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began　to　oppose　his　measures；　whether　right　or　wrong。　　It　is　true

that　monarch　had　faults　enow。　　He　was　so　abandoned　to　lust　and

luxury；　that　he　addicted　himself　to　the　most　extravagant　excesses

in　both；　while　he　indolently　suffered　the　king　of　France　to　rob

him　of　almost　all　his　foreign　dominions：　　my　opposition　therefore

was　justifiable　enough；　and　if　my　motive　from　within　had　been　as

good　as　the　occasion　from　without　I　should　have　had　little　to

excuse；　but；　in　truth；　I　sought　nothing　but　my　own　preferment；　by

making　myself　formidable　to　the　king；　and　then　selling　to　him　the

interest　of　that　party　by　whose　means　I　had　become　so。　　Indeed；

had　the　public　good　been　my　care；　however　zealously　I　might　have

opposed　the　beginning　of　his　reign；　I　should　not　have　scrupled　to

lend　him　my　utmost　assistance　in　this　struggle　between　him　and

pope　Innocent　the　third；　in　which　he　was　so　manifestly　in　the

right；　nor　have　suffered　the　insolence　of　that　pope；　and　the

power　of　the　king　of　France；　to　have　compelled　him　in　the　issue；

basely　to　resign　his　crown　into　the　hands　of　the　former；　and

receive　it　again　as　a　vassal；　by　means　of　which　acknowledgment

the　pope　afterwards　claimed　this　kingdom　as　a　tributary　fief　to

be　held　of　the　papal　chair；　a　claim　which　occasioned　great

uneasiness　to　many　subsequent　princes；　and　brought　numberless

calamities　on　the　nation。



〃As　the　king　had；　among　other　concessions；　stipulated　to　pay　an

immediate　sum　of　money　to　Pandulph；　which　he　had　great　difficulty

to　raise；　it　was　absolutely　necessary　for　him　to　apply　to　the

city；　where　my　interest　and　popularity　were　so　high　that　he　had

no　hopes　without　my　assistance。　　As　I　knew　this；　I　took　care　to

sell　myself　and　country　as　high　as　possible。　　The　terms　I

demanded；　therefore；　were　a　place；　a　pension；　and　a　knighthood。　

All　those　were　immediately　consented　to。　　I　was　forthwith

knighted；　and　promised　the　other　two。



〃I　now　mounted　the　hustings；　and；　without　any　regard　to　decency

or　modesty；　made　as　emphatical　a　speech　in　favor　of　the　king　as

before　I　had　done　against　him。　　In　this　speech　I　justified　all

those　measures　which　I　had　before　condemned；　and　pleaded　as

earnestly　with　my　fellow…citizens　to　open　their　purses；　as　I　had

formerly　done　to　prevail　with　them　to　keep　them　shut。　　But；　alas！

my　rhetoric　had　not　the　effect　I　proposed。　　The　consequence　of　my

arguments　was　only　contempt　to　myself。　　The　people　at　first

stared　on　one　another；　and　afterwards　began　unanimously　to

express　their　dislike。　　An　impudent　fellow　among　them；　reflecting

on　my　trade；　cried　out；　'Stinking　fish；'　which　was　immediately

reiterated　through　the　whole　crowd。　　I　was　then　forced　to　slink

away　home；　but　I　was　not　able　to　accomplish　my　retreat　without

being　attended　by　the　mob；　who　huzza'd　me　along　the　street　with

the　repeated　cries　of　'Stinking　fish。'



〃I　now　proceeded　to　court；　to　inform　his　majesty　of　my　faithful

service；　and　how　much　I　had　suffered　in　his　cause。　　I　found　by　my

first　reception　he　had　already　heard　of　my　success。　　Instead　of

thanking　me　for　my　speech；　he　said　the　city　should　repent　of

their　obstinacy；　for　that　he　would　show　them　who　he　was：　　and　so

saying；　he　immediately　turned　that　part　to　me　to　which　the　toe　of

man　hath　so　wonderful　an　affection；　that　it　is　very　difficult；

whenever　it　presents　itself　conveniently；　to　keep　our　toes　from

the　most　violent　and　ardent　salutation　of　it。



〃I　was　a　little　nettled　at　this　behavior；　and　with　some

earnestness　claimed　the　king's　fulfilling　his　promise；　but　he

retired　without　answering　me。　　I　then　applied　to　some　of　the

courtiers；　who　had　lately　professed　great　friendship　to　me；　had

eat　at　my　house；　and　invited　me　to　theirs：　　but　not　one　would

return　me　any　answer；　all　running　away　from　me　as　if　I　had　been

seized　with　some　contagious　distemper。　　I　now　found　by

experience；　that　as　none　can　be　so　civil；　so　none　can　be　ruder

than　a　courtier。



〃A　few　moments　after　the　king's　retiring　I　was　left　alone　in　the

room　to　consider　what　I　should　do　or　whither　I　should　turn

myself。　　My　reception　in　the　city　promised　itself　to　be　equal　at

least　with　what　I　found　at　court。　　However；　there　was　my　home；

and　thither　it　was　necessary　I　should　retreat　for　the　present。



〃But；　indeed；　bad　as　I　apprehended　my　treatment　in　the　city　would

be；　it　exceeded　my　expectation。　　I　rode　home　on　an　ambling　pad

through　crowds　who　expressed　every　kind　of　disregard　and

contempt；　pelting　me　not　only　with　the　most　abusive　language；　but

with　dirt。　　However；　with　much　difficulty　I　arrived　at　last　at　my

own　house；　with　my　bones　whole；　but　covered　over　with　filth。



〃When　I　was　got　within　my　doors；　and　had　shut　them　against　the

mob；　who　had　pretty　well　vented　their　spleen；　and　seemed　now

contented　to　retire；　my　wife；　whom　I　found　crying　over　her

children；　and　from　whom　I　had　hoped　some　comfort　in　my

afflictions；　fell　upon　me　in　the　most　outrageous　manner。　　She

asked　me　why　I　would　venture　on　such　a　step；　without　consulting

her；　she　said　her　advice　might　have　been　civilly　asked；　if　I　was

resolved　not　to　have　been　guided　by　it。　　That；　whatever　opinion　I

might　have　conceived　of　her　understanding；　the　rest　of　the　world

thought　better　of　it。　　That　I　had　never　failed　when　I　had　asked

her　counsel；　nor　ever　succeeded　without　it；with　much　more　of

the　same　kind；　too　tedious　to　mention；　concluding　that　it　was　a

monstrous　behavior　to　desert　my　party　and　come　over　to　the　court。



An　abuse　which　I　took　worse　than　all　the　rest；　as　she　had　been

constantly　for　several　years　assiduous　in　railing　at　the

opposition；　in　siding　with　the　court…party；　and　begging　me　to

come　over　to　it；　and　especially　after　my　mentioning　the　offer　of

knighthood　to　her；　since　which　time　she　had　continually

interrupted　my　repose　with　dinning　in　my　ears　the　folly　of

refusing　honors　and　of　adhering　to　a　party　and　to　principles　by

which　I　was　certain　of　procuring　no　advantage　to　myself　and　my

family。



〃I　had　now　entirely　lost　my　trade；　so　that　I　had　not　the　least

temptation　to　stay　longer　in　a　city　where　I　was　certain　of

receiving　daily　affronts　and　rebukes。　　I　therefore　made　up　my

affairs　with　the　utmost　expedition；　and；　scraping　together　all　I

could；　retired　into　the　country；　where　I　spent　the　remainder　of

my　days　in　universal　contempt；　being　shunned　by　everybody；

perpetually　abused　by　my　wife；　and　not　much　respected　by　my

children。



〃Minos　told　me；　though　I　had　been　a　very　vile　fellow；　he　thought

my　sufferings　made　some　atonement；　and　so　bid　me　take　the　other

trial。〃





CHAPTER　XXIV



Julian　recounts　what　happened　to　him　while　he　was　a　poet。



〃Rome　was　now　the　seat　of　my　nativity；　where　I　was　born　of　a

family　more　remarkable　for　honor　than　riches。　　I　was　intended　for

the　church；　and　had　a　pretty　good　education；　but　my　father　dying

while　I　was　young；　and　leaving　me　nothing；　for　he　had　wasted　his

whole　patrimony；　I　was　forced　to　enter　myself　in　the　order　of

mendicants。



〃When　I　was　at　school　I　had　a　knack　of　rhyming；　which　I　unhappily

mistook　for　genius；　and　indulged　to　my　cost；　for　my　verses　drew

on　me　only　ridicule；　and　I　was　in　contempt　called　the　poet。　



〃This　humor　pursued　me　through　my　life。　　My　first　composition

after　I　left　school　was　a　panegyric　on　pope　Alexander　IV；　who

then　pretended　a　project　of　dethroning　the　king　of　Sicily。　　On

this　subject　I　composed　a　poem　of　about　fifteen　thousand　lines；

which　with　much　difficulty　I　got　to　be　presented　to　his　holiness；

of　whom　I　expected　great　preferment　as　my　reward；　but　I　was

cruelly　disappointed：　　for　when　I　had　waited　a　year；　without

hearing　any　of　the　commendations　I　had　flattered　myself　with

receiving；　and　being　now　able　to　contain　no　longer；　I　applied　to

a　Jesuit　who　was　my　relation；　and　had　the　pope's　ear；　to　know

what　his　holiness's　opinion　was　of　my　work：　　he　coldly　answered

me　that　he　was　at　that　time　busied　in　concerns　of　too　much

importance　to　attend　the　reading　of　poems。



〃However　dissatisfied　I　might　be；　and　really　was；　with　this

reception；　and　however　angry　I　was　with　the　pope？　for　whose

understanding　I　entertained　an　immoderate　contempt；　I　was　not　yet

discouraged　from　a　second　attempt。　　Accordingly；　I　soon　after

produced　another　work；　entitled；　The　Trojan　Horse。　　This　was　an

allegorical　work；　in　which　the　church　was　introduced　into　the

world　in　the　same　manner　as　that　machine　had　been　into　Troy。　　The

priests　were　the　soldiers　in　its　belly；　and　the　heathen

superstition　the　city　to　be　destroyed　by　them。　　This　poem　was

written　in　Latin。　　I　remember　some　of　the　lines：

　Mundanos　scandit　fatalis　machina　muros；

　Farta　sacerdotum　turmis：　　exinde　per　alvum

　Visi　exire　omnes；　maguo　cum　murmure　olentes。

　Non　aliter　quam　cum　llumanis　furibundus　ab　antris

　It　sonus　et　nares　simul　aura　invadit　hiantes。

　Mille　scatent　et　mille　alii；　trepidare　timore

　Ethnica　gens　coepit：　　falsi　per　inane　volantes

　Effu