hard times(艰难时世)-第26节
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looked at； grew into that form sooner or later。 The object of his
miserable existence was to prevent its recognition by any one
among the various people he encountered。 Hopeless labour！ If he
led them out of rooms where it was； if he shut up drawers and
closets where it stood； if he drew the curious from places where he
knew it to be secreted； and got them out into the streets； the very
chimneys of the mills assumed that shape； and round them was
the printed word。
The wind was blowing again； the rain was beating on the
housetops； and the larger spaces through which he had strayed
contracted to the four walls of his room。 Saving that the fire had
died out； it was as his eyes had closed upon it。 Rachael seemed to
have fallen into a dose； in the chair by the bed。 She sat wrapped in
her shawl； perfectly still。 The table stood in the same place； close
by the bedside； and on it； in its real proportions and appearance；
was the shape so often repeated。
He thought he saw the curtain move。 He looked again； and he
was sure it moved。 He saw a hand come forth； and grope about a
little。 Then the curtain moved more perceptibly； and the woman in
the bed put it back； and sat up。
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Hard Times 115
With her woeful eyes； so haggard and wild； so heavy and large；
she looked all round the room； and passed the corner where he
slept in his chair。 Her eyes returned to that corner； and she put
her hand over them as a shade； while she looked into it。 Again they
went all round the room； scarcely heeding Rachael if at all； and
returned to that corner。 He thought； as she once more shaded
them—not so much looking at him； as looking for him with a
brutish instinct that he was there—that no single trace was left in
those debauched features； or in the mind that went along with
them； of the woman he had married eighteen years before。 But
that he had seen her come to this by inches； he never could have
believed her to be the same。
All this time； as if a spell were on him； he was motionless and
powerless； except to watch her。
Stupidly dozing； or communing with her incapable self about
nothing； she sat for a little while with her hands at her ears； and
her head resting on them。 Presently； she resumed her staring
round the room。 And now； for the first time； her eyes stopped at
the table with the bottles on it。
Straightway she turned her eyes back to his corner； with the
defiance of last night； and； moving very cautiously and softly；
stretched out her greedy hand。 She drew a mug into the bed； and
sat for a while considering which of the two bottles she should
choose。 Finally； she laid her insensate grasp upon the bottle that
had swift and certain death in it； and； before his eyes； pulled out
the cork with her teeth。
Dream or reality； he had no voice； nor had he power to stir。 If
this be real； and her allotted time be not yet come； wake； Rachael；
wake！
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Hard Times 116
She thought of that； too。 She looked at Rachael； and very
slowly； very cautiously； poured out the contents。 The draught was
at her lips。 A moment and she would be past all help； let the whole
world wake and come about her with its utmost power。 But； in
that moment Rachael started up with a suppressed cry。 The
creature struggled； struck her； seized her by the hair； but Rachael
had the cup。
Stephen broke out of his chair。 “Rachael； am I wakin’ or
dreamin’ this dreadfo’ night？”
“’Tis all well； Stephen。 I have been asleep myself。 ’Tis near
three。 Hush！ I hear the bells。”
The wind brought the sounds of the church clock to the
window。 They listened； and it struck three。 Stephen looked at her；
saw how pale she was； noted the disorder of her hair； and the red
marks of fingers on her forehead； and felt assured that his senses
of sight and hearing had been awake。 She held the cup in her
hand even now。
“I thought it must be near three；” she said； calmly pouring from
the cup into the basin； and steeping the linen as before。 “I am
thankful I stayed！ ’Tis done now； when I have put this on。 There！
And now she’s quiet again。 The few drops in the basin I’ll pour
away； for ’tis bad stuff to leave about； though ever so little of it。” As
she spoke as she drained the basin into the ashes of the fire； and
broke the bottle on the hearth。
She had nothing to do； then； but to cover herself with her shawl
before going out into the wind and rain。
“Thou’lt let me walk wi’ thee at this hour； Rachael？”
“No； Stephen。 ’Tis but a minute and I’m home。”
“Thou’rt not fearfo’；” he said it in a low voice； as they went out
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Hard Times 117
at the door； “to leave me alone wi’ her！”
As she looked at him； saying “Stephen？” he went down on his
knee before her； on the poor mean stairs； and put an end of her
shawl to his lips。
“Thou art an Angel。 Bless thee； bless thee！”
“I am； as I have told thee； Stephen； thy poor friend。 Angels are
not like me。 Between them； and a working woman fu’ of faults；
there is a deep gulf set。 My little sister is among them； but she is
changed。”
She raised her eyes for a moment as she said the words： and
then they fell again； in all their gentleness and mildness； on his
face。
“Thou changest me from bad to good。 Thou mak’st me humbly
wishfo’ to be more like thee； and fearfo’ to lose thee when this life
is ower； and a’ the muddle cleared awa’。 Thou’rt an Angel； it may
be； thou hast saved my soul alive！”
She looked at him on his knee at her feet； with her shawl still in
his hand； and the reproof on her lips died away when she saw the
working of his face。
“I coom home desp’rate。 I coom home wi’out a hope； and mad
wi’ thinking that when I said a word o’ complaint I was reckoned a
onreasonable Hand。 I told thee I had had a fright。 It were the
Poison…bottle on table。 I never hurt a livin’ creatur； but happenin’
so suddenly upon’t； I thowt； ‘How can I say； what I may ha’ done to
myseln； or her； or both！’”
She put her two hands on his mouth； with a face of terror； to
stop him from saying more。 He caught them in his unoccupied
hand； and holding them； and still clasping the border of her shawl；
said hurriedly：
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Hard Times 118
“But I see thee； Rachael； setten by the bed。 I ha’ seen thee； aw
this night。 In my troublous sleep I ha’ known thee still to be there。
Evermore I will see there。 I nevermore will see her or think o’ her；
but thou shalt be beside her。 I nevermore will see or think o’
anything that angers me； but thou； so much better than me； shalt
be by th’ side on’t。 And so I will try t’ look t’ th’ time； and so I will
try t’ trust t’ th’ time； when thou and me at last shall walk together
far awa’； beyond the deep gulf； in th’ country where thy little sister
is。”
He kissed the border of her shawl again； and let her go。 She
bade him good…night in a broken voice； and went out into the
street。
The wind blew from the quarter where the day would soon
appear； and still blew strongly。 It had cleared the sky before it； and
the rain had spent itself or travelled elsewhere； and the stars were
bright。 He stood bareheaded in the road； watching her quick
d
