白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第37节

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　　I　watched　her　blush。
　　〃It's　not　a　tablet　in　the　old　sense；〃　she　said。　〃It's　a　drug　delivery　system。　It　doesn't　dissolve　right　away　or　release　its　ingredients　right　away。　The　medication　in　Dylar　is　encased　in　a　polymer　membrane。　Water　from　your　gastrointestinal　tract　seeps　through　the　membrane　at　a　carefully　controlled　rate。〃
　　〃What　does　the　water　do？〃
　　〃It　dissolves　the　medication　encased　in　the　membrane。　Slowly；　gradually；　precisely。　The　medicine　then　passes　out　of　the　polymer　tablet　through　a　single　small　hole。　Once　again　the　rate　is　carefully　controlled。〃
　　〃It　took　me　a　while　to　spot　the　hole。〃
　　〃That's　because　it's　laser…drilled。　It's　not　only　tiny　but　stunningly　precise　in　its　dimensions。〃
　　〃Lasers；　polymers。〃
　　〃I'm　not　an　expert　in　any　of　this；　Jack；　but　I　can　tell　you　it's　a　wonderful　little　system。〃
　　〃What's　the　point　of　all　this　precision？〃
　　〃I　would　think　the　controlled　dosage　is　meant　to　eliminate　the　hit…or…miss　effect　of　pills　and　capsules。　The　drug　is　delivered　at　specified　rates　for　extended　periods。　You　avoid　the　classic　pattern　of　overdosage　followed　by　underdosage。　You　don't　get　a　burst　of　medication　followed　by　the　merest　trickle。　No　upset　stomach；　queasiness；　vomiting；　muscle　cramps；　et　cetera。　This　system　is　efficient。〃
　　〃I'm　impressed。　I'm　even　dazzled。　But　what　happens　to　the　polymer　tablet　after　the　medication　is　pumped　out　of　it？〃
　　〃It　self…destructs。　It　implodes　minutely　of　its　own　massive　gravitation。　We've　entered　the　realm　of　physics。　Once　the　plastic　membrane　is　reduced　to　microscopic　particles；　it　passes　harmlessly　out　of　the　body　in　the　time…honored　way。〃
　　〃Fantastic。　Now　tell　me　what　the　medication　is　designed　to　do？　What　is　Dylar？　What　are　the　chemical　ponents？〃
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　she　said。
　　〃Of　course　you　know。　You're　brilliant。　Everyone　says　so。〃
　　〃What　else　can　they　say？　I　do　neurochemistry。　No　one　knows　what　that　is。〃
　　〃Other　scientists　have　some　idea。　They　must。　And　they　say　you're　brilliant。〃
　　〃We're　all　brilliant。　Isn't　that　the　understanding　around　here？　You　call　me　brilliant；　I　call　you　brilliant。　It's　a　form　of　munal　ego。〃
　　〃No　one　calls　me　brilliant。　They　call　me　shrewd。　They　say　I　latched　on　to　something　big。　I　filled　an　opening　no　one　knew　existed。〃
　　〃There　are　openings　for　brilliance　too。　It's　my　turn；　that's　all。　Besides；　I'm　built　funny　and　walk　funny。　If　they　couldn't　call　me　brilliant；　they　would　be　forced　to　say　cruel　things　about　me。　How　awful　for　everyone。〃
　　She　clutched　some　files　to　her　chest。
　　〃Jack；　all　I　can　tell　you　for　certain　is　that　the　substance　contained　in　Dylar　is　some　kind　of　psychopharmaceutical。　It's　probably　designed　to　interact　with　a　distant　part　of　the　human　cortex。　Look　around　you。　Brains　everywhere。　Sharks；　whales；　dolphins；　great　apes。　None　of　them　remotely　matches　the　human　brain　in　plexity。　The　human　brain　is　not　my　field。　I　have　only　a　bare　working　knowledge　of　the　human　brain　but　it's　enough　to　make　me　proud　to　be　an　American。　Your　brain　has　a　trillion　neurons　and　every　neuron　has　ten　thousand　little　dendrites。　The　system　of　intermunication　is　awe…inspiring。　It's　like　a　galaxy　that　you　can　hold　in　your　hand；　only　more　plex；　more　mysterious。〃
　　〃Why　does　this　make　you　proud　to　be　an　American？〃
　　〃The　infant's　brain　develops　in　response　to　stimuli。　We　still　lead　the　world　in　stimuli。〃
　　I　sipped　my　water。
　　〃I　wish　I　knew　more；〃　she　said。　〃But　the　precise　nature　of　the　medication　eludes　me。　I　can　tell　you　one　thing。　It　is　not　on　the　market。〃
　　〃But　I　found　it　in　an　ordinary　prescription　vial。〃
　　〃I　don't　care　where　you　found　it。　I'm　pretty　sure　I'd　recognize　the　ingredients　of　a　known　brain…receptor　drug。　This　one　is　unknown。〃
　　She　began　to　shoot　quick　looks　toward　the　door。　Her　eyes　were　bright　and　fearful。　I　realized　there　were　noises　in　the　corridor。　Voices；　shuffling　feet。　I　watched　Winnie　back　toward　a　rear　door。　I　decided　I　wanted　to　see　her　blush　one　more　time。　She　put　an　arm　behind　her；　unlatched　the　door；　turned　quickly　and　went　running　into　the　gray　afternoon。　I　tried　to　think　of　something　funny　to　say。
　　26
　　Isat　up　in　bed　with　my　notes　on　German　grammar。　Babette　lay　on　her　side　staring　into　the　clock…radio；　listening　to　a　call…in　show。　I　heard　a　woman　say：　〃In　1977　I　looked　in　the　mirror　and　saw　the　person　I　was　being。　I　couldn't　or　wouldn't　get　out　of　bed。　Figures　moved　at　the　edge　of　my　vision；　like　with　scurrying　steps。　I　was　getting　phone　calls　from　a　Pershing　missile　base。　I　needed　to　talk　to　others　who　shared　these　experiences。　I　needed　a　support　program；　something　to　enroll　in。〃
　　I　leaned　across　my　wife's　body　and　turned　off　the　radio。　She　kept　on　staring。　I　kissed　her　lightly　on　the　head。
　　〃Murray　says　you　have　important　hair。〃
　　She　smiled　in　a　pale　and　depleted　way。　I　put　down　my　notes　and　eased　her　around　slightly　so　that　she　looked　straight　up　as　I　spoke。
　　〃It's　time　for　a　major　dialogue。　You　know　it；　I　know　it。　You'll　tell　me　all　about　Dylar。　If　not　for　my　sake；　then　for　your　little　girl's。　She's　been　worried—worried　sick。　Besides；　you　have　no　more　room　to　maneuver。　We've　backed　you　against　the　wall。　Denise　and　I。　I　found　the　concealed　bottle；　removed　a　tablet；　had　it　analyzed　by　an　expert。　Those　little　white　disks　are　superbly　engineered。　Laser　technology；　advanced　plastics。　Dylar　is　almost　as　ingenious　as　the　microorganisms　that　ate　the　billowing　cloud。　Who　would　have　believed　in　the　existence　of　a　little　white　pill　that　works　as　a　pressure　pump　in　the　human　body　to　provide　medication　safely　and　effectively；　and　self…destructs　as　well？　I　am　struck　by　the　beauty　of　this。　We　know　something　else；　something　crucially　damaging　to　your　case。　We　know　Dylar　is　not　available　to　the　general　public。　This　fact　alone　justifies　our　demands　for　an　explanation。　There's　really　very　little　left　for　you　to　say。　Just　tell　us　the　nature　of　the　drag。　As　you　well　know；　I　don't　have　the　temperament　to　hound　people。　But　Denise　is　a　different　kind　of　person。　I've　been　doing　all　I　can　to　restrain　her。　If　you　don't　tell　me　what　I　want　to　know；　I'll　unleash　your　little　girl。　She'll　e　at　you　with　everything　she　has。　She　won't　waste　time　trying　to　make　you　feel　guilty。　Denise　believes　in　a　frontal　attack。　She'll　hammer　you　right　into　the　ground。　You　know　I'm　right；　Babette。〃
　　About　five　minutes　passed。　She　lay　there；　staring　into　the　ceiling。
　　〃Just　let　me　tell　it　in　my　own　way；〃　she　said　in　a　small　voice。
　　〃Would　you　like　a　liqueur？〃
　　〃No；　thank　you。〃
　　〃Take　your　time；〃　I　said。　〃We've　got　all　night。　If　there's　anything　you　want　or　need；　just　say　so。　You　have　only　to　ask。　I'll　be　right　here　for　as　long　as　it　takes。〃
　　Another　moment　passed。
　　〃I　don't　know　exactly　when　it　started。　Maybe　a　year　and　a　half　ago。　I　thought　I　was　going　through　a　phase；　some　kind　of　watermark　period　in　my　life。〃
　　〃Landmark；〃　I　said。　〃Or　watershed。〃
　　〃A　kind　of　settling…in…period；　I　thought。　Middle　age。　Something　like　that。　The　condition　would　go　away　and　I'd　forget　all　about　it。　But　it　didn't　go　away。　I　began　to　think　it　never　would。〃
　　〃What　condition？〃
　　〃Never　mind　that　for　now。〃
　　〃You've　been　depressed　lately。　I've　never　seen　you　like　this。　This　is　the　whole　point　of　Babette。　She's　a　joyous　person。　She　doesn't　succumb　to　gloom　or　self…pity。〃
　　〃Let　me　tell　it；　Jack。〃
　　〃All　right。〃
　　〃You　know　how　I　am。　I　think　everything　is　correctible。　Given　the　right　attitude　and　the　proper　effort；　a　person　can　change　a　harmful　condition　by　reducing　it　to　its　simplest　parts。　You　can　make　lists；　invent　categories；　devise　charts　and　graphs。　This　is　how　I　am　able　to　teach　my　students　how　to　stand；　sit　and　walk；　even　though　I　know　you　think　these　subjects　are　too　obvious　and　nebulous　and　generalized　to　be　reduced　to　ponent　parts。　I'm　not　a　very　ingenious　person　but　I　know　how　to　break　things　down；　how　to　separate　and　classify。　We　can　analyze　posture；　we　can　analyze　eating；　drinking　and　even　breathing。　How　else　do　you　understand　the　world；　is　my　way　of　looking　at　it。〃
　　〃I'm　right　here；〃　I　said。　〃If　there's　anything　you　want　or　need；　only　say　the　word。〃
　　〃When　I　realized　this　condition　was　not　about　to　go　away；　I　set　out　to　understand　it　better　by　reducing　it　to　its　parts。　First　I　had　to　find　out　if　it　had　any　parts。　I　went　to　libraries　and　bookstores；　read　magazines　and　technical　journals；　watched　cable　TV；　made　lists　and　diagrams；　made　multicolored　charts；　made　phone　calls　to　technical　writers　and　scientists；　talked　to　a　Sikh　holy　man　in　Iron　City　and　even　studied　the　occult；　hiding　the　books　in　the　attic　so　you　and　Denise　wouldn't　find　them　and　wonder　what　was　going　on。〃
　　〃All　this　without　my　knowing。　The　whole　point　of　Babette　is　that　she　speaks　to　me；　she　reveals　and　confides。〃
　　〃This　is　not　a　story　about　your　disappointment　at　my　silence。　The　theme　of　this　story　is　my　pain　and　my　attempts　to　end　it。〃
　　〃I'll　make　some　hot　chocolate。　Would　you　like　that？〃
　　〃Stay。　This　is　a　crucial　part。　All　this　energy；　this　research；　study　and　concealment；　but　I　was　getting　nowhere。　The　condition　would　not　yield。　It　hung　over　my　life；　gave　me　no　rest。　Then　one　day　I　was　reading　to　Mr。　Treadwell　from　the　Nation