up from slavery-第40节

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d　to　surrender。　Every　avenue　of　escape　had　been　closed。

Deep　down　in　my　heart　the　whole　thing　seemed　more　like　a　dream　than　like　reality；　and　for　a　long　time　it　was　difficult　for　me　to　make　myself　believe　that　I　was　actually　going　to　Europe。　I　had　been　born　and　largely　reared　in　the　lowest　depths　of　slavery；　ignorance；　and　poverty。　In　my　childhood　I　had　suffered　for　want　of　a　place　to　sleep；　for　lack　of　food；　clothing；　and　shelter。　I　had　not　had　the　privilege　of　sitting　down　to　a　dining…table　until　I　was　quite　well　grown。　Luxuries　had　always　seemed　to　me　to　be　something　meant　for　white　people；　not　for　my　race。　I　had　always　regarded　Europe；　and　London；　and　Paris；　much　as　I　regarded　heaven。　And　now　could　it　be　that　I　was　actually　going　to　Europe？　Such　thoughts　as　these　were　constantly　with　me。

Two　other　thoughts　troubled　me　a　good　deal。　I　feared　that　people　who　heard　that　Mrs。　Washington　and　I　were　going　to　Europe　might　not　know　all　the　circumstances；　and　might　get　the　idea　that　we　had　become；　as　some　might　say；　〃stuck　up；〃　and　were　trying　to　〃show　off。〃　I　recalled　that　from　my　youth　I　had　heard　it　said　that　too　often；　when　people　of　my　race　reached　any　degree　of　success；　they　were　inclined　to　unduly　exalt　themselves；　to　try　and　ape　the　wealthy；　and　in　so　doing　to　lose　their　heads。　The　fear　that　people　might　think　this　of　us　haunted　me　a　good　deal。　Then；　too；　I　could　not　see　how　my　conscience　would　permit　me　to　spare　the　time　from　my　work　and　be　happy。　It　seemed　mean　and　selfish　in　me　to　be　taking　a　vacation　while　others　were　at　work；　and　while　there　was　so　much　that　needed　to　be　done。　From　the　time　I　could　remember；　I　had　always　been　at　work；　and　I　did　not　see　how　I　could　spend　three　or　four　months　in　doing　nothing。　The　fact　was　that　I　did　not　know　how　to　take　a　vacation。

Mrs。　Washington　had　much　the　same　difficulty　in　getting　away；　but　she　was　anxious　to　go　because　she　thought　that　I　needed　the　rest。　There　were　many　important　National　questions　bearing　upon　the　life　of　the　race　which　were　being　agitated　at　that　time；　and　this　made　it　all　the　harder　for　us　to　decide　to　go。　We　finally　gave　our　Boston　friends　our　promise　that　we　would　go；　and　then　they　insisted　that　the　date　of　our　departure　be　set　as　soon　as　possible。　So　we　decided　upon　May　10。　My　good　friend　Mr。　Garrison　kindly　took　charge　of　all　the　details　necessary　for　the　success　of　the　trip；　and　he；　as　well　as　other　friends；　gave　us　a　great　number　of　letters　of　introduction　to　people　in　France　and　England；　and　made　other　arrangements　for　our　comfort　and　convenience　abroad。　Good…bys　were　said　at　Tuskegee；　and　we　were　in　New　York　May　9；　ready　to　sail　the　next　day。　Our　daughter　Portia；　who　was　then　studying　in　South　Framingham；　Mass。；　came　to　New　York　to　see　us　off。　Mr。　Scott；　my　secretary；　came　with　me　to　New　York；　in　order　that　I　might　clear　up　the　last　bit　of　business　before　I　left。　Other　friends　also　came　to　New　York　to　see　us　off。　Just　before　we　went　on　board　the　steamer　another　pleasant　surprise　came　to　us　in　the　form　of　a　letter　from　two　generous　ladies；　stating　that　they　had　decided　to　give　us　the　money　with　which　to　erect　a　new　building　to　be　used　in　properly　housing　all　our　industries　for　girls　at　Tuskegee。

We　were　to　sail　on　the　Friesland；　of　the　Red　Star　Line；　and　a　beautiful　vessel　she　was。　We　went　on　board　just　before　noon；　the　hour　of　sailing。　I　had　never　before　been　on　board　a　large　ocean　steamer；　and　the　feeling　which　took　possession　of　me　when　I　found　myself　there　is　rather　hard　to　describe。　It　was　a　feeling；　I　think；　of　awe　mingled　with　delight。　We　were　agreeably　surprised　to　find　that　the　captain；　as　well　as　several　of　the　other　officers；　not　only　knew　who　we　were；　but　was　expecting　us　and　gave　us　a　pleasant　greeting。　There　were　several　passengers　whom　we　knew；　including　Senator　Sewell；　of　New　Jersey；　and　Edward　Marshall；　the　newspaper　correspondent。　I　had　just　a　little　fear　that　we　would　not　be　treated　civilly　by　some　of　the　passengers。　This　fear　was　based　upon　what　I　had　heard　other　people　of　my　race；　who　had　crossed　the　ocean；　say　about　unpleasant　experiences　in　crossing　the　ocean　in　American　vessels。　But　in　our　case；　from　the　captain　down　to　the　most　humble　servant；　we　were　treated　with　the　greatest　kindness。　Nor　was　this　kindness　confined　to　those　who　were　connected　with　the　steamer；　it　was　shown　by　all　the　passengers　also。　There　were　not　a　few　Southern　men　and　women　on　board；　and　they　were　as　cordial　as　those　from　other　parts　of　the　country。

As　soon　as　the　last　good…bys　were　said；　and　the　steamer　had　cut　loose　from　the　wharf；　the　load　of　care；　anxiety；　and　responsibility　which　I　had　carried　for　eighteen　years　began　to　lift　itself　from　my　shoulders　at　the　rate；　it　seemed　to　me；　of　a　pound　a　minute。　It　was　the　first　time　in　all　those　years　that　I　had　felt；　even　in　a　measure；　free　from　care；　and　my　feeling　of　relief　it　is　hard　to　describe　on　paper。　Added　to　this　was　the　delightful　anticipation　of　being　in　Europe　soon。　It　all　seemed　more　like　a　dream　than　like　a　reality。

Mr。　Garrison　had　thoughtfully　arranged　to　have　us　have　one　of　the　most　comfortable　rooms　on　the　ship。　The　second　or　third　day　out　I　began　to　sleep；　and　I　think　that　I　slept　at　the　rate　of　fifteen　hours　a　day　during　the　remainder　of　the　ten　days'　passage。　Then　it　was　that　I　began　to　understand　how　tired　I　really　was。　These　long　sleeps　I　kept　up　for　a　month　after　we　landed　on　the　other　side。　It　was　such　an　unusual　feeling　to　wake　up　in　the　morning　and　realize　that　I　had　no　engagements；　did　not　have　to　take　a　train　at　a　certain　hour；　did　not　have　an　appointment　to　meet　some　one；　or　to　make　an　address；　at　a　certain　hour。　How　different　all　this　was　from　the　experiences　that　I　have　been　through　when　travelling；　when　I　have　sometimes　slept　in　three　different　beds　in　a　single　night！

When　Sunday　came；　the　captain　invited　me　to　conduct　the　religious　services；　but；　not　being　a　minister；　I　declined。　The　passengers；　however；　began　making　requests　that　I　deliver　an　address　to　them　in　the　dining…saloon　some　time　during　the　voyage；　and　this　I　consented　to　do。　Senator　Sewell　presided　at　this　meeting。　After　ten　days　of　delightful　weather；　during　which　I　was　not　seasick　for　a　day；　we　landed　at　the　interesting　old　city　of　Antwerp；　in　Belgium。

The　next　day　after　we　landed　happened　to　be　one　of　those　numberless　holidays　which　the　people　of　those　countries　are　in　the　habit　of　observing。　It　was　a　bright；　beautiful　day。　Our　room　in　the　hotel　faced　the　main　public　square；　and　the　sights　therethe　people　coming　in　from　the　country　with　all　kinds　of　beautiful　flowers　to　sell；　the　women　coming　in　with　their　dogs　drawing　large；　brightly　polished　cans　filled　with　milk；　the　people　streaming　into　the　cathedralfilled　me　with　a　sense　of　newness　that　I　had　never　before　experienced。

After　spending　some　time　in　Antwerp；　we　were　invited　to　go　with　a　part　of　a　half…dozen　persons　on　a　trip　through　Holland。　This　party　included　Edward　Marshall　and　some　American　artists　who　had　come　over　on　the　same　steamer　with　us。　We　accepted　the　invitation；　and　enjoyed　the　trip　greatly。　I　think　it　was　all　the　more　interesting　and　instructive　because　we　went　for　most　of　the　way　on　one　of　the　slow；　old…fashioned　canal…boats。　This　gave　us　an　opportunity　of　seeing　and　studying　the　real　life　of　the　people　in　the　country　districts。　We　went　in　this　way　as　far　as　Rotterdam；　and　later　went　to　The　Hague；　where　the　Peace　Conference　was　then　in　session；　and　where　we　were　kindly　received　by　the　American　representatives。

The　thing　that　impressed　itself　most　on　me　in　Holland　was　the　thoroughness　of　the　agriculture　and　the　excellence　of　the　Holstein　cattle。　I　never　knew；　before　visiting　Holland；　how　much　it　was　possible　for　people　to　get　out　of　a　small　plot　of　ground。　It　seemed　to　me　that　absolutely　no　land　was　wasted。　It　was　worth　a　trip　to　Holland；　too；　just　to　get　a　sight　of　three　or　four　hundred　fine　Holstein　cows　grazing　in　one　of　those　intensely　green　fields。

From　Holland　we　went　to　Belgium；　and　made　a　hasty　trip　through　that　country；　stopping　at　Brussels；　where　we　visited　the　battlefield　of　Waterloo。　From　Belgium　we　went　direct　to　Paris；　where　we　found　that　Mr。　Theodore　Stanton；　the　son　of　Mrs。　Elizabeth　Cady　Stanton；　had　kindly　provided　accommodations　for　us。　We　had　barely　got　settled　in　Paris　before　an　invitation　came　to　me　from　the　University　Club　of　Paris　to　be　its　guest　at　a　banquet　which　was　soon　to　be　given。　The　other　guests　were　ex…President　Benjamin　Harrison　and　Archbishop　Ireland；　who　were　in　Paris　at　the　time。　The　American　Ambassador；　General　Horace　Porter；　presided　at　the　banquet。　My　address　on　this　occasion　seemed　to　give　satisfaction　to　those　who　heard　it。　General　Harrison　kindly　devoted　a　large　portion　of　his　remarks　at　dinner　to　myself　and　to　the　influence　of　the　work　at　Tuskegee　on　the　American　race　question。　After　my　address　at　this　banquet　other　invitations　came　to　me；　but　I　declined　the　most　of　them；　knowing　that　if　I　accepted　them　all；　the　object　of　my　visit　would　be　defeated。　I　did；　however；　consent　to　deliver　an　address　in　the　American　chapel　the　following　Sunday　morning；　and　at　this　meeting　General　Harrison；　General　Porter；　and　other　distinguished　Americans　were　present。

Later　we　received　a　formal　call　from