burlesques-第97节

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it；）　after　the　account　of　the　charges　for　board；　masters；　extras；

&c。〃Every　young　nobleman　（or　gentleman）　is　expected　to　bring　a

knife；　fork；　spoon；　and　goblet　of　silver　（to　prevent　breakage）；

which　will　not　be　returned；　a　dressing…gown　and　slippers；　toilet…

box；　pomatum；　curling…irons；　&c。　&c。　　The　pupil　must　on　NO　ACCOUNT

be　allowed　to　have　more　than　ten　guineas　of　pocket…money；　unless

his　parents　particularly　desire　it；　or　he　be　above　fifteen　years　of

age。　　WINE　will　be　an　extra　charge；　as　are　warm；　vapor；　and　douche

baths。　　CARRIAGE　EXERCISE　will　be　provided　at　the　rate　of　fifteen

guineas　per　quarter。　　It　is　EARNESTLY　REQUESTED　that　no　young

nobleman　（or　gentleman）　be　allowed　to　smoke。　　In　a　place　devoted　to

THE　CULTIVATION　OF　POLITE　LITERATURE；　such　an　ignoble　enjoyment

were　profane。



〃CLEMENT　CODDLER；　M。　A。；



〃Chaplain　and　late　tutor　to　his　Grace　the　Duke　of　Buckminster。



〃MOUNT　PARNASSUS；　RICHMOND；　SURREY。〃





To　this　establishment　our　Tug　was　sent。　　〃Recollect；　my　dear；〃　said

his　mamma；　〃that　you　are　a　Tuggeridge　by　birth；　and　that　I　expect

you　to　beat　all　the　boys　in　the　school；　especially　that　Wellington

MacTurk；　who；　though　he　is　a　lord's　son；　is　nothing　to　you；　who　are

the　heir　of　Tuggeridgeville。〃



Tug　was　a　smart　young　fellow　enough；　and　could　cut　and　curl　as

well　as　any　young　chap　of　his　age：　he　was　not　a　bad　hand　at　a　wig

either；　and　could　shave；　too；　very　prettily；　but　that　was　in　the

old　time；　when　we　were　not　great　people：　when　he　came　to　be　a

gentleman；　he　had　to　learn　Latin　and　Greek；　and　had　a　deal　of　lost

time　to　make　up　for；　on　going　to　school。



However；　we　had　no　fear；　for　the　Reverend　Mr。　Coddler　used　to　send

monthly　accounts　of　his　pupil's　progress；　and　if　Tug　was　not　a

wonder　of　the　world；　I　don't　know　who　was。　　It　was



　　　　General　behavior　　　　　　excellent。

　　　　English　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　very　good。

　　　　French　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　tres　bien。

　　　　Latin　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　optime。



And　so　on：he　possessed　all　the　virtues；　and　wrote　to　us　every

month　for　money。　　My　dear　Jemmy　and　I　determined　to　go　and　see　him；

after　he　had　been　at　school　a　quarter；　we　went；　and　were　shown　by

Mr。　Coddler；　one　of　the　meekest；　smilingest　little　men　I　ever　saw；

into　the　bedrooms　and　eating…rooms　（the　dromitaries　and　refractories

he　called　them）；　which　were　all　as　comfortable　as　comfortable　might

be。　　〃It　is　a　holiday；　today；〃　said　Mr。　Coddler；　and　a　holiday　it

seemed　to　be。　　In　the　dining…room　were　half　a　dozen　young　gentlemen

playing　at　cards　（〃All　tip…top　nobility；〃　observed　Mr。　Coddler）；in

the　bedrooms　there　was　only　one　gent：　he　was　lying　on　his　bed；

reading　novels　and　smoking　cigars。　　〃Extraordinary　genius！〃　whispered

Coddler。　　〃Honorable　Tom　Fitz…Warter；　cousin　of　Lord　Byron's；

smokes　all　day；　and　has　written　the　SWEETEST　poems　you　can　imagine。

Genius；　my　dear　madam；　you　knowgenius　must　have　its　way。〃　　〃Well；

UPON　my　word；〃　says　Jemmy；　〃if　that's　genius；　I　had　rather　that

Master　Tuggeridge　Coxe　Tuggeridge　remained　a　dull　fellow。〃



〃Impossible；　my　dear　madam；〃　said　Coddler。　　〃Mr。　Tuggeridge　Coxe

COULDN'T　be　stupid　if　he　TRIED。〃



Just　then　up　comes　Lord　Claude　Lollypop；　third　son　of　the　Marquis

of　Allycompane。　　We　were　introduced　instantly：　〃Lord　Claude

Lollypop；　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Coxe。〃　　The　little　lord　wagged　his　head；　my

wife　bowed　very　low；　and　so　did　Mr。　Coddler；　who；　as　he　saw　my　lord

making　for　the　playground；　begged　him　to　show　us　the　way。〃Come

along；〃　says　my　lord；　and　as　he　walked　before　us；　whistling；　we　had

leisure　to　remark　the　beautiful　holes　in　his　jacket；　and　elsewhere。



About　twenty　young　noblemen　（and　gentlemen）　were　gathered　round　a

pastry…cook's　shop　at　the　end　of　the　green。　　〃That's　the　grub…

shop；〃　said　my　lord；　〃where　we　young　gentlemen　wot　has　money　buys

our　wittles；　and　them　young　gentlemen　wot　has　none；　goes　tick。〃



Then　we　passed　a　poor　red…haired　usher　sitting　on　a　bench　alone。

〃That's　Mr。　Hicks；　the　Husher；　ma'am；〃　says　my　lord。　　〃We　keep　him；

for　he's　very　useful　to　throw　stones　at；　and　he　keeps　the　chaps'

coats　when　there's　a　fight；　or　a　game　at　cricket。Well；　Hicks；

how's　your　mother？　what's　the　row　now？〃　　〃I　believe；　my　lord；〃　said

the　usher；　very　meekly；　〃there　is　a　pugilistic　encounter　somewhere

on　the　premisesthe　Honorable　Mr。　Mac〃



〃Oh！　COME　along；〃　said　Lord　Lollypop；　〃come　along：　this　way；　ma'am！

Go　it；　ye　cripples！〃　　And　my　lord　pulled　my　dear　Jemmy's　gown　in

the　kindest　and　most　familiar　way；　she　trotting　on　after　him；

mightily　pleased　to　be　so　taken　notice　of；　and　I　after　her。　　A

little　boy　went　running　across　the　green。　　〃Who　is　it；　Petitoes？〃

screams　my　lord。　　〃Turk　and　the　barber；〃　pipes　Petitoes；　and　runs

to　the　pastry…cook's　like　mad。　　〃Turk　and　the　ba；〃　laughs　out　my

lord；　looking　at　us。　　〃HURRA！　THIS　way；　ma'am！〃　　And　turning　round

a　corner；　he　opened　a　door　into　a　court…yard；　where　a　number　of

boys　were　collected；　and　a　great　noise　of　shrill　voices　might　be

heard。　　〃Go　it；　Turk！〃　says　one。　　〃Go　it；　barber！〃　says　another。

〃PUNCH　HITH　LIFE　OUT！〃　roars　another；　whose　voice　was　just　cracked；

and　his　clothes　half　a　yard　too　short　for　him！



Fancy　our　horror　when；　on　the　crowd　making　way；　we　saw　Tug

pummelling　away　at　the　Honorable　Master　MacTurk！　　My　dear　Jemmy；

who　don't　understand　such　things；　pounced　upon　the　two　at　once；

and；　with　one　hand　tearing　away　Tug；　sent　him　spinning　back　into

the　arms　of　his　seconds；　while；　with　the　other；　she　clawed　hold　of

Master　MacTurk's　red　hair；　and；　as　soon　as　she　got　her　second　hand

free；　banged　it　about　his　face　and　ears　like　a　good　one。



〃You　nastywickedquarrelsomearistocratic〃　（each　word　was　a

bang）〃aristocraticoh！　oh！　oh！〃Here　the　words　stopped；　for　what

with　the　agitation；　maternal　solicitude；　and　a　dreadful　kick　on　the

shins　which；　I　am　ashamed　to　say；　Master　MacTurk　administered；　my

dear　Jemmy　could　bear　it　no　longer；　and　sunk　fainting　away　in　my

arms。





DOWN　AT　BEULAH。





Although　there　was　a　regular　cut　between　the　next…door　people　and

us；　yet　Tug　and　the　Honorable　Master　MacTurk　kept　up　their

acquaintance　over　the　back…garden　wall；　and　in　the　stables；　where

they　were　fighting；　making　friends；　and　playing　tricks　from　morning

to　night；　during　the　holidays。　　Indeed；　it　was　from　young　Mac　that

we　first　heard　of　Madame　de　Flicflac；　of　whom　my　Jemmy　robbed　Lady

Kilblazes；　as　I　before　have　related。　　When　our　friend　the　Baron

first　saw　Madame；　a　very　tender　greeting　passed　between　them；　for

they　had；　as　it　appeared；　been　old　friends　abroad。　　〃Sapristie；〃

said　the　Baron；　in　his　lingo；　〃que　fais…tu　ici；　Amenaide？〃　　〃Et

toi；　mon　pauvre　Chicot；〃　says　she；　〃est…ce　qu'on　t'a　mis　a　la

retraite？　　Il　parait　que　tu　n'es　plus　General　chez　Franco〃

CHUT！〃　says　the　Baron；　putting　his　finger　to　his　lips。



〃What　are　they　saying；　my　dear？〃　says　my　wife　to　Jemimarann；　who

had　a　pretty　knowledge　of　the　language　by　this　time。



〃I　don't　know　what　'Sapristie'　means；　mamma；　but　the　Baron　asked

Madame　what　she　was　doing　here？　and　Madame　said；　'And　you；　Chicot；

you　are　no　more　a　General　at　Franco。'Have　I　not　translated

rightly；　Madame？〃



〃Oui；　mon　chou；　mon　ange。　　Yase；　my　angel；　my　cabbage；　quite　right。

Figure　yourself；　I　have　known　my　dear　Chicot　dis　twenty　years。〃



〃Chicot　is　my　name　of　baptism；〃　says　the　Baron；　〃Baron　Chicot　de

Punter　is　my　name。〃



〃And　being　a　General　at　Franco；〃　says　Jemmy；　〃means；　I　suppose；

being　a　French　General？〃



〃Yes；　I　vas；〃　said　he；　〃General　Baron　de　Puntern'est　'a　pas；

Amenaide？〃



〃Oh；　yes！〃　said　Madame　Flicflac；　and　laughed；　and　I　and　Jemmy

laughed　out　of　politeness：　and　a　pretty　laughing　matter　it　was；　as

you　shall　hear。



About　this　time　my　Jemmy　became　one　of　the　Lady…Patronesses　of　that

admirable　institution；　〃The　Washerwoman's…Orphans'　Home；〃　Lady　de

Sudley　was　the　great　projector　of　it；　and　the　manager　and　chaplain；

the　excellent　and　Reverend　Sidney　Slopper。　　His　salary；　as

chaplain；　and　that　of　Doctor　Leitch；　the　physician　（both　cousins　of

her　ladyship's）；　drew　away　five　hundred　pounds　from　the　six

subscribed　to　the　Charity：　and　Lady　de　Sudley　thought　a　fete　at

Beulah　Spa；　with　the　aid　of　some　of　the　foreign　princes　who　were　in

town　last　year；　might　bring　a　little　more　money　into　its　treasury。

A　tender　appeal　was　accordingly　drawn　up；　and　published　in　all　the

papers：





〃APPEAL。



〃BRITISH　WASHERWOMAN'S…ORPHANS'　HOME。



〃The　'Washerwoman's…Orphans'　Home'　has　now　been　established　seven

years：　and　the　good　which　it　has　effected　is；　it　may　be　confidently

stated；　INCALCULABLE。　　Ninety…eight　orphan　children　of　Washerwomen

have　been　lodged　within　its　walls。　　One　hundred　and　two　British

Washerwomen　have　been　relieved　when　in　the　last　state　of　decay。

ONE　HUNDRED　AND　NINETY…EIGHT　THOUSAND　articles　of　male　and　female

dress　have　been　washed；　mended；　buttoned；　ironed；　and　mangled　in

the　Establishment。　　And；　by　an　arrangement　with　the　governors　o