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though a little reflection would have shown them that there was

no one in the neighbourhood which for a time I seldom left; who

could possibly have tempted an educated creature to such courses。



Terrible is the lot of a man who; while still young and

possessing the intellect necessary to achievement; is deprived of

all ambition。 And I had none at all。 I did not even wish to

purchase a peerage or a baronetcy in this fashion or in that;

and; as in my father's case; my tastes were so many and so

catholic that I could not lose myself in any one of them。 They

never became more than diversions to me。 A hobby is only really

amusing when it becomes an obsession。



At length my lonesome friendliness oppressed me so much that I

took steps to mitigate it。 In my college life I had two

particular friends whom I think I must have selected because they

were so absolutely different from myself。



They were named Bastin and Bickley。 BastinBasil was his

Christian namewas an uncouth; shock…headed; flat…footed person

of large; rugged frame and equally rugged honesty; with a mind

almost incredibly simple。 Nothing surprised him because he lacked

the faculty of surprise。 He was like that kind of fish which lies

at the bottom of the sea and takes every kind of food into its

great maw without distinguishing its flavour。 Metaphorically

speaking; heavenly manna and decayed cabbage were just the same

to Bastin。 He was not fastidious and both were mental pabulumof

a sorttogether with whatever lay between these extremes。 Yet he

was good; so painfully good that one felt that without exertion

to himself he had booked a first…class ticket straight to Heaven;

indeed that his guardian angel had tied it round his neck at

birth lest he should lose it; already numbered and dated like an

identification disc。



I am bound to add that Bastin never went wrong because he never

felt the slightest temptation to do so。 This I suppose

constitutes real virtue; since; in view of certain Bible sayings;

the person who is tempted and would like to yield to the

temptation; is equally a sinner with the person who does yield。

To be truly good one should be too good to be tempted; or too

weak to make the effort worth the tempter's whilein short not

deserving of his powder and shot。



I need hardly add that Bastin went into the Church; indeed; he

could not have gone anywhere else; it absorbed him naturally; as

doubtless Heaven will do in due course。 Only I think it likely

that until they get to know him he will bore the angels so much

that they will continually move him up higher。 Also if they have

any susceptibilities left; probably he will tread upon their

toesan art in which I never knew his equal。 However; I always

loved Bastin; perhaps because no one else did; a fact of which he

remained totally unconscious; or perhaps because of his brutal

way of telling one what he conceived to be the truth; which; as

he had less imagination than a dormouse; generally it was not。

For if the truth is a jewel; it is one coloured and veiled by

many different lights and atmospheres。



It only remains to add that he was learned in his theological

fashion and that among his further peculiarities were the slow;

monotonous voice in which he uttered his views in long sentences;

and his total indifference to adverse argument however sound and

convincing。



My other friend; Bickley; was a person of a quite different

character。 Like Bastin; he was learned; but his tendencies faced

another way。 If Bastin's omnivorous throat could swallow a camel;

especially a theological camel; Bickley's would strain at the

smallest gnat; especially a theological gnat。 The very best and

most upright of men; yet he believed in nothing that he could not

taste; see or handle。 He was convinced; for instance; that man is

a brute…descended accident and no more; that what we call the

soul or the mind is produced by a certain action of the grey

matter of the brain; that everything apparently inexplicable has

a perfectly mundane explanation; if only one could find it; that

miracles certainly never did happen; and never will; that all

religions are the fruit of human hopes and fears and the most

convincing proof of human weakness; that notwithstanding our

infinite variations we are the subjects of Nature's single law

and the victims of blind; black and brutal chance。



Such was Bickley with his clever; well…cut face that always

reminded me of a cameo; and thoughtful brow; his strong; capable

hands and his rather steely mouth; the mere set of which

suggested controversy of an uncompromising kind。 Naturally as the

Church had claimed Bastin; so medicine claimed Bickley。



Now as it happened the man who succeeded my father as vicar of

Fulcombe was given a better living and went away shortly after I

had purchased the place and with it the advowson。 Just at this

time also I received a letter written in the large; sprawling

hand of Bastin from whom I had not heard for years。 It went

straight to the point; saying that he; Bastin; had seen in a

Church paper that the last incumbent had resigned the living of

Fulcombe which was in my gift。 He would therefore be obliged if I

would give it to him as the place he was at in Yorkshire did not

suit his wife's health。



Here I may state that afterwards I learned that what did not

suit Mrs。 Bastin was the organist; who was pretty。 She was by

nature a woman with a temperament so insanely jealous that

actually she managed to be suspicious of Bastin; whom she had

captured in an unguarded moment when he was thinking of something

else and who would as soon have thought of even looking at any

woman as he would of worshipping Baal。 As a matter of fact it

took him months to know one female from another。 Except as

possible providers of subscriptions and props of Mothers'

Meetings; women had no interest for him。



To returnwith that engaging honesty which I have mentioned

Bastin's letter went on to set out all his own disabilities;

which; he added; would probably render him unsuitable for the

place he desired to fill。 He was a High Churchman; a fact which

would certainly offend many; he had no claims to being a preacher

although he was extraordinarily well acquainted with the writings

of the Early Fathers。 (What on earth had that to do with the

question; I wondered。) On the other hand he had generally been

considered a good visitor and was fond of walking (he meant to

call on distant parishioners; but did not say so)。



Then followed a page and a half on the evils of the existing

system of the presentation to livings by private persons; ending

with the suggestion that I had probably committed a sin in buying

this particular advowson in order to increase my local authority;

that is; if I had bought it; a point on which he was ignorant。

Finally he informed me that as he had to christen a sick baby

five miles away on a certain moor and it was too wet for him to

ride his bicycle; he must stop。 And he stopped。



There was; however; a P。S。 to the letter; which ran as follows:



〃Someone told me that you were dead a few years ago; and of

course it may be another man of the same name who owns Fulcombe。

If so; no doubt the Post Office will send back this letter。〃



That was his only allusion to my humble self in all those

diffuse pages。 It was a long while since I had received an

epistle which made me laugh so much; and of course I gave him the

living by return of post; and even informed him that I would

increase its stipend to a sum which I considered suitable to the

position。



About ten days later I received another letter from Bastin

which; as a scrawl on the flap of the envelope informed me; he

had carried for a week in his pocket and forgotten to post。

Except by inference it returned no thanks for my intended

benefits。 What it did say; however; was that he thought it wrong

of me to have settled a matter of such spiritual importance in so

great a hurry; though he had observed that rich men were nearly

always selfish where their time was concerned。 Moreover; he

considered that I ought first to have made inquiries as to his

present character and attainments; etc。; etc。



To this epistle I replied by telegraph to the effect that I

should as soon think of making inquiries about the character of

an archangel; or that of one of his High Church saints。 This

telegram; he told me afterwards; he considered unseemly and even

ribald; especially as it had given great offence to the

postmaster; who was one of the sidesmen in his church。



Thus it came about that I appointed the Rev。 Basil Bastin to

the living of Fulcombe; feeling sure that he would provide me

with endless amusement and act as a moral tonic and discipline。

Also I appreciated the man's blunt candour。 In due course he

arrived; and I confess that after a few Sundays of experience I

began to have doubts as to 

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