the research magnificent-第4节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ed　his　head　round　this　corner　and　saw　the　evil　place　of　the　picture…postcards。　He　remained　for　a　long　time　trying　to　screw　himself　up　to　walk　along　the　jagged　six…inch　edge　of　rock　between　cliff　and　torrent　into　which　the　path　has　shrunken；　to　the　sagging　plank　under　the　overhanging　rock　beyond。　He　could　not　bring　himself　to　do　that。　〃It　happened　that　close　to　the　corner　a　large　lump　of　rock　and　earth　was　breaking　away；　a　cleft　was　opening；　so　that　presently；　it　seemed　possible　at　any　moment；　the　mass　would　fall　headlong　into　the　blue　deeps　below。　　This　impending　avalanche　was　not　in　my　path　along　the　Bisse；　it　was　no　sort　of　danger　to　me；　but　in　some　way　its　insecurity　gave　a　final　touch　to　my　cowardice。　　I　could　not　get　myself　round　that　corner。〃　He　turned　away。　　He　went　and　examined　the　planks　in　the　other　direction；　and　these　he　found　less　forbidding。　　He　crossed　one　precipitous　place；　with　a　fall　of　twoscore　feet　or　less　beneath　him；　and　found　worse　ahead。　　There　also　he　managed。　　A　third　place　was　still　more　disagreeable。　　The　plank　was　worn　and　thin；　and　sagged　under　him。　　He　went　along　it　supporting　himself　against　the　rock　above　the　Bisse　with　an　extended　hand。　　Halfway　the　rock　fell　back；　so　that　there　was　nothing　whatever　to　hold。　　He　stopped；　hesitating　whether　he　should　go　backbut　on　this　plank　there　was　no　going　back　because　no　turning　round　seemed　practicable。　　While　he　was　still　hesitating　there　came　a　helpful　intervention。　　Behind　him　he　saw　a　peasant　appearing　and　disappearing　behind　trees　and　projecting　rock　masses；　and　coming　across　the　previous　plank　at　a　vigorous　trot。　。　。　。　Under　the　stimulus　of　a　spectator　Benham　got　to　the　end　of　this　third　place　without　much　trouble。　　Then　very　politely　he　stood　aside　for　the　expert　to　go　ahead　so　that　he　could　follow　at　his　own　pace。　There　were；　however；　more　difficulties　yet　to　come；　and　a　disagreeable　humiliation。　　That　confounded　peasant　developed　a　parental　solicitude。　　After　each　crossing　he　waited；　and　presently　began　to　offer　advice　and　encouragement。　　At　last　came　a　place　where　everything　was　overhanging；　where　the　Bisse　was　leaking；　and　the　plank　wet　and　slippery。　　The　water　ran　out　of　the　leak　near　the　brim　of　the　wooden　channel　and　fell　in　a　long　shivering　thread　of　silver。　THERE　WAS　NO　SOUND　OF　ITS　FALL。　　It　just　fellinto　a　void。　　Benham　wished　he　had　not　noted　that。　　He　groaned；　but　faced　the　plank；　he　knew　this　would　be　the　slowest　affair　of　all。　The　peasant　surveyed　him　from　the　further　side。　〃Don't　be　afraid！〃　cried　the　peasant　in　his　clumsy　Valaisian　French；　and　returned；　returning　along　the　plank　that　seemed　quite　sufficiently　loaded　without　him；　extending　a　charitable　hand。　〃Damn！〃　whispered　Benham；　but　he　took　the　hand。　Afterwards；　rather　ignobly；　he　tried　to　explain　in　his　public…school　French。　　〃Pas　de　peur；〃　he　said。　　〃Pas　de　peur。　　Mais　la　tete；　n'a　pas　l'habitude。〃　The　peasant；　failing　to　understand；　assured　him　again　that　there　was　no　danger。　（〃Damn！〃）　Benham　was　led　over　all　the　other　planks；　he　was　led　as　if　he　was　an　old　lady　crossing　a　glacier。　　He　was　led　into　absolute　safety；　and　shamefacedly　he　rewarded　his　guide。　　Then　he　went　a　little　way　and　sat　down；　swore　softly；　and　watched　the　honest　man　go　striding　and　plunging　down　towards　Lens　until　he　was　out　of　sight。　〃Now；〃　said　Benham　to　himself；　〃if　I　do　not　go　back　along　the　planks　my　secret　honour　is　gone　for　ever。〃　He　told　himself　that　he　had　not　a　good　head；　that　he　was　not　well；　that　the　sun　was　setting　and　the　light　no　longer　good；　that　he　had　a　very　good　chance　indeed　of　getting　killed。　　Then　it　came　to　him　suddenly　as　a　clear　and　simple　truth；　as　something　luminously　plain；　that　it　is　better　to　get　killed　than　go　away　defeated　by　such　fears　and　unsteadiness　as　his。　　The　change　came　into　his　mind　as　if　a　white　light　were　suddenly　turned　onwhere　there　had　been　nothing　but　shadows　and　darkness。　　He　rose　to　his　feet　and　went　swiftly　and　intently　the　whole　way　back；　going　with　a　kind　of　temperate　recklessness；　and；　because　he　was　no　longer　careful；　easily。　　He　went　on　beyond　his　starting　place　toward　the　corner；　and　did　that　supreme　bit；　to　and　fro；　that　bit　where　the　lump　was　falling　away；　and　he　had　to　crouch；　as　gaily　as　the　rest。　　Then　he　recrossed　the　Bisse　upon　the　pine　log；　clambered　up　through　the　pines　to　the　crest；　and　returned　through　the　meadows　to　his　own　hotel。　After　that　he　should　have　slept　the　sleep　of　contentment；　but　instead　he　had　quite　dreadful　nightmares；　of　hanging　in　frozen　fear　above　incredible　declivities；　of　ill…aimed　leaps　across　chasms　to　slippery　footholds；　of　planks　that　swayed　and　broke　suddenly　in　the　middle　and　headed　him　down　and　down。　。　。　。　The　next　day　in　the　sunshine　he　walked　the　Bisse　again　with　those　dreams　like　trailing　mists　in　his　mind；　and　by　comparison　the　path　of　the　Bisse　was　nothing；　it　was　like　walking　along　a　kerbstone；　it　was　an　exercise　for　young　ladies。　。　。　。

7

In　his　younger　days　Benham　had　regarded　Fear　as　a　shameful　secret　and　as　a　thing　to　be　got　rid　of　altogether。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　to　feel　fear　was　to　fall　short　of　aristocracy；　and　in　spite　of　the　deep　dreads　and　disgusts　that　haunted　his　mind；　he　set　about　the　business　of　its　subjugation　as　if　it　were　a　spiritual　amputation。　But　as　he　emerged　from　the　egotism　of　adolescence　he　came　to　realize　that　this　was　too　comprehensive　an　operation；　every　one　feels　fear；　and　your　true　aristocrat　is　not　one　who　has　eliminated；　but　one　who　controls　or　ignores　it。　　Brave　men　are　men　who　do　things　when　they　are　afraid　to　do　them；　just　as　Nelson；　even　when　he　was　seasick；　and　he　was　frequently　seasick；　was　still　master　of　the　sea。　　Benham　developed　two　leading　ideas　about　fear；　one　that　it　is　worse　at　the　first　onset；　and　far　worse　than　any　real　experience；　and　the　other　that　fear　is　essentially　a　social　instinct。　　He　set　himself　upon　these　lines　to　studywhat　can　we　call　it？the　taming　of　fear；　the　nature；　care；　and　management　of　fear。　。　。　。　〃Fear　is　very　like　pain　in　this；　that　it　is　a　deterrent　thing。　　It　is　superficial。　　Just　as　a　man's　skin　is　infinitely　more　sensitive　than　anything　inside。　。　。　。　　Once　you　have　forced　yourself　or　have　been　forced　through　the　outward　fear　into　vivid　action　or　experience；　you　feel　very　little。　　The　worst　moment　is　before　things　happen。　　Rowe；　the　African　sportsman；　told　me　that　he　had　seen　cowardice　often　enough　in　the　presence　of　lions；　but　he　had　never　seen　any　one　actually　charged　by　a　lion　who　did　not　behave　well。　　I　have　heard　the　same　thing　of　many　sorts　of　dangers。　〃I　began　to　suspect　this　first　in　the　case　of　falling　or　jumping　down。　　Giddiness　may　be　an　almost　intolerable　torture；　and　falling　nothing　of　the　sort。　　I　once　saw　the　face　of　an　old　man　who　had　flung　himself　out　of　a　high　window　in　Rome；　and　who　had　been　killed　instantly　on　the　pavement；　it　was　not　simply　a　serene　face；　it　was　glad；　exalted。　　I　suspect　that　when　we　have　broken　the　shell　of　fear；　falling　may　be　delightful。　　Jumping　down　is；　after　all；　only　a　steeper　tobogganing；　and　tobogganing　a　milder　jumping　down。　　Always　I　used　to　funk　at　the　top　of　the　Cresta　run。　　I　suffered　sometimes　almost　intolerably；　I　found　it　almost　impossible　to　get　away。　　The　first　ten　yards　was　like　being　slashed　open　with　a　sharp　sword。　　But　afterwards　there　was　nothing　but　joyful　thrills。　　All　instinct；　too；　fought　against　me　when　I　tried　high　diving。　　I　managed　it；　and　began　to　like　it。　　I　had　to　give　it　up　because　of　my　ears；　but　not　until　I　had　established　the　habit　of　stepping　through　that　moment　of　disinclination。　〃I　was　Challoner's　passenger　when　he　was　killed　at　Sheerness。　　That　was　a　queer　unexpected　experience；　you　may　have　supposed　it　an　agony　of　terror；　but　indeed　there　was　no　fear　in　it　at　all。　　At　any　rate；　I　do　not　remember　a　moment　of　fear；　it　has　gone　clean　out　of　my　memory　if　ever　it　was　there。　　We　were　swimming　high　and　fast；　three　thousand　feet　or　so；　in　a　clear；　sweet　air　over　the　town　of　Sheerness。　　The　river；　with　a　string　of　battleships；　was　far　away　to　the　west　of　us；　and　the　endless　grey…blue　flats　of　the　Thames　to　the　north。　　The　sun　was　low　behind　a　bank　of　cloud。　　I　was　watching　a　motor…car；　which　seemed　to　be　crawling　slowly　enough；　though；　no　doubt；　it　was　making　a　respectable　pace；　between　two　hedges　down　below。　　It　is　extraordinary　how　slowly　everything　seems　to　be　going　when　one　sees　it　from　such　an　height。　〃Then　the　left　wing　of　the　monoplane　came　up　like　a　door　that　slams；　some　wires　whistled　past　my　head；　and　one　whipped　off　my　helmet；　and　then；　with　the　seat　slipping　away　from　me；　down　we　went。　　I　snatched　unavailingly　for　the　helmet；　and　then　gripped　the　sides。　　It　was　like　dropping　in　a　boat　suddenly　into　the　trough　of　a　waveand　going　on　dropping。　　We　were　both　strapped；　and　I　got　my　feet　against　the　side　and　clung　to　the　locked　second　wheel。　〃The　sensation　was　as　though　something　like　an　intermittent　electric　current　was　pouring　through　me。　　It's　a　ridiculous　image　to　use；　I　can't　justify　it；　but　it　was　as　if　I　was　having　cold　blue　light　squirted　through　every　pore　of　my　being。　　There　was　an　astonishment；　a　feeling　of　confirmation。　　‘Of　course　these　things　do　happen　sometimes；'　I　told　myself。　　I　don't　remember　that　Challoner　looked　round　or　said　anything　at　all。　　I