the research magnificent-第57节

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ilities　science　unveils　and　starry　speculations　of　what　mankind　may　do。

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But　Benham　did　not　leave　England　again　until　he　had　had　an　encounter　with　Lady　Marayne。　The　little　lady　came　to　her　son　in　a　state　of　extraordinary　anger　and　distress。　　Never　had　she　seemed　quite　so　resolute　nor　quite　so　hopelessly　dispersed　and　mixed。　　And　when　for　a　moment　it　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　not　as　a　matter　of　fact　dispersed　and　mixed　at　all；　then　with　an　instant　eagerness　he　dismissed　that　one　elucidatory　gleam。　　〃What　are　you　doing　in　England；　Poff？〃　she　demanded。　　〃And　what　are　you　going　to　do？　〃Nothing！　　And　you　are　going　to　leave　her　in　your　house；　with　your　property　and　a　lover。　　If　that's　it；　Poff；　why　did　you　ever　come　back？　　And　why　did　you　ever　marry　her？　　You　might　have　known；　her　father　was　a　swindler。　　She's　begotten　of　deceit。　　She'll　tell　her　own　story　while　you　are　away；　and　a　pretty　story　she'll　make　of　it。〃　〃Do　you　want　me　to　divorce　her　and　make　a　scandal？〃　〃I　never　wanted　you　to　go　away　from　her。　　If　you'd　stayed　and　watched　her　as　a　man　should；　as　I　begged　you　and　implored　you　to　do。　Didn't　I　tell　you；　Poff？　　Didn't　I　warn　you？〃　〃But　now　what　am　I　to　do？〃　〃There　you　are！　　That's　just　a　man's　way。　　You　get　yourself　into　this　trouble；　you　follow　your　passions　and　your　fancies　and　fads　and　then　you　turn　to　me！　　How　can　I　help　you　now；　Poff？　　If　you'd　listened　to　me　before！〃　Her　blue　eyes　were　demonstratively　round。　〃Yes；　but〃　〃I　warned　you；〃　she　interrupted。　　〃I　warned　you。　　I've　done　all　I　could　for　you。　　It　isn't　that　I　haven't　seen　through　her。　　When　she　came　to　me　at　first　with　that　made…up　story　of　a　baby！　　And　all　about　loving　me　like　her　own　mother。　　But　I　did　what　I　could。　　I　thought　we　might　still　make　the　best　of　a　bad　job。　　And　then。　　I　might　have　known　she　couldn't　leave　Pip　alone。　。　。　。　　But　for　weeks　I　didn't　dream。　　I　wouldn't　dream。　　Right　under　my　nose。　　The　impudence　of　it！〃　Her　voice　broke。　　〃Such　a　horrid　mess！　　Such　a　hopeless；　horrid　mess！〃　She　wiped　away　a　bright　little　tear。　。　。　。　〃It's　all　alike。　　It's　your　way　with　us。　　All　of　you。　　There　isn't　a　man　in　the　world　deserves　to　have　a　woman　in　the　world。　　We　do　all　we　can　for　you。　　We　do　all　we　can　to　amuse　you；　we　dress　for　you　and　we　talk　for　you。　　All　the　sweet；　warm　little　women　there　are！　　And　then　you　go　away　from　us！　　There　never　was　a　woman　yet　who　pleased　and　satisfied　a　man；　who　did　not　lose　him。　　Give　you　everything　and　off　you　must　go！　　Lovers；　mothers。　。　。　。〃　It　dawned　upon　Benham　dimly　that　his　mother's　troubles　did　not　deal　exclusively　with　himself。　〃But　Amanda；〃　he　began。　〃If　you'd　looked　after　her　properly；　it　would　hing　the　strike　period　of　1913；　he　was　on　his　way　to　see　her　in　London　and　to　settle　their　relationship　upon　a　new　and　more　definite　footing。　　It　was　her　suggestion　that　they　should　meet。　About　her　he　felt　an　enormous；　inexorable；　dissatisfaction。　　He　could　not　persuade　himself　that　his　treatmee　evil　between　different　kinds　of　men　is　due　to　uncultivated　feeling；　to　natural　bad　feeling；　but　far　more　is　it　due　to　bad　thinking。〃　　At　times　he　seemed　on　the　verge　of　the　persuasion　that　most　human　trouble　is　really　due　to　bad　metaphysics。　　It　was；　one　must　remark；　an　extraordinary　journey　he　had　made；　he　had　started　from　chivalry　and　arrived　at　metaphysics；　every　knight　he　held　must　be　a　logician；　and　ultimate　bravery　is　courage　of　the　mind。　　One　thinks　of　his　coming　to　this　conclusion　with　knit　brows　and　balancing　intentness　above　whole　gulfs　of　bathosvery　much　as　he　had　once　walked　the　Leysin　Bisse。　。　。　。　〃Men　do　not　know　how　to　think；〃　he　insistedgetting　along　the　planks；　〃and　they　will　not　realize　that　they　do　not　know　how　to　think。　　Nine…tenths　of　the　wars　in　the　world　have　arisen　out　of　misconceptions。　。　。　。　　Misconception　is　the　sin　and　dishonour　of　the　mind；　and　muddled　thinking　as　ignoble　as　dirty　conduct。　。　。　。　Infinitely　more　disastrous。〃　And　again　he　wrote：　〃Man；　I　see；　is　an　over…practical　creature；　too　eager　to　get　into　action。　　There　is　our　deepest　trouble。　　He　takes　conclusions　ready…made；　or　he　makes　themave　been　right　enough。　　Pip　was　as　good　as　gold　until　she　undermined　him。　。　。　。　　A　woman　can't　wait　about　like　an　umbrella　in　a　stand。　。　。　。　　He　was　just　a　boy。　。　。　。　　Only　of　course　there　she　wasa　novelty。　　It　is　perfectly　easy　to　understand。　　She　flattered　him。　。　。　。　　Men　are　such　fools。〃　〃Stillit's　no　good　saying　that　now。〃　〃But　she'll　spend　all　your　money；　Poff！　　She'll　break　your　back　with　debts。　　What's　to　prevent　her？　　With　him　living　on　her！　　For　that's　what　it　comes　to　practically。〃　〃Well；　what　am　I　to　do？〃　〃You　aren't　going　back　without　tying　her　up；　Poff？　　You　ought　to　stop　every　farthing　of　her　moneyevery　farthing。　　It's　your　duty。〃　〃I　can't　do　things　like　that。〃　〃But　have　you　no　Shame？　　To　let　that　sort　of　thing　go　on！〃　〃If　I　don't　feel　the　Shame　of　it　　And　I　don't。〃　〃And　that　money。　　I　got　you　that　money；　Poff！　　It　was　my　money。〃　Benham　stared　at　her　perplexed。　　〃What　am　I　to　do？〃　he　asked。　〃Cut　her　off；　you　silly　boy！　　Tie　her　up！　　Pay　her　through　a　solicitor。　　Say　that　if　she　sees　him　ONCE　again〃　He　reflected。　　〃No；〃　he　said　at　last。　〃Poff！〃　she　cried；　〃every　time　I　see　you；　you　are　more　and　more　like　your　father。　　You're　going　offjust　as　he　did。　　That　baffled；　MULISH　lookpriggishsolemn！　　Oh！　it's　strange　the　stuff　a　poor　woman　has　to　bring　into　the　world。　　But　you'll　do　nothing。　　I　know　you'll　do　nothing。　　You'll　stand　everything。　　Youyou　Cuckold！　　And　she'll　drive　by　me；　she'll　pass　me　in　theatres　with　the　money　that　ought　to　have　been　mine！　　Oh！　　Oh！〃　She　dabbed　her　handkerchief　from　one　swimming　eye　to　the　other。　　But　she　went　on　talking。　　Faster　and　faster；　less　and　less　coherently；　more　and　more　wildly　abusive。　　Presently　in　a　brief　pause　of　the　storm　Benham　sighed　profoundly。　。　。　。　It　brought　the　scene　to　a　painful　end。　。　。　。　For　weeks　her　distress　pursued　and　perplexed　him。　He　had　an　extraordinary　persuasion　that　in　some　obscure　way　he　was　in　default；　that　he　was　to　blame　for　her　distress；　that　he　owed　her　he　could　never　define　what　he　owed　her。　And　yet；　what　on　earth　was　one　to　do？　And　something　his　mother　had　said　gave　him　the　odd　idea　that　he　had　misjudged　his　father；　that　he　had　missed　depths　of　perplexed　and　kindred　goodwill。　　He　went　down　to　see　him　before　he　returned　to　India。　　But　if　there　was　a　hidden　well　of　feeling　in　Mr。　Benham　senior；　it　had　been　very　carefully　boarded　over。　　The　parental　mind　and　attention　were　entirely　engaged　in　a　dispute　in　the　SCHOOL　WORLD　about　the　heuristic　method。　　Somebody　had　been　disrespectnt　of　her　and　that　his　relations　to　her　squared　with　any　of　his　preconceptions　of　nobility；　and　yet　at　no　precise　point　could　he　detect　where　he　had　definitely　taken　an　ignoble　step。　　Through　Amanda　he　was　coming　to　the　full　experience　of　life。　　Like　all　of　us　he　had　been　prepared；　he　had　prepared　himself；　to　take　life　in　a　certain　way；　and　life　had　taken　him；　as　it　takes　all　of　us；　in　an　entirely　different　and　unexpected　way。　。　。　。　　He　had　been　ready　for　noble　deeds　and　villainies；　for　achievements　and　failures；　and　here　as　the　dominant　fact　of　his　personal　life　was　a　perplexing　riddle。　　He　could　not　hate　and　condemn　her　for　ten　minutes　at　a　time　without　a　flow　of　exoneration；　he　could　not　think　of　her　tolerantly　or　lovingly　without　immediate　shame　and　resentment；　and　with　the　utmost　will　in　the　world　he　could　not　banish　her　from　his　mind。　During　the　intervening　years　he　had　never　ceased　to　have　her　in　his　mind；　he　would　not　think　of　her　it　is　true　if　he　could　help　it；　but　often　he　could　not　help　it；　and　as　a　negative　presence；　as　a　thing　denied；　she　was　almost　more　potent　than　she　had　been　as　a　thing　accepted。　　Meanwhile　he　worked。　　His　nervous　irritability　increased；　but　it　did　not　hinder　the　steady　development　of　his　Research。　Long　before　his　final　parting　from　Amanda　he　had　worked　out　his　idea　and　method　for　all　the　more　personal　problems　in　life；　the　problems　he　put　together　under　his　headings　of　the　first　three　〃Limitations。〃　He　had　resolved　to　emancipate　himself　from　fear；　indulgence；　and　that　instinctive　preoccupation　with　the　interests　and　dignity　of　self　which　he　chose　to　term　Jealousy；　and　with　the　one　tremendous　exception　of　Amanda　he　had　to　a　large　extent　succeeded。　　Amanda。　Amanda。　　Amanda。　　He　stuck　the　more　grimly　to　his　Research　to　drown　that　beating　in　his　brain。　Emancipation　from　all　these　personal　things　he　held　now　to　be　a　mere　prelude　to　the　real　work　of　a　man's　life；　which　was　to　serve　this　dream　of　a　larger　human　purpose。　　The　bulk　of　his　work　was　to　discover　and　define　that　purpose；　that　purpose　which　must　be　the　directing　and　comprehending　form　of　all　the　activities　of　the　noble　life。　　One　cannot　be　noble；　he　had　come　to　perceive；　at　large；　one　must　be　noble　to　an　end。　　To　make　human　life；　collectively　and　in　detail；　a　thing　more　comprehensive；　more　beautiful；　more　generous　and　coherent　than　it　is　to…day　seemed　to　him　the　fundamental　intention　of　all　nobility。　　He　believed　more　and　more　firmly　that　the　impulses　to　make　and　help　and　subserve　great　purposes　are　abundantly　present　in　the　world；　that　they　are　inhibited　by　hasty　thinking；　limited　thinking　and　bad　thinking；　and　that　the　real　ennoblement　of　human　life　was　not　so　much　a　creation　as