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are paid; my lady's income has dwindled away to a very

small sum; and she is as poor as you or I。



You would not think it when you saw her big carriage

rattling up to the drawing…room; and caught a glimpse of

her plumes; lappets; and diamonds; waving over her

ladyship's sandy hair and majestical hooked nose;you

would not think it when you hear 'Lady Susan Scraper's

carriage' bawled out at midnight so as to disturb all

Belgravia:you would not think it when she comes

rustling into church; the obsequious John behind with the

bag of Prayer…books。  Is it possible; you would say; that

so grand and awful a personage as that can be hard…up for

money?  Alas!  So it is。



She never heard such a word as Snob; I will engage; in

this wicked and vulgar world。  And; O stars and garters!

how she would start if she heard that sheshe; as solemn

as Minervashe; as chaste as Diana (without that heathen

goddess's unladylike propensity for field…sports)that

she too was a Snob!



A Snob she is; as long as she sets that prodigious value

upon herself; upon her name; upon her outward appearance;

and indulges in that intolerable pomposity; as long as

she goes parading abroad; like Solomon in all his glory;

as long as she goes to bedas I believe she doeswith a

turban and a bird of paradise in it; and a court train to

her night…gown; as long as she is so insufferably

virtuous and condescending; as long as she does not cut

at least one of those footmen down into mutton…chops for

the benefit of the young ladies。



I had my notions of her from my old schoolfellow;her

son Sydney Scrapera Chancery barrister without any

practicethe most placid; polite; and genteel of Snobs;

who never exceeded his allowance of two hundred a year;

and who may be seen any evening at the 'Oxford and

Cambridge Club;' simpering over the QUARTERLY REVIEW; in

the blameless enjoyment of his half…pint of port。







CHAPTER VII



ON SOME RESPECTABLE SNOBS



Look at the next house to Lady Susan Scraper's。  The

first mansion with the awning over the door: that canopy

will be let down this evening for the comfort of the

friends of Sir Alured and Lady S。 de Mogyns; whose

parties are so much admired by the public; and the givers

themselves。




Peach…coloured liveries laced with silver; and pea…green

plush inexpressibles; render the De Mogyns' flunkeys the

pride of the ring when they appear in Hyde Park where

Lady de Mogyns; as she sits upon her satin cushions; with

her dwarf spaniel in her arms; bows to the very selectest

of the genteel。  Times are altered now with Mary Anne;

or; as she calls herself; Marian de Mogyns。



She was the daughter of Captain Flack of the Rathdrum

Fencibles; who crossed with his regiment over from

Ireland to Caermarthenshire ever so many years ago; and

defended Wales from the Corsican invader。  The Rathdrums

were quartered at Pontydwdlm; where Marian wooed and won

her De Mogyns; a young banker in the place。  His

attentions to Miss Flack at a race ball were such that

her father said De Mogyns must either die on the field of

honour; or become his son…in…law。  He preferred marriage。

His name was Muggins then; and his fathera flourishing

banker; army…contractor; smuggler; and general jobber

almost disinherited him on account of this connection。



There is a story that Muggins the Elder was made a

baronet for having lent money to a R…y…l p…rs…n…ge。  I do

not believe it。  The R…y…l Family always paid their

debts; from the Prince of Wales downwards。



Howbeit; to his life's end he remained simple Sir Thomas

Muggins; representing Pontydwdlm in Parliament for many

years after the war。  The old banker died in course of

time; and to use the affectionate phrase common on such

occasions; 'cut up' prodigiously well。  His son; Alfred

Smith Mogyns; succeeded to the main portion of his

wealth; and to his titles and the bloody hand of his

scutcheon。  It was not for many years after that he

appeared as Sir Alured Mogyns Smyth de Mogyns; with a

genealogy found out for him by the Editor of 'Fluke's

Peerage;' and which appears as follows in that work:… 'De

Mogyns。Sir Alured Mogyns Smyth; Second Baronet。  This

gentleman is a representative of one of the most ancient

families of Wales; who trace their descent until it is

lost in the mists of antiquity。  A genealogical tree

beginning with Shem is in the possession of the family;

and is stated by a legend of many thousand years' date to

have been drawn on papyrus by a grandson of the patriarch

himself。  Be this as it may; there can be no doubt of the

immense antiquity of the race of Mogyns。



'In the time of Boadicea; Hogyn Mogyn; of the hundred

Beeves; was a suitor and a rival of Caractacus for the

hand of that Princess。  He was a person gigantic in

stature; and was slain by Suetonius in the battle which

terminated the liberties of Britain。  From him descended

directly the Princes of Pontydwdlm; Mogyn of the Golden

Harp (see the Mabinogion of Lady Charlotte Guest;) Bogyn…

Merodac…ap…Mogyn; (the black fiend son of Mogyn;) and a

long list of bards and warriors; celebrated both in Wales

and Armorica。  The independent Princes of Mogyn long held

out against the ruthless Kings of England; until finally

Gam Mogyns made his submission to Prince Henry; son of

Henry IV。; and under the name of Sir David Gam de Mogyns;

was distinguished at the battle of Agincourt。



》From him the present Baronet is descended。 (And here the

descent follows in order until it comes to) Thomas

Muggins; first Baronet of Pontydwdlm Castle; for 23 years

Member of Parliament for that borough; who had issue;

Alured Mogyns Smyth; the present Baronet; who married

Marian; daughter of the late general P。 Flack; of

Ballyflack; in the Kingdom of Ireland of the Counts Flack

of the H。 R。 Empire。  Sir Alured has issue; Alured

Caradoc; born 1819; Marian; 1811; Blanche Adeliza; Emily

Doria; Adelaide Obleans; Katinka Rostopchin; Patrick

Flack; died 1809。



'Armsa mullion garbled; gules on a saltire reversed of

the second。  Cresta tom…tit rampant regardant。  Motto

UNG ROY UNG MOGYNS。'



It was long before Lady de Mogyns shone as a star in the

fashionable world。  At first; poor Muggins was the in the

hands of the Flacks; the Clancys; the Tooles; the

Shanahans; his wife's Irish relations; and whilst he was

yet but heir…apparent; his house overflowed with claret

and the national nectar; for the benefit of Hibernian

relatives。  Tom Tufto absolutely left the street in which

they lived in London; because he said 'it was infected

with such a confounded smell of whisky from the house of

those IWISH people。'



It was abroad that they learned to be genteel。  They

pushed into all foreign courts; and elbowed their way

into the halls of Ambassadors。  They pounced upon the

stray nobility; and seized young lords travelling with

their bear…leaders。  They gave parties at Naples; Rome;

and Paris。  They got a Royal Prince to attend their

SOIREES at the latter place; and it was here that they

first appeared under the name of De Mogyns; which they

bear with such splendour to this day。



All sorts of stories are told of the desperate efforts

made by the indomitable Lady de Mogyns to gain the place

she now occupies; and those of my beloved readers who

live in middle life; and are unacquainted with the

frantic struggles; the wicked feuds; the intrigues;

cabals; and disappointments which; as I am given to

understand; reign in the fashionable world; may bless

their stars that they at least are not FASHIONABLE Snobs。

The intrigues set afoot by the De Mogyns to get the

Duchess of Buckskin to her parties; would strike a

Talleyrand with admiration。  She had a brain fever after

being disappointed of an invitation to Lady

Aldermanbury's THE DANSANT; and would have committed

suicide but for a ball at Windsor。  I have the following

story from my noble friend Lady Clapperclaw herself;

Lady Kathleen O'Shaughnessy that was; and daughter of the

Earl of Turfanthunder:…



'When that odious disguised Irishwoman; Lady Muggins; was

struggling to take her place in the world; and was

bringing out her hidjous daughter Blanche;' said old Lady

Clapperclaw'Marian has a hump…back and doesn't show;

but she's the only lady in the family)when that

wretched Polly Muggins was bringing out Blanche; with her

radish of a nose; and her carrots of ringlets; and her

turnip for a face; she was most anxiousas her father

had been a cowboy on my father's landto be patronized

by us; and asked me point…blank; in the midst of a

silence at Count Volauvent's; the French Ambassador's

dinner; why I had not sent her a card for my ball?



'〃Because my rooms are already too full; and your

ladyship would be crowded inconveniently;〃 says I; indeed

she takes up as much room as an elephant: besides I

wouldn't have her; and that was flat。



'I

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