the research magnificent-第65节

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for　Amanda；　and　against　his　obstinate　sympathy　for　Prothero's　grossness　and　his　mother's　personal　pride；　and　he　made　his　choice。　　But　it　was　a　reluctant　choice。　One　fragment　began　in　the　air。　　〃Of　course　I　had　made　myself　responsible　for　her　life。　　But　it　was；　you　see；　such　a　confoundedly　energetic　life；　as　vigorous　and　as　slippery　as　an　eel。　。　。　。　　Only　by　giving　all　my　strength　to　her　could　I　have　held　Amanda。　。　。　。　　So　what　was　the　good　of　trying　to　hold　Amanda？　。　。　。　〃All　one's　people　have　this　sort　of　claim　upon　one。　　Claims　made　by　their　pride　and　their　self…respect；　and　their　weaknesses　and　dependences。　　You've　no　right　to　hurt　them；　to　kick　about　and　demand　freedom　when　it　means　snapping　and　tearing　the　silly　suffering　tendrils　they　have　wrapped　about　you。　　The　true　aristocrat　I　think　will　have　enough　grasp；　enough　steadiness；　to　be　kind　and　right　to　every　human　being　and　still　do　the　work　that　ought　to　be　his　essential　life。　　I　see　that　now。　　It's　one　of　the　things　this　last　year　or　so　of　loneliness　has　made　me　realize；　that　in　so　far　as　I　have　set　out　to　live　the　aristocratic　life　I　have　failed。　　Instead　I've　discovered　itand　found　myself　out。　　I'm　an　overstrung　man。　　I　go　harshly　and　continuously　for　one　idea。　　I　live　as　I　ride。　　I　blunder　through　my　fences；　I　take　off　too　soon。　　I've　no　natural　ease　of　mind　or　conduct　or　body。　　I　am　straining　to　keep　hold　of　a　thing　too　big　for　me　and　do　a　thing　beyond　my　ability。　　Only　after　Prothero's　death　was　it　possible　for　me　to　realize　the　prig　I　have　always　been；　first　as　regards　him　and　then　as　regards　Amanda　and　my　mother　and　every　one。　　A　necessary　unavoidable　priggishness。　。　。　。〃I　do　not　see　how　certain　things　can　be　done　without　prigs；　people；　that　is　to　say；　so　concentrated　and　specialized　in　interest　as　to　be　a　trifle　inhuman；　so　resolved　as　to　be　rather　rhetorical　and　forced。　。　。　。　　All　things　must　begin　with　clumsiness；　there　is　no　assurance　about　pioneers。　。　。　。　〃Some　one　has　to　talk　about　aristocracy；　some　one　has　to　explain　aristocracy。　。　。　。　　But　the　very　essence　of　aristocracy；　as　I　conceive　it；　is　that　it　does　not　explain　nor　talk　about　itself。　。　。　。　〃After　all　it　doesn't　matter　what　I　am。　。　。　。　　It's　just　a　private　vexation　that　I　haven't　got　where　I　meant　to　get。　　That　does　not　affect　the　truth　I　have　to　tell。　。　。　。　〃If　one　has　to　speak　the　truth　with　the　voice　of　a　prig；　still　one　must　speak　the　truth。　　I　have　worked　out　some　very　considerable　things　in　my　research；　and　the　time　has　come　when　I　must　set　them　out　clearly　and　plainly。　　That　is　my　job　anyhow。　　My　journey　to　London　to　release　Amanda　will　be　just　the　end　of　my　adolescence　and　the　beginning　of　my　real　life。　　It　will　release　me　from　my　last　entanglement　with　the　fellow　creatures　I　have　always　failed　to　make　happy。　。　。　。　　It's　a　detail　in　the　work。　。　。　。　　And　I　shall　go　on。　But　I　shall　feel　very　like　a　man　who　goes　back　for　a　surgical　operation。　〃It's　very　like　that。　　A　surgical　operation；　and　when　it　is　over　perhaps　I　shall　think　no　more　about　it。　〃And　beyond　these　things　there　are　great　masses　of　work　to　be　done。　So　far　I　have　but　cleared　up　for　myself　a　project　and　outline　of　living。　　I　must　begin　upon　these　masses　now；　I　must　do　what　I　can　upon　the　details；　and；　presently；　I　shall　see　more　clearly　where　other　men　are　working　to　the　same　ends。　。　。　。〃

12

Benham's　expedition　to　China　with　Prothero　was　essentially　a　wrestle　between　his　high　resolve　to　work　out　his　conception　of　the　noble　life　to　the　utmost　limit　and　his　curiously　invincible　affection　and　sympathy　for　the　earthliness　of　that　inglorious　little　don。　Although　Benham　insisted　upon　the　dominance　of　life　by　noble　imaginations　and　relentless　reasonableness；　he　would　never　altogether　abandon　the　materialism　of　life。　　Prothero　had　once　said　to　him；　〃You　are　the　advocate　of　the　brain　and　I　of　the　belly。　Only；　only　we　respect　each　other。〃　　And　at　another　time；　〃You　fear　emotions　and　distrust　sensations。　　I　invite　them。　　You　do　not　drink　gin　because　you　think　it　would　make　you　weep。　　But　if　I　could　not　weep　in　any　other　way　I　would　drink　gin。〃　　And　it　was　under　the　influence　of　Prothero　that　Benham　turned　from　the　haughty　intellectualism；　the　systematized　superiorities　and　refinements；　the　caste　marks　and　defensive　dignities　of　India　to　China；　that　great　teeming　stinking　tank　of　humorous　yellow　humanity。　Benham　had　gone　to　Prothero　again　after　a　bout　of　elevated　idealism。　It　was　only　very　slowly　that　he　reconciled　his　mind　to　the　idea　of　an　entirely　solitary　pursuit　of　his　aristocratic　dream。　　For　some　time　as　he　went　about　the　world　he　was　trying　to　bring　himself　into　relationship　with　the　advanced　thinkers；　the　liberal…minded　people　who　seemed　to　promise　at　least　a　mental　and　moral　co…operation。　　Yet　it　is　difficult　to　see　what　co…operation　was　possible　unless　it　was　some　sort　of　agreement　that　presently　they　should　all　shout　together。　　And　it　was　after　a　certain　pursuit　of　Rabindranath　Tagore；　whom　he　met　in　Hampstead；　that　a　horror　of　perfect　manners　and　perfect　finish　came　upon　him；　and　he　fled　from　that　starry　calm　to　the　rich　uncleanness　of　the　most　undignified　fellow　of　Trinity。　And　as　an　advocate　and　exponent　of　the　richness　of　the　lower　levels　of　life；　as　the　declared　antagonist　of　caste　and　of　the　uttermost　refinements　of　pride；　Prothero　went　with　Benham　by　way　of　Siberia　to　the　Chinese　scene。　Their　controversy　was　perceptible　at　every　dinner…table　in　their　choice　of　food　and　drink。　　Benham　was　always　wary　and　Prothero　always　appreciative。　　It　peeped　out　in　the　distribution　of　their　time；　in　the　direction　of　their　glances。　　Whenever　women　walked　about；　Prothero　gave　way　to　a　sort　of　ethnological　excitement。　〃That　girla　wonderful　racial　type。〃　　But　in　Moscow　he　was　sentimental。　　He　insisted　on　going　again　to　the　Cosmopolis　Bazaar；　and　when　he　had　ascertained　that　Anna　Alexievna　had　vanished　and　left　no　trace　he　prowled　the　streets　until　the　small　hours。　In　the　eastward　train　he　talked　intermittently　of　her。　　〃I　should　have　defied　Cambridge；〃　he　said。　But　at　every　stopping　station　he　got　out　upon　the　platform　ethnologically　alert。　。　。　。　Theoretically　Benham　was　disgusted　with　Prothero。　　Really　he　was　not　disgusted　at　all。　　There　was　something　about　Prothero　like　a　sparrow；　like　a　starling；　like　a　Scotch　terrier。　。　。　。　　These；　too；　are　morally　objectionable　creatures　that　do　not　disgust。　。　。　。　Prothero　discoursed　much　upon　the　essential　goodness　of　Russians。　He　said　they　were　a　people　of　genius；　that　they　showed　it　in　their　faults　and　failures　just　as　much　as　in　their　virtues　and　achievements。　　He　extolled　the　〃germinating　disorder〃　of　Moscow　far　above　the　〃implacable　discipline〃　of　Berlin。　　Only　a　people　of　inferior　imagination；　a　base　materialist　people；　could　so　maintain　its　attention　upon　precision　and　cleanliness。　　Benham　was　roused　to　defence　against　this　paradox。　　〃But　all　exaltation　neglects；〃　said　Prothero。　　〃No　religion　has　ever　boasted　that　its　saints　were　spick　and　span。〃　　This　controversy　raged　between　them　in　the　streets　of　Irkutsk。　　It　was　still　burning　while　they　picked　their　way　through　the　indescribable　filth　of　Pekin。　〃You　say　that　all　this　is　a　fine　disdain　for　material　things；〃　said　Benham。　　〃But　look　out　there！〃　Apt　to　their　argument　a　couple　of　sturdy　young　women　came　shuffling　along；　cleaving　the　crowd　in　the　narrow　street　by　virtue　of　a　single　word　and　two　brace　of　pails　of　human　ordure。　〃That　is　not　a　fine　disdain　for　material　things；〃　said　Benham。　〃That　is　merely　individualism　and　unsystematic　living。〃　〃A　mere　phase　of　frankness。　　Only　frankness　is　left　to　them　now。　The　Manchus　crippled　them；　spoilt　their　roads　and　broke　their　waterways。　　European　intervention　paralyses　every　attempt　they　make　to　establish　order　on　their　own　lines。　　In　the　Ming　days　China　did　not　reek。　。　。　。　　And；　anyhow；　Benham；　it's　better　than　the　silly　waste　of　London。　。　。　。〃　And　in　a　little　while　Prothero　discovered　that　China　had　tried　Benham　and　found　him　wanting；　centuries　and　dynasties　ago。　What　was　this　new…fangled　aristocratic　man；　he　asked；　but　the　ideal　of　Confucius；　the　superior　person；　〃the　son　of　the　King〃？　　There　you　had　the　very　essence　of　Benham；　the　idea　of　self　…examination；　self…　preparation　under　a　vague　Theocracy。　　（〃Vaguer；〃　said　Benham；　〃for　the　Confucian　Heaven　could　punish　and　reward。〃）　　Even　the　elaborate　sham　modesty　of　the　two　dreams　was　the　same。　　Benham　interrupted　and　protested　with　heat。　　And　this　Confucian　idea　of　the　son　of　the　King；　Prothero　insisted；　had　been　the　cause　of　China's　paralysis。　〃My　idea　of　nobility　is　not　traditional　but　expectant；〃　said　Benham。　〃After　all；　Confucianism　has　held　together　a　great　pacific　state　far　longer　than　any　other　polity　has　ever　lasted。　　I'll　accept　your　Confucianism。　　I've　not　the　slightest　objection　to　finding　China　nearer　salvation　than　any　other　land。　　Do　but　turn　it　round　so　that　it　looks　to　the　future　and　not　to　the　past；　and　it　will　be　the　best　social　and　political　culture　in　the　world。　　That；　indeed；　is　what　is　happening。　　Mix　Chinese　culture　with　American　enterprise　and　you　will　have　made　a　new　lead　for　mankind。〃　From　that　Benham　drove　on　to　discoveries。　　〃When　a　man　thinks　of　the　past　he　concentrates　on　self；　when　he　thinks　of　the　future　he　radiates　from　self。　　Call