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of Hart。  Sir Andrew Katz; founder of the Carabas family

and banker of the Prince of Horange; Kneller。  Her

present Ladyship; by Lawrence。  Lord St。 Michaels; by the

samehe is represented sittin' on a rock in velvit

pantaloons。  Moses in the bullrushesthe bull very fine;

by Paul Potter。  The toilet of Venus; Fantaski。  Flemish

Bores drinking; Van Ginnums。  Jupiter and Europia; de

Horn。  The Grandjunction Canal; Venis; by Candleetty; and

Italian Bandix; by Slavata Rosa。'And so this worthy

woman went on; from one room into another; from the blue

room to the green; and the green to the grand saloon; and

the grand saloon to the tapestry closet; cackling her

list of pictures and wonders: and furtively turning up a

corner of brown holland to show the colour of the old;

faded; seedy; mouldy; dismal hangings。



At last we came to her Ladyship's bed…room。  In the

centre of this dreary apartment there is a bed about the

size of one of those whizgig temples in which the Genius

appears in a pantomime。  The huge gilt edifice is

approached by steps; and so tall; that it might be let

off in floors; for sleeping…rooms for all the Carabas

family。  An awful bed!  A murder might be done at one end

of that bed; and people sleeping at the other end be

ignorant of it。  Gracious powers! fancy little Lord

Carabas in a nightcap ascending those steps after putting

out the candle!



The sight of that seedy and solitary splendour was too

much for me。  I should go mad were I that lonely

housekeeperin those enormous galleriesin that lonely

library; filled up with ghastly folios that nobody dares

read; with an inkstand on the centre table like the

coffin of a baby; and sad portraits staring at you from

the bleak walls with their solemn Mouldy eyes。  No wonder

that Carabas does not come down here often。



It would require two thousand footmen to make the place

cheerful。  No wonder the coachman resigned his wig; that

the masters are insolvent; and the servants perish in

this huge dreary out…at…elbow place。



A single family has no more right to build itself a

temple of that sort than to erect a Tower of Babel。  Such

a habitation is not decent for a mere mortal man。  But;

after all; I suppose poor Carabas had no choice。  Fate

put him there as it sent Napoleon to St。 Helena。  Suppose

it had been decreed by Nature that you and I should be

Marquises?  We wouldn't refuse; I suppose; but take

Castle Carabas and all; with debts; duns; and mean

makeshifts; and shabby pride; and swindling magnificence。



Next season; when I read of Lady Carabas's splendid

entertainments in the MORNING POST; and see the poor old

insolvent cantering through the ParkI shall have a much

tenderer interest in these great people than I have had

heretofore。  Poor old shabby Snob!  Ride on and fancy the

world is still on its knees before the house of Carabas!

Give yourself airs; poor old bankrupt Magnifico; who are

under money…obligations to your flunkeys; and must stoop

so as to swindle poor tradesmen!  And for us; O my

brother Snobs; oughtn't we to feel happy if our walk

through life is more even; and that we are out of the

reach of that surprising arrogance and that astounding

meanness to which this wretched old victim is obliged to

mount and descend。







CHAPTER XXIX



A VISIT TO SOME COUNTRY SNOBS



Notable as my reception had been (under that unfortunate

mistake of Mrs。 Ponto that I was related to Lord

Snobbington; which I was not permitted to correct); it

was nothing compared to the bowing and kotooing; the

raptures and flurry which preceded and welcomed the visit

of a real live lord and lord's son; a brother officer of

Cornet Wellesley Ponto; in the 120th Hussars; who came

over with the young Cornet from Guttlebury; where their

distinguished regiment was quartered。  This was my Lord

Gules; Lord Saltire's grandson and heir: a very young;

short; sandy…haired and tobacco…smoking nobleman; who

cannot have left the nursery very long; and who; though

he accepted the honest Major's invitation to the

Evergreens in a letter written in a school…boy

handwriting; with a number of faults of spelling; may yet

be a very fine classical scholar for what I know: having

had his education at Eton; where he and young Ponto were

inseparable。



At any rate; if he can't write; he has mastered a number

of other accomplishments wonderful for one of his age and

size。  He is one of the best shots and riders in England。

He rode his horse Abracadabra; and won the famous

Guttlebury steeple…chase。  He has horses entered at half

the races in the country (under other people's names; for

the old lord is a strict hand; and will not hear of

betting or gambling)。  He has lost and won such sums of

money as my Lord George himself might be proud of。  He

knows all the stables; and all the jockeys; and has all

the 'information;' and is a match for the best Leg at

Newmarket。  Nobody was ever known to be 'too much' for

him at play or in the stable。



Although his grandfather makes him a moderate allowance;

by the aid of POST…OBITS and convenient friends he can

live in a splendour becoming his rank。  He has not

distinguished himself in the knocking down of policemen

much; he is not big enough for that。  But; as a light…

weight; his skill is of the very highest order。  At

billiards he is said to be first…rate。  He drinks and

smokes as much as any two of the biggest officers in his

regiment。  With such high talents; who can say how far he

may not go?  He may take to politics as a DELASSEMENT;

and be Prime Minister after Lord George Bentinck。



My young friend Wellesley Ponto is a gaunt and bony

youth; with a pale face profusely blotched。  From his

continually pulling something on his chin; I am led to

fancy that he believes he has what is called an Imperial

growing there。  That is not the only tuft that is hunted

in the family; by the way。  He can't; of course; indulge

in those expensive amusements which render his

aristocratic comrade so respected: he bets pretty freely

when he is in cash; and rides when somebody mounts him

(for he can't afford more than his regulation chargers)。

At drinking he is by no means inferior; and why do you

think he brought his noble friend; Lord Gules; to the

Evergreens?Why? because he intended to ask his mother

to order his father to pay his debts; which she couldn't

refuse before such an exalted presence。  Young Ponto gave

me all this information with the most engaging frankness。

We are old friends。  I used to tip him when he was at

school。



'Gad!': says he; 'our wedgment's so DOOTHID exthpenthif。

Must hunt; you know。  A man couldn't live in the wedgment

if he didn't。  Mess expenses enawmuth。  Must dine at

mess。  Must drink champagne and claret。  Ours ain't a

port and sherry light…infantry mess。  Uniform's awful。

Fitzstultz; our Colonel; will have 'em so。  Must be a

distinction you know。  At his own expense Fitzstultz

altered the plumes in the men's caps (you called them

shaving…brushes; Snob; my boy: most absurd and unjust

that attack of yours; by the way); that altewation alone

cotht him five hundred pound。  The year befaw latht he

horthed the wegiment at an immenthe expenthe; and we're

called the Queen'th Own Pyebalds from that day。  Ever

theen uth on pawade?  The Empewar Nicolath burtht into

tearth of envy when he thaw uth at Windthor。  And you

see;' continued my young friend; 'I brought Gules down

with me; as the Governor is very sulky about shelling

out; just to talk my mother over; who can do anything

with him。   Gules told her that I was Fitzstultz's

favourite of the whole regiment; and; Gad! she thinks the

Horse Guards will give me my troop for nothing; and he

humbugged the Governor that I was the greatest screw in

the army。  Ain't it a good dodge?'



With this Wellesley left me to go and smoke a cigar in

the stables with Lord Gules; and make merry over the

cattle there; under Stripes's superintendence。  Young

Ponto laughed with his friend; at the venerable four…

wheeled cruelty…chaise; but seemed amazed that the latter

should ridicule still more an ancient chariot of the

build of 1824; emblazoned immensely with the arme of the

Pontos and the Snaileys; from which latter distinguished

family Mrs。 Ponto issued。



I found poor Pon in his study among his boots; in such a

rueful attitude of despondency; that I could not but

remark it。  'Look at that!' says the poor fellow; handing

me over a document。  'It's the second change in uniform

since he's been in the army; and yet there's no

extravagance about the lad。  Lord Gules tells me he is

the most careful youngster in the regiment; God bless

him! But look at that! by heaven; Snob; look at that and

say how can a man of nine hundred keep out of the Bench?'

He gave a sob as he handed me the paper across the table;

and his old face; and his old

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