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priest should shrink and dwindle away before the

indignation of an enlightened world。



But the worst of all University Snobs are those

unfortunates who go to rack and ruin from their desire to

ape their betters。  Smith becomes acquainted with great

people at college; and is ashamed of his father the

tradesman。  Jones has fine acquaintances; and lives after

their fashion like a gay free…hearted fellow as he is;

and ruins his father; and robs his sister's portion; and

cripples his younger brother's outset in life; for the

pleasure of entertaining my lord; and riding by the side

of Sir John。  And though it may be very good fun for

Robinson to fuddle himself at home as he does at College;

and to be brought home by the policeman he has just been

trying to knock down think what fun it is for the poor

old soul his mother!the half…pay captain's widow; who

has been pinching herself all her life long; in order

that that jolly young fellow might have a University

education。







CHAPTER XVI



ON LITERARY SNOBS



What will he say about Literary Snobs? has been a

question; I make no doubt; often asked by the public。

How can he let off his own profession?  Will that

truculent and unsparing monster who attacks the nobility;

the clergy; the army; and the ladies; indiscriminately;

hesitate when the turn comes to EGORGER his own flesh

and blood?



My dear and excellent querist; whom does the schoolmaster

flog so resolutely as his own son?  Didn't Brutus chop

his offspring's head off?  You have a very bad opinion

indeed of the present state of literature and of literary

men; if you fancy that any one of us would hesitate to

stick a knife into his neighbour penman; if the latter's

death could do the State any service。



But the fact is; that in the literary profession THERE

ARE NO SNOBS。  Look round at the whole body of British

men of letters; and I defy you to point out among them a

single instance of vulgarity; or envy; or assumption。



Men and women; as far as I have known them; they are all

modest in their demeanour; elegant in their manners;

spotless in their lives; and honourable in their conduct

to the world and to each other。  You MAY; occasionally;

it is true; hear one literary man abusing his brother;

but why?  Not in the least out of malice; not at all from

envy; merely from a sense of truth and public duty。

Suppose; for instance; I; good…naturedly point out a

blemish in my friend MR。 PUNCH'S person; and say; MR。 P。

has a hump…back; and his nose and chin are more crooked

than those features in the Apollo or Antinous; which we

are accustomed to consider as our standards of beauty;

does this argue malice on my part towards MR。 PUNCH?  Not

in the least。  It is the critic's duty to point out

defects as well as merits; and he invariably does his

duty with utmost gentleness and candour。



An intelligent foreigner's testimony about our manners is

always worth having; and I think; in this respect the

work of an eminent American; Mr。 N。 P。 Willis is

eminently valuable and impartial。  In his 'History of

Ernest Clay;' a crack magazine…writer; the reader will

get an exact account of the life of a popular man of

letters in England。  He is always the lion of society。



He takes the PAS of dukes and earls; all the nobility

crowd to see him: I forget how many baronesses and

duchesses fall in love with him。  But on this subject let

us hold our tongues。  Modesty forbids that we should

reveal the names of the heart…broken countesses and dear

marchionesses who are pining for every one of the

contributors in PUNCH。



If      anybody wants to know how intimately authors are

connected with the fashionable world; they have but to

read the genteel novels。  What refinement and delicacy

pervades the works of Mrs。 Barnaby!   What delightful

good company do you meet with in Mrs。 Armytage!  She

seldom introduces you to anybody under a marquis!  I

don't know anything more delicious than the pictures of

genteel life in 'Ten Thousand a Year;' except perhaps the

'Young Duke;' and 'Coningsby。'  There's a modest grace

about THEM; and an air of easy high fashion; which only

belongs to blood; my dear Sirto true blood。



And what linguists many of our writers are!  Lady Bulwer;

Lady Londonderry; Sir Edward himselfthey write the

French language with a luxurious elegance and ease which

sets them far above their continental rivals; of whom not

one (except Paul de Kock) knows a word of English。



And what Briton can read without enjoyment the works of

James; so admirable for terseness; and the playful humour

and dazzling offhand lightness of Ainsworth?  Among other

humourists; one might glance at a Jerrold; the chivalrous

advocate of Toryism and Church and State; an a Beckett;

with a lightsome pen; but a savage earnestness of

purpose; a Jeames; whose pure style; and wit unmingled

with buffoonery; was relished by a congenial public。



Speaking of critics; perhaps there never was a review

that has done so much for literature as the admirable

QUARTERLY。  It has its prejudices; to be sure; as which

of us has not?  It goes out of its way to abuse a great

man; or lays mercilessly on to such pretenders as Keats

and Tennyson; but; on the other hand; it is the friend of

all young authors; and has marked and nurtured all the

rising talent of the country。  It is loved by everybody。

There; again; is BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINEconspicuous for

modest elegance and amiable satire; that review never

passes the bounds of politeness in a joke。  It is the

arbiter of manners; and; while gently exposing the

foibles of Londoners (for whom the BEAUX ESPRITS of

Edinburgh entertain a justifiable contempt); it is never

coarse in its fun。  The fiery enthusiasm of the ATHENAEUM

is well known: and the bitter wit of the too difficult

LITERARY GAZETTE。  The EXAMINER is perhaps too timid; and

the SPECTATOR too boisterous in its praisebut who can

carp at these minor faults?  No; no; the critics of

England and the authors of England are unrivalled as a

body; and hence it becomes impossible for us to find

fault with them。



Above all; I never knew a man of letters ASHAMED OF HIS

PROFESSION。  Those who know us; know what an affectionate

and brotherly spirit there is among us all。  Sometimes

one of us rises in the world: we never attack him or

sneer at him under those circumstances; but rejoice to a

man at his success。  If Jones dines with a lord; Smith

never says Jones is a courtier and cringer。  Nor; on the

other hand; does Jones; who is in the habit of

frequenting the society of great people; give himself any

airs on account of the company he keeps; but will leave a

duke's arm in Pall Mall to come over and speak to poor

Brown; the young penny…a…liner。



That sense of equality and fraternity amongst authors has

always struck me as one of the most amiable

characteristics of the class。  It is because we know and

respect each other; that the world respects us so much;

that we hold such a good position in society; and demean

ourselves so irreproachably when there。



Literary persons are held in such esteem by the nation

that about two of them have been absolutely invited to

court during the present reign; and it is probable that

towards the end of the season; one or two will be asked

to dinner by Sir Robert Peel。



They are such favourites with the public; that they are

continually obliged to have their pictures taken and

published; and one or two could be pointed out; of whom

the nation insists upon having a fresh portrait every

year。  Nothing can be more gratifying than this proof of

the affectionate regard which the people has for its

instructors。



Literature is held in such honour in England; that there

is a sum of near twelve hundred pounds per annum set

apart to pension deserving persons following that

profession。  And a great compliment this is; too; to the

professors; and a proof of their generally prosperous and

flourishing condition。  They are generally so rich and

thrifty; that scarcely any money is wanted to help them。



If every word of this is true; how; I should like to know

am I to write about Literary Snobs?







CHAPTER XVII



A LITTLE ABOUT IRISH SNOBS



You do not; to be sure; imagine that there are no other

Snobs in Ireland than those of the amiable party who wish

to make pikes of iron railroads (it's a fine Irish

economy); and to cut the throats of the Saxon invaders。

These are of the venomous sort; and had they been

invented in his time; St。 Patrick would have banished

them out of the kingdom along with the other dangerous

reptiles。



I think it is the Four Masters; or else it's Olaus

Magnus; or else it's certainly O'Neill Daunt; in the

'Catechism of Irish History;' who relates that when

Richard the Second came to Ireland; and the Irish chiefs

did homage to hi

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