the research magnificent-第53节

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　mind。　　And　Amanda　said　not　a　word　about　him。　　He　was　a　young　man　above　suspicion；　Benham　felt。　。　。　。　And　from　his　departure　the　quality　of　the　correspondence　of　these　two　larger　carnivores　began　to　change。　　Except　for　the　repetition　of　accustomed　endearments；　they　ceased　to　be　love　letters　in　any　sense　of　the　word。　　They　dealt　chiefly　with　the　〃Cub；〃　and　even　there　Benham　felt　presently　that　the　enthusiasm　diminished。　　A　new　amazing　quality　for　Amanda　appearedtriteness。　　The　very　writing　of　her　letters　changed　as　though　it　had　suddenly　lost　backbone。　　Her　habitual　liveliness　of　phrasing　lost　its　point。　　Had　she　lost　her　animation？　　Was　she　ill　unknowingly？　　Where　had　the　light　gone？　　It　was　as　if　her　attention　was　distracted。　。　。　。　　As　if　every　day　when　she　wrote　her　mind　was　busy　about　something　else。　Abruptly　at　last　he　understood。　　A　fact　that　had　never　been　stated；　never　formulated；　never　in　any　way　admitted；　was　suddenly　pointed　to　convergently　by　a　thousand　indicating　fingers；　and　beyond　question　perceived　to　be　THERE。　。　。　。　He　left　a　record　of　that　moment　of　realization。　〃Suddenly　one　night　I　woke　up　and　lay　still；　and　it　was　as　if　I　had　never　seen　Amanda　before。　　Now　I　saw　her　plainly；　I　saw　her　with　that　same　dreadful　clearness　that　sometimes　comes　at　dawn；　a　pitiless；　a　scientific　distinctness　that　has　neither　light　nor　shadow。　。　。　。　〃Of　course；〃　I　said；　and　then　presently　I　got　up　very　softly。　。　。　。　〃I　wanted　to　get　out　of　my　intolerable；　close；　personal　cabin。　　I　wanted　to　feel　the　largeness　of　the　sky。　　I　went　out　upon　the　deck。　We　were　off　the　coast　of　Madras；　and　when　I　think　of　that　moment；　there　comes　back　to　me　also　the　faint　flavour　of　spice　in　the　air；　the　low　line　of　the　coast；　the　cool　flooding　abundance　of　the　Indian　moonlight；　the　swish　of　the　black　water　against　the　side　of　the　ship。　　And　a　perception　of　infinite　loss；　as　if　the　limitless　heavens　above　this　earth　and　below　to　the　very　uttermost　star　were　just　one　boundless　cavity　from　which　delight　had　fled。　。　。　。　〃Of　course　I　had　lost　her。　　I　knew　it　with　absolute　certainty。　　I　knew　it　from　her　insecure　temperament；　her　adventurousness；　her　needs。　　I　knew　it　from　every　line　she　had　written　me　in　the　last　three　months。　　I　knew　it　intuitively。　　She　had　been　unfaithful。　　She　must　have　been　unfaithful。　〃What　had　I　been　dreaming　about　to　think　that　it　would　not　be　so？〃

21

〃Now　let　me　write　down　plainly　what　I　think　of　these　matters。　　Let　me　be　at　least　honest　with　myself；　whatever　self…contradictions　I　may　have　been　led　into　by　force　of　my　passions。　　Always　I　have　despised　jealousy。　。　。　。　〃Only　by　the　conquest　of　four　natural　limitations　is　the　aristocratic　life　to　be　achieved。　　They　come　in　a　certain　order；　and　in　that　order　the　spirit　of　man　is　armed　against　them　less　and　less　efficiently。　　Of　fear　and　my　struggle　against　fear　I　have　told　already。　　I　am　fearful。　　I　am　a　physical　coward　until　I　can　bring　shame　and　anger　to　my　assistance；　but　in　overcoming　fear　I　have　been　helped　by　the　whole　body　of　human　tradition。　　Every　one；　the　basest　creatures；　every　Hottentot；　every　stunted　creature　that　ever　breathed　poison　in　a　slum；　knows　that　the　instinctive　constitution　of　man　is　at　fault　here　and　that　fear　is　shameful　and　must　be　subdued。　　The　race　is　on　one's　side。　　And　so　there　is　a　vast　traditional　support　for　a　man　against　the　Second　Limitation；　the　limitation　of　physical　indulgence。　　It　is　not　so　universal　as　the　first；　there　is　a　grinning　bawling　humour　on　the　side　of　grossness；　but　common　pride　is　against　it。　　And　in　this　matter　my　temperament　has　been　my　help：　I　am　fastidious；　I　eat　little；　drink　little；　and　feel　a　shivering　recoil　from　excess。　　It　is　no　great　virtue；　it　happens　so；　it　is　something　in　the　nerves　of　my　skin。　　I　cannot　endure　myself　unshaven　or　in　any　way　unclean；　I　am　tormented　by　dirty　hands　or　dirty　blood　or　dirty　memories；　and　after　I　had　once　loved　Amanda　I　could　notunless　some　irrational　impulse　to　get　equal　with　her　had　caught　mehave　broken　my　faith　to　her；　whatever　breach　there　was　in　her　faith　to　me。　。　。　。　〃I　see　that　in　these　matters　I　am　cleaner　than　most　men　and　more　easily　clean；　and　it　may　be　that　it　is　in　the　vein　of　just　that　distinctive　virtue　that　I　fell　so　readily　into　a　passion　of　resentment　and　anger。　〃I　despised　a　jealous　man。　　There　is　a　traditional　discredit　of　jealousy；　not　so　strong　as　that　against　cowardice；　but　still　very　strong。　　But　the　general　contempt　of　jealousy　is　curiously　wrapped　up　with　the　supposition　that　there　is　no　cause　for　jealousy；　that　it　is　unreasonable　suspicion。　　Given　a　cause　then　tradition　speaks　with　an　uncertain　voice。　。　。　。　〃I　see　now　that　I　despised　jealousy　because　I　assumed　that　it　was　impossible　for　Amanda　to　love　any　one　but　me；　it　was　intolerable　to　imagine　anything　else；　I　insisted　upon　believing　that　she　was　as　fastidious　as　myself　and　as　faithful　as　myself；　made　indeed　after　my　image；　and　I　went　on　disregarding　the　most　obvious　intimations　that　she　was　not；　until　that　still　moment　in　the　Indian　Ocean；　when　silently；　gently　as　a　drowned　body　might　rise　out　of　the　depths　of　a　pool；　that　knowledge　of　love　dead　and　honour　gone　for　ever　floated　up　into　my　consciousness。　〃And　then　I　felt　that　Amanda　had　cheated　me！　　Outrageously。　Abominably。　〃Now；　so　far　as　my　intelligence　goes；　there　is　not　a　cloud　upon　this　question。　　My　demand　upon　Amanda　was　outrageous　and　I　had　no　right　whatever　to　her　love　or　loyalty。　　I　must　have　that　very　clear。　。　。　。　〃This　aristocratic　life；　as　I　conceive　it；　must　be；　except　accidentally　here　and　there；　incompatible　with　the　domestic　life。　It　means　going　hither　and　thither　in　the　universe　of　thought　as　much　as　in　the　universe　of　matter；　it　means　adventure；　it　means　movement　and　adventure　that　must　needs　be　hopelessly　encumbered　by　an　inseparable　associate；　it　means　self…imposed　responsibilities　that　will　not　fit　into　the　welfare　of　a　family。　　In　all　ages；　directly　society　had　risen　above　the　level　of　a　barbaric　tribal　village；　this　need　of　a　release　from　the　family　for　certain　necessary　types　of　people　has　been　recognized。　　It　was　met　sometimes　informally；　sometimes　formally；　by　the　growth　and　establishment　of　special　classes　and　orders；　of　priests；　monks；　nuns；　of　pledged　knights；　of　a　great　variety　of　non…family　people；　whose　concern　was　the　larger　collective　life　that　opens　out　beyond　the　simple　necessities　and　duties　and　loyalties　of　the　steading　and　of　the　craftsman's　house。　Sometimes；　but　not　always；　that　release　took　the　form　of　celibacy；　but　besides　that　there　have　been　a　hundred　institutional　variations　of　the　common　life　to　meet　the　need　of　the　special　man；　the　man　who　must　go　deep　and　the　man　who　must　go　far。　　A　vowed　celibacy　ceased　to　be　a　tolerable　rule　for　an　aristocracy　directly　the　eugenic　idea　entered　the　mind　of　man；　because　a　celibate　aristocracy　means　the　abandonment　of　the　racial　future　to　a　proletariat　of　base　unleaderly　men。　　That　was　plain　to　Plato。　　It　was　plain　to　Campanelea。　　It　was　plain　to　the　Protestant　reformers。　　But　the　world　has　never　yet　gone　on　to　the　next　step　beyond　that　recognition；　to　the　recognition　of　feminine　aristocrats；　rulers　and　the　mates　of　rulers；　as　untrammelled　by　domestic　servitudes　and　family　relationships　as　the　men　of　their　kind。　　That　I　see　has　always　been　my　idea　since　in　my　undergraduate　days　I　came　under　the　spell　of　Plato。　　It　was　a　matter　of　course　that　my　first　gift　to　Amanda　should　be　his　REPUBLIC。　　I　loved　Amanda　transfigured　in　that　dream。　。　。　。　〃There　are　no　such　women。　。　。　。　〃It　is　no　excuse　for　me　that　I　thought　she　was　like…minded　with　myself。　　I　had　no　sound　reason　for　supposing　that。　　I　did　suppose　that。　　I　did　not　perceive　that　not　only　was　she　younger　than　myself；　but　that　while　I　had　been　going　through　a　mill　of　steely　education；　kept　close；　severely　exercised；　polished　by　discussion；　she　had　but　the　weak　training　of　a　not　very　good　school；　some　scrappy　reading；　the　vague　discussions　of　village　artists；　and　the　draped　and　decorated　novelties　of　the　‘advanced。'　　It　all　went　to　nothing　on　the　impact　of　the　world。　。　。　。　　She　showed　herself　the　woman　the　world　has　always　known；　no　miracle；　and　the　alternative　was　for　me　to　give　myself　to　her　in　the　ancient　way；　to　serve　her　happiness；　to　control　her　and　delight　and　companion　her；　or　to　let　her　go。　〃The　normal　woman　centres　upon　herself；　her　mission　is　her　own　charm　and　her　own　beauty　and　her　own　setting；　her　place　is　her　home。　　She　demands　the　concentration　of　a　man。　　Not　to　be　able　to　command　that　is　her　failure。　　Not　to　give　her　that　is　to　shame　her。　　As　I　had　shamed　Amanda。　。　。　。〃

22

〃There　are　no　such　women。〃　　He　had　written　this　in　and　struck　it　out；　and　then　at　some　later　time　written　it　in　again。　　There　it　stayed　now　as　his　last　persuasion；　but　it　set　White　thinking　and　doubting。　　And；　indeed；　there　was　another　sheet　of　pencilled　broken　stuff　that　seemed　to　glance　at　quite　another　type　of　womanhood。

23

〃It　is　clear　that　the　women　aristocrats　who　must　come　to　the　remaking　of　the　world　will　do　so　in　spite　of　limitations　at　least　as　great　as　those　from　which　the　aristocratic　spirit　of　man　escapes。　These　women　must　become　aristocratic　through　their　own　innate　impulse；　they　must　be　self…called　to　their　lives；　exactly　as　men　mus