屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第19节
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ithoutitstemptations。
itremainedtoseeifihadnotanythingbettertodo。oneeveningisetmyselftoreflectuponit。
〃letussee；chaufour；saiditomyself；thequestionistoactlikeaman。thecolonelsplacesuitsyou；butcannotyoudoanythingbetter？
yourbodyisstillingoodcondition；andyourarmsstrong；doyounotoweallyourstrengthtoyourcountry；asyourvincennesunclesaid？whynotleavesomeoldsoldier；morecutupthanyouare；togethishospitalatthecolonels？e；trooper；youarestillfitforanotherstoutchargeortwo！youmustnotlayupbeforeyourtime。
〃whereuponiwenttothankthecolonel；andtooffermyservicestoanoldartilleryman；whohadgonebacktohishomeatclamart；andwhohadtakenupthequarrymanspickagain。
〃forthefirstfewmonthsiplayedtheconscriptspart鈥斺�攖hatistosay；therewasmorestirthanwork；butwithagoodwillonegetsthebetterofstones；asofeverythingelse。ididnotbee；sotospeak；theleaderofacolumn；butibroughtuptherankamongthegoodworkmen；andiatemybreadwithagoodappetite；seeingihadearneditwithagoodwill。forevenunderground；yousee；istillkeptmypride。thethoughtthatiwasworkingtodomypartinchangingrocksintohousespleasedmyheart。isaidtomyself；courage；chaufour；myoldboy；youarehelpingtobeautifyyourcountry。andthatkeptupmyspirit。
〃unfortunately；someofmypanionswererathertoosensibletothecharmsofthebrandy…bottle；somuchso；thatonedayoneofthem；whocouldhardlydistinguishhisrighthandfromhisleft；thoughtpropertostrikealightclosetoachargedmine。themineexplodedsuddenly；andsentashowerofstonegrapeamongus；whichkilledthreemen；andcarriedawaythearmofwhichihavenowonlythesleeve。〃
〃soyouwereagainwithoutmeansofliving？〃saiditotheoldsoldier。
〃thatistosay；ihadtochangethem；〃repliedhe；quietly。〃thedifficultywastofindonewhichwoulddowithfivefingersinsteadoften；ifoundit；however。〃
〃howwasthat？〃
〃amongtheparisstreet…sweepers。〃
〃what！youhavebeenone鈥斺�敗�
〃ofthepioneersofthehealthforceforawhile；neighbor；andthatwasnotmyworsttimeeither。thecorpsofsweepersisnotsolowasitisdirty；icantellyou！thereareoldactressesinitwhocouldneverlearntosavetheirmoney；andruinedmerchantsfromtheexchange；weevenhadaprofessorofclassics；whoforalittledrinkwouldrecitelatintoyou；orgreektragedies；asyouchose。theycouldnothavepetedforthemonthyonprize；butweexcusedfaultsonaccountofpoverty；andcheeredourpovertybyourgood…humorandjokes。iwasasraggedandascheerfulastherest；whiletryingtobesomethingbetter。
eveninthemireofthegutteripreservedmyfaiththatnothingisdishonorablewhichisusefultoourcountry。
〃chaufour；saiditomyselfwithasmile；afterthesword；thehammer；afterthehammer；thebroom；youaregoingdownstairs；myoldboy；butyouarestillservingyourcountry。〃
〃however；youendedbyleavingyournewprofession？saidi。〃
〃areformwasrequired；neighbor。thestreet…sweepersseldomhavetheirfeetdry；andthedampatlastmadethewoundsinmygoodlegopenagain。
icouldnolongerfollowtheregiment；anditwasnecessarytolaydownmyarms。itisnowtwomonthssinceileftoffworkinginthesanitarydepartmentofparis。
〃atthefirstmomentiwasdaunted。ofmyfourlimbs；ihadnowonlymyrighthand；andeventhathadlostitsstrength；soitwasnecessarytofindsomegentlemanlyoccupationforit。aftertryingalittleofeverything；ifelluponcard…boxmaking；andhereiamatcasesforthelaceandbuttonsofthenationalguard；itisworkoflittleprofit；butitiswithinthecapacityofall。bygettingupatfourandworkingtilleight；iearnsixty…fivecentimes；mylodgingandbowlofsouptakefiftyofthem；andtherearethreesousoverforluxuries。soiamricherthanfranceherself；forihavenodeficitinmybudget；andicontinuetoserveher；asisaveherlaceandbuttons。〃
atthesewordsfatherchaufourlookedatmewithasmile；andwithhisgreatscissorsbegancuttingthegreenpaperagainforhiscardboardcases。myheartwastouched；andiremainedlostinthought。
hereisstillanothermemberofthatsacredphalanxwho；inthebattleoflife；alwaysmarchinfrontfortheexampleandthesalvationoftheworld！eachofthesebravesoldiershashiswar…cry；forthisoneitis〃country；〃forthat〃home；〃forathird〃mankind；〃buttheyallfollowthesamestandard鈥斺�攖hatofduty；forallthesamedivinelawreigns鈥斺�攖hatofself…sacrifice。tolovesomethingmorethanonesself鈥斺�攖hatisthesecretofallthatisgreat；toknowhowtoliveforothers鈥斺�攖hatistheaimofallnoblesouls。
CHAPTER XI
moraluseofinventories
november13th；nineoclockp。m。
ihadwellstoppedupthechinksofmywindow；mylittlecarpetwasnaileddowninitsplace；mylamp；providedwithitsshade；castasubduedlightaround；andmystovemadealow；murmuringsound；asifsomelivecreaturewassharingmyhearthwithme。
allwassilentaroundme。but；outofdoorsthesnowandrainswepttheroofs；andwithalow；rushingsoundranalongthegurglinggutters；sometimesagustofwindforceditselfbeneaththetiles；whichrattledtogetherlikecastanets；andafterwarditwaslostintheemptycorridor。
thenaslightandpleasurableshiverthrilledthroughmyveins：idrewtheflapsofmyoldwaddeddressing…gownaroundme；ipulledmythreadbarevelvetcapovermyeyes；and；lettingmyselfsinkdeeperintomyeasy…chair；whilemyfeetbaskedintheheatandlightwhichshonethroughthedoorofthestove；igavemyselfuptoasensationofenjoyment；mademorelivelybytheconsciousnessofthestormwhichragedwithout。myeyes；swimminginasortofmist；wanderedoverallthedetailsofmypeacefulabode；theypassedfrommyprintstomybookcase；restinguponthelittlechintzsofa；thewhitecurtainsoftheironbedstead；andtheportfolioofloosepapers鈥斺�攖hosearchivesoftheattics；andthen；returningtothebookiheldinmyhand；theyattemptedtoseizeoncemorethethreadofthereadingwhichhadbeenthusinterrupted。
infact；thisbook；thesubjectofwhichhadatfirstinterestedme；hadbeepainfultome。ihadetotheconclusionthatthepicturesofthewriterweretoosombre。hisdescriptionofthemiseriesoftheworldappearedexaggeratedtome；icouldnotbelieveinsuchexcessofpovertyandofsuffering；neithergodnormancouldshowthemselvessoharshtowardthesonsofadam。theauthorhadyieldedtoanartistictemptation：hewasmakingashowofthesufferingsofhumanity；asneroburnedromeforthesakeofthepicturesque。
takenaltogether；thispoorhumanhouse；sooftenrepaired；somuchcriticised；isstillaprettygoodabode；wemayfindenoughinittosatisfyourwants；ifweknowhowtosetboundstothem；thehappinessofthewisemancostsbutlittle；andasksbutlittlespace。
theseconsolingreflectionsbecamemoreandmoreconfused。atlastmybookfellonthegroundwithoutmyhavingtheresolutiontostoopandtakeitupagain；andinsensiblyoverebytheluxuryofthesilence；thesubduedlight；andthewarmth；ifellasleep。
iremainedforsometimelostinthesortofinsensibilitybelongingtoafirstsleep；atlastsomevagueandbrokensensationscameoverme。
itseemedtomethatthedaygrewdarker；thattheairbecamecolder。
ihalfperceivedbushescoveredwiththescarletberrieswhichforetelltheingofwinter。iwalkedonadrearyroad；borderedhereandtherewithjuniper…treeswhitewithfrost。thenthescenesuddenlychanged。
iwasinthediligence；thecoldwindshookthedoorsandwindows；thetrees；loadedwithsnow；passedbylikeghosts；invainithrustmybenumbedfeetintothecrushedstraw。atlastthecarriagestopped；and；byoneofthosestageeffectssomoninsleep；ifoundmyselfaloneinabarn；withoutafireplace；andopentothewindsonallsides。isawagainmymothersgentleface；knownonlytomeinmyearlychildhood；thenobleandsterncountenanceofmyfather；thelittlefairheadofmysister；whowastakenfromusattenyearsold；allmydeadfamilylivedagainaroundme；theywerethere；exposedtothebitingsofthecoldandtothepangsofhunger。mymotherprayedbytheresignedoldman；andmysister；rolleduponsomeragsofwhichtheyhadmadeherabed；weptinsilence；andheldhernakedfeetinherlittlebluehands。
itwasapagefromthebookihadjustreadtransferredintomyownexistence。
myheartwasoppressedwithinexpressibleanguish。crouchedinacorner；withmyeyesfixeduponthisdismalpicture；ifeltthecoldslowlycreepinguponme；andisaidtomyselfwithbitterness：
〃letusdie；sincepovertyisadungeonguardedbysuspicion；apathy；andcontempt；andfromwhichitisvaintotrytoescape；letusdie；sincethereisnoplaceforusatthebanquetoftheliving！〃
anditriedtorisetojoinmymotheragain；andtowaitatherfeetforthehourofrelease。
thiseffortdispelledmydream；andiawokewithastart。
ilookedaroundme；mylampwasexpiring；thefireinmystoveextinguished；andmyhalf…openeddoorwaslettinginanicywind。
igotup；withashiver；toshutanddouble…lockit；thenimadeforthealcove；andwenttobedinhaste。
butthecoldkeptmeawakealongtime；andmythoughtscontinuedtheinterrupteddream。
thepicturesihadlatelyaccusedofexaggerationnowseemedbutatoofaithfulrepresentationofreality；andiwenttosleepwithoutbeingabletorecovermyoptimism鈥斺�攐rmywarmth。
thusdidacoldstoveandabadlycloseddooraltermypointofview。
allwentwellwhenmybloodcirculatedproperly；alllookedgloomywhenthecoldlaidholdonme。
thisremindsmeofthestoryoftheduchesswhowasobligedtopayavisittotheneighboringconventonawintersday。theconventwaspoor；therewasnowood；andthemonkshadnothingbuttheirdisciplineandtheardoroftheirprayerstokeepoutthecold。theduchess；whowasshiveringwithcold；returnedhome；greatlypityingthepoormonks。
whiletheservantsweretakingoffhercloakandaddingtwomorelogstoherfire；shecalledhersteward；whomsheorderedtosendsomewoodtotheconventimmediately。shethenhadhercouchmovedclosetothefireside；thewarmthofwhichsoonrevivedher。therecollectionofwhatshehadjustsufferedwasspeedilylostinherpresentfort；whenthestewardcameinagaintoaskhowmanyloadsofwoodhewastosend。
〃oh！youmaywait；〃saidthegreatladycarelessly；〃theweatherisverymuchmilder。〃
thus；mansjudgmentsareformedlessfromreasonthanfromsensation；andassensationestohimfromtheoutwardworld；sohefindshimselfmor
