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Phoebus� �Hail� �thou blessed son of Leto。
MNESILOCHUS
Oh� �ye venerable Genetyllides�察�what tender and voluptuous songs��
They surpass the most lascivious kisses in sweetness�察�I feel a
thrill of delight pass up me as I listen to them。 ��To EURIPIDES�� Young
man�察�if you are one�察�answer my questions�察�which I am borrowing from
Aeschylus' ;Lycurgeia。; Whence comes this androgyne�拭�What is his
country�拭�his dress�拭�What contradictions his life shows� �A lyre and a
hair´net� �A wrestling school oil flask and a girdle� �What could be
more contradictory�拭�What relation has a mirror to a sword�拭。�To
AGATHON�� And you yourself�察�who are you�拭�Do you pretend to be a man��
Where is your tool�察�pray�拭�Where is the cloak�察�the footgear that belong
to that sex�拭�Are you a woman�拭�Then where are your breasts�拭�Answer
me。 But you keep silent。 Oh� �just as you choose�察�your songs display
your character quite sufficiently。
AGATHON
Old man�察�old man�察�I hear the shafts of jealousy whistling by my
ears�察�but they do not hit me。 My dress is in harmony with my thoughts。
A poet must adopt the nature of his characters。 Thus�察�if he is placing
women on the stage�察�he must contract all their habits in his own
person。
MNESILOCHUS ��aside��
Then you make love horse´fashion when you are composing a Phaedra。
AGATHON
If the heroes are men�察�everything in him will be manly。 What we
don't possess by nature�察�we must acquire by imitation。
MNESILOCHUS ��aside��
When you are staging Satyrs�察�call me�察�I will do my best to help
you from behind�察�if I can get my tool up。
AGATHON
Besides�察�it is bad taste for a poet to be coarse and hairy。 Look
at the famous Ibycus�察�at Anacreon of Teos�察�and at Alcaeus�察�who handled
music so well�察�they wore head´bands and found pleasure in the
lascivious dances of Ionia。 And have you not heard what a dandy
Phrynichus was and how careful in his dress�拭�For this reason his
pieces were also beautiful�察�for the works of a poet are copied from
himself。
MNESILOCHUS
Ah� �so it is for this reason that Philocles�察�who is so hideous��
writes hideous pieces�察�Xenocles�察�who is malicious�察�malicious ones�察�and
Theognis�察�who is cold�察�such cold ones��
AGATHON
Yes�察�necessarily and unavoidably�察�and it is because I knew this
that I have so well cared for my person。
MNESILOCHUS
How�察�in the gods' name��
EURIPIDES
Come�察�leave off badgering him�察�I was just the same at his age��
when I began to write。
MNESILOCHUS
Ah� �then�察�by Zeus� �I don't envy you your fine manners。
EURIPIDES ��to AGATHON��
But listen to the cause that brings me here。
AGATHON
Say on。
EURIPIDES
Agathon�察�wise is he who can compress many thoughts into few words。
Struck by a most cruel misfortune�察�I come to you as a suppliant。
AGATHON
What are you asking��
EURIPIDES
The women purpose killing me to´day during the Thesmophoria��
because I have dared to speak ill of them。
AGATHON
And what can I do for you in the matter��
EURIPIDES
Everything。 Mingle secretly with the women by making yourself pass
as one of themselves�察�then do you plead my cause with your own lips��
and I am saved。 You�察�and you alone�察�are capable of speaking of me
worthily。
AGATHON
But why not go and defend yourself��
EURIPIDES
Impossible。 First of all�察�I am known�察�further�察�I have white hair
and a long beard�察�whereas you�察�you are good´looking�察�charming�察�and are
close´shaven�察�you are fair�察�delicate�察�and have a woman's voice。
AGATHON
Euripides��
EURIPIDES
Well��
AGATHON
Have you not said in one of your pieces�察 �You love to see the
light�察�and don't you believe your father loves it too�拭�
EURIPIDES
Yes。
AGATHON
Then never you think I am going to expose myself in your stead�察�it
would be madness。 It's up to you to submit to the fate that
overtakes you�察�one must not try to trick misfortune�察�but resign
oneself to it with good grace。
MNESILOCHUS
You fairy� �That's why your arse is so accessible to lovers。
EURIPIDES
But what prevents your going there��
AGATHON
I should run more risk than you would。
EURIPIDES
Why��
AGATHON
Why�拭�I should look as if I were wanting to trespass on secret
nightly pleasures of the women and to rape their Aphrodite。
MNESILOCHUS ��aside��
Wanting to rape indeed� �you mean wanting to be raped。 Ah� �great
gods� �a fine excuse truly��
EURIPIDES
Well then�察�do you agree��
AGATHON
Don't count upon it。
EURIPIDES
Oh� �I am unfortunate indeed� �I am undone��
MNESILOCHUS
Euripides�察�my friend�察�my son´in´law�察�never despair。
EURIPIDES
What can be done��
MNESILOCHUS
Send him to the devil and do with me as you like。
EURIPIDES
Very well then�察�since you devote yourself to my safety�察�take off
your cloak first。
MNESILOCHUS
There�察�it lies on the ground。 But what do you want to do with me��
EURIPIDES
To shave off this beard of yours�察�and to remove all your other
hair as well。
MNESILOCHUS
Do what you think fit�察�I yield myself entirely to you。
EURIPIDES
Agathon�察�you always have razors about you�察�lend me one。
AGATHON
Take it yourself�察�there�察�out of that case。
EURIPIDES
Thanks。 ��To MNESILOCHUS�� Now sit down and puff out your right
cheek。
MNESILOCHUS ��as he is being shaved��
Ow� �Ow� �Ow��
EURIPIDES
What are you houting for�拭�I'll cram a spit down your gullet�察�if
you're not quiet。
MNESILOCHUS
Ow� �Ow� �Ow� �Ow� �Ow� 。�He jumps up and starts running away。��
EURIPIDES
Where are you running to now��
MNESILOCHUS
To the temple of the Eumenides。 No�察�by Demeter� �I won't let myself
be gashed like that。
EURIPIDES
But you will get laughed at�察�with your face half´shaven like that。
MNESILOCHUS
Little care I。
EURIPIDES
In the gods' names�察�don't leave me in the lurch。 Come here。
MNESILOCHUS
Oh� �by the gods� 。�He turns reluctantly and resumes his seat。��
EURIPIDES
Keep still and hold up your head。 Why do you want to fidget
about like this��
MNESILOCHUS
Mm�察�mm。
EURIPIDES
Well� �why mm�察�mm�拭�There� �it's done and well done too��
MNESILOCHUS
Alas�察�I shall fight without armour。
EURIPIDES
Don't worry�察�you look charming。 Do you want to see yourself��
MNESILOCHUS
Yes�察�I do�察�hand the mirror here。
EURIPIDES
Do you see yourself��
MNESILOCHUS
But this is not I�察�it is Clisthenes��
EURIPIDES
Stand up�察�I am now going to remove your hair。 Bend down。
MNESILOCHUS
Alas� �alas� �they are going to grill me like a pig。
EURIPIDES
Come now�察�a torch or a lamp� �Bend down and watch out for the
tender end of your tool��
MNESILOCHUS
Aye�察�aye� �but I'm afire� �oh� �oh� �Water�察�water�察�neighbour�察�or my
perineum will be alight��
EURIPIDES
Keep up your courage��
MNESILOCHUS
Keep my courage�察�when I'm being burnt up��
EURIPIDES
Come�察�cease your whining�察�the worst is over。
MNESILOCHUS
Oh� �it's quite black�察�all burnt down there��
EURIPIDES
Don't worry� �Satyrus will wash it。
MNESILOCHUS
Woe to him who dares to wash me��
EURIPIDES
Agathon�察�you refuse to devote yourself to helping me�察�but at any
rate lend me a tunic and a belt。 You cannot say you have not got them。
AGATHON
Take them and use them as you like�察�I consent。
MNESILOCHUS
What shall I take��
EURIPIDES
First put on this long saffron´coloured robe。
MNESILOCHUS
By Aphrodite� �what a sweet odour� �how it smells of young male
tools Hand it to me quickly。 And the belt��
EURIPIDES
Here it is。
MNESILOCHUS
Now some rings for my legs。
EURIPIDES
You still want a hair´net and a head´dress。
AGATHON
Here is my night cap。
EURIPIDES
Ah� �that's fine。
MNESILOCHUS
Does it suit me��
AGATHON
It could not be better。
EURIPIDES
And a short mantle��
AGATHON
There's one on the couch�察�take it。
EURIPIDES
He needs slippers。
AGATHON
Here are mine。
MNESILOCHUS
Will they fit me�拭。�To AGATHON�� You don't like a loose fit。
AGATHON
Try them on。 Now that you have all you need�察�let me be taken
inside。
��The eccyclema turns and AGATHON disappears。��
EURIPIDES
You look for all the world like a woman。 But when you talk�察�take
good care to give your voice a woman's tone。
MNESILOCHUS ��falsetto��
I'll try my best。
EURIPIDES
Come�察�get yourself to the temple。
MNESILOCHUS
No�察�by Apollo�察�not unless you swear to me。。。。
EURIPIDES
What��
MNESILOCHUS
。。。。that�察�if anything untoward happen to me�察�you will leave
nothing undone to save me。
EURIPIDES
Very well� �I swear it by the Aether�察�the dwelling´place of