white lies-第51节

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The　doctor　was　silent　and　ill　at　ease。

She　saw　he　had　something　weighty　on　his　mind。　　〃The　air　would　have　done　me　no　harm；〃　said　she。

〃Neither　will　a　few　words　with　me。〃

〃Oh；　no；　dear　friend。　　Only　I　think　I　should　have　liked　a　little　walk　this　evening。〃

〃Josephine；〃　said　the　doctor　quietly；　〃when　you　were　a　child　I　saved　your　life。〃

〃I　have　often　heard　my　mother　speak　of　it。　　I　was　choked　by　the　croup；　and　you　had　the　courage　to　lance　my　windpipe。〃

〃Had　I？〃　said　the　doctor；　with　a　smile。　　He　added　gravely；　〃It　seems　then　that　to　be　cruel　is　sometimes　kindness。　　It　is　the　nature　of　men　to　love　those　whose　life　they　save。〃

〃And　they　love　you。〃

〃Well；　our　affection　is　not　perfect。　　I　don't　know　which　is　most　to　blame；　but　after　all　these　years　I　have　failed　to　inspire　you　with　confidence。〃　　The　doctor's　voice　was　sad；　and　Josephine's　bosom　panted。

〃Pray　do　not　say　so；〃　she　cried。　　〃I　would　trust　you　with　my　life。〃

〃But　not　with　your　secret。〃

〃My　secret！　　What　secret？　　I　have　no　secrets。〃

〃Josephine；　you　have　now　for　full　twelve　months　suffered　in　body　and　mind；　yet　you　have　never　come　to　me　for　counsel；　for　comfort；　for　an　old　man's　experience　and　advice；　nor　even　for　medical　aid。〃

〃But；　dear　friend；　I　assure　you〃

〃We　DO　NOT　deceive　our　friend。　　We　CANNOT　deceive　our　doctor。〃

Josephine　trembled；　but　defended　herself　after　the　manner　of　her　sex。　　〃Dear　doctor；〃　said　she；　〃I　love　you　all　the　better　for　this。　Your　regard　for　me　has　for　once　blinded　your　science。　　I　am　not　so　robust　as　you　have　known　me；　but　there　is　nothing　serious　the　matter　with　me。　　Let　us　talk　of　something　else。　　Besides；　it　is　not　interesting　to　talk　about　one's　self。〃

〃Very　well；　since　there　is　nothing　serious　or　interesting　in　your　case；　we　will　talk　about　something　that　is　both　serious　and　interesting。〃

〃With　all　my　heart；〃　and　she　smiled　with　a　sense　of　relief。

But　the　doctor　leaned　over　the　table　to　her；　and　said　in　a　cautious　and　most　emphatic　whisper；　〃We　will　talk　about　YOUR　CHILD。〃

The　work　dropped　from　Josephine's　hands：　she　turned　her　face　wildly　on　Aubertin；　and　faltered　out；　〃Mmy　child？〃

〃My　words　are　plain；〃　replied　he　gravely。　　〃YOUR　CHILD。〃

When　the　doctor　repeated　these　words；　when　Josephine　looking　in　his　face　saw　he　spoke　from　knowledge；　however　acquired；　and　not　from　guess；　she　glided　down　slowly　off　the　sofa　and　clasped　his　knees　as　he　stood　before　her；　and　hid　her　face　in　an　agony　of　shame　and　terror　on　his　knees。

〃Forgive　me；〃　she　sobbed。　　〃Pray　do　not　expose　me！　　Do　not　destroy　me。〃

〃Unhappy　young　lady；〃　said　he；　〃did　you　think　you　had　deceived　me；　or　that　you　are　fit　to　deceive　any　but　the　blind？　　Your　face；　your　anguish　after　Colonel　Dujardin's　departure；　your　languor；　and　then　your　sudden　robustness；　your　appetite；　your　caprices；　your　strange　sojourn　at　Frejus；　your　changed　looks　and　loss　of　health　on　your　return！　　Josephine；　your　old　friend　has　passed　many　an　hour　thinking　of　you；　divining　your　folly；　following　your　trouble　step　by　step。　Yet　you　never　invited　him　to　aid　you。〃

Josephine　faltered　out　a　lame　excuse。　　If　she　had　revered　him　less　she　could　have　borne　to　confess　to　him。　　She　added　it　would　be　a　relief　to　her　to　confide　in　him。

〃Then　tell　me　all；〃　said　he。

She　consented　almost　eagerly；　and　told　himnearly　all。　　The　old　man　was　deeply　affected。　　He　murmured　in　a　broken　voice；　〃Your　story　is　the　story　of　your　sex；　self…sacrifice；　first　to　your　mother；　then　to　Camille；　now　to　your　husband。〃

〃And　he　is　well　worthy　of　any　sacrifice　I　can　make；〃　said　Josephine。　〃But　oh；　how　hard　it　is　to　live！〃

〃I　hope　to　make　it　less　hard　to　you　ere　long；〃　said　the　doctor　quietly。　　He　then　congratulated　himself　on　having　forced　Josephine　to　confide　in　him。　　〃For；〃　said　he；　〃you　never　needed　an　experienced　friend　more　than　at　this　moment。　　Your　mother　will　not　always　be　so　blind　as　of　late。　　Edouard　is　suspicious。　　Jacintha　is　a　shrewd　young　woman；　and　very　inquisitive。〃

Josephine　was　not　at　the　end　of　her　concealments：　she　was　ashamed　to　let　him　know　she　had　made　a　confidant　of　Jacintha　and　not　of　him。　She　held　her　peace。

〃Then；〃　continued　Aubertin；　〃there　is　the　terrible　chance　of　Raynal's　return。　　But　ere　I　take　on　me　to　advise　you；　what　are　your　own　plans？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Josephine　helplessly。

〃Youdon'tknow！〃　cried　the　doctor；　looking　at　her　in　utter　amazement。

〃It　is　the　answer　of　a　mad　woman；　is　it　not？　　Doctor；　I　am　little　better。　　My　foot　has　slipped　on　the　edge　of　a　precipice。　　I　close　my　eyes；　and　let　myself　glide　down　it。　　What　will　become　of　me？〃

〃All　shall　be　well；〃　said　Aubertin；　〃provided　you　do　not　still　love　that　man。〃

Josephine　did　not　immediately　reply：　her　thoughts　turned　inwards。　The　good　doctor　was　proceeding　to　congratulate　her　on　being　cured　of　a　fatal　passion；　when　she　stopped　him　with　wonder　in　her　face。　　〃Not　love　him！　　How　can　I　help　loving　him？　　I　was　his　betrothed。　　I　wronged　him　in　my　thoughts。　　War；　prison；　anguish；　could　not　kill　him；　he　loved　me　so。　　He　struggled　bleeding　to　my　feet；　and　could　I　let　him　die；　after　all？　　Could　I　be　crueller　than　prison；　and　torture；　and　despair？〃

The　doctor　sighed　deeply；　but；　arming　himself　with　the　necessary　resolution；　he　sternly　replied；　〃A　woman　of　your　name　cannot　vacillate　between　love　and　honor；　such　vacillations　have　but　one　end。　　I　will　not　let　you　drift　a　moral　wreck　between　passion　and　virtue；　and　that　is　what　it　will　come　to　if　you　hesitate　now。〃

〃Hesitate！　　Who　can　say　I　have　hesitated　where　my　honor　was　concerned？　　You　can　read　our　bodies　then；　but　not　our　hearts。　　What！　you　see　me　so　pale；　forlorn；　and　dead；　and　that　does　not　tell　you　I　have　bid　Camille　farewell　forever？　　That　we　might　be　safer　still　I　have　not　even　told　him　he　is　a　father：　was　ever　woman　so　cruel　as　I　am？　　I　have　written　him　but　one　letter；　and　in　that　I　must　deceive　him。　　I　told　him　I　thought　I　might　one　day　be　happy；　if　I　could　hear　that　he　did　not　give　way　to　despair。　　I　told　him　we　must　never　meet　again　in　this　world。　　So　now　come　what　will：　show　me　my　duty　and　I　will　do　it。　　This　endless　deceit　burns　my　heart。　　Shall　I　tell　my　husband？　　It　will　be　but　one　pang　more；　one　blush　more　for　me。　　But　my　mother！〃　and；　thus　appealed　to；　Dr。　Aubertin　felt；　for　the　first　time；　all　the　difficulty　of　the　situation　he　had　undertaken　to　cure。　He　hesitated；　he　was　embarrassed。

〃Ah；〃　said　Josephine；　〃you　see。〃　　Then；　after　a　short　silence；　she　said　despairingly；　〃This　is　my　only　hope：　that　poor　Raynal　will　be　long　absent；　and　that　ere　he　returns　mamma　will　lie　safe　from　sorrow　and　shame　in　the　little　chapel。　　Doctor；　when　a　woman　of　my　age　forms　such　wishes　as　these；　I　think　you　might　pity　her；　and　forgive　her　ill…treatment　of　you；　for　she　cannot　be　very　happy。　　Ah　me！　ah　me！　ah　me！〃

〃Courage；　poor　soul！　　All　is　now　in　my　hands；　and　I　will　save　you；〃　said　the　doctor；　his　voice　trembling　in　spite　of　him。　　〃Guilt　lies　in　the　intention。　　A　more　innocent　woman　than　you　does　not　breathe。　Two　courses　lay　open　to　you：　to　leave　this　house　with　Camille　Dujardin；　or　to　dismiss　him；　and　live　for　your　hard　duty　till　it　shall　please　Heaven　to　make　that　duty　easy　（no　middle　course　was　tenable　for　a　day）；　of　these　two　paths　you　chose　the　right　one；　and；　having　chosen；　I　really　think　you　are　not　called　on　to　reveal　your　misfortune；　and　make　those　unhappy　to　whose　happiness　you　have　sacrificed　your　own　for　years　to　come。〃

〃Forever；〃　said　Josephine　quietly。

〃The　young　use　that　word　lightly。　　The　old　have　almost　ceased　to　use　it。　　They　have　seen　how　few　earthly　things　can　conquer　time。〃

He　resumed；　〃You　think　only　of　others；　Josephine；　but　I　shall　think　of　you　as　well。　　I　shall　not　allow　your　life　to　be　wasted　in　a　needless　struggle　against　nature。〃　　Then　turning　to　Rose；　who　had　glided　into　the　room；　and　stood　amazed；　〃Her　griefs　were　as　many　before　her　child　was　born；　yet　her　health　stood　firm。　　Why？　because　nature　was　on　her　side。　　Now　she　is　sinking　into　the　grave。　　Why？　because　she　is　defying　nature。　　Nature　intended　her　to　be　pressing　her　child　to　her　bosom　day　and　night；　instead　of　that；　a　peasant　woman　at　Frejus　nurses　the　child；　and　the　mother　pines　at　Beaurepaire。〃

At　this；　Josephine　leaned　her　face　on　her　hands　on　the　doctor's　shoulder。　　In　this　attitude　she　murmured　to　him；　〃I　have　never　seen　him　since　I　left　Frejus。〃　　Dr。　Aubertin　sighed　for　her。　　Emboldened　by　this；　she　announced　her　intention　of　going　to　Frejus　the　very　next　day　to　see　her　little　Henri。　　But　to　this　Dr。　Aubertin　demurred。　　〃What；　another　journey　to　Frejus？〃　said　he；　〃when　the　first　has　already　roused　Edouard's　suspicions；　I　can　never　consent　to　that。〃

Then　Josephine　surprised　them　both。　　She　dropped　her　coaxing　voice　and　pecked　the　doctor　like　an　irritated　pigeon。　　〃Take　care；〃　said　she；　〃don't　be　too　cruel　to　me。　　You　see　I　am　obedient；　resigned。　　I　have　given　up　all　I　lived　for：　but　if　I　am　never　to　have　my　little　boy's　arms　round　me　to　console　me；　thenwhy　torment　me　any　longer？　Why　not　say　to　me；　'Josephine；　you　have　offended　Heaven；　pray　for　pardon；　and　die'？〃

Then　the　doctor　was　angry　in　his　turn。　　〃Oh；　go　then；〃　said　he；　〃go　to　Frejus；　you　will　have　Edouard　Riviere　for　a　companion　this　time。　Your　first　visit　rou