　I　felt　myself　too

small；　I　wished　to　die　at　her　feet。



〃Ah！〃　I　said；　〃you　surpass　us　in　all　things。　Can　you　doubt　me？for

you　did　doubt　me　just　now；　Henriette。〃



〃Not　now；〃　she　answered；　looking　at　me　with　ineffable　tenderness；

which；　for　a　moment；　veiled　the　light　of　her　eyes。　〃But　seeing　you　so

changed；　so　handsome；　I　said　to　myself；　'Our　plans　for　Madeleine　will

be　defeated　by　some　woman　who　will　guess　the　treasures　in　his　heart；

she　will　steal　our　Felix；　and　destroy　all　happiness　here。'〃



〃Always　Madeleine！〃　I　replied。　〃Is　it　Madeleine　to　whom　I　am

faithful？〃



We　fell　into　a　silence　which　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　inconveniently

interrupted。　I　was　forced　to　keep　up　a　conversation　bristling　with

difficulties；　in　which　my　honest　replies　as　to　the　king's　policy

jarred　with　the　count's　ideas；　and　he　forced　me　to　explain　again　and

again　the　king's　intentions。　In　spite　of　all　my　questions　as　to　his

horses；　his　agricultural　affairs；　whether　he　was　satisfied　with　his

five　farms；　whether　he　meant　to　cut　the　timber　of　the　old　avenue；　he

returned　to　the　subject　of　politics　with　the　pestering　faculty　of　an

old　maid　and　the　persistency　of　a　child。　Minds　like　his　prefer　to　dash

themselves　against　the　light；　they　return　again　and　again　and　hum

about　it　without　ever　getting　into　it；　like　those　big　flies　which

weary　our　ears　as　they　buzz　upon　the　glass。



Henriette　was　silent。　To　stop　the　conversation；　in　which　I　feared　my

young　blood　might　take　fire；　I　answered　in　monosyllables；　mostly

acquiescent；　avoiding　discussion；　but　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　had　too

much　sense　not　to　perceive　the　meaning　of　my　politeness。　Presently　he

was　angry　at　being　always　in　the　right；　he　grew　refractory；　his

eyebrows　and　the　wrinkles　of　his　forehead　worked；　his　yellow　eyes

blazed；　his　rufous　nose　grew　redder；　as　it　did　on　the　day　I　first

witnessed　an　attack　of　madness。　Henriette　gave　me　a　supplicating　look；

making　me　understand　that　she　could　not　employ　on　my　behalf　an

authority　to　which　she　had　recourse　to　protect　her　children。　I　at　once

answered　the　count　seriously；　taking　up　the　political　question；　and

managing　his　peevish　spirit　with　the　utmost　care。



〃Poor　dear！　poor　dear！〃　she　murmured　two　or　three　times；　the　words

reaching　my　ear　like　a　gentle　breeze。　When　she　could　intervene　with

success　she　said；　interrupting　us；　〃Let　me　tell　you；　gentlemen；　that

you　are　very　dull　company。〃



Recalled　by　this　conversation　to　his　chivalrous　sense　of　what　was　due

to　a　woman；　the　count　ceased　to　talk　politics；　and　as　we　bored　him　in

our　turn　by　commonplace　matters；　he　presently　left　us　to　continue　our

walk；　declaring　that　it　made　his　head　spin　to　go　round　and　round　on

the　same　path。



My　sad　conjectures　were　true。　The　soft　landscape；　the　warm　atmosphere；

the　cloudless　skies；　the　soothing　poetry　of　this　valley；　which　for

fifteen　years　had　calmed　the　stinging　fancies　of　that　diseased　mind；

were　now　impotent。　At　a　period　of　life　when　the　asperities　of　other

men　are　softened　and　their　angles　smoothed；　the　disposition　of　this

man　became　more　and　more　aggressive。　For　the　last　few　months　he　had

taken　a　habit　of　contradicting　for　the　sake　of　contradiction；　without

reason；　without　even　trying　to　justify　his　opinions；　he　insisted　on

knowing　the　why　and　the　wherefore　of　everything；　grew　restless　under　a

delay　or　an　omission；　meddled　with　every　item　of　the　household

affairs；　and　compelled　his　wife　and　the　servants　to　render　him　the

most　minute　and　fatiguing　account　of　all　that　was　done；　never　allowing

them　the　slightest　freedom　of　action。　Formerly　he　did　not　lose　his

temper　except　for　some　special　reason；　now　his　irritation　was

constant。　Perhaps　the　care　of　his　farms；　the　interests　of　agriculture；

an　active　out…door　life　had　formerly　soothed　his　atrabilious　temper　by

giving　it　a　field　for　its　uneasiness；　and　by　furnishing　employment　for

his　activity。　Possibly　the　loss　of　such　occupation　had　allowed　his

malady　to　prey　upon　itself；　no　longer　exercised　on　matters　without；　it

was　showing　itself　in　more　fixed　ideas；　the　moral　being　was　laying

hold　of　the　physical　being。　He　had　lately　become　his　own　doctor；　he

studied　medical　books；　fancied　he　had　the　diseases　he　read　of；　and

took　the　most　extraordinary　and　unheard　of　precautions　about　his

health；precautions　never　the　same；　impossible　to　foresee；　and

consequently　impossible　to　satisfy。　Sometimes　he　wanted　no　noise；

then；　when　the　countess　had　succeeded　in　establishing　absolute

silence；　he　would　declare　he　was　in　a　tomb；　and　blame　her　for　not

finding　some　medium　between　incessant　noise　and　the　stillness　of　La

Trappe。　Sometimes　he　affected　a　perfect　indifference　for　all　earthly

things。　Then　the　whole　household　breathed　freely；　the　children　played；

family　affairs　went　on　without　criticism。　Suddenly　he　would　cry　out

lamentably；　〃They　want　to　kill　me！My　dear；〃　he　would　say　to　his

wife；　increasing　the　injustice　of　his　words　by　the　aggravating　tones

of　his　sharp　vo