the book of snobs-第20节

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on　the　foredeck　in　a　travelling　costume　checked　all　over；

and　in　little　lacquer…tip　pod　jean　boots；　and　a　shirt

embroidered　with　pink　boa…constrictors。　　'What　is　it　that

gives　travelling　Snobs　such　a　marvellous　propensity　to

rush　into　a　costume？　　Why　should　a　man　not　travel　in　a

coat；　&c。？　but　think　proper　to　dress　himself　like　a

harlequin　in　mourning？　　See；　even　young　Aldermanbury；　the

tallow…merchant；　who　has　just　stepped　on　board；　has　got　a

travelling…dress　gaping　all　over　with　pockets；　and　little

Tom　Tapeworm；　the　lawyer's　clerk　out　of　the　City；　who　has

but　three　weeks'　leave；　turns　out　in　gaiters　and　a　bran…

new　shooting…jacket；　and　must　let　the　moustaches　grow　on

his　little　sniffy　upper　lip；　forsooth！



Pompey　Hicks　is　giving　elaborate　directions　to　his

servant；　and　asking　loudly；　'Davis；　where's　the　dwessing…

case？'　and　'Davis；　you'd　best　take　the　pistol…case　into

the　cabin。'　　Little　Pompey　travels　with　a　dressing…case；

and　without　a　beard：　whom　he　is　going　to　shoot　with　his

pistols；　who　on　earth　can　tell？　and　what　he　is　to　do　with

his　servant　but　wait　upon　him；　I　am　at　a　loss　to

conjecture。



Look　at　honest　Nathan　Houndsditch　and　his　lady；　and　their

little　son。　　What　a　noble　air　of　blazing　contentment

illuminates　the　features　of　those　Snobs　of　Eastern　race！

What　a　toilette　Houndsditch's　is！　　What　rings　and　chains；

what　gold…headed　canes　and　diamonds；　what　a　tuft　the

rogue　has　got　to　his　chin　（the　rogue！　he　will　never　spare

himself　any　cheap　enjoyment！）　Little　Houndsditch　has　a

little　cane　with　a　gilt　head　and　little　mosaic　ornaments…

…altogether　an　extra　air。　　As　for　the　lady；　she　is　all

the　colours　of　the　rainbow！　she　has　a　pink　parasol；　with

a　white　lining；　and　a　yellow　bonnet；　and　an　emerald　green

shawl；　and　a　shot…silk　pelisse；　and　drab　boots　and

rhubarb…coloured　gloves；　and　parti…coloured　glass

buttons；　expanding　from　the　size　of　a　fourpenny…piece　to

a　crown；　glitter　and　twiddle　all　down　the　front　of　her

gorgeous　costume。　　I　have　said　before；　I　like　to　look　at

'the　Peoples'　on　their　gala　days；　they　are　so

picturesquely　and　outrageously　splendid　and　happy。



Yonder　comes　Captain　Bull；　spick　and　span；　tight　and

trim；　who　travels　for　four　or　six　months　every　year　of

his　life；　who　does　not　commit　himself　by　luxury　of

raiment　or　insolence　of　demeanour；　but　I　think　is　as

great　a　Snob　as　any　man　on　board。　　Bull　passes　the　season

in　London；　sponging　for　dinners；　and　sleeping　in　a　garret

near　his　Club。　　Abroad；　he　has　been　everywhere；　he　knows

the　best　wine　at　every　inn　in　every　capital　in　Europe；

lives　with　the　best　English　company　there；　has　seen　every

palace　and　picture…gallery　from　Madrid　to　Stockholm；

speaks　an　abominable　little　jargon　of　half…a…dozen

languagesand　knows　nothingnothing。　　Bull　hunts　tufts

on　the　Continent；　and　is　a　sort　of　amateur　courier。　　He

will　scrape　acquaintance　with　old　Carabas　before　they

make　Ostend；　and　will　remind　his　lordship　that　he　met　him

at　Vienna　twenty　years　ago；　or　gave　him　a　glass　of

Schnapps　up　the　Righi。　　We　have　said　Bull　knows　nothing：

he　knows　the　birth；　arms；　and　pedigree　of　all　the

peerage；　has　poked　his　little　eyes　into　every　one　of　the

carriages　on　boardtheir　panels　noted　and　their　crests

surveyed；　he　knows　all　the　Continental　stories　of　English

scandalhow　Count　Towrowski　ran　off　with　Miss　Baggs　at

Napleshow　VERY　thick　Lady　Smigsmag　was　with　young

Cornichon　of　the　French　Legation　at　Florencethe　exact

amount　which　Jack　Deuceace　won　of　Bob　Greengoose　at

Badenwhat　it　is　that　made　the　Staggs　settle　on　the

Continent：　the　sum　for　which　the　O'Goggarty　estates　are

mortgaged；　&c。　　If　he　can't　catch　a　lord　he　will　hook　on

to　a　baronet；　or　else　the　old　wretch　will　catch　hold　of

some　beardless　young　stripling　of　fashion；　and　show　him

'life'　in　various　and　amiable　and　inaccessible　quarters。

Faugh！　the　old　brute！　　If　he　has　every　one　of　the　vices

of　the　most　boisterous　youth；　at　least　he　is　comforted　by

having　no　conscience。　　He　is　utterly　stupid；　but　of　a

jovial　turn；　He　believes　himself　to　be　quite　a

respectable　member　of　society：　but　perhaps　the　only　good

action　he　ever　did　in　his　life　is　the　involuntary　one　of

giving　an　example　to　be　avoided；　and　showing　what　an

odious　thing　in　the　social　picture　is　that　figure　of　the

debauched　old　man　who　passes　through　life　rather　a

decorous　Silenus；　and　dies　some　day　in　his　garret；　alone；

unrepenting；　and　unnoted；　save　by　his　astonished　heirs；

who　find　that　the　dissolute　old　miser　has　left　money

behind　him。　　See！　he　is　up　to　old　Carabas　already！　　I

told　you　he　would。



Yonder　you　see　the　old　Lady　Mary　MacScrew；　and　those

middle…aged　young　women　her　daughters；　they　are　going　to

cheapen　and　haggle　in　Belgium　and　up　the　Rhine　until　they

meet　with　a　boarding…house　where　they　can　live　upon　less

board…wages　than　her　ladyship　pays　her　footmen。　　But　she

will　exact　and　receive　considerable　respect　from　the

British　Snobs　located　in　the　watering　place　which　she

selects　for　her　summer　residence；　being　the　daughter　of

the　Earl　of　Haggistoun。　　That　broad…shouldered　buck；　with

the　great　whiskers　and　the　cleaned　white　kid…gloves；　is

Mr。　Phelim　Clancy　of　Poldoodystown：　he　calls　himself　Mr。

De　Clancy；　he　endeavours　to　disguise　his　native　brogue

with　the　richest　superposition　of　English；　and　if　you

play　at　billiards　or　ECARTE　with　him；　the　chances　are

that　you　will　win　the　first　game；　and　he　the　seven　or

eight　games　ensuing。



That　overgrown　lady　with　the　four　daughters；　and　the

young　dandy　from　the　University；　her　son；　is　Mrs。　Kewsy；

the　eminent　barrister's　lady；　who　would　rather　die　than

not　be　in　the　fashion。　　She　has　the　'Peerage'　in　her

carpet…bag；　you　may　be　sure；　but　she　is　altogether　cut

out　by　Mrs。　Quod；　the　attorney's　wife；　whose　carriage；

with　the　apparatus　of　rumbles；　dickeys；　and　imperials；

scarcely　yields　in　splendour　to　the　Marquis　of　Carabas's

own　travelling…chariot；　and　whose　courier　has　even　bigger

whiskers　and　a　larger　morocco　money…bag　than　the

Marquis's　own　travelling　gentleman。　　Remark　her　well：　she

is　talking　to　Mr。　Spout；　the　new　Member　for　Jawborough；

who　is　going　out　to　inspect　the　operations　of　the

Zollverein；　and　will　put　some　very　severe　questions　to

Lord　Palmerston　next　session　upon　England　and　her

relations　with　the　Prussian…blue　trade；　the　Naples…soap

trade；　the　German…tinder　trade；　&c。　　Spout　will　patronize

King　Leopold　at　Brussels；　will　write　letters　from　abroad

to　the　JAWBOROUGH　INDEPENDENT；　and　in　his　quality　of

MEMBER　DU　PARLIAMONG　BRITANNIQUE；　will　expect　to　be

invited　to　a　family　dinner　with　every　sovereign　whose

dominions　he　honours　with　a　visit　during　his　tour。



The　next　person　isbut　hark！　the　bell　for　shore　is

ringing；　and；　shaking　Snook's　hand　cordially；　we　rush　on

to　the　pier；　waving　him　a　farewell　as　the　noble　black

ship　cuts　keenly　through　the　sunny　azure　waters；　bearing

away　that　cargo　of　Snobs　outward　bound。







CHAPTER　XXII



CONTINENTAL　SNOBBERY　CONTINUED



We　are　accustomed　to　laugh　at　the　French　for　their

braggadocio　propensities；　and　intolerable　vanity　about　La

France；　la　gloire；　l'Empereur；　and　the　like；　and　yet　I

think　in　my　heart　that　the　British　Snob；　for　conceit　and

self…sufficiency　and　braggartism　in　his　way；　is　without　a

parallel。　　There　is　always　something　uneasy　in　a

Frenchman's　conceit。　He　brags　with　so　much　fury；

shrieking；　and　gesticulation；　yells　out　so　loudly　that

the　Francais　is　at　the　head　of　civilization；　the　centre

of　thought；　&c。；　that　one　can't　but　see　the　poor　fellow

has　a　lurking　doubt　in　his　own　mind　that　he　is　not　the

wonder　he　professes　to　be。



About　the　British　Snob；　on　the　contrary；　there　is

commonly　no　noise；　no　bluster；　but　the　calmness　of

profound　conviction。　　We　are　better　than　all　the　world；

we　don't　question　the　opinion　at　all；　it's　an　axiom。　　And

when　a　Frenchman　bellows　out；　'LA　FRANCE；　MONSIEUR；　LA

FRANCE　EST　A　LA　TETE　DU　MONDE　CIVILISE！'　we　laugh　good…

naturedly　at　the　frantic　poor　devil。　　WE　are　the　first

chop　of　the　world：　we　know　the　fact　so　well　in　our　secret

hearts　that　a　claim　set　up　elsewhere　is　simply　ludicrous。

My　dear　brother　reader；　say；　as　a　man　of　honour；　if　you

are　not　of　this　opinion？　Do　you　think　a　Frenchman　your

equal？　　You　don'tyou　gallant　British　Snobyou　know　you

don't：　no　more；　perhaps；　does　the　Snob　your　humble

servant；　brother。



And　I　am　inclined　to　think　it　is　this　conviction；　and　the

consequent　bearing　of　the　Englishman　towards　the

foreigner　whom　he　condescends　to　visit；　this　confidence

of　superiority　which　holds　up　the　head　of　the　owner　of

every　English　hat…box　from　Sicily　to　St。　Petersburg；　that

makes　us　so　magnificently　hated　throughout　Europe　as　we

are；　thismore　than　all　our　little　victories；　and　of

which　many　Frenchmen　and　Spaniards　have　never　heardthis

amazing　and　indomitable　insular　pride；　which　animates　my

lord　in　his　travelling…carriage　as　wel