屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第5节
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arsofstrengthandfreedom?oughthetoconsiderlifeasaregularemploymentwhichbringsitsdailywages;orasagameinwhichthefutureisdeterminedbyafewthrows?whyseektheriskofextremechances?forwhatendhastentorichesbydangerousroads?isitreallycertainthathappinessistheprizeofbrilliantsuccesses;ratherthanofawiselyacceptedpoverty?ah!ifmenbutknewinwhatasmalldwellingjoycanlive;andhowlittleitcoststofurnishit!
twelveoclock鈥斺�攊havebeenwalkingupanddownmyatticforalongtime;withmyarmsfoldedandmyeyesontheground!mydoubtsincrease;likeshadowsencroachingmoreandmoreonsomebrightspace;myfearsmultiply;andtheuncertaintybeeseverymomentmorepainfultome!
itisnecessaryformetodecideto…day;andbeforetheevening!iholdthediceofmyfuturefateinmyhands;andidarenotthrowthem。
threeoclock鈥斺�攖heskyhasbeecloudy;andacoldwindbeginstoblowfromthewest;allthewindowswhichwereopenedtothesunshineofabeautifuldayareshutagain。onlyontheoppositesideofthestreet;thelodgeronthelaststoryhasnotyetlefthisbalcony。
oneknowshimtobeasoldierbyhisregularwalk;hisgraymoustaches;andtheribbonthatdecorateshisbuttonhole。indeed;onemighthaveguessedasmuchfromthecarehetakesofthelittlegardenwhichistheornamentofhisbalconyinmid…air;fortherearetwothingsespeciallylovedbyalloldsoldiers鈥斺�攆lowersandchildren。theyhavebeensolong;obligedtolookupontheearthasafieldofbattle;andsolongcutofffromthepeacefulpleasuresofaquietlot;thattheyseemtobeginlifeatanagewhenothersendit。thetastesoftheirearlyyears;whichwerearrestedbythesterndutiesofwar;suddenlybreakoutagainwiththeirwhitehairs;andarelikethesavingsofyouthwhichtheyspendagaininoldage。besides;theyhavebeencondemnedtobedestroyersforsolongthatperhapstheyfeelasecretpleasureincreating;andseeinglifespringupagain:thebeautyofweaknesshasagraceandanattractionthemoreforthosewhohavebeentheagentsofunbendingforce;andthewatchingoverthefrailgermsoflifehasallthecharmsofnoveltyfortheseoldworkmenofdeath。
thereforethecoldwindhasnotdrivenmyneighborfromhisbalcony。
heisdigginguptheearthinhisgreenboxes;andcarefullysowingtheseedsofthescarletnasturtium;convolvulus;andsweet…pea。henceforthhewilleeverydaytowatchfortheirfirstsprouting;toprotecttheyoungshootsfromweedsorinsects;toarrangethestringsforthetendrilstoclimbon;andcarefullytoregulatetheirsupplyofwaterandheat!
howmuchlabortobringinthedesiredharvest!forthat;howmanytimesshalliseehimbravecoldorheat;windorsun;ashedoesto…day!butthen;inthehotsummerdays;whentheblindingdustwhirlsincloudsthroughourstreets;whentheeye;dazzledbytheglareofwhitestucco;knowsnotwheretorest;andtheglowingroofsreflecttheirheatuponustoburning;theoldsoldierwillsitinhisarborandperceivenothingbutgreenleavesandflowersaroundhim;andthebreezewillecoolandfreshtohimthroughtheseperfumedshades。hisassiduouscarewillberewardedatlast。
wemustsowtheseeds;andtendthegrowth;ifwewouldenjoytheflower。
fouroclock鈥斺�攖hecloudsthathavebeengatheringinthehorizonforalongtimearebeedarker;itthundersloudly;andtherainpoursdown!
thosewhoarecaughtinitflyineverydirection;somelaughingandsomecrying。
ialwaysfindparticularamusementinthesehelter…skelters;causedbyasuddenstorm。itseemsasifeachone;whenthustakenbysurprise;losesthefactitiouscharacterthattheworldorhabithasgivenhim;andappearsinhistruecolors。
see;forexample;thatbigmanwithdeliberatestep;whosuddenlyforgetshisindifference;madetoorder;andrunslikeaschoolboy!heisathriftycitygentleman;who;withallhisfashionableairs;isafraidtospoilhishat。
thatprettywomanyonder;onthecontrary;whoselooksaresomodest;andwhosedressissoelaborate;slackensherpacewiththeincreasingstorm。sheseemstofindpleasureinbravingit;anddoesnotthinkofhervelvetcloakspottedbythehail!sheisevidentlyalionessinsheepsclothing。
here;ayoungman;whowaspassing;stopstocatchsomeofthehailstonesinhishand;andexaminesthem。byhisquickandbusiness…likewalkjustnow;youwouldhavetakenhimforatax…gathereronhisrounds;whenheisayoungphilosopher;studyingtheeffectsofelectricity。andthoseschoolboyswholeavetheirrankstorunafterthesuddengustsofamarchwhirlwind;thosegirls;justnowsodemure;butwhonowflywithburstsoflaughter;thosenationalguards;whoquitthemartialattitudeoftheirdaysofdutytotakerefugeunderaporch!thestormhascausedallthesetransformations。
see;itincreases!thehardiestareobligedtoseekshelter。iseeeveryonerushingtowardtheshopinfrontofmywindow;whichabillannouncesistolet。itisforthefourthtimewithinafewmonths。
ayearagoalltheskillofthejoinerandtheartofthepainterwereemployedinbeautifyingit;buttheirworksarealreadydestroyedbytheleavingofsomanytenants;thecornicesofthefrontaredisfiguredbymud;thearabesquesonthedoorwayarespoiledbybillsposteduponthemtoannouncethesaleoftheeffects。thesplendidshophaslostsomeofitsembellishmentswitheachchangeofthetenant。seeitnowempty;andleftopentothepassersby。howmuchdoesitsfateresemblethatofsomanywho;likeit;onlychangetheiroccupationtohastenthefastertoruin!
iamstruckbythislastreflection:sincethemorningeverythingseemstospeaktome;andwiththesamewarningtone。everythingsays:〃takecare!becontentwithyourhappy;thoughhumblelot;happinesscanberetainedonlybyconstancy;donotforsakeyouroldpatronsfortheprotectionofthosewhoareunknown!〃
aretheytheoutwardobjectswhichspeakthus;ordoesthewarningefromwithin?isitnotimyselfwhogivethislanguagetoallthatsurroundsme?theworldisbutaninstrument;towhichwegivesoundatwill。butwhatdoesitsignifyifitteachesuswisdom?thelowvoicethatspeaksinourbreastsisalwaysafriendlyvoice;forittellsuswhatweare;thatistosay;whatisourcapability。badconductresults;forthemostpart;frommistakingourcalling。therearesomanyfoolsandknaves;becausetherearesofewmenwhoknowthemselves。
thequestionisnottodiscoverwhatwillsuitus;butforwhatwearesuited!
whatshouldidoamongthesemanyexperiencedfinancialspeculators?iamonlyapoorsparrow;bornamongthehousetops;andshouldalwaysfeartheenemycrouchinginthedarkcorner;iamaprudentworkman;andshouldthinkofthebusinessofmyneighborswhososuddenlydisappeared;iamatimidobserver;andshouldcalltomindtheflowerssoslowlyraisedbytheoldsoldier;ortheshopbroughttoruinbyconstantchangeofmasters。awayfromme;yebanquets;overwhichhangstheswordofdamocles!iamacountrymouse。givememynutsandhollowtree;andiasknothingbesides鈥斺�攅xceptsecurity。
andwhythisinsatiablecravingforriches?doesamandrinkmorewhenhedrinksfromalargeglass?whenceesthatuniversaldreadofmediocrity;thefruitfulmotherofpeaceandliberty?ah!thereistheevilwhich;aboveeveryother;itshouldbetheaimofbothpublicandprivateeducationtoanticipate!ifthatweregotridof;whattreasonswouldbespared;whatbasenessavoided;whatachainofexcessandcrimewouldbeforeverbroken!weawardthepalmtocharity;andtoself…sacrifice;but;aboveall;letusawardittomoderation;foritisthegreatsocialvirtue。evenwhenitdoesnotcreatetheothers;itstandsinsteadofthem。
sixoclock鈥斺�攊havewrittenaletterofthankstothepromotersofthenewspeculation;andhavedeclinedtheiroffer!thisdecisionhasrestoredmypeaceofmind。istoppedsinging;likethecobbler;aslongasientertainedthehopeofriches:itisgone;andhappinessiseback!
obelovedandgentlepoverty!pardonmeforhavingforamomentwishedtoflyfromthee;asiwouldfromwant。stayhereforeverwiththycharmingsisters;pity;patience;sobriety;andsolitude;beyemyqueensandmyinstructors;teachmethesterndutiesoflife;removefarfrommyabodetheweaknessofheartandgiddinessofheadwhichfollowprosperity。holypoverty!teachmetoendurewithoutplaining;toimpartwithoutgrudging;toseektheendoflifehigherthaninpleasure;fartheroffthaninpower。thougivestthebodystrength;thoumakestthemindmorefirm;and;thankstothee;thislife;towhichtherichattachthemselvesastoarock;beesabarkofwhichdeathmaycutthecablewithoutawakeningallourfearsntinuetosustainme;othouwhomchristhathcalledblessed!
CHAPTER IV
letusloveoneanother
april9th
thefineeveningsareeback;thetreesbegintoputforththeirshoots;hyacinths;jonquils;violets;andlilacsperfumethebasketsoftheflower…girls鈥斺�攁lltheworldhavebeguntheirwalksagainonthequaysandboulevards。afterdinner;i;too;descendfrommyattictobreathetheeveningair。
itisthehourwhenparisisseeninallitsbeauty。duringthedaytheplasterfrontsofthehouseswearytheeyebytheirmonotonouswhiteness;heavilyladencartsmakethestreetsshakeundertheirhugewheels;theeagercrowd;takenupbytheonefearoflosingamomentfrombusiness;crossandjostleoneanother;theaspectofthecityaltogetherhassomethingharsh;restless;andflurriedaboutit。but;assoonasthestarsappear;everythingischanged;theglareofthewhitehousesisquenchedinthegatheringshades;youhearnomoreanyrollingbutthatofthecarriagesontheirwaytosomepartyofpleasure;youseeonlytheloungerorthelight…heartedpassingby;workhasgivenplacetoleisure。
noweachonemaybreatheafterthefierceracethroughthebusinessoftheday;andwhateverstrengthremainstohimhegivestopleasure!seetheballroomslightedup;thetheatresopen;theeating…shopsalongthewalkssetoutwithdainties;andthetwinklinglanternsofthenewspapercriers。decidedlyparishaslaidasidethepen;theruler;andtheapron;afterthedayspentinwork;itmusthavetheeveningforenjoyment;likethemastersofthebes;ithasputoffallseriousmattertilltomorrow。
ilovetotakepartinthishappyhour;nottomixinthegeneralgayety;buttocontemplateit。iftheenjoymentsofothersembitterjealousminds;theystrengthenthehumblespirit;theyarethebeamsofsunshine;whichopenthetwobeautifulflowerscalledtrustandhope。
althoughaloneinthemidstofthesmilingmultitude;idonotfeelmyselfisolatedfromit;foritsgayetyisreflecteduponme:itismyownkind;myownfamily;who