白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第59节
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ft and right swerves。 I did a tight left； widened it； cut sharply right； faked left； went left； went wide right。 About twenty yards from the end of the open area； I broke off the weave pattern and ran as fast and straight as I could for a red oak。 I stuck out my left arm； went skidding around the tree in a headlong cranking countermotion； simultaneously using my right hand to pluck the Zumwalt from my jacket pocket； so that I now faced the person I'd been fleeing； protected by a tree trunk； my gun at the ready。
This was about as deft a thing as I'd ever done。 I looked into the heavy mist as my attacker approached in little thudding footfalls。 When I saw the familiar odd loping stride； I put the gun back in my pocket。 It was Winnie Richards； of course。
〃Hi； Jack。 At first I didn't know who it was； so I used evasive tactics。 When I realized it was you； I said to myself that's just the person I want to see。〃
〃How e？〃
〃Remember that time you asked me about a secret research group？ Working on fear of death？ Trying to perfect a medication？〃
〃Sure—Dylar。〃
〃There was a journal lying around the office yesterday。 American Psychobiologist。 Curious story in there。 Such a group definitely existed。 Supported by a multinational giant。 Operating in the deepest secrecy in an unmarked building just outside Iron City。〃
〃Why deepest secrecy？〃
〃It's obvious。 To prevent espionage by petitive giants。 The point is they came very close to achieving their objective。〃
〃What happened？〃
〃A lot of things。 The resident organizational genius； one of the forces behind the whole project； was a fellow named Willie Mink。 He turns out to be a controversial fellow。 He does some very； very controversial things。〃
〃I'll bet I know the first thing he does。 He runs an ad in a gossip tabloid asking for volunteers for a hazardous experiment。 FEAR OF DEATH； it says。〃
〃Very good； Jack。 A little ad in some rinky…dink newspaper。 He interviews the respondents in a motel room； testing them for emotional integration and about a dozen other things in an attempt to work up a death profile for each person。 Interviews in a motel。 When the scientists and the lawyers find out about this； they go slightly berserk； they reprimand Mink； they put all their resources into puter testing。 Berserk official reaction。〃 〃But that's not the end of it。〃
〃How right you are。 Despite the fact that Mink is now a carefully observed person； one of the volunteers manages to slip through the screen of watchfulness and begins a program of more or less unsupervised human experimentation； using a drug that is totally unknown； untested and unapproved； with side effects that could beach a whale。 Ah unsupervised well…built human。〃
〃Female；〃 I said。
〃Very correct。 She periodically reports to Mink in the very motel where he originally did his interviewing； sometimes arriving in a taxi； sometimes on foot from the shabby and depressing bus terminal。 What is she wearing； Jack？〃
〃I don't know。〃
〃A ski mask。 She is the woman in the ski mask。 When the others find out about Mink's latest caper； there is a period of prolonged controversy； animosity； litigation and disgrace。 Pharmaceutical giants have their code of ethics； just like you and me。 The project manager is kicked out； the project goes on without him。〃
〃Did the article say what happened to him？〃
〃The reporter tracked him down。 He is living in the same motel where all the controversy took place。〃
〃Where is the motel？〃
〃In Germantown。〃
〃Where's that？〃 I said。
〃Iron City。 It's the old German section。 Behind the foundry。〃
〃I didn't know there was a section in Iron City called Germantown。〃
'The Germans are gone； of course。〃
I went straight home。 Denise was making check marks in a paperback book called Directory of Toll…Free Numbers。 I found Babette sitting by Wilder's bed； reading him a story。
〃I don't mind running clothes as such；〃 I said。 〃A sweatsuit is a practical thing to wear at times。 But I wish you wouldn't wear it when you read bedtime stories to Wilder or braid Steffie's hair。 There's something touching about such moments that is jeopardized by running clothes。〃
〃Maybe I'm wearing running clothes for a reason。〃 〃Like what？〃
〃I'm going running；〃 she said。 〃Is that a good idea？ At night？〃
〃What is night？ It happens seven times a week。 Where is the uniqueness in this？〃 〃It's dark； it's wet。〃
〃Do we live in a blinding desert glare？ What is wet？ We live with wet。〃
〃Babette doesn't speak like this。〃
〃Does life have to stop because our half of the earth is dark？ Is there something about the night that physically resists a runner？ I need to pant and gasp。 What is dark？ It's just another name for light。〃
〃No one will convince me that the person I know as Babette actually wants to run up the stadium steps at ten o'clock at night。〃
〃It's not what I want； it's what I need。 My life is no longer in the realm of want。 I do what I have to do。 I pant； I gasp。 Every runner understands the need for this。〃
〃Why do you have to run up steps？ You're not a professional athlete trying to rebuild a shattered knee。 Run on plain land。 Don't make a major involvement out of it。 Everything is a major involvement today。〃
〃It's my life。 I tend to be involved。〃 〃It's not your life。 It's only exercise。〃
〃A runner needs；〃 she said。
〃I also need and tonight I need the car。 Don't wait up for me。 Who knows when I'll be back。〃
I waited for her to ask what mysterious mission would require me to get in the car and drive through the rain…streaked night； time of return unknown。
She said； 〃I can't walk to the stadium； run up the steps five or six times and then walk all the way back home。 You can drive me there； wait for me； drive me back。 The car is then yours。〃
〃I don't want it。 What do you think of that？ You want the car。 you take it。 The streets are slippery。 You know what that means； don't you？〃
〃What does it mean？〃
〃Fasten your seat belt。 There's also a chill in the air。 You know what a chill in the air means。〃
〃What does it mean？〃
〃Wear your ski mask；〃 I told her。
The thermostat began to buzz。
I put on a jacket and went outside。 Ever since the airborne toxic event； our neighbors； the Stovers； had been keeping their car in the driveway instead of the garage； keeping it facing the street； keeping the key in the ignition。 I walked up the driveway and got in the car。 There were trash caddies fixed to the dashboard and seat…backs； dangling plastic bags full of gum wrappers； ticket stubs； lipstick…smeared tissues； crumpled soda cans； crumpled circulars and receipts； ashtray debris； popsicle sticks and french fries； crumpled coupons and paper napkins； pocket bs with missing teeth。 Thus familiarized； I started up the engine； turned on the lights and drove off。
I ran a red light when I crossed Middlebrook。 Reaching the end of the expressway ramp； I did not yield。 All the way to Iron City； I felt a sense of dreaminess； release； unreality。 I slowed down at the toll gate but did not bother tossing a quarter into the basket。 An alarm went off but no one pursued。 What's another quarter to a state that is billions in debt？ What's twenty…five cents when we are talking about a nine…thousand…dollar stolen car？ This must be how people escape the pull of the earth； the gravitational leaf…flutter that brings us hourly closer to dying。 Simply stop obeying。 Steal instead of buy； shoot instead of talk。 I ran two more lights on the rainy approach roads to Iron City。 The outlying buildings were long and low； fish and produce markets； meat terminals with old wooden canopies。 I entered the city and turned on the radio； needing pany not on the lonely highway but here on the cobbled streets； in the sodium vapor lights； where the emptiness clings。 Every city has its districts。 I drove past the abandoned car district； the uncollected garbage district； the sniper…fire district； the districts of smoldering sofas and broken glass。 Ground glass crunched under the tires。 I headed toward the foundry。
Random Access Memory； Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome； Mutual Assured Destruction。
I still felt extraordinarily light—lighter than air； colorless； odorless； invisible。 But around the lightness and dreaminess； something else was building； an emotion of a different order。 A surge； a will； an agitation of the passions。 I reached into my pocket； rubbed my knuckles across the grainy stainless steel of the Zumwalt barrel。 The man on the radio said： 〃Void where prohibited。〃
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I drove twice around the foundry； looking for signs of some erstwhile German presence。 I drove past the row houses。 They were set on a steep hill； narrow…fronted frame houses； a climbing line of pitched roofs。 I drove past the bus terminal； through the beating rain。 It took a while to find the motel； a one…story building set against the concrete pier of an elevated roadway。 It was called the Roadway Motel。
Transient pleasures； drastic measures。
The area was deserted； a spray…painted district of warehouses and light industry。 The motel had nine or ten rooms； all dark； no cars out front。 I drove past three
