when the world shook-第9节

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and　I　mustn't　stop　here　wasting　time　in　pleasant　conversation。

She　thinks　just　as　much　of　her　varicose　veins　as　we　do　of　the

loss　of　our　wives。〃



I　wonder　what　Bastin's　ideas　of　unpleasant　conversation　may　be；

thought　I　to　myself；　as　I　watched　him　depart　already

wool…gathering　on　some　other　subject；　probably　the　heresy　of　one

of　those　〃early　fathers〃　who　occupied　most　of　his　thoughts。



Bickley　listened　to　my　tale　in　sympathetic　silence；　as　a　doctor

does　to　a　patient。　When　he　was　obliged　to　speak；　he　said　that　it

was　interesting　as　an　example　of　a　tendency　of　certain　minds

towards　romantic　vision　which　sometimes　asserts　itself；　even　in

the　throes　of　death。



〃You　know；〃　he　added；　〃that　I　put　faith　in　none　of　these

things。　I　wish　that　I　could；　but　reason　and　science　both　show　me

that　they　lack　foundation。　The　world　on　the　whole　is　a　sad　place；

where　we　arrive　through　the　passions　of　others　implanted　in　them

by　Nature；　which；　although　it　cares　nothing　for　individual　death；

is　tender　towards　the　impulse　of　races　of　every　sort　to　preserve

their　collective　life。　Indeed　the　impulse　is　Nature；　or　at　least

its　chief　manifestation。　Consequently；　whether　we　be　gnats　or

elephants；　or　anything　between　and　beyond；　even　stars　for　aught　I

know；　we　must　make　the　best　of　things　as　they　are；　taking　the

good　and　the　evil　as　they　come　and　getting　all　we　can　out　of　life

until　it　leaves　us；　after　which　we　need　not　trouble。　You　had　a

good　time　for　a　little　while　and　were　happy　in　it；　now　you　are

having　a　bad　time　and　are　wretched。　Perhaps　in　the　future；　when

your　mental　balance　has　re…asserted　itself；　you　will　have　other

good　times　in　the　afternoon　of　your　days；　and　then　follow

twilight　and　the　dark。　That　is　all　there　is　to　hope　for；　and　we

may　as　well　look　the　thing　in　the　face。　Only　I　confess；　my　dear

fellow；　that　your　experience　convinces　me　that　marriage　should　be

avoided　at　whatever　inconvenience。　Indeed　I　have　long　wondered

that　anyone　can　take　the　responsibility　of　bringing　a　child　into

the　world。　But　probably　nobody　does　in　cold　blood；　except

misguided　idiots　like　Bastin；〃　he　added。　〃He　would　have　twenty；

had　not　his　luck　intervened。〃



〃Then　you　believe　in　nothing；　Friend；〃　I　said。



〃Nothing；　I　am　sorry　to　say；　except　what　I　see　and　my　five

senses　appreciate。〃



〃You　reject　all　possibility　of　miracle；　for　instance？〃



〃That　depends　on　what　you　mean　by　miracle。　Science　shows　us　all

kinds　of　wonders　which　our　great　grandfathers　would　have　called

miracles；　but　these　are　nothing　but　laws　that　we　are　beginning　to

understand。　Give　me　an　instance。〃



〃Well；〃　I　replied　at　hazard；　〃if　you　were　assured　by　someone

that　a　man　could　live　for　a　thousand　years？〃



〃I　should　tell　him　that　he　was　a　fool　or　a　liar；　that　is　all。

It　is　impossible。〃



〃Or　that　the　same　identity；　spirit；　animating　principlecall

it　what　you　willcan　flit　from　body　to　body；　say　in　successive

ages？　Or　that　the　dead　can　communicate　with　the　living？〃



〃Convince　me　of　any　of　these　things；　Arbuthnot；　and　mind　you　I

desire　to　be　convinced；　and　I　will　take　back　every　word　I　have

said　and　walk　through　Fulcombe　in　a　white　sheet　proclaiming

myself　the　fool。　Now；　I　must　get　off　to　the　Cottage　Hospital　to

cut　out　Widow　Jenkins's　varicose　veins。　They　are　tangible　and

real　at　any　rate；　about　the　largest　I　ever　saw；　indeed。　Give　up

dreams；　old　boy；　and　take　to　something　useful。　You　might　go　back

to　your　fiction　writing；　you　seem　to　have　leanings　that　way；　and

you　know　you　need　not　publish　the　stories；　except　privately　for

the　edification　of　your　friends。〃



With　this　Parthian　shaft　Bickley　took　his　departure　to　make　a

job　of　Widow　Jenkins's　legs。



I　took　his　advice。　During　the　next　few　months　I　did　write

something　which　occupied　my　thoughts　for　a　while；　more　or　less。

It　lies　in　my　safe　to　this　minute；　for　somehow　I　have　never　been

able　to　make　up　my　mind　to　burn　what　cost　me　so　much　physical　and

mental　toil。



When　it　was　finished　my　melancholy　returned　to　me　with　added

force。　Everything　in　the　house　took　a　tongue　and　cried　to　me　of

past　days。　Its　walls　echoed　a　voice　that　I　could　never　hear

again；　in　the　very　looking…glasses　I　saw　the　reflection　of　a　lost

presence。　Although　I　had　moved　myself　for　the　purposes　of　sleep

to　a　little　room　at　the　further　end　of　the　building；　footsteps

seemed　to　creep　about　my　bed　at　night　and　I　heard　the　rustle　of　a

remembered　dress　without　the　door。　The　place　grew　hateful　to　me。

I　felt　that　I　must　get　away　from　it　or　I　should　go　mad。





One　afternoon　Bastin　arrived　carrying　a　book　and　in　a　state　of

high　indignation。　This　work；　written；　as　he　said；　by　some　ribald

traveller；　grossly　traduced　the　character　of　missionaries　to　the

South　Sea　Islands；　especially　of　those　of　the　Society　to　which　he

subscribed；　and　he　threw　it　on　the　table　in　his　righteous　wrath。

Bickley　picked　it　up　and　opened　it　at　a　photograph　of　a　very

pretty　South　Sea　Island　girl　clad　in　a　few　flowers　and　nothing

else；　which　he　held　towards　Bastin；　saying：



〃Is　it　to　this　child　of　Nature。　that　you　object？　I　call　her

distinctly　attractive；　though　perhaps　she　does　wear　her　hibiscus

blooms　with　a　difference　to　our　womena　little　lower　down。〃



〃The　devil　is　always　attractive；〃　replied　Bastin　gloomily。

〃Child　of　Nature　indeed！　I　call　her　Child　of　Sin。　That　photograph

is　enough　to　make　my　poor　Sarah　turn　in　her　grave。〃



〃Why？〃　asked　Bickley；　〃seeing　that　wide　seas　roll　between　you

and　this　dusky　Venus。　Also　I　thought　that　according　to　your

Hebrew　legend　sin　came　in　with　bark　garments。〃



〃You　should　search　the　Scriptures；　Bickley；〃　I　broke　in；　〃and

cultivate　accuracy。　It　was　fig…leaves　that　symbolised　its

arrival。　The　garments；　which　I　think　were　of　skin；　developed

later。〃



〃Perhaps；〃　went　on　Bickley；　who　had　turned　the　page；　〃she〃　（he

referred　to　the　late　Mrs。　Bastin）　〃would　have　preferred　her

thus；〃　and　he　held　up　another　illustration　of　the　same　woman。



In　this　the　native　belle　appeared　after　conversion；　clad　in

broken…down　staysI　suppose　they　were　staysout　of　which　she

seemed　to　bulge　and　flow　in　every　direction；　a　dirty　white　dress

several　sizes　too　small；　a　kind　of　Salvation　Army　bonnet　without

a　crown　and　a　prayer…book　which　she　held　pressed　to　her　middle；

the　general　effect　being　hideous；　and　in　some　curious　way；

improper。



〃Certainly；〃　said　Bastin；　〃though　I　admit　her　clothes　do　not

seem　to　fit　and　she　has　not　buttoned　them　up　as　she　ought。　But　it

is　not　of　the　pictures　so　much　as　of　the　letterpress　with　its

false　and　scandalous　accusations；　that　I　complain。〃



〃Why　do　you　complain？〃　asked　Bickley。　〃Probably　it　is　quite

true；　though　that　we　could　never　ascertain　without　visiting　the

lady's　home。〃



〃If　I　could　afford　it；〃　exclaimed　Bastin　with　rising　anger；　〃I

should　like　to　go　there　and　expose　this　vile　traducer　of　my

cloth。〃



〃So　should　I；〃　answered　Bickley；　〃and　expose　these　introducers

of　consumption；　measles　and　other　European　diseases；　to　say

nothing　of　gin；　among　an　innocent　and　Arcadian　people。〃



〃How　can　you　call　them　innocent；　Bickley；　when　they　murder　and

eat　missionaries？〃



〃I　dare　say　we　should　all　eat　a　missionary；　Bastin；　if　we　were

hungry　enough；〃　was　the　answer；　after　which　something　occurred　to

change　the　conversation。



But　I　kept　the　book　and　read　it　as　a　neutral　observer；　and　came

to　the　conclusion　that　these　South　Sea　Islands；　a　land　where　it

was　always　afternoon；　must　be　a　charming　place；　in　which　perhaps

the　stars　of　the　Tropics　and　the　scent　of　the　flowers　might

enable　one　to　forget　a　little；　or　at　least　take　the　edge　off

memory。　Why　should　I　not　visit　them　and　escape　another　long　and

dreary　English　winter？　No；　I　could　not　do　so　alone。　If　Bastin　and

Bickley　were　there；　their　eternal　arguments　might　amuse　me。　Well；

why　should　they　not　come　also？　When　one　has　money　things　can

always　be　arranged。



The　idea；　which　had　its　root　in　this　absurd　conversation；　took

a　curious　hold　on　me。　I　thought　of　it　all　the　evening；　being

alone；　and　that　night　it　re…arose　m　my　dreams。　I　dreamed　that　my

lost　Natalie　appeared　to　me　and　showed　me　a　picture。　It　was　of　a

long；　low　land；　a　curving　shore　of　which　the　ends　were　out　of　the

picture；　whereon　grew　tall　palms；　and　where　great　combers　broke

upon　gleaming　sand。



Then　the　picture　seemed　to　become　a　reality　and　I　saw　Natalie

herself；　strangely　changeful　in　her　aspect；　strangely　varying　in

face　and　figure；　strangely　bright；　standing　in　the　mouth　of　a

pass　whereof　the　little　bordering　cliffs　were　covered　with　bushes

and　low　trees；　whose　green　was　almost　hid　in　lovely　flowers。

There　in　my　dream　she　stood；　smiling　mysteriously；　and　stretched

out　her　arms　towards　me。



As　I　awoke　I　seemed　to　hear　her　voice；　repeating　her　dying

words：　〃Go　where　you　seem　called　to　go；　far　away。　Oh！　the

wonderful　place　in　which　you　will　find　me；　not　knowing