the book of snobs-第23节

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brought　your　valet　with　you？　　Stripes　will　arrange　your

dressing　things；'　and　that　functionary；　entering　at　the

same　time；　proceeded　to　gut　my　portmanteau；　and　to　lay

out　the　black　kerseymeres；　'the　rich　cut　velvet　Genoa

waistcoat；'　the　white　choker；　and　other　polite　articles

of　evening　costume；　with　great　gravity　and　despatch。　　'A

great　dinner…party；'　thinks　I　to　myself；　seeing　these

preparations　（and　not；　perhaps；　displeased　at　the　idea

that　some　of　the　best　people　in　the　neighbourhood　were

coming　to　see　me）。　　'Hark；　theres　the　first　bell　ringing！

'said　Ponto；　moving　away；　and；　in　fact；　a　clamorous

harbinger　of　victuals　began　clanging　from　the　stable

turret；　and　announced　the　agreeable　fact　that　dinner

would　appear　in　half…an…hour。　　'If　the　dinner　is　as　grand

as　the　dinner…bell；'　thought　I；　'faith；　I'm　in　good

quarters！'　and　had　leisure；　during　the　half…hour's

interval；　not　only　to　advance　my　own　person　to　the　utmost

polish　of　elegance　which　it　is　capable　of　receiving；　to

admire　the　pedigree　of　the　Pontos　hanging　over　the

chimney；　and　the　Ponto　crest　and　arms　emblazoned　on　the

wash…hand　basin　and　jug；　but　to　make　a　thousand

reflections　on　the　happiness　of　a　country　lifeupon　the

innocent　friendliness　and　cordiality　of　rustic

intercourse；　and　to　sigh　for　an　opportunity　of　retiring；

like　Ponto；　to　my　own　fields；　to　my　own　vine　and　fig…

tree；　with　a　placens　uxor　in　my　domus；　and　a　half…score

of　sweet　young　pledges　of　affection　sporting　round　my

paternal　knee。



Clang！　　At　the　end　of　thirty　minutes；　dinner…bell　number

two　pealed　from　the　adjacent　turret。　　I　hastened

downstairs；　expecting　to　find　a　score　of　healthy　country

folk　in　the　drawing…room。　　There　was　only　one　person

there；　a　tall　and　Roman…nosed　lady；　glistering　over　with

bugles；　in　deep　mourning。　　She　rose；　advanced　two　steps；

made　a　majestic　curtsey；　during　which　all　the　bugles　in

her　awful　head…dress　began　to　twiddle　and　quiverand

then　said；　'Mr。　Snob；　we　are　very　happy　to　see　you　at　the

Evergreens；'　and　heaved　a　great　sigh。



This；　then；　was　Mrs。　Major　Ponto；　to　whom　making　my　very

best　bow；　I　replied；　that　I　was　very　proud　to　make　her

acquaintance；　as　also　that　of　so　charming　a　place　as　the

Evergreens。



Another　sigh。　　'We　are　distantly　related；　Mr。　Snob；'　said

she；　shaking　her　melancholy　head。　　'Poor　dear　Lord

Rubadub！'



'Oh！'　said　I；　not　knowing　what　the　deuce　Mrs。　Major　Ponto

meant。



'Major　Ponto　told　me　that　you　were　of　the　Leicestershire

Snobs：　a　very　old　family；　and　related　to　Lord

Snobbington；　who　married　Laura　Rubadub；　who　is　a　cousin

of　mine；　as　was　her　poor　dear　father；　for　whom　we　are

mourning。　　What　a　seizure！　only　sixty…three；　and　apoplexy

quite　unknown　until　now　in　our　family！　　In　life　we　are　in

death；　Mr。　Snob。　　Does　Lady　Snobbington　bear　the

deprivation　well？'



'Why；　really；　ma'am；　II　don't　know；'　I　replied；　more

and　more　confused。



As　she　was　speaking　I　heard　a　sort　of　CLOOP；　by　which

well…known　sound　I　was　aware　that　somebody　was　opening　a

bottle　of　wine；　and　Ponto　entered；　in　a　huge　white

neckcloth；　and　a　rather　shabby　black　suit。



'My　love；'　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　said　to　her　husband；　'we　were

talking　of　our　cousinpoor　dear　Lord　Rubadub。　　His　death

has　placed　some　of　the　first　families　in　England　in

mourning。　　Does　Lady　Rubadub　keep　the　house　in　Hill

Street；　do　you　know？'



I　didn't　know；　but　I　said；　'I　believe　she　does；'　at　a

venture；　and；　looking　down　to　the　drawing…room　table；　saw

the　inevitable；　abominable；　maniacal；　absurd；　disgusting

'Peerage'　open　on　the　table；　interleaved　with

annotations；　and　open　at　the　article　'Snobbington。'



'Dinner　is　served；'　says　Stripes；　flinging　open　the　door；

and　I　gave　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　my　arm。







CHAPTER　XXV



A　VISIT　TO　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



Of　the　dinner　to　which　we　now　sat　down；　I　am　not　going　to

be　a　severe　critic。　　The　mahogany　I　hold　to　be

inviolable；　but　this　I　will　say；　that　I　prefer　sherry　to

marsala　when　I　can　get　it；　and　the　latter　was　the　wine　of

which　I　have　no　doubt　I　heard　the　'cloop'　just　before

dinner。　　Nor　was　it　particularly　good　of　its　kind；

however；　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　did　not　evidently　know　the

difference；　for　she　called　the　liquor　Amontillado　during

the　whole　of　the　repast；　and　drank　but　half　a　glass　of

it；　leaving　the　rest　for　the　Major　and　his　guest。



Stripes　was　in　the　livery　of　the　Ponto　familya　thought

shabby；　but　gorgeous　in　the　extremelots　of　magnificent

worsted　lace；　and　livery　buttons　of　a　very　notable　size。

The　honest　fellow's　hands；　I　remarked；　were　very　large

and　black；　and　a　fine　odour　of　the　stable　was　wafted

about　the　room　as　he　moved　to　and　fro　in　his

ministration。　　I　should　have　preferred　a　clean

maidservant；　but　the　sensations　of　Londoners　are　too

acute　perhaps　on　these　subjects；　and　a　faithful　John；

after　all；　IS　more　genteel。



》From　the　circumstance　of　the　dinner　being　composed　of

pig's…head　mock…turtle　soup；　of　pig's　fry　and　roast　ribs

of　pork；　I　am　led　to　imagine　that　one　of　Ponto's　black

Hampshires　had　been　sacrificed　a　short　time　previous　to

my　visit。　　It　was　an　excellent　and　comfortable　repast；

only　there　WAS　rather　a　sameness　in　it；　certainly。　　I

made　a　similar　remark　the　next　day'。



During　the　dinner　Mrs。　Ponto　asked　me　many　questions

regarding　the　nobility；　my　relatives。　　'When　Lady

Angelina　Skeggs　would　come　out；　and　if　the　countess　her

mamma'　（this　was　said　with　much　archness　and　he…he…ing）

'still　wore　that　extraordinary　purple　hair…dye？'

'Whether　my　Lord　Guttlebury　kept；　besides　his　French

chef；　and　an　English　cordonbleu　for　the　roasts；　an

Italian　for　the　confectionery？'



'Who　attended　at　Lady　Clapperclaw's　conversazioni？'　and

'whether　Sir　John　Champignon's　〃Thursday　Mornings〃　were

pleasant？'　　'Was　it　true　that　Lady　Carabas；　wanting　to

pawn　her　diamonds；　found　that　they　were　paste；　and　that

the　Marquis　had　disposed　of　them　beforehand？'　　'How　was

it　that　Snuffin；　the　great　tobacco…merchant；　broke　off

the　marriage　which　was　on　the　tapis　between　him　and　their

second　daughter；　and　was　it　true　that　a　mulatto　lady　came

over　from　the　Havanna　and　forbade　the　match？'



'Upon　my　word；　Madam；'　I　had　begun；　and　was　going　on　to

say　that　I　didn't　know　one　word　about　all　these　matters

which　seemed　so　to　interest　Mrs。　Major　Ponto；　when　the

Major；　giving　me　a　tread　or　stamp　with　his　large　foot

under　the　table；　said　'Come；　come；　Snob　my　boy；　we　are

all　tiled；　you　know。　　We　KNOW　you're　one　of　the

fashionable　people　about　town：　we　saw　your　name　at　Lady

Clapperclaw's　SOIREES；　and　the　Champignon　breakfasts；　and

as　for　the　Rubadubs；　of　course；　as　relations　…'



'Oh；　of　course；　I　dine　there　twice　a…week；'　I　said；　and

then　I　remembered　that　my　cousin；　Humphry　Snob；　of　the

Middle　Temple；　IS　a　great　frequenter　of　genteel

societies；　and　to　have　seen　his　name　in　the　MORNING　POST

at　the　tag…end　of　several　party　lists。　　So；　taking　the

hint；　I　am　ashamed　to　say　I　indulged　Mrs。　Major　Ponto

with　a　deal　of　information　about　the　first　families　in

England；　such　as　would　astonish　those　great　personages　if

they　knew　it。　　I　described　to　her　most　accurately　the

three　reigning　beauties　of　last　season　at　Almack's：　told

her　in　confidence　that　his　Grace　the　D…　of　W…　was

going　to　be　married　the　day　after　his　Statue　was　put　up；

that　his　Grace　the　D…　of　D…　was　also　about　to　lead

the　fourth　daughter　of　the　Archduke　Stephen　to　the

hymeneal　altar：and　talked　to　her；　in　a　word；　just　in

the　style　of　Mrs。　Gore's　last　fashionable　novel。



Mrs。　Major　was　quite　fascinated　by　this　brilliant

conversation。　　She　began　to　trot　out　scraps　of　French；

just　for　all　the　world　as　they　do　in　the　novels；　and

kissed　her　hand　to　me　quite　graciously；　telling　me　to

come　soon　to　caffy；　UNG　PU　DE　MUSICK　O　SALONGwith　which

she　tripped　off　like　an　elderly　fairy。



'Shall　I　open　a　bottle　of　port；　or　do　you　ever　drink　such

a　thing　as　Hollands　and　water？'　says　Ponto；　looking

ruefully　at　me。　　This　was　a　very　different　style　of　thing

to　what　I　had　been　led　to　expect　from　him　at　our　smoking…

room　at　the　Club：　where　he　swaggers　about　his　horses　and

his　cellar：　and　slapping　me　on　the　shoulder　used　to　say；

'Come　down　to　Mangelwurzelshire；　Snob　my　boy；　and　I'll

give　you　as　good　a　day's　shooting　and　as　good　a　glass　of

claret　as　any　in　the　county。''Well；'　I　said；　'I　like

Hollands　much　better　than　port；　and　gin　even　better　than

Hollands。'　　This　was　lucky。　　　It　WAS　gin；　and　Stripes

brought　in　hot　water　on　a　splendid　plated　tray。



The　jingling　of　a　harp　and　piano　soon　announced　that　Mrs。

Ponto's　ung　PU　DE　MUSICK　had　commenced；　and　the　smell　of

the　stable　again　entering　the　dining…room；　in　the　person

of　Stripes；　summoned　us　to　CAFFY　and　the　little　concert。

She　beckoned　me　with　a　winning　smile　to　the　sofa；　on

which　she　made　room　for　me；　and　where　we　could　command　a

fine　view　of　the　backs　of　the　young　ladies　who　were