stories by modern american authors-第56节

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expect　his　attendance？　　Had　I　not　demeaned　myself　like　one

indifferent　to　his　happiness；　and　as　having　bestowed　my　regards

upon　another？　　His　absence　might　be　prompted　by　the　love　which　I

considered　his　absence　as　a　proof　that　he　wanted。　　He　came　not

because　the　sight　of　me；　the　spectacle　of　my　coldness　or　aversion；

contributed　to　his　despair。　　Why　should　I　prolong；　by　hypocrisy　or

silence；　his　misery　as　well　as　my　own？　　Why　not　deal　with　him

explicitly；　and　assure　him　of　the　truth？



You　will　hardly　believe　that；　in　obedience　to　this　suggestion；　I

rose　for　the　purpose　of　ordering　a　light；　that　I　might　instantly

make　this　confession　in　a　letter。　　A　second　thought　showed　me　the

rashness　of　this　scheme；　and　I　wondered　by　what　infirmity　of　mind　I

could　be　betrayed　into　a　momentary　approbation　of　it。　　I　saw　with

the　utmost　clearness　that　a　confession　like　that　would　be　the　most

remediless　and　unpardonable　outrage　upon　the　dignity　of　my　sex；　and

utterly　unworthy　of　that　passion　which　controlled　me。



I　resumed　my　seat　and　my　musing。　　To　account　for　the　absence　of

Pleyel　became　once　more　the　scope　of　my　conjectures。　　How　many

incidents　might　occur　to　raise　an　insuperable　impediment　in　his

way！　　When　I　was　a　child；　a　scheme　of　pleasure；　in　which　he　and　his

sister　were　parties；　had　been　in　like　manner　frustrated　by　his

absence；　but　his　absence；　in　that　instance；　had　been　occasioned　by

his　falling　from　a　boat　into　the　river；　in　consequence　of　which　he

had　run　the　most　imminent　hazard　of　being　drowned。　　Here　was　a

second　disappointment　endured　by　the　same　persons；　and　produced　by

his　failure。　　Might　it　not　originate　in　the　same　cause？　　Had　he　not

designed　to　cross　the　river　that　morning　to　make　some　necessary

purchases　in　New　Jersey？　　He　had　preconcerted　to　return　to　his　own

house　to　dinner　but　perhaps　some　disaster　had　befallen　him。

Experience　had　taught　me　the　insecurity　of　a　canoe；　and　that　was

the　only　kind　of　boat　which　Pleyel　used；　I　was；　likewise；　actuated

by　an　hereditary　dread　of　water。　　These　circumstances　combined　to

bestow　considerable　plausibility　on　this　conjecture；　but　the

consternation　with　which　I　began　to　be　seized　was　allayed　by

reflecting　that；　if　this　disaster　had　happened；　my　brother　would

have　received　the　speediest　information　of　it。　　The　consolation

which　this　idea　imparted　was　ravished　from　me　by　a　new　thought。

This　disaster　might　have　happened；　and　his　family　not　be　apprised

of　it。　　The　first　intelligence　of　his　fate　may　be　communicated　by

the　livid　corpse　which　the　tide　may　cast；　many　days　hence；　upon　the

shore。



Thus　was　I　distressed　by　opposite　conjectures；　thus　was　I　tormented

by　phantoms　of　my　own　creation。　　It　was　not　always　thus。　　I　can

ascertain　the　date　when　my　mind　became　the　victim　of　this

imbecility；　perhaps　it　was　coeval　with　the　inroad　of　a　fatal

passion；a　passion　that　will　never　rank　me　in　the　number　of　its

eulogists；　it　was　alone　sufficient　to　the　extermination　of　my

peace；　it　was　itself　a　plenteous　source　of　calamity；　and　needed　not

the　concurrence　of　other　evils　to　take　away　the　attractions　of

existence　and　dig　for　me　an　untimely　grave。



The　state　of　my　mind　naturally　introduced　a　train　of　reflections

upon　the　dangers　and　cares　which　inevitably　beset　a　human　being。

By　no　violent　transition　was　I　led　to　ponder　on　the　turbulent　life

and　mysterious　end　of　my　father。　　I　cherished　with　the　utmost

veneration　the　memory　of　this　man；　and　every　relic　connected　with

his　fate　was　preserved　with　the　most　scrupulous　care。　　Among　these

was　to　be　numbered　a　manuscript　containing　memoirs　of　his　own　life。

The　narrative　was　by　no　means　recommended　by　its　eloquence；　but

neither　did　all　its　value　flow　from　my　relationship　to　the　author。

Its　style　had　an　unaffected　and　picturesque　simplicity。　　The　great

variety　and　circumstantial　display　of　the　incidents；　together　with

their　intrinsic　importance　as　descriptive　of　human　manners　and

passions；　made　it　the　most　useful　book　in　my　collection。　　It　was

late：　but；　being　sensible　of　no　inclination　to　sleep；　I　resolved　to

betake　myself　to　the　perusal　of　it。



To　do　this；　it　was　requisite　to　procure　a　light。　　The　girl　had　long

since　retired　to　her　chamber：　it　was　therefore　proper　to　wait　upon

myself。　　A　lamp；　and　the　means　of　lighting　it；　were　only　to　be

found　in　the　kitchen。　　Thither　I　resolved　forthwith　to　repair；　but

the　light　was　of　use　merely　to　enable　me　to　read　the　book。　　I　knew

the　shelf　and　the　spot　where　it　stood。　　Whether　I　took　down　the

book；　or　prepared　the　lamp　in　the　first　place；　appeared　to　be　a

matter　of　no　moment。　　The　latter　was　preferred；　and；　leaving　my

seat；　I　approached　the　closet　in　which；　as　I　mentioned　formerly；　my

books　and　papers　were　deposited。



Suddenly　the　remembrance　of　what　had　lately　passed　in　this　closet

occurred。　　Whether　midnight　was　approaching；　or　had　passed；　I　knew

not。　　I　was；　as　then；　alone　and　defenseless。　　The　wind　was　in　that

direction　in　which；　aided　by　the　deathlike　repose　of　nature；　it

brought　to　me　the　murmur　of　the　waterfall。　　This　was　mingled　with

that　solemn　and　enchanting　sound　which　a　breeze　produces　among　the

leaves　of　pines。　　The　words　of　that　mysterious　dialogue；　their

fearful　import；　and　the　wild　excess　to　which　I　was　transported　by

my　terrors；　filled　my　imagination　anew。　　My　steps　faltered；　and　I

stood　a　moment　to　recover　myself。



I　prevailed　on　myself　at　length　to　move　toward　the　closet。　　I

touched　the　lock；　but　my　fingers　were　powerless；　I　was　visited

afresh　by　unconquerable　apprehensions。　　A　sort　of　belief　darted

into　my　mind　that　some　being　was　concealed　within　whose　purposes

were　evil。　　I　began　to　contend　with　those　fears；　when　it　occurred

to　me　that　I　might；　without　impropriety；　go　for　a　lamp　previously

to　opening　the　closet。　　I　receded　a　few　steps；　but　before　I　reached

the　chamber　door　my　thoughts　took　a　new　direction。　　Motion　seemed

to　produce　a　mechanical　influence　upon　me。　　I　was　ashamed　of　my

weakness。　　Besides；　what　aid　could　be　afforded　me　by　a　lamp？



My　fears　had　pictured　to　themselves　no　precise　object。　　It　would　be

difficult　to　depict　in　words　the　ingredients　and　hues　of　that

phantom　which　haunted　me。　　A　hand　invisible　and　of　preternatural

strength；　lifted　by　human　passions；　and　selecting　my　life　for　its

aim；　were　parts　of　this　terrific　image。　　All　places　were　alike

accessible　to　this　foe；　or；　if　his　empire　were　restricted　by　local

bounds；　those　bounds　were　utterly　inscrutable　by　me。　　But　had　I　not

been　told；　by　some　one　in　league　with　this　enemy；　that　every　place

but　the　recess　in　the　bank　was　exempt　from　danger？



I　returned　to　the　closet；　and　once　more　put　my　hand　upon　the　lock。

Oh；　may　my　ears　lose　their　sensibility　ere　they　be　again　assailed

by　a　shriek　so　terrible！　　Not　merely　my　understanding　was　subdued

by　the　sound；　it　acted　on　my　nerves　like　an　edge　of　steel。　　It

appeared　to　cut　asunder　the　fibers　of　my　brain　and　rack　every　joint

with　agony。



The　cry；　loud　and　piercing　as　it　was；　was　nevertheless　human。　　No

articulation　was　ever　more　distinct。　　The　breath　which　accompanied

it　did　not　fan　my　hair；　yet　did　every　circumstance　combine　to

persuade　me　that　the　lips　which　uttered　it　touched　my　very

shoulder。



〃Hold！　hold！〃　were　the　words　of　this　tremendous　prohibition；　in

whose　tone　the　whole　soul　seemed　to　be　wrapped　up；　and　every　energy

converted　into　eagerness　and　terror。



Shuddering；　I　dashed　myself　against　the　wall；　and；　by　the　same

involuntary　impulse；　turned　my　face　backward　to　examine　the

mysterious　monitor。　　The　moonlight　streamed　into　each　window；　and

every　corner　of　the　room　was　conspicuous；　and　yet　I　beheld　nothing！



The　interval　was　too　brief　to　be　artificially　measured；　between　the

utterance　of　these　words　and　my　scrutiny　directed　to　the　quarter

whence　they　came。　　Yet；　if　a　human　being　had　been　there；　could　he

fail　to　have　been　visible？　　Which　of　my　senses　was　the　prey　of　a

fatal　illusion？　　The　shock　which　the　sound　produced　was　still　felt

in　every　part　of　my　frame。　　The　sound；　therefore；　could　not　but　be

a　genuine　commotion。　　But　that　I　had　heard　it　was　not　more　true

than　that　the　being　who　uttered　it　was　stationed　at　my　right　ear；

yet　my　attendant　was　invisible。



I　cannot　describe　the　state　of　my　thoughts　at　that　moment。

Surprise　had　mastered　my　faculties。　　My　frame　shook；　and　the　vital

current　was　congealed。　　I　was　conscious　only　of　the　vehemence　of　my

sensations。　　This　condition　could　not　be　lasting。　　Like　a　tide；

which　suddenly　mounts　to　an　overwhelming　height　and　then　gradually

subsides；　my　confusion　slowly　gave　place　to　order；　and　my　tumults

to　a　calm。　　I　was　able　to　deliberate　and　move。　　I　resumed　my　feet；

and　advanced　into　the　midst　of　the　room。　　Upward；　and　behind；　and

on　each　side；　I　threw　penetrating　glances。　　I　was　not　satisfied

with　one　examination。　　He　that　hitherto　refused　to　be　seen　might

change　his　purpose；　and　on　the　next　s